ELEVEN—A BUDDING FRIENDSHIP
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THERE WAS NO way in hell we would be friends.

"You're out of your mind," he grumbled, stuffing his hand into his pocket. "I'm not letting you do that."

For my whole life, I'd always refused to listen to anything I didn't want to hear. Maybe this time, I should have stopped after he shot down the idea about four million times. But I found myself rolling my eyes, placing my hands flat on the countertop as I stared at the tall, dark-haired man in front of me.

When he didn't move a muscle, I threw my hands up in the air, a scoff falling from my lips. "Why not? It's become such a problem in the last few weeks, it's time you take care of it."

He flashed his dark eyes at me. "I like it."

Cocking an eyebrow, I crossed my arms and jutted a hip out to the side. "You look like a grown man trying to go back to his emo phase in high school. And, dare I say it, you sound like it, too. You need to find ways to lighten up, or you're never gonna find a girlfriend."

Bucky glared at me but said nothing.

I shrugged, letting a smirk grace my lips. "It's the truth, Mr. Barnes. Just let me clean it up. You'll be just as rugged and 'I'm a handsome nineteen-forties boy' as before." My cheeks flushed pink at the words that flew from my mouth, cursing my unfiltered mind.

He didn't seem to notice, however, simply shaking his head and scoffing in response.

"I'm not letting you cut my hair."

Perhaps it wasn't a good idea to start out our friendship with changing the way he looked. I'll admit it, I was wrong. But that didn't mean I would drop the subject.

"Come on, Buck, we could completely shave it off, I'm sure you'd look just as good with short hair!" I tried to convince him, following him around the kitchen as he actively dodged me and my requests to cut his hair. 

He shook his head, his curtain of locks waving with the motion. His eyes were clouded with the past as he replied simply, "I'm not that person anymore."

Sighing, I stomped after him as he went for the front door, presumably heading for the garden. "You can't keep doing that!"

"Doing what?" He retorted, his angry steps turning into more of a brooding strut. The sunshine hit his hair, making it appear golden for a moment before I blinked the glow away. 

I sped up to fall into step with him, stopping once we reached the edge of the thick trees surrounding my isolated house. "Running away from your problems isn't going to work. If you try to forget about them, they'll just keep coming back until they take you out."

Bucky cocked an eyebrow. "Those are some pretty wise words coming from an unemployed gardener."

My jaw went slack. "What are you talking about?"

He shrugged. "You've been at the house for almost a month. No one would let their employee avoid working for a whole month." He smirked. "I'm observant."

Eyes wide, I shook my head. "How do you know that I don't work from home? You know, that I have one of those jobs where I can...work from home? So I can stay home? And...work?" The words stumbled as they fell out of my mouth, my cheeks burning red with embarrassment. It was astounding how flustered his mere presence made me.

His eyes flitted to mine and I felt my stomach flutter as I took note of a lightness in their blue depths. It was a gentle amusement, the clarity of his eyes so out of the blue that I could tell I was seeing someone from the past, someone he'd forgotten the existence of. "You watch movies all day. And if you're not doing that, you're out here, planting new seeds. And if that isn't the case, you're reading."

I gave him a light shove, chuckling, "you need to stop watching me all the time."

He let a small smile curl his lips upward. My heart hiccupped at the brilliant joy radiating from such a small gesture. I felt a pang of sadness knowing that he'd never smiled since he got here. It was like he was truly as broken as he thought he was. 

But at that moment, I soaked up the warmth in my gut with the realization that I'd made him smile, I was the one to find the chink in his armor, no matter how small it was.

"It's like I said," he smirked, "I'm just observant."

"Yeah, okay." I crossed my arms and turned towards him so I was looking right at him. "You know, maybe if you let me trim up the ends, it would--"

"Elda," he said slowly, and even though I knew he was teasing, the hoarseness of his voice and the sound of my name on his lips sent shivers up and down my spine. "We talked about this."

"I'm just saying," I replied, shrugging with my hands held up in front of me. "You have two options: either you let me trim your hair, or I'll french braid it every day for the rest of your life."

He raises his eyebrows. "How about I keep my hair the way it is and you stop pestering me about it?"

"Split ends are known to make a person less attractive to the people around them," I retorted, "it's got the evidence to back it up."

"I don't care what evidence there is or isn't," he grumbled, "I'm not letting you touch my hair."

I smirked.

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"I can't believe you're actually cutting my hair."

My fingers combed through his brown locks, smirking as he stared astonishingly up at me from his sitting position on the bathroom floor. "I have that effect on people, Barnes. I can convince them to do anything."

He mumbled something unintelligible. "How do I know you can even do it right?"

The pain of a memory stung itself into my mind as I recalled, "I used to cut my brother's hair." Meeting his eyes and flashing a smile, I added, "I think this is the most you've said to me. Like, ever."

He grunted. "What else am I supposed to do? Ignore you?"

A bitter laugh erupted from my throat as I turned away to run the water in the bathtub. "Is that a joke? That's all you've done since you got here."

"Sorry." He stood up and dunked his head under the running water, letting the water flatten his hair to his head, growing heavier with each drop. "I don't mean to, I just...I've forgotten what it's like to have someone want to talk to me."

"Trust me," I said, "I'm in the same boat. After Sam left, I kind of...didn't talk to anyone. I was alone for most of it."

He tilted his head up to look at me but the angle was rather comical, as he was trying to keep his hair from dripping on the floor and himself. But his words were solemn as he asked, "didn't you say that you had a brother?"

I shrugged, rubbing my hands together nervously. "Yeah," I said, cursing myself inwardly for releasing such a personal bit of information, something I'd buried deep inside myself for so long. "He...um, he's gone. He left."

Pursing his lips, Bucky sensed my reluctance to delve into my past and dropped the topic. Silence filled the bathroom for a few more minutes, during which I grabbed a pair of scissors and watched him rinse his hair, surprised at how easily he did it with one hand. Of course, I didn't know how long he'd been living with the one appendage. "Ready?" I asked with a grin when he was finished, his hair drenched. 

He shook his head. "Just don't get too scissor-happy," he mumbled, to which I laughed.

"No promises, Bucky boy," I teased. As I got to work combing his hair and snipping away at the bottom two inches of hair, I felt him relax under my touch, whether I was brushing the lost strands of hair off his shoulder or running my fingers through his hair to check for even ends. I stifled a satisfied smirk. At least it seemed like he was getting more comfortable with me. I knew it would take time for him to completely divulge his memories with me, but that was okay. I wasn't planning on doing it, either. There were some things you had to keep to yourself. 

"You love him, don't you." It wasn't a question.

"What?" I asked, my hands pausing.

He turned his head to look at me with sad blue eyes. "Sam," he explained, "you love him, don't you?"

I turned away to continue cutting his hair, but he jerked his head away before I got the chance. "I don't know what you mean," I said, trying to hide my flushed cheeks as I turned my head to the side.

"I've seen the way you look at him," he replied softly. "When he was here. You couldn't stop looking at him. It was like you couldn't believe he was there."

I nodded. "Yeah, because he'd completely disappeared for three years before. I think that gave me the right to stare a little." My stomach was in knots. He couldn't have known. I couldn't have been that obvious, could I? 

He smirked and let out a small, humorless chuckle. "He didn't look at you the same way. He looked at you like a little sister. You looked at him like he was your world." He flicked his eyes to mine. "You love him."

I shook my head. "No, I don't love him." When he didn't look away, I slumped. "I thought I did, okay? At one point, I thought we could be more than just childhood friends who used to spend every day together. Obviously, he didn't see that."

Bucky held my gaze but his face didn't betray any emotion. No pity, no relief, no satisfaction knowing that the one person I thought I could end up with didn't feel the same about me. Nothing. "Don't look at me like that," I said, reaching out to grab another chunk of hair to clip. "Now come closer, I'm not finished yet."

He moved as I asked, his lips moving slowly. He was whispering something, but I couldn't make it out. When I leaned closer to make sure the ends were even on both sides of his face, he stared at me, holding my eyes until I looked back up at him. "What?" I asked, putting my hands on my hips. "Why do you keep staring at me like that?"

"You deserve better than that."

My attempt to hide the shock at his confession was an utter failure. I stumbled back, nearly falling as I tripped over my own feet. My mouth hung open in surprise. Who knew Bucky Barnes actually had feelings? I thought fleetingly in my head. 

He reached out and grabbed my hand, pulling me back to a steady stance on my feet. But he didn't let go right away, he held on for a few moments too long to be considered normal, the warmth of his calloused skin brushing against my smooth, unweathered hand. I almost stayed like that. But then I came to my senses, pulling my hand out of his and tucked my hair behind my ear. "All done," I said, a shaky smile on my lips.

As he got up and walked down the hall to his bedroom after giving me a nod of thanks, I held up my left hand, just staring at it for a good minute. Wondering what it would have felt like if I'd kept our hands touching, if I hadn't chickened out and pulled away too quickly. 

I could still feel the imprint of his warm hand against mine as I held it close to my chest, letting out an uneasy breath. What are you doing to me, Bucky Barnes?

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i'm literally in such a good, summery mood right now(as i sit in my pj pants and sweatshirt looking outside at the rainy sky)! i'm done with school thIS mOnTh!! woop woop the countdown has begun!!!

also, this chapter has been in my head for so long, i'm glad we're finally getting somewhere with elda and buck's relationship—what should their ship name be? belda? bucka? eldy? barneid? lol barneid is my fav cause...you know...barney

one more thing, did i tell you guys that there will be a SEQUEL to this?? i've already got the end of this book planned but i have no idea how to get there yet haha we'll get there! but yeah, there's gonna be more of these two for awhile! and if you haven't read the HOME duology (1: home; 2: stay), i suggest you do that because you may or may not need to know who cara jansen is....:)

and flook binch i just realized that i'm seeing iw in LESS THAN 24 HOURS IM FINALLY GONNA BE CAUGHT UP LIKE THE REST OF YOU POOPS IM SO NOT READY FLOOK FLOOK FUCK

published on: may 2, 2018