I didn't stop it.

I should've stopped it but I didn't.

I kissed back.

I kissed Harry.

I wasn't just his lips moving against mine, it was mine moving with his.

Our breath was mingled and his hands were on my face, one moving down to my waist where he gripped my skin beneath his fingers.

My hands moved to his chest but the moment I felt his heart beat in his chest I froze.

It was calm...steady...

But, Ashton...his heart still beat out of his chest when we kissed.

Ashton.

Oh god...Ashton.

Tears began to mix with the kiss and Harry pulled back, and as our eyes met, all I could see was his blurry face.

A sob left my lips and as I slid down the wall the only thoughts in my head were of my betrayal.

I had cheated.

I had cheated on Ashton.

I hit the floor and began to cry harder than I ever thought I could.

Harry stood before me, watching me, and I knew that he must know what had happened was wrong, but I also knew he didn't care.

"It's still him...isn't it?"

His voice was reserved and so quiet I almost didn't hear it but I did.

I nodded my head.

That's all I could do.

"Okay." Harry whispered.

I heard him moving around the room as I sat there and cried my eyes out, and then I felt him in front of me and heard the crinkle of paper, before his presence was gone, and the door to the hotel room slammed shut.

If it was possible, I cried harder.

I never knew losing a best friend felt like this.

Maybe because I never thought I would loose Harry as my friend.

I opened my eyes to find my phone. I needed to call Ari, but when I did open my eyes I choked on a gasp when I found a small light blue box on my knee.

He didn't.

With shaky fingers I reached forward, slowly opening it to reveal the most extravagant diamond ring I had ever seen.

I gasped, my other hand fumbling around for the paper beside me, unfolding it without tearing it.

Tonight didn't go how I expected it to, and i'm sorry. But I won't apologise for loving you, I never will, because i'll never stop. I was going to ask you tonight, but it's obvious you need time, so for now, i'll ask you and then wait. If I don't hear a response from you in a week then i'll have my answer.

I love you.

Will you marry me?

-H

I gasped on my cries as I read his note.

He had proposed to me.

This wasn't real, and I needed someone to prove to me this wasn't real.

I wiped my cheeks and pulled my phone from my back pocket, shakily dialling Ari's number.

I didn't know what time it was there, I didn't care, but it must have been late because her voice was tired sounding when she answered the phone.

"You better be dying because I worked a double shift today and i'm exhausted."

"Ari." I cried.

"Woah. Woah, Car, what's wrong?" Her voice sounded more urgent.

"Harry he-" I tried to say but couldn't.

"Oh god...it happened didn't it." She whispered. "Jase, Jason wake up! Okay, Car tell me what happened."

"He told me that he was in love with me." I sniffled.

"Yeah, we knew that was coming sooner or later." She sighed. "What else?"

"Wait you knew?"

"Car it was obvious he was in love with you, we were just waiting for him to cave and tell you. So it didn't end well."

"We kissed."

"Oh...Car."

"I didn't stop it. I should've stopped it."

I sobbed into the phone, Ari telling me soothing things.

"Car you didn't cheat, it's going to be okay.He kissed you, not the other way around."

"But it's not."

"I know it looks messy now but you will be okay in the end."

"No I won't."

"Why do you say that?"

"...he proposed."

"HE WHAT?!"

"I was crying and he left and when I opened my eyes there was ring box on my knee and a note. He asked me to marry him and said if I don't say anything to him in a week he'll have his answer."

"Holy shit... I knew he was in love but I never thought..."

"Ari, what do I do?" I cried.

"Well do you love him?"

"Not like I love Ashton."

"But you still love him."

"Like a brother, not like a boyfriend."

She sighed.

"Well what do you want to do?"

"I don't know. Oh my god what am I going to say to Ashton...he's going to hate me..."

"He won't hate you. Does he know where you are?"

"No. I can't call him. I mean what do I say? Hey  Ashton I just made out with Harry, then he proposed and left and now I don't have a way to get home can you please come pick me up?" I said sarcastically.

"No." She chuckled. "Look, Car, you know I love you and want what's best for you, but you have to decide that for yourself."

"Yeah." I croaked.

"Let me know?"

"Yeah."

I ended the call before tossing my phone to the floor and dropping my head back against the wall.

I was a horrible person.

How could I even face Ashton after this?

And Harry? Would he be able to get over me and we could go ba- no...we could never go back to the way we were before. He ruined that the moment his lips touched mine.

The ring box was still on my knee, and my eyes couldn't help but travel to it.

It was beautiful...

But as I stared at it the weight of my engagement ring seemed to become heavier, like it was reminding me of its presence.

I was engaged.

And I was engaged to the most selfless and sweetest man in the world.

I didn't deserve him.

I didn't deserve anything.

The tears began to fall again and I closed my eyes as I let this swirl inside my head.

I had no idea what to do or what to say.

I don't know how long I sat there, but it must've been a long time, because I heard the door to the hotel room open.

If it was Harry he was coming back to find the damage he had done.

But instead I felt someone sit down next to me.

"You okay?"

My heart internally shattered at the sound of Ashton's voice.

"No." I shook my head.

"Ari called me. Told me it finally happened."

"You knew he was in love with me?" I finally opened my eyes to look at him.

"Of course I did." He gave me a partial smile.

"Then why didn't you say anything? Everyone knew and no one said anything and now look where we are! He proposed to me, Ashton!" I raised my voice.

"I didn't say anything because you needed to find out on your own." He kept his voice calm. "And he proposed?"

I nodded before handing him the paper and the ring.

"I had to find out on my own? That doesn't make any sense."

He sighed.

"Can I tell you something and have you not punch me in the face?" He asked.

"I really have no control over my emotions anymore so I can't make any promises."

He let out a laugh through his nose.

"Okay. I'll risk it." He took a breath. "Carter you are smart and witty and could probably find a cure to cancer...but you're naive. And it's not a bad thing, it's what I love about you, but you don't see what others do. Harry, he showered you with gifts and red carpets and tried to give you what he thought you wanted, and you just thought it was because he was your friend and that's just the way he was. But you didn't realise he did that because he was trying to show you all the things he could give you if you chose him. He was trying to bribe you."

It was like when Harry had left he had played 52 card pick up with the pieces of my mind and heart, and now Ashton was trying to pick them all up and put the cards in order.

"I'm your first relationship, and even though you're more mature than other girls your age, when it comes to love and relationships you're still learning. You never dated around in high school or acted on crushes or went through that kind of heart break. So when Harry showed up I had to step back and let you figure it out for yourself. I knew I loved you and I wouldn't leave, but you had to decide if I was what you really wanted, or if there was someone else. All of those best friends dates he took you on, that wasn't him wanting just to hang out, that was him dating you."

"So you basically let me date someone else while we were engaged?"

"Essentially, yes."

It was all starting to make sense.

The kisses on my cheeks and forehead, the romantic dinners, the movies he took me too where he was getting too friendly during the kissing scenes, having me meet his mom and sister, taking me from the tour for modelling gigs where we'd stay longer than we had to, coming to Ari's wedding...

"I'm so stupid." I whispered.

"You're not stupid." He shook his head. "You just had to learn like the rest of us do."

I nodded.

"I'm so sorry." I wiped off my tears. "I never wanted this to happen."

"I know you didn't, and i'm sorry it had to come to this."

I looked down.

"How much did Ari tell you?" I asked him.

"She just said that Harry had told you he loved you and that I needed to get you."

"...do you want to know what happened?"

"Do you want me to know what happened?"

"I think if I don't tell you it will kill me inside."

"Okay, then tell me."

I took a deep breath.

"We kissed."

Ashton exhaled before before nodding.

"Okay."

I froze.

"Why aren't you mad at me? That's- that's cheating. I cheated."

"You didn't cheat." He rolled his eyes as he shook his head.

"I kissed someone else how is that not cheating?"

"Okay, answer me this: who kissed who first?"

"He did..."

"Then you didn't cheat."

"But I didn't stop it."

"But you didn't initiate it. In the moment it was probably confusing and overwhelming. I mean the guy had just told you he loved you for christ's sake."

I snorted a laugh at this.

This whole situation was ridiculous.

"Do you forgive me?" I leaned my head against the wall and faced him.

"There's nothing to forgive. If anything I should be asking for your forgiveness."

"There's nothing to forgive."

I sadly smiled, looking into his hazel eyes that I would never get tired of looking into.

"I don't deserve you." I shook my head.

"That's not true, love."

"But it is. It so is. You treat me like i'm innocent but i've screwed up too many times and I honestly don't know why you're still with me."

"Because I love you." His eyes crinkled as he lightly smiled at me. "Because I love Ender and Gracie, and I love raising them with you. I love watching them with you and hearing them talk about you like you're the most amazing person they've ever met because you are...and I hope one day that there will be more kids for me to see admire you."

"There will be." I whispered.

He smiled.

"I'm not going to tell you what to do, but Harry loves you, and I love you...so if you need time to figure out what you want then i'll give it to you. But you need to decide who you want to be with."

I nodded.

"I don't need time."

He nodded.

"It's you. It will always be you Ashton."

His smile widened.

"And it will always be you Carter."

I felt relief flood my system as Ashton brought me into a hug. His touch was comforting, and I needed it.

"I'm so sorry." I cried again into his chest.

"I know, it's okay. We'll get through this."

"I'm just so sick of always being blindsided. I just want everything to go back to normal."

"I know. And I want that for you." He rubbed his hand up and down my back.

"Please don't ever leave me." I sobbed.

"Carter." He said and moved back so he could look at me. "Do you see that ring on your finger?" He picked up my hand so I could see it. "I gave you this ring because I love you. Through good and bad, through anger and sadness, through it all I love you...and that's not going to change."

This only made me cry harder as I wrapped my arms around his neck.

"I can't believe he proposed to you...I didn't know he would take it that far."

"There's apparently a lot of things we didn't know Harry was capable of."

"I know." Ashton sighed. "You gonna be okay?"

"I lost my best friend."

"I know, i'm so sorry." He tried to soothe me.

"I just want to be a mom and your wife. I want this to go away."

"We can't always make the hard things in life disappear, but we can try to make them less prominent."

I nodded.

"I wish I never put you through this. I never wanted you to feel like I loved someone other than you because I never have and I never will and I-"

"Hey. Hey hey hey." Ashton pulled back, holding my shoulders so he could look at me. "I have never doubted that you love me. I've always known it was you. Don't worry about me, Car. Let me worry about you."

"You always worry about me. I don't want you to have to worry."

"I'm always going to worry about you Car. You're my fiancé, that gives me the right to worry." He moved one hand up to my cheek.

I smiled.

"Well after this i'm worried about you. I need you to know that know that i'm so sorry. I never wanted this."

"I know you didn't. And I'm not mad at you. Am I pissed at Harry? Yeah a little bit because I never knew he would go that far but it's also my fault for not telling you sooner. I needed you to decide who you wanted not because I told you who you wanted but because you wanted them. It wasn't easy for me to have another man try and convince you he was better for you than I was, but I believed that if our love was strong enough you'd stay, and I was right. I'm not angry with you, so don't be worried about me."

I nodded my head and closed my eyes as he wiped my cheeks off with his hands.

"Take me home." I breathed.

"Okay." He smiled before helping me stand up. "Car, what do you want to do with this?" He held up the ring box and note.

"Um, I'll mail them back to him, I guess. I don't think he'll be coming back here."

Ashton nodded and put them in his pocket before coming over to me and lifting me into
his arms to carry me.

"You know, the last time I had a ring in my pocket was when I proposed to you." He commented.

"Best night of my life." I hid my face in his neck.

"Best night of my life too." He squeezed me a little tighter.

My arms tightened around his neck while he carried me out of that hotel and to the car he had taken to come get me.

I stayed in his lap the entire car ride back and let him carry me into the bus too.

Everyone else was asleep, so Ashton set me down so we could get ready for bed.

I was in the bathroom washing my face when I heard my name said softly.

"Mommy?"

I looked to see Gracie standing in the doorway, her hand rubbing her sleepy eyes.

"It's late sweetheart, why are you up?" I set down my face wash.

"I'm hungry." She said.

"Hungry?" I chuckled. "Me too. How about a late night snack?"

She nodded at this and I picked her up and carried her to the kitchen where I grabbed the cookie jar and two glasses, filling them with milk.

She and I sat down at the table, dunking the cookies in the milk and then taking a bite.

"I say we have a makeover day tomorrow. We can paint our nails and do our hair." I suggested and she grinned, her cheeks puffed out with the cookies in her mouth.

"I want pink nails." She said as she dunked another cookie.

"Do you want bright pink or baby pink?"

"Bright pink."

"What colour should I do?"

"Blue. That your favourite."

I smiled at her, dunking another cookie myself before I heard Ashton come into the room.

"I should've known." He smirked as he leaned against the doorway. "I couldn't keep you two away from the sweets if I tried."

I smiled.

"We needed a midnight snack." I explained while Gracie laughed.

"Well it's late and all that sugar is probably going to kick in soon so why don't you both try and at least get a little sleep."

"Or you could join us?" I raised my eyebrows and he smirked before walking over and sitting down at the table with us, taking a cookie from the plate and dunking it in my glass of milk.

"Mmm. Gracie your Mommy makes the best cookies in the world." Ashton sat back in the chair and threw his arm around my shoulder.

"Mhmm." Gracie nodded.

"I can make more tomorrow." I said as the bus began to move. "I'm still craving chocolate."

Ashton snorted a laugh at this.

"You're so strange." He kissed my temple.

Gracie giggled at us.

We finished our cookies and then cleaned up. Ashton went to take Gracie to bed and as I was walking out of the kitchen I saw the ring box and note on the counter.

As I looked at them a pang of hurt was felt in my heart, and I wondered where Harry had gone after he left.

I squeezed my eyes shut and took a deep breath before walking back to the beds.

If I were to ever get over this I had to forget about it. I had done it with Cadwell, I could do it with Harry.

"You good?" Ashton asked as I closed the sliding door behind me.

"Yeah, i'm fine." I smiled before getting in bed with him.

He laid on his back and let me curl up on his chest, nuzzling my face into his neck.

"I love you, and I promise that i'll never go a minute without showing you how much I do." I whispered.

"I love you too, and I won't let you go a second without you knowing that I know you love me and that I love you back. If it's me you want then i'll prove to you that I can be what you need."

"It is you and you're already more than I need or could ever dream of. I don't need mansions or yachts or fancy cars, I just need you and the kids."

"Then you've got us." He smiled.

I moved up and stared into his beautiful eyes before leaning in for a kiss.

His lips were soft and I placed my hand over his heart to feel his heart beating fast just like it always did. That's how I knew.

He pressed me down into the mattress and kissed down my neck and then back up to my lips.

"I love you."

"I love you. Always."

--

I'm gonna just leave this here and go onto the next chapter where i'm sure some of you will fall out of your chairs.

So....yeah

Did you see that proposal coming?

much love xx-m