I watched as Harry began to pace again, looking like a mad man.

"Harry you're really scaring me. What is going on?"

"I need to tell you something. But I need you to not say anything while i'm talking. I need you to just listen. Okay?" He ran his hands through his hair.

"Okay?" I said slowly, eyeing him suspiciously.

"I'm sorry i'm just nervous." He sighed.

"You can talk to me." I assured him.

He nodded before taking a deep breath.

"Do you remember the first day we met?" He asked me and I nodded yes. "You ran into me and I looked down to see this mess of curls on the floor and then you looked up at me
and my heart practically fell out of my chest, because you were the most gorgeous girl I had ever seen. You still are. And believe me when I say this, I had this personal rule about never dating fans, but I was seriously considering breaking it for you. And then I found out you weren't a fan, and I got excited and I wanted to figure out every little thing about you. Every little thing. But then I found out you were engaged to Ashton, a guy who was one of my great friends, and I was so happy for him, but I was sad that you were taken by someone."

I gave him a partial smile.

"That's why I was so rude to you when we talked about relationships. Do you remember that? When you asked me if I was in a relationship and I snapped at you? That was why. I was jealous, and i'm sorry about that, but I have to be honest with you. But you were with someone else, my friend, so I had to back off and so I settled for being your friend."

Settled? He settled? I was so confused.

"So as your friend I wanted to do all of these things for you, like get you into modelling and take you to all of these places and buy you things. I wanted to be with you all the time. You were fun and so freaking funny, like you made me laugh all the time, and I loved that."

I had no idea where he was going with this and I was about to ask but he started speaking again.

"So as I was being your friend, I thought it would get easier, that my brief rush of feelings when I first met you would go away...but I think if anything they increased. I couldn't stop it."

My eyebrows furrowed in confusion.

"So I asked you to every event and awards show I could think of, because I wanted to show you off. You deserve red carpets and dinners at the nicest restaurants in town, and vacations to wherever you want and things you could only dream of but that I could make real for you. I wanted...I want to give you that."

I grabbed my arm, shifting my weight onto my other foot.

"I want to give you the world. And I know you have a fiancé that wants to give you the same thing, but I can give you a different one. I want to give you a mansion in London and a penthouse in Manhattan and and a yacht with your own private beach. I want to give you everything you could ever dream of and more. I could do that for you."

I wanted to mouth "why" but I was barely able to. What the hell was happening?

"Every time I look at you I see someone who is so strong and and beautiful, and it drives me crazy when i'm not with you. It literally drives me insane because I don't know what you're doing and it bothers me. I want to be with you all the the time."

He began to pace again.

"You make me feel like i'm a freaking king when i'm with you. Like we're this power couple or something. I see you and my stomach gets tight and feels all tingly and my hands sweat and I- you make me feel like i've never felt before."

What?

"You told me to go on dates and I tried, I did, but every girl I met with annoyed me. And I know why. It's because they're not you. They were brainless and dull and self centred, but you're the total opposite. You're sweet and you're incredibly smart and hilarious. You're perfect."

"You're perfect and I- and I can't go another day without telling you that you are, and I also can't go another day without telling you that I am hopelessly and completely in love with you."

My jaw dropped as a gasp slipped past my lips.

"Carter I am so in love with you and I can't hold it in anymore. I can't. It's killing me. I have to tell you that I love you. I love you, Carter. From the first day we met i've loved you."

"What?" I whispered, my wide eyes following his every move as he stopped in front of me.

"I'm telling you that i'm in love with you, Carter. I love you."

"I'm engaged." I whispered again.

"I know. I know you are, and part of me wishes I would've told you sooner and this would've been better but I couldn't. And i'm sorry."

"You're sorry?! You're in love with me!" I raised my voice. "Oh my God." I put my hand over my heart.

I couldn't believe this was happening.

"Don't freak out-"

"Don't freak out?! You're admitting your love for me and you expect me not to freak out?! I'm engaged, Harry, what are you thinking?!"

"I'm thinking that I love you!" He shouted back. "I can't help who I fall in love with!"

I moved my hands to my hair, tugging on the curls.

"This- this is insane. You're not in love with me Harry, you can't be in love when me." I shook my head.

"I'm not in love with you?!" He was getting frustrated. "Did you know that before you I never wanted kids? Never. It wasn't even an option. But then I met Gracie and saw how she looked at you and loved you and I thought that maybe I could. For you I would. We could have a daughter, I could give you that."

"Harry!"

"I know you weren't expecting this but I had to tell you. Do you know what it's like to see the girl you love kiss another guy right in front of you? A guy that used to be your friend but now you can't look at him without hating him. And to see her walk out with him after shagging and wanting to punch him in the jaw? Because I do."

"That's not love that's jealousy!"

"Yes I am jealous! Because I love you more than Ashton ever could yet you're still with him! After everything he's done to you! After the lie about the band and when he accused you of cheating when he was drunk yet you still have that god damn ring on your finger!"

"Because he's my fiancé! He's my world, Harry!"

"Yeah, well you're mine!"

The two of us were breathing hard and I felt like crying.

"I'm sorry for screaming I just- I'm just in love with you and I need you to know that and I need you to realise that I can give you so much more than Ashton can give you."

"Harry-"

"Mansions, private islands, private jets, dresses from any designer in the world, vintage cars- however many you want, anything you want Carter I can give you."

"But I don't want that! Don't you see that Harry! I'm happy with my life now! I'm content with what I have! I don't want mansions or private islands, I don't even want to be famous!"

"But you could be a supermodel!"

"I don't want to be, Harry! This is what you do! You always make assumptions and decisions for me without even consulting me! I didn't want to be a model! I did it for you!"

I clenched my fists.

"We're just too different...we don't want the same things."

"You want a baby, I'll give you a baby! How is that different?"

"I don't just want a baby, Harry! I want a family. I want lots of kids. I want marriage and babies and to run my business and that's not what you want."

Harry sighed.

"That doesn't change the fact that I love you, and that I know you love me too."

"I do, Harry, I do love you, but I love you like a brother. You're my best friend, but that's all we can ever be."

"No it's not." He said grit his teeth as he shook his head. His eyes and nose were red and I could see his cheeks getting red as well.

"Ashton is the love of my life, Harry." I stood firm.

"How would you know if you've never been with anyone else?"

"Because I do." I could feel the tears begin to form in my eyes. "Yes we have our fights, but what couple doesn't? The difference is that Ashton and I love each other too much to let them get between us for too long. He consults me for everything, whether it's a career decision or over what shirt he wears in the morning. He's sweet and puts up with me even when i'm the worst fiancé in the world and that's how I know he loves me, because even at our worst he loves me like we're at our best. He's my fiancé and the father of my children, Harry. I love him."

"You love me too, I know you do." He was almost crying.

"I do, Harry, I do love you...but not in the same way you love me." The tears slipped out of my eyes.

"No." He forced through his lips, his eyes watering.

"It's Ashton, it's always going to be Ashton."

"I refuse to believe that."

"Well i'm sorry."

We were both crying now.

"I know that you love me. You're just too scared to admit it. You don't want to disappoint him and your kids but don't deny yourself of true love."

"That's the thing...i'm not. I have true love...it's just not with you."

He looked away from me.

"I'm gonna prove you wrong."

"How are you going to do that, Harry? I've told how I feel and I-"

I didn't even have the chance to get the words out before Harry moved forward, his hands cupping my face as he pressed me against the wall.

"Like this." He breathed before he crashed his lips to mine.

Everything slowed down as his lips moved against mine in ways I hadn't felt before. It was as if the entire world had stopped to watch us.

His lips were warm and soft, and pushed their way between mine, tugging and massaging my own with his.

I knew this was wrong, and I knew that I shouldn't be kissing him back, but I did.

Harry was kissing me, and I didn't pull away.

--

please don't kill me please don't kill me please don't kill me please don't kill me
please don't kill me