I allowed myself to collapse into my fiancés arms as I cried. I was still emotional and he was too, so he held me and kissed me and told me that he loved me over and over again.

I could feel the guilt and sorrow radiating off him. He knew he had screwed up, and he also knew he had one last shot before I walked away and never looked back.

These past few days I had run over legitimately ending our relationship a million times over in my head, but every time I did I knew that I would be doing the wrong thing.

That didn't mean that this wouldn't hurt and that we still wouldn't have a lot to work through, but for my own sake I had to try one last time to see if we could get past this.

In the midst of my crying I heard shuffling noises coming from the door and I looked to see the shadow of Ender outside.

He had been so concerned and I knew he wanted to know what was happening.

Ashton noticed the shuffling too and my head left the confines of his chest as he turned to see.

"He's worried." Ashton spoke quietly.

"I know." I said and Ashton turned back to kiss my forehead before scooting me off his lap so he could stand up.

I wiped my tears as he walked to the door and opened it, revealing a nervous looking Ender outside.

"Come in and talk to us." Ashton said and Ender stepped inside, his little lip trembling as he looked like he was about to cry. Ashton led him over to sit on the chair while I moved up to sit next to Ashton on the sofa.

There was a moment of silence as Ender looked at us before asking a question I never thought he would ever ask.

"Are you getting a divorce?" Ender asked us and both mine and Ashton's jaws dropped as Ender then completely broke down in front of us.

"Baby no. No no no no no." I then rushed over to hold him.

I tucked his head under my chin as I pulled him into my lap, wrapping my arms around him to hold him as he cried.

"We're not getting a divorce. We're not getting a divorce." I said to him, trying to soothe his worries.

Ashton came over and kneeled in front of us before reaching up to swipe his thumbs under Enders eyes.

"Hey, everything's okay." Ashton said to him.

"If everything's okay then why are you fighting?" Ender asked between sobs, his voice so high it broke.

"We're not fighting." I said.

"Ender, I need you to calm down so we can talk to you okay? We're going to have a grown up talk and I need you to settle down for me, alright?" Ashton said softly.

Ender tried to pull himself together and Ashton and I encouraged him along until instead of crying he was just clinging to me.

"I know that you're confused, and i'm so sorry that we upset you, we never meant for you to hurt because of us." I apologised to him.

"She's right, we never want to hurt you...people should never want to hurt anyone, but sometimes we do. And it sucks, it really does." Ashton said and I nodded. "Look, End, I hurt your sisters feelings very badly. I said some things I didn't mean and she needed time away from me."

"What did you say?" He asked.

"Ender." I cooed in his ear. "That's not something you ask."

"I said some not very nice things, okay. And when I did it made her very upset and so that's why she left and took you guys here. But I came over here to apologise, and tell her how sorry I was for saying what I said."

"Did you forgive him?" Ender asked me.

"I did. We all say some things we don't mean, and I said some things to him I didn't mean as well, and when you do that you have to put aside your anger and remember how much you love that person, and apologise."

"So you're not fighting anymore?"

"No, we're not fighting." Ashton shook his head.

"Did you get my note?"

I smiled.

"We did get your note. It was very sweet, thank you." I kissed his cheek.

Ashton then moved to sit in the chair, letting Ender and I basically be on top of him as we both held onto Ender. He put his head between ours and I ran my fingers through his hair as we hugged him.

"We love you so much, Ender." I said.

"We really do." Ashton echoed me.

"When you fight I get scared you won't be my parents anymore." Ender whimpered.

"I know you get scared, but it's never your fault okay? We may fight but in the end we love each other and we'll do whatever we can to make sure you never go without parents again. Alright? You and Gracie are what keeps Ashton and I together even at our worst points."

"She's right." Ashton patted Enders back. "You and Gracie come before everything else."

"If you love someone why do you fight with them?" Ender asked us next.

"I wish I knew End, I really wish I knew." Ashton sighed.

"So does this mean we can go home now?"

"It does." I smiled.

"Why don't we go get Gracie and Sprinkles and go home? And then we can go out to eat, get some ice cream, then go back and watch a movie and spend time together. Does that sound okay?" Ashton asked him and Ender nodded.

I wrapped my arms around my brother and then stood up, holding him.

He wrapped his legs around my waist and his arms around my neck before resting his head on my shoulder like Gracie did.

Ashton kept a hand on my back as we left Harry's bedroom and walked down the hall and to the stairs.

I noticed Luke, Michael, Calum, and Harry all standing in the living room and they looked up at us when they heard us walking down the stairs.

"Daddy!" Gracie was sitting on the sofa and jumped up to run to Ashton. We stopped so he could pick her up and wrap her in his arms.

"Hey baby girl." He smiled. "Oh I missed you."

"I miss you too, Daddy." She hugged his neck and I watched him kiss her head before he smiled at me.

"Are you ready to go home?" I asked Gracie and she nodded her head.

"Okay, why don't you and Ender pack your stuff up and take Sprinkles outside before we leave." Ashton then said and we set both kids down before they ran off to do as we said.

"Everything okay?" Luke asked us and Ashton and I looked at each other.

"Yeah, everything's good." I replied.

"Yeah, we're good." Ashton smiled.

"I need to go get my stuff together." I said to Ashton.

"Okay, I'll be there to help you in a minute." He smiled as he spoke to me and I placed my hand on his cheek so I could bring him closer in order to kiss him, not even caring the guys were there before trotting upstairs.

I began to gather my different items and put them on the bed, and a minute later Ashton walked in.

"Would you mind getting my bag from the closet?" I asked him and he headed that way.

"Holy shit." I heard him say.

"What?" I asked as I walked back to him.

"He has a massive closet."

"Wanna see my section?" I asked him.

"Your section?"

"Yeah I have a section with dresses." I took his hand and walked him around a few corners before landing at my wall.

"These are all mine. Harry either picked them out or helped design them. This is the one i'm wearing to the MET Gala with him." I unzipped the bag to show him the dress.

"That's a really nice dress." He said with wide eyes.

"I know. I'm a little nervous to wear it." I said and then we walked back to the front and he grabbed the suitcase.

He set it on the bed and I tossed my things in there before we went to the guest room where the kids had been staying and put away their belongings before I remade the bed.

I zipped up the suitcase and then Ashton carried it downstairs, following me. He set it by the door and then we went to make sure the kids were ready to go.

Then I needed to thank Harry.

I pulled him aside and he and I walked to the stairs.

"Thank you for letting me stay here, and for comforting me and taking care of me. I really wouldn't have been able to get through these past few days without you, and I just want you to know how much I appreciate your friendship. It really means a lot to me."

"Well, it means a lot to me that you felt that you were safe to come here. You know you're always welcome and i'd do anything for you."

"I know." I smiled and he then brought me into a hug.

"I'm glad everything worked out."

"Yeah me too." I smiled.

He hugged me even tighter and then I felt him kiss my cheek.

"Thank you for being here for me."

"There's no where else i'd rather be." He replied and I laughed at his answer before stepping out of the hug.

He and I walked back to the main room where everyone else was.

Ashton then stepped up and shook Harry's hand.

"Thanks for taking care of her and I'm sorry for getting you involved." Ashton said.

"Just don't let it happen again." Harry said in a serious voice. "She deserves better than that."

"I know." Ashton nodded and then broke off the handshake and turned to me. "You ready to go?"

"Yeah." I said and he went to get the suitcase and Gracie's bag to take them out to the car. I held Gracie who held her puppy and Ender followed alongside me and the group of us got into the car.

I noticed the guys kept peeking back at Ashton and I but I ignored them and focused on Ender who was sitting next to me.

"Your hair is getting long." I said and I messed with his brown wavy locks. "I think it's time for a haircut."

"How short?" He asked me.

"Not too much shorter, just a little." I said and then let him lean over into my embrace, caressing his face.

"I love you." I kissed his cheek.

"I love you too." He smiled.

When we got to to the hotel we crept in the back and went to our rooms, the guys watching us go in with awkward stares.

Once inside I sighed and looked about. Nothing had been touched since we had left.

Ashton set the suitcase on the bed and watched as I yawned and stretched my arms.

"If you want to lay down I'll unpack for you." He suggested and I nodded.

"Thanks." I said as I went to lay down on the bed and cover up.

Gracie crawled up to join me and I watched as Ashton unpacked the suitcase before putting it away.

"Do you want to go get dinner?" Ashton then asked me.

"Yeah." I said and then stood up to get Gracie out of the bed and change her clothes before changing my own.

Ashton took my hand as we left the hotel and I kept my head down as we walked past a few fans to get in the car.

We went to a a small restaurant and as I looked at the menu I thought maybe chicken but then a waiter carried by a tray with a plate of chicken and the smell made me want to gag.

"You okay?" Ashton asked, noticing my face.

"I think i'm going to pass on dinner." I said.

"Are you not feeling well or something?"

"Everything makes me want to throw up." I said and he frowned.

"Maybe you need to go to the doctor." He said.

"No." I shook my head. "I'm really tired of doctors."

"Okay well you have to eat something, so what if you just get pasta with no sauce on it." He suggested and I agreed before he ordered me that.

While we waited for our food Ashton held my hand across the table. Gracie and Ender talked with us and I missed this conversation time with my kids.

"Mommy, when we go home home?" Gracie asked me as she played with Mr. Carrots on the table.

"Well we actually go home in a couple weeks for Aunt Ari and Uncle Jason's wedding." I said and she gasped happily.

"Oh yeah." Ashton smiled. "I need to get a new suit to wear."

"We need to find Gracie a dress and Ender a suit as well." I mentioned.

"I'm so ready to go home, even if it's only for a few days." He said and I laughed.

"I think we could really use that."

"I couldn't agree more." He sighed.

"Mommy, Jupiter come home too?" Gracie then asked.

"Jupiter is going to stay with Uncle Harry, but maybe we can bring him with us when we go to L.A. next week with Uncle Harry." I patted her arm.

"When are you leaving?" Ashton asked.

"Tuesday. I have a few shoots and stuff and then I thought i'd find Gracie her dress and maybe go to the beach and relax a bit."

"Well Ender and I will have fun here. Maybe we'll go to a footie game or something." He said and Ender grinned next to him.

"Really?!" He exclaimed.

"I'll see what I can do." Ashton laughed. "We can't let the girls have all the fun, can we?"

I smiled as I shook my head at them and then rubbed my thumb across the back of Ashton's hand.

After we had eaten dinner we went out to get ice cream for the kids and after they were hyped up on sugar (our mistake) we headed back to the hotel where I went to get Gracie in the bath while Ashton and Ender started to watch a movie.

"Mommy I want to watch movie too!" Gracie whined as I put the shampoo in her hair.

"I know you do, but it's late and you need to go to bed."

She let out an upset whine but I ignored it and continued to bathe her before pulling her out of the tub and drying her off.

I took her in the bedroom so I could put her in pyjamas before setting her on the ground so she could walk to her bed but instead she ran to Ashton and jumped on the sofa, trying to hide behind him.

"What are you doing?" Ashton asked her.

"No bed." She whined and Ashton rolled his eyes before standing and then picking her up and walking her over to the bed.

"You are being defiant tonight." He said as he laid her down and she frowned at him.

"Daddy you cuddle me?" She then changed her tone after a minute and he smiled before getting in the bed and pulling her into his arms.

"Mommy, you cuddle too." Gracie then looked at me and I laughed before getting in next to Ashton, wrapping my arms around the both of them.

"Ender, cuddle!" Gracie then called out to her brother and he looked back at us before coming over to join the cuddle.

As he climbed up on the bed I looked over at Ashton who smiled at me.

"I love you." He said.

"I love you too."

We quickly leaned in to kiss.

As we held the kids I realised that they really were the reason Ashton I stayed together. Our love for them strengthened our love for each other.

This week had been rough on us, but I felt like if we stayed positive and tried to focus on moving on and staying together we would be alright.

Ashton sang Gracie her lullaby and then I read them a bedtime story before Ashton and I slid out from under the kids and then tucked them in.

He and I then went to change clothes and get into bed, and when I did he pulled me close to him, tucking me into his embrace.

"I'm so sorry for everything that happened this week." Ashton whispered to me.

"Just please don't ever do it again."

"I won't. I can't promise you enough that I won't."

"And please don't get drunk around me again, I don't like that side of you. It really scared me."

"I'm so sorry, i'll never do that again."

I nodded into his chest and let myself relax into him.

Ashton gave me comfort and made me feel like I was safe (when we weren't fighting). I needed him, but I didn't need that side of him, and I think he knew if he ever got that way around me I would leave him.

But if I kept thinking that way I would never move on from this, and for my own sake, the sake of my kids, and the sake of my relationship with Ashton, I had to pull myself back together and be the mom and fiancé I needed to be.

I could feel Ashton's body fully relax after about thirty minutes and then a few minutes after that he began to snore in my ear.

This was enough to lull me to sleep.

Sunlight streamed through the windows of the hotel room, making me whine, and I rolled out of the bed and stumbled over to the curtain to close them, turning around to find the kids bed was empty and Ashton wasn't in ours.

I was about to start freaking out but saw a sheet of paper on the nightstand next to the clock that said 11:43 in the morning.

I walked over and picked up the note.

I thought you'd like to sleep in so I took the kids out to run errands. Call me when you wake up and maybe we can meet for lunch! Love you always- Ash

I put on my glasses then sat down on the bed and grabbed my phone, looking to see I had apparently missed a lot since I had gone to sleep.

I had a few missed calls and some texts from Ari asking how Ashton and I were doing, and then I had a few texts from Harry as well.

'Hey, hope everything is still okay. Call me tomorrow.'

The next one was then a video of Jupiter laying next to Harry, their heads next to each other's while Jupiter snored away, Harry making an annoyed face.

I laughed at this and then texted him back.

'Everything's fine. I'll call later. And that video was hilarious!'

I was about to go text Ari back when my phone began to ring and I saw it was Ashton.

"Hey." I answered.

"Hey, you didn't call me. How long have you been up?"

"Just a couple minutes, I just read your note. Where are you at?"

"I'm at the doctors office with Ender and Gracie for their checkups."

"Oh, how is that going?"

"Well, Gracie's was fine, but the doctor said that Ender is falling under the growth curve."

"He's always been small for his age."

"That's what I said, but the doctor said he should be at least two to three inches taller and weigh at least fifteen more pounds. So he's putting him on some drink that's supposed to help balance out his nutrients."

"Okay." I sighed.

"But also I want you to meet us for lunch, I have a surprise for you."

"What is it?"

"It's a surprise, i'm not telling." He laughed. "Meet us at the park by that Chinese place you like at 12:30."

"Okay. I'll start getting ready."

"Alright, see you in a bit. Love you."

"I love you too." I smiled and then ended the call.

I took my phone with me to the bathroom and set it on the counter as I began to get ready, putting it on speaker so I could call Ari.

"Hey!" She answered quickly. "I saw the photos of you and Ashton out and about last night, so everything worked out?"

"Yeah. We talked and he apologised for everything and I warned him that this was his last chance, and so I think he gets that. I don't think he's going to do something like that again. I can tell he still feels guilty."

"Well, i'm glad you two made up."

"Me too." I smiled.

"Okay, you'll call me later?"

"Yeah I will." I said and ended the call.

She was busy getting ready for the wedding, and I didn't want to disturb her.

I finished getting ready and then went downstairs to take a car to the park we often went to.

I got out of the car and walked up to the bench I saw Ashton sitting on, watching the kids play on the playground.

I came up behind him and placed my hands on his shoulders before leaning in to kiss his cheek.

"Hi." I said and then walked around the bench to sit next to him.

"Hey." He leaned over for a real kiss.

"So what's my surprise?" I asked him, wiggling my eyebrows and he laughed.

I watched as he reached under the bench and then pulled out a shoe box.

"You bought me shoes?" I giggled.

"No." He chuckled. "I think you'll like this a lot more than shoes."

He passed me the box and I gave him an odd yet smiling look as I went to open the box.

I lifted the lid and set it next to me and looked inside the box to see it was full of pictures of a little girl who looked very similar to my little girl.

"I called Holly Baker this morning and found the address of where Abby Young lived, and I went over there and found her neighbour who had a box of Gracie's baby pictures." He explained, and as he talked I moved my hands over my mouth.

"These are really her?" I asked him.

"Yeah. I figured we'd be pretty sucky parents if we didn't have any baby pictures of our kids, and I figured this could be something we could use to heal this wound that I stupidly created. But I did this for you. I want you to have pictures of our daughter as a baby and give you that piece you've been missing."

Tears were welling up in my eyes.

"Oh my God..." I whispered.

I began to look through the box to see photographs of Gracie wrapped in a swaddle at only a few months old, ones from her birthdays, and other photos of her being her beautiful self.

"Oh my God...Ashton..."

"I know. She was cute wasn't she? Look at this one." He smiled as he reached in and picked up one of Gracie in a high chair with a cake in front of her, a candle in the shape of a 1 on top.

"Gracie's 1st birthday." He turned around and read the back of the photo where Abby, her birth mother, had labelled them.

"Look how big her smile is." I laughed and then picked up another photo. "Oh my God, this is the day she was born."

"Look at her hair! It's so curly!" Ashton exclaimed.

I wiped away my happy tears and then turned to hug him.

"Thank you for this. You'll never know how much this means to me."

"I feel so bad for what I did, and I want to show you how much I love you and how much I love our family. I'm so sorry for saying you were cheating and for calling you those horrible things, they're not true at all, and you deserve the best and i'll never let you down again. I promise you this time I'm in this for the long run."

I nodded against his neck and he squeezed my waist.

"I love you so much." I spoke into his skin.

"And I love you so much more."

I pulled away and dabbed my eyes again before looking back at the photos.

A few moments later Gracie and Ender ran up to us and Ashton pulled Gracie into his lap while Ender crawled up next to me.

"Mommy, what's that?" Gracie pointed at the box.

"These are your baby pictures."

"That me?" She asked as she picked one up.

"Mhmm. This was you on your very first birthday." I smiled. "Look how small you were."

"I baby." She pointed to herself in the photo.

"I know, you've grown up so much." Ashton hugged her to him. "You need to stop growing up and stay my baby girl forever."

"No." She laughed. "I be big girl."

"No, you should stay my little girl." He smiled at her and gave her a kiss before Ender pulled out a photo of Gracie with her mop of curls and a silver Hershey Kiss halloween costume and began hysterically laughing.

"Look at you, Gracie."

"No laugh!" Gracie then snatched the photo from him and pouted.

"Hey, be nice. And I have photos from the one halloween you wanted to be a piece of toast so."

Ashton began to crack up at this while Ender frowned at me.

"Come on let's go get lunch then we can finish running errands and then go buy a photo album to put the photos in." Ashton said.

We put the pictures back in the box and then put the lid on and Ashton carried it while I carried our daughter and held Enders hand, the group of us walking over to the Chinese bistro to enjoy lunch.

After this we went to go get the kids hair cuts and debated on getting Gracie bangs and then decided against it before getting a trim for her.

She cried as the lady cut her hair and I tried to calm her down while Ashton videoed her.

As he went to pay I got a text from Ari and read it to see a text with a link.

'Thank God you and Ashton made up or else this would've been really awkward. But everything I say is still true, and I know you guys will last forever!'

I smiled at this and sent her a message.

'Thank you! He surprised me today by going to Gracie's old house and finding a box of her baby pictures from her neighbour. They are so cute!! He really is trying to make it up to me and I can't stay mad at him.'

After this I waited until we got in the car and put the phone between Ashton and I so we could read the interview Ari did together.

WE SIT DOWN WITH ASHTON AND CARTERS BEST FRIEND AND GET ALL THE DEATS ON THEIR RELATIONSHIP

Ari Rodriguez is Carter Chase's best friend of 19 years, and we were able to get on a phone call with her to ask her about her best friend Carter and her relationship with 5SOS Drummer, Ashton Irwin.

: So first of all, does Carter know you're doing an interview on her?

- She does. I called her and asked her if she would be okay with it and she said yes. And I am excited as well, I've never done anything like this before.

: Well I'm sure you'll be in a lot more interviews due to the fact you are super close with the worlds hottest couple right now. Do you see them as famous or are Carter and Ashton still like normal people to you?

- Well obviously they're normal people, but even though they are celebrities, they don't act like it. They are both still very down to earth and I know Carter doesn't think of herself as famous at all.

:When did you realise that Carter had now become a celebrity?

- I think the first time was when Carter had a seizure while we were visiting them in London, and there were just massive amounts of fans and paparazzi outside. That was kind of an eye opener. But then we were sitting there in the hospital room and all of the sudden Harry Styles walked in and to me that was a major moment where I realised she wasn't  just little Carter Chase from Haven Harbour anymore. People know who she is and it fun to see her in a new light.

: How has Carter changed since she's been with Ashton?

- Carter has changed so much. I've known her since she was born, and she's always been very shy and she usually kept to herself, and that intensified when her parents passed away because her main focus then became Ender, and it has stayed that way, but I think meeting and then having a relationship with Ashton really brought her out of her shell. They are opposite in the way that Ashton is very outgoing and Carter is more reserved, but I think being with Ashton makes her feel comfortable enough to have a voice and to really be herself when she's with him, and the same is true for Ashton, like being with Carter has made him slow down and really focus on her and being a father.

: How would you describe Carter and Ashton as parents?

-They're wonderful at it. They really are. I mean, i've known Ender since he was born too, and he always looked up to his dad even though he didn't remember him, but now he has Ashton as his dad that he thinks hung the moon. They just hit it off immediately and Ender is so happy to have a dad again and Ashton is just as excited to be his dad. With Gracie, the situation is very unique because Carter and Ashton really had to make the decision together of if Gracie came to live with them or not, but once she did they both went head over heels for her. Ashton is such a loving father and he's so in love with Ender and Gracie, and he loves that he gets to raise those kids with Carter. And Carter is such a nurturing person and so Ender and Gracie both love getting her attention and just having her love on them. It's so sweet. Carter and Ashton love being parents.

: So what were your thoughts about Carter and Ashton's relationship? Do you think they got engaged too soon?

- Well I am Carters best friend and since Ashton was her first boyfriend I was very sceptical at first. I wanted to make sure he was right for her which he was. And when they got engaged I was upset i'll admit, and I went over to their house to talk to them, because I thought Carter was too young and they hadn't been together long enough. But every relationship is different, and they had to do what was right for the kids and for themselves, and that next step for them was to get engaged.

: I think what intrigues fans the most about Carter and Ashton is the fact that their relationship is like a fairytale. Do you have any thoughts on that?

- I've mentioned that to Carter before actually. But in all honesty, they found each other when they weren't even looking for someone to be with. Carter had just graduated high school a week before and Ashton was in town on vacation, and when they met it was just perfect.    But not every relationship is amazing, they have their ups and down like the rest of us and they've struggled a lot in these past few months especially, but they are strong and they keep each other going, and I think that's what is truly magical.

: What do you think attracted Ashton to Carter the most?

- Honestly, I think it was that she's a bit mysterious. You know, she's quiet and reserved, but she's also drop dead gorgeous, and so I think that's what really attracted him to her. He wanted to know more about her. She had a lot of guys who wanted to be with her in school and everything, but she never gave any of them the time of day until Ashton came around. He was the one to get her to open up her heart and fall in love. She has this air of mystery around her and I think that causes people to go crazy over her.

: And for Carter, what do you think attracted her to Ashton?

- I think for Carter, she liked that he was close with Ender. That was so important to her, and it still is. I mean if she was going to be with someone they had to love Ender as much as she did. But also I think it's that Ashton makes her happy. He is hilarious and she's constantly laughing when she's with him, and he's so sweet to her it's insane. But he has this way of making her feel comfortable enough to tell him things she doesn't tell most people. For example, they talk about her parents a lot which Carter rarely did before Ashton came around. But most importantly, he gave her a family again, and I think that's what she's needed all this time.

: I know there's been all kinds of crazy stories about Carter and Harry, is there any truth to them?

- Look, Carter and Harry are really close friends and that's it. She likes talking and hanging out with him but that's all there is to it.

: So you are about to get married, congratulations. Do you have any advice for Carter and Ashton as they move forward in their own relationship?

- I guess my advice would be to never go a day without telling your spouse you love them. Even if you're mad or upset with them, just send it in a text or call them or tell them in the morning before they go to work. Those three words can change everything.

Ashton and I set down the phone and I looked up at him with a nervous smile.

"I love you." I whispered.

"I love you too." He whispered back before he leaned in to kiss me, sealing up the pain of everything that had happened, but I felt like he and I had learned something vitally important to our relationship.

We weren't perfect, but we were perfect for each other.

--

Awwwwwwwww

I'm going to have a double update for you guys tonight!

Thank you all so much for reading, and comment and vote if you'd like!

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Much love xx-m