Blog 1

Hey everyone, Carter Chase here.

The idea of writing a Mommy Blog was given to me by my friend and stylist Becca, as a way of getting out all of my thoughts and feelings of being a young parent.

I don't entirely know where to start, but I guess I will begin by introducing myself.

Like I said, my name is Carter Chase and I am a 19 year old from Haven Harbour, a little island off the coast of Sydney. I am engaged to 20 (almost 21) year old Ashton Irwin, drummer of the band 5 Seconds of Summer, and we are currently on the bands' world tour while raising two kids together.

Now to clear up any confusion, I am not one of those "teen moms" as they call them, and Ashton and I have no biological children (yet).

When I was thirteen years old, my parents passed away in a car accident, leaving my five year old brother, Ender, to me. With no other remaining family, Ender and I were left on our own.

Our good family friends the Rodriguez's watched over us and helped me out financially during the first couple of years of life without my parents, but allowed me the freedom to raise Ender and become an adult at an early age.

After our parents death I immediately had to be not only Ender's older sister, but also his mother. That time of adjustment was difficult for both Ender and I as we had no idea how to not be just brother and sister.

I think the first day the both of us finally realised that we were on our own was when I had to drop Ender off at his first day of kindergarten. I remember so clearly my mom and dad dropping me off at my first day of school, and now it was me doing that for my little brother. That was the day I finally realised that I was not just a big sister anymore, I was a substitute mother now.

As the years passed mine and Ender's relationship grew and became stronger than ever as we learned to respect and love each other like how a mother and son would love each other.

I had been raising Ender for five years by myself when I met Ashton, and he and Ender immediately bonded. In the first four months I dated Ashton, he and Ender created this loveable bond of big brother and little brother.
Ashton would always take him to practice footie with him, help him with homework, play with him and just be the big brother Ender never had.

It was four months into our relationship and Ashton and I were at Ender's first footie game of the season, our friend Calum there as well, when I received a phone call from London social services. They informed me that my fathers sister, who we called Aunt Deb, had a daughter named Abby who passed away. Abby had a daughter as well, who would be my second cousin, named Parker Grace Young and I was her only family left. After discussing it with Ender, we decided to take Gracie in. Ashton was supportive of the decision and once the UK tour was complete, he came back the day Gracie would arrive so he could be there to welcome her with us.

The moment that four year old girl with her brown curly hair and big brown eyes walked through that door, I was in love with her.

Gracie didn't talk to us for the first day and a half she was there, but eventually began to talk, immediately becoming close with Ashton. Gracie's father was never recorded on her birth certificate and she had never had that male attention before, so she loved being around Ashton. She followed him around everywhere, and in the morning they would watch cartoons together while he would ask her questions about her favourite things.

A week after Gracie arrived the boys (this being Ashton's band mates Michael, Calum, and Luke) came to meet Gracie. We had gone out for pizza and this was the same night she called Ashton and I Mommy and Daddy for the first time. We were both so surprised yet so happy, and that's when the dynamic in our relationship changed. We were no longer just boyfriend and girlfriend, we were Mommy and Daddy and had a little girl and my brother who were relying on us to care for them and be their family.

Soon Gracie began to call us Mommy and Daddy constantly and even began to call Ashton's mother, Ann, Grandma. It seemed like everyday our family was coming together more and more, and when Ashton popped the question and asked me to marry him, everything seemed to fall into place.

Gracie was so excited her Mommy and Daddy were getting married and that's all she would talk to us about, until one day our curious little four year old asked a question that had Ashton and I scrambling for an answer. While a pre-natal vitamin commercial played on the television, my lovely and joking fiancé said that I was going to look like the pregnant lady on the screen one day. This had Gracie asking about babies and how they "got in the tummy" and when the words "I was in your tummy!" came out of her mouth I knew she had forgotten of her birth mother. She became very upset when we told her that we weren't her birth parents and it broke our hearts to see her so sad.

Though all of this changed when I surprised Ashton and Gracie by putting our names on her birth certificate and changing her last name to Irwin. At this point she said that now she had been a baby in my tummy, and I decided to tell her yes. I had never seen her more happy.

At this point in our relationship, with raising two kids and being in an industry where absolutely nothing about our lives is private anymore, it gets difficult. I believe Ashton and I are still trying to find our stride and figure out who we are, which is hard when your children expect you and rely on you to know.

Since we have left for tour, we have been in LA for a week, (I'm currently writing this on the plane ride to Japan) and have experienced our fare share of drama. With this status Ashton carries, the media and vicious/bitter people find satisfaction in spreading lies about a couple. So, in case our statement wasn't clear enough, Ashton and I did NOT end our engagement. That rumour was honestly such a horrible surprise to both of us, but especially to Ender who went into a major meltdown over the whole ordeal.

He had already been upset earlier in the week by something someone had said about me online, but this seemed to push him over the edge. It broke mine and Ashton's hearts to see him so upset, sobbing and bawling his eyes out to us. Like I said, Ender and Ashton are close, and Ender told Ashton that he was "the only dad he had left", which not only left Ashton and I stunned, but broke our hearts for the boy who thought his family was getting torn apart- again.

He knows everything is okay between Ashton and I and that the rumours were incredibly false, but it was still so sad to see him that upset.

Now with Gracie, this has also been an emotional week. It began when she became sick our second night in LA. In the middle of all of her medicine and rest, I decided to try bathing with her to help her calm down. I didn't know what to expect really but she immediately relaxed when I held her and laid with her. Ashton came in as she slept on my chest and I told him how much closer I felt to Gracie. Since Ashton and I aren't her birth parents, we were never able to do things with her like nurse her, change her diapers, hold her skin to skin when she was just born, see her first smile and hear her first laugh; and while that breaks our hearts, Ashton also explained it to me that she is our daughter now, and we have the rest of our lives to make new precious memories with her.

Though, apparently holding Gracie skin to skin triggered a response from her that made her want to try and nurse from me as well which I immediately shut down. Ashton and I had to explain to her that she was a big girl now and needed to drink from her sippy cup, but that hasn't stopped her every time I cuddle with her skin to skin or am simply carrying her around, from pulling on my bra and trying. She also started to scream and cry before and after naps and bedtime if I didn't hold her skin to skin. Of course I tried holding her with my shirt on, but we've come to figure out that it is my heartbeat she like to listen to in order to soothe her and she says she can't hear it through the fabric.

Concern about this has only increased throughout the days and though she is getting better, we are still trying to find alternatives. Ashton singing her her lullaby calms her down , but she still wants that closeness with me. As I type this I realise it may sound like I don't want to be close to her but I do, I love cuddling with her and having that quality time, but she needs to learn that she cannot scream and cry if I'm unable to do that with her whenever she wants.

Ashton and I are young and still trying to figure this whole parenting thing out, but I'm so proud of how far we've come, and I know our future children will be so blessed to have a father like him. We are so madly in love with each other and with our children, and I couldn't imagine it any other way. The purpose of this blog is to share our stories and things we have learned, and I hope you follow along on this journey with us.

My love, Carter

"What are you doing?" Ashton's voice tore me from my thoughts away from my writing.

"Hmm? Oh. Uh, I'm writing this mommy blog thing, Becca suggested it." I looked over and smiled at him.

"Can I read it?" He asked, a grin on his face.

"Not yet, I'm not finished." I laughed.

"What's it about?"

"Just about us raising two kids living the lifestyle we live, and the challenges and hardships that we face as young parents."

"That sounds cool, I'm excited to read it." He smiled. "So will it be public for everyone to read?"

"Mhmm. I just need to edit and then I'm going to post it."

"You're so cute." He giggled and I shook my head with a bit of laughter on my lips before going back to finish it.

Once I was done I published it and then sent Ashton the link like he wanted me to do and pulled up the post.

I watched him nervously as he read it, hoping he wouldn't hate it or think I shared too much.

Finally he looked up at me with a wide smile on his face. "Carter that's really good. Like you're a really good writer."

"Thank you." I blushed.

"I didn't know what to expect but I think you stated everything in a way that made it seem so down to earth and basically how we handle things in reality but just in writing."

"I'm glad you liked it."

"I loved it." He leaned across the isle and I did as well so he could kiss me.

I decided to take a photo of the computer screen and post it to my Instagram.

'Posted my first mommy blog today! My lovely fiancé put the link to it in my biography so you can read it. I hope you will enjoy these little insights on mine and Ashton's life while we go through the motions of being young parents.'

Ashton also shared a photo of me typing on the computer sitting in the airplane.

'Car just shared her first mommy blog! It talks about the challenges we face being young parents and what we learn along the way. So proud of her for doing this and I hope you all take the time to read it, I promise it's worth it (and I'm not just saying that because I'm marrying her).'

God he was so sweet.

Another twenty minutes of being on the plane passed before Gracie woke up from her nap, wanting me to hold her.

Thankfully she didn't make a fuss and let me wear my shirt but that was only because Ashton had made a voice memo of her lullaby and I put the headphones in her ears so she could listen to it.

As I held her she played with the ends of my hair while her head rested on my chest and I pressed kisses to her face every few minutes.

"Mommy, me Daddy colour!" She said excitedly after a few minutes.

"You coloured with Daddy? I bet that was fun. Did you draw some pretty pictures?"

"Mhmm." She nodded happily.

"We also worked on writing and spelling her name." Ashton added and I smiled.

"You've been a busy girl." I smiled at Gracie.

"Busy girl?"

"Mhmm. You're a little busy bee."

"Busy bee." She copied me again and I smiled.

"Do you want to read some stories with Mommy?" I asked her and she nodded.

Ashton got one of her baby books from the duffel and she sat in my lap as I read her the book, animating my voice making her giggle and smile.

"Mommy again!" She laughed once I had finished the story.

"You want me to read it again?" I kissed her cheek. "Okay."

I proceeded to read her the story several more times and she then went to Ashton to tell him about it.

"And then the bear go to bed!" She said dramatically at the end and I took an adorable picture of her standing in front of Ashton while he sat in his seat, a grin on her face while he talked to her and his hands on her sides to keep her from moving in the isle.

'The King and his princess. We're ready to meet everyone in Japan!'

Gracie went back to go play a kids puzzle game on Calum's computer that he downloaded for her while Michael helped her.

Luke then moved up to talk to Ashton while Ender proceeded to still sleep next to me, his head leant against the closed window.

All of the sudden I remembered something Ender had mentioned to me earlier this week about getting a cellphone.

"Oh Ash." I placed my hand on his arm and he turned to look at me. "Ender asked me earlier this week if he could get a cellphone and I told him you and I would talk it over."

"A cellphone? He's eleven, he doesn't need a cellphone." Ashton shook his head.

"That's what I think, but I also think we should let him give us his reasons on why he wants one before we give him an answer."

"That sounds fair." Ashton nodded.

"I want us to be those fair and balanced parents who actually listen to their kids and can talk with them about anything."

"I like that." He smiled. "That's what we'll do."

When Ender woke up we explained to him that we wanted him to build his case for why he needed a phone and then to explain it.

We had an hour left to our flight and Ashton took Gracie to the bathroom and came back to his seat, Gracie whining for him to hold her.

"Daddy I love you." She smiled as she sat criss-cross in his lap so she could face him and everyone in our cabin awed at her.

"You love me? I love you too." He smoothed his hands over her face before kissing her forehead.

"We on airplane." She said, playing with the buttons on his shirt.

"I know, we are going to Japan."

"Japan?" She slowly pronounced the word.

"Mhmm." He smiled at her. "You get to see me and your uncles sing."

Gracie gasped excitedly.

"Sing me one of Daddy's songs Gray." I said and she giggled while singing little parts of Don't Stop.

The plane prepared for landing and Ashton put Gracie back in her seat. When we landed everyone began to get their stuff together and Ashton had me hold Gracie while he got his stuff together.

"Baby can you hand me the laptop?" He turned and reached for it to put it away.

"Me?" Gracie pointed at herself.

"No, I was talking to Mommy."

"But I baby." She poked out her bottom lip in her adorable pout that could melt the heart of even the most frigid person.

"I know you're our baby but I call Mommy 'baby' too. It's a nickname. Just like how we call you baby girl and Gray." Ashton explained to her while he packed up.

Once complete he stood and put his duffel over his shoulder, then put Gracie's back pack on her shoulders and put bunny in her arms.

"Daddy, I love you again." Gracie spoke as everyone stood getting their things together.

"You're silly." He bumped his nose against hers. "And I love you too. Give me a kiss, Gray."

She had her arms around his neck and moved up to give him a kiss.

After that we began to de-board the plane where Brad, Dave, and a few other security people began to lead us through the airport.

My ankle was a bit sore but I felt okay despite Ashton's persistent questions about it.

"Are you sure it doesn't hurt?" He asked again for the millionth time.

"Oh my god, it's about to hurt when I kick you."

"You're violent." He teased me and I lovingly stuck my tongue out at him.

"Mommy we in Japan!" Gracie clapped her hands together happily as we walked, Ashton smiling down at her.

Security had us stop and the workers at the airport welcomed us and put red kimonos over us which was so polite. They even took our bags so we didn't have to carry them anymore.

Gracie and Ender were ecstatic about this and we let Gracie walk alongside us instead of being carried but she held onto both of our hands. 

We pointed out different things to the kids as we walked until we came to where the fans were waiting and they began to scream when all of us came into view.

I could hear people yelling my name too through the boys names and I let out a laugh.

"I told you they love you." Ashton turned to me with a grin.

"This is crazy." I laughed.

We moved forward to the wall of people and began to take photos and hug fans, the boys signing phone cases and other things while Gracie played between mine and Ashton's feet.

Fans were giving us gifts and saying such sweet things and after everything this past week I had secretly been dreading meeting anymore fans but I honestly felt so welcomed.

It was funny also to see Ender being such a hit with the ladies.

Gracie ran between us and all of her uncles,
Brad watching her like a hawk (alongside me and Ashton) as she was posing for pictures, dancing, collecting gifts and talking to everybody.

"Mommy can we go play dollies now?" She ran to me and tugged on my hand.

"We can play dolls when we get to the hotel, okay baby?" I bent down to talk to her and she nodded before hooking her arms around my neck so I could pick her up.

We took photos for a while until we were led to our car that drove us to our hotel.

Once there we got settled and I was playing dolls with Gracie when Ender spoke from the bed he was sitting on with a notepad in his hand.

"Okay, I have my reasons." He said and I let Gracie play on the floor beneath me while Ashton and I turned our full attention to him.

"Alright, tell us why you think we should allow you to have a cellphone." Ashton said, his arms folded in his lap.

"The first reason is so that I will be able to contact you wherever I am. Sometimes I'm with Michael and Calum or Luke or like when Becca takes me places; if something happened I would be able to get it touch with you. Or if I'm alone at the hotel or somewhere then I can call you if I need to."

I nodded.

"Reason number two is for homework. I can use the Internet on the phone to help me if I'm stuck or I can use the phone to set reminders for when assignments are due."

"Okay." Ashton said and nodded for him to continue.

"The third reason is for me to be able to talk to my friends. Trey and Reid have social media stuff and I want to be able to talk to them while I'm gone."

"Do you have anymore?" I asked.

"Yeah, I wrote down that I can use it to prove I can be responsible." He said and I looked to Ashton.

"I think me and your sister have some things to discuss about that and we will let you know." He said.

"Okay." Ender nodded. "Thank you for listening to me."

"Of course babe." I smiled.

We spent the rest of our day going sightseeing around Tokyo, the boys getting excited for the show tomorrow.

I was excited as well for this to finally begin and to see the man I loved doing what he loved to do.

This was going to be amazing.

--

Things are about to be changingggggggg hahahaha *evil laughs*

anyways hope you guys are doing great!

Much love xx -M