Chapter 18: I Can't Lose You
Rain fell against the concrete of the silent streets as Jimin stood already drenched and staring at Jungkook right before him. He couldn't believe his own boyfriend was the masked Oni all along! Jimin stood there and teared up just knowing that he could've killed his Jungkook when he bumped the front to the back wheel of the motorcycle. “Jungkook…” Jimin teared up and tried to dry his tears, but it was no use. He couldn't stop them from falling.
“Jimin… Baby, let me explain…” Jungkook uttered as he stood up and still cupped his dislocated shoulder. “It's not what you think!”
“Jungkook… I COULD HAVE KILLED YOU!” Jimin shouted and cupped his own face. “I dislocated your shoulder… I pushed you and punched you in the face! W-Why didn't you tell me anything?! You could have warned me!” Shouted the man as Jungkook removed the broken mask from his face and looked at the ground. Avoiding eye contact with him the whole time. “What did you do to your brother, Jungkook?! Did you kill him?!”
“DON'T PUT THAT SHIT ON ME, I SAID I'M NOT THE GUY!” Jungkook rose his voice towards Jimin and walked forward, cornering him against the wall like before. “You talk and talk… But you never listen! What does this have to do with you?! Your brother is alive, not mine. Stop trying to intervene! You don't understand!”
“THEN EXPLAIN TO ME! I TOLD YOU I'M YOUR BOYFRIEND AND YOU HAVE TO TELL ME EVERYTHING! I HATE IT WHEN YOU KEEP IT ALL TO YOURSELF!” Jimin argued as Jungkook's free hand gripped onto his lover's wrist to hold him still. “Tell… Me…” Jimin then cried from the anger and shoved Jungkook. “Why are you affiliated?! Why do you match the description of who killed your brother?! Why did you try so hard to hurt me before in this mask! FUCKING TELL ME!”
“SHUT UP FOR ONCE AND I'LL TELL YOU!” Shot back the younger as he let out a rough exhale. “Oh god… I never wanted to fight with you like this… Or make you hate me… I didn't want you to find out this way. Jimin, I don't want to lose you!” Jungkook spoke carefully as Jimin's eyes focused onto Jungkook through his own tears. “I can't lose you…”
“Get to the point…”
“The first week I met you with the mask, I wanted to hurt you because… I thought you had someone else other than me. I was jealous I didn't have any contact with you outside the club and it bothered me. I thought I was just another boy to you. Some boy’s virginity you took after I gave it to you happily. You were my first I lost my virginity to so you can't blame me for being so jealous and hurt when I looked at you and just assumed you had someone. After that, we met up and you told me I was the only one in your life so the next time I met you in my mask, I promised you I wouldn't hurt you and I never did. It took over and I wanted to hurt you the day I stumbled upon you in the rain.” The younger confessed as Jimin remained silent. Plugging things into his mind to realize that it made much more sense.
“The other things… It started once my brother died… He was killed right in front of me and beaten with that bat… This man wore a different mask from mine and he was part of a gang. He left the bat behind and left my brother unresponsive. I had a lot of thinking back then. I met many people and told them my ideas about a gang. However, it's not to do bad! It's just… I'll take from the rich and give to the poor. That was the plan all along! No killing… No beating up… But, Deep down I had plans to one day find the man who killed my brother. I know what he looks like without the mask and I couldn't forget him at all. I carry the bat around to confront him but I gave it to you… I gave it to you so I can bring myself to tell you everything! This gang I have… We don't kill or beat any innocent people up. We steal illegally and give to the poor so we're just a little somewhat dangerous.” Jungkook confessed as Jimin was silent the whole time. Not believing a thing.
“You're rich… Why don't you give to the poor out of your own funds instead of stealing?”
“You don't think I do? I know a lot of secrets in the business and I only steal from those rich men who treat poor people like peasants. Only the bad rich companies I steal from and give to the poor…” Jungkook spoke but Jimin only looked down and shook his head.
“Jungkook… This doesn't make any sense! How does this make you bad for me? You told me things I wouldn't let go and… You give me this vibe that you do bad things… But these things are good?” Jimin didn't seem to believe a word Jungkook spoke out of his mouth. The feeling still felt eerie like Jungkook hid skeletons in his closet. “You do kill people… Do you? You do hurt others… Do you? I don't believe this… Someone with that much power would act the opposite and-”
“Fine. What about it? I only hurt those who need to be hurt… I haven't killed anyone… But I only have plans to kill that certain someone who killed my brother. I won't let that go and I will kill him with the same bat he murdered my brother with! That's why the bat is so important to me.” Jungkook had to lie in front of Jimin and as soon as the older caught on, Jungkook just had to tell him that side of the whole deal. Jimin felt that Jungkook acted with anger and pain… It rode on his shoulders for so long, that he didn't know how to fix it. “I'll break him… I'll have him murdered in the same street he killed my brother in…”
“Jungkook… you're scaring me…” Jimin softly began to weep. Raising his hand up Jungkook's hand until he leaned in and pressed his head against Jungkook's chest. “Don't kill anyone… it makes me sick. There are other ways to get over this! Killing would only make you as bad as him… You'll get caught and hated by everyone!”
“Don't tell me what to do, Jimin… You don't know how it feels.”
“Jungkook I don't have to be in that position to know that killing someone is wrong! Even if-”
“I SAID, YOU DON'T KNOW HOW IT FEELS! HAVING YOUR BEST FRIEND AND ONLY BROTHER KILLED AND BRUTALLY BEATEN IN FRONT OF YOU AS OTHERS HELD YOU BACK! THAT DAY….” Jungkook then stopped as he went back to cupping the pain over his shoulder. “That day… Not only my brother died… But a part of me died as well… I couldn't eat… I felt like dying since all the work he left, I had to take care of. The company was going into debt so I had to steal money to build it up and then form a gang… Giving to the poor and silently hoping to see that man. Just so I could kill him and make him feel every beating… Every bruise, broken bones, and blood shed.” Jungkook sobbed and couldn't dare to look Jimin in the eyes after. “I'm going to end up killing a man… That's why I tell you to run… I may be nice but what I have planned will change your view on me forever…” Jungkook continued as he turned around and began to walk forward.
Jimin felt Jungkook's pain and could almost run his finger along his Dark Prince's holes in his heart. He could tell Jungkook only followed this idea since he believed it was enough to make him feel better when it really wouldn't. Jimin was still crying just seeing Jungkook become so desperate to find ways to aid his own wounds, but the stitching was in the wrong place. Jungkook wasn't thinking of the right idea and Jimin only longed to help guide his boyfriend back into the right path.
“Jungkook… Don't do this. Your life is perfectly stable! You just need to find the man and turn him in! Live a life with me… Don't kill anyone or else you'll feel even worse!” Jimin begged and begged. But little did he know, that Jungkook was constantly haunted by all of his thoughts surrounding his brother's death. It was like a constant clock ticking in his head as he sat in a chair. Waiting for it to stop when it never did.
“I'm bad for you Jimin… I'm going to kill someone soon.. But I don't want you stepping in the way to take the hit for them. Sending him to prison won't do me any justice! He’ll be given a few years and he'll be let go! It's not fair… Not fair to me…” Jungkook had his back facing Jimin as the older stepped closer and closer until he threw his arms around Jungkook’s back. Thinking of something quick to tell Jungkook and try to work his way up to his mind. Jimin needed to play his game and slowly try to move Jungkook away from that cryptic thought of killing as revenge. “Jimin… Let go of me… it was a mistake telling you about everything. I'm nothing but a drug to you… One slip up, you could be caught and thrown into jail for my doings.”
“I don't care…”
“You say it like you know what will happen to you. Oh, my Swan is so stubborn… I think we should break up. I can't risk you facing charges at the end and having your family shun you. You'll be a dishonor! This is why I hid my identity in case I get caught. You however, you'll lose everything… Even the final trust of your own brother.” Jungkook told Jimin not to follow, But Jimin just couldn't let Jungkook keep this mindset. Jimin was clingy, poking his nose into business that didn't concern him, and tried to fix everything. Even before Jungkook was to do something he would regret. The thought of killing someone was so vile and seemed easy to get over, but in reality… it came with disgust and guilt that Jimin knew Jungkook was not immune to like other serial killers.
“I'm not leaving you… I'm not going to let you break us up… You need me as much as I need you! You can't… live without me… I'm all you have and you're all I have. I love you… I know it's stupid to say it too early but… I love you. I want to follow you everywhere. I can keep your mind off those thoughts that haunt you. Jungkook, you don't need this lifestyle.” Jimin continued to try and help Jungkook… yet, he refused any of it. “If you kill… It will do the same to you but on the inside!”
“I don't need you.” Jungkook told Jimin off and heard Jimin hitch his breath through his cries while he sobbed. “I tell you I don't need you just to save you. What more do you want? I'm haunted with these thoughts killing me… Why couldn't I do something to save my brother? I was too weak… Now I'm not. I can kill that man and he will forever be silenced. I would live better knowing he will be gone and I will wipe the blood off the bat knowing I've avenged my brother.” Those words alone broke Jimin's heart more and more until he had to act now just so Jungkook wouldn't keep this in mind forever.
“I'll join you… I'll help you find him if it means so much to you…” The older sputtered and hugged his Dark Prince from the back tightly. Jungkook was shocked hearing these words fall out of Jimin's mouth and it became rather unbelievable. Yet, Jimin only did this so he could be by Jungkook every day and be able to stop Jungkook from killing the man; once he found him. “I'll quit my job to devote my time to help you… to love you… Kiss you and have you in my arms if anything goes wrong. Let me in…”
“I love you, Jimin… But, I'm bad for you… I'm nothing but a toxic drug to you… I'll end up hurting you when you see me kill a man. Don't shove this off, I'm warning you!” Jungkook added and turned around to look at Jimin before holding his chin up to look at him. “Last time I warn you, leave me now…”
“I don't care anymore… I just want to be with you…” Jimin teared up. Deep down he was planning to guide Jungkook into the right path and was willing to take any hit for him. Jungkook had a perfect life going for him. There was no way he was going to let him slip up even once! “I love you too much…”
“Jimin…”
Jimin pressed his nose against Jungkook as he then let out a an exhale while rain fell down their hair and face. Jimin then kissed his lover and closed his eyes to talk to Jungkook longer; no matter what. “I don't care if it hurts… If you're my drug, intoxicate me…”
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