Chapter 29

"Galit ka?" tanong ni Jill sa akin nang mag-abot kami sa opisina.

"No," sagot ko. "Disappointed, yes, pero hindi ako galit."

"I can't pass up the opportunity."

"I know."

"We're still friends?"

Nagkibit-balikat ako. G&Z was one of the best firms in the country—it's usually only by invite. I remember back in law school, nung fourth year kami, nagkaroon ng career fair sa school. Fourth year students were required to attend. Isa iyong G&Z sa mga nagsalita roon. Habang nanonood ako, ang nasa isip ko lang ay impossible ako na maka-pasok doon kasi valedictorian at salututorian lang ng top universities ang iniimbitahan nila na magtrabaho sa kanila. Or if hindi, iyong mga nagtop sa BAR.

I was not G&Z material—not that interesado din ako. I knew that with that kind of prestige also meant selling your soul to the devil... not literally, of course. Pero sa ganyan kalalaking firm nandoon iyong mga malalaking kliyente. I worked in a mid firm. Doon pa lang makikita mo na iyong kalakaran. Alam ko sa sarili ko na hindi ko kaya iyong ganyan kalaki na firm.

But not everyone's like me.

Not everyone's contented na sa ganito na may trabaho.

Marami akong kilala na kagaya ni Jill—na mayroong clear career path na gustong tahakin. I had always known that one day, she'd leave us for better opportunities. Hindi ko lang akalain na ngayon na. Kung ako ang masusunod, sana sa ibang panahon na—iyong mas stable na kami. Pero hindi ko naman pwedeng harangan iyong opportunities na dumadating sa kanya. I had nothing else to do but to congratulate her and wish her the best.

Umalis na si Jill dahil may kailangan pa siyang puntahan na hearing. Next month pa naman siya aalis. Kailangan niya pang tapusin lahat ng pending niya rito at kailangan nang maayos na transition.

Apat na lang kami—afford pa kaya namin kumuha ng isa pang abogado?

"Morning," sabi ni Therese sa akin.

"Morning," I replied as I sipped my coffee. "Called Ms. Nuevas."

Napa-tingin sa akin. "Really?" she asked like she knew about Shanelle's offer na bayaran ako kahit magkano.

Tumango ako. "She'll come by today para pag-usapan namin iyong sa kaso nila."

Tipid siyang tumango. "Sorry."

"Di mo naman kasalanan," sabi ko.

"If kailangan mo ng tulong, okay?"

I nodded and smiled a little. "For the firm."

"For the firm," she replied with a small smile, too. "Well... do you need any help? Mamaya pa naman 'yung appointment ko."

Umiling ako. "No, kaya ko na 'to. Routine lang naman."

Tumango si Therese. Pumasok na ako sa opisina ko kasama iyong kape ko. I've been doing this for quite some time... I wouldn't say na eksperto ako sa annulment, but I'd had my fair share of annulment cases. Konti pa nga lang iyong finalized na dahil mabagal talaga ang usad dito sa Pilipinas. How I wish na maaprubahan na talaga iyong divorce. People shouldn't be forced to stay in an unhappy and abusive marriage—marriage is not a life sentence. Besides, if it's not for you, then don't get divorce. But don't stop people from getting one tutal 'di naman maaapektuhan ang buhay mo.

I busied myself with editing judicial affidavits nang maka-rinig ako ng katok sa pintuan. Nang bumukas iyon ay nakita ko si Shanelle. She was wearing a black pantsuit. She looked very professional.

"Good morning," I greeted.

"Good morning," bati niya pabalik. "Can I?" tanong niya habang naka-turo sa may upuan sa kabilang panig ng table ko.

Tumango ako. "Shall we begin?"

"You're accepting my case?"

Tumango akong muli. "But first, we need to discuss my professional fee," sabi ko dahil ito naman talaga ang pinaka-dahilan kung bakit ako pumayag. Kasi kung ako lang? Hindi naman ako ganoon ka-tanga at kabaliw para pumayag na maging abogado ng asawa ng ex ko.

"My usual acceptance fee is 30 thousand," sabi ko. "What do you say about 100?"

She shrugged. "You're the lawyer."

Bahagyang kumunot ang noo ko. "Okay. 20 thousand per court appearance—notwithstanding if the hearing will be rescheduled with or without our negligence."

"Okay."

"One thousand per hour research fee."

Tumingin siya sa akin. "Just put everything into writing, Atty. Manjarrez," she said. "I already told you last night—name your price. Seryoso ako roon."

Huminga ako nang malalim. "Very well," sabi ko. "Are you familiar with annulment proceeding?"

"I did my research," sagot niya. "Not my forte, though."

Tumango ako. "With the new rules, we need to prepare all documents to be attached," sabi niya. "I assume from our previous conversation that your husband's the one filing?"

Tumango siya. "I just need this dismissed."

"Well, what's the ground?"

She shrugged. "No idea."

Naka-tingin ako sa mukha niya. Wala akong mabasa na kahit anong emosyon. She looked... calm. But the kind of calm na maiisip mo na maraming nagtatago sa likod ng kalmado niyang itsura. Hanggang ngayon, hindi ko pa rin maintindihan kung ano ang nagustuhan sa kanya ni Samuel... But I should stop trying to understand. Not my clowns; not my circus.

"Since your husband's the one filing for the petition for annulment or nullity of marriage, they'll prepare the complaint together with the judicial affidavit of your husband, their expert witness, and a corroborative witness. Do you really have no idea kung ano iyong grounds nila? Because we need to prepare our defense as early as possible."

Hindi siya nagsalita.

Para sa isang tao na gustong ma-dismiss ang kaso, she was not very forward with any of the details.

Huminga ako nang malalim. Trabaho 'to. I needed to give her the same patience and professionalism that I extend my other clients. This was nothing but another annulment case that I'll be handling.

"Okay..." I replied to her silence. "The usual ground is psychological incapacity. Do you think that's the reason? Nagfile na ba siya? Because if he did, then we'll be receiving a copy of the complaint."

Imbes na sumagot sa tanong ko ay sinabi niyang, "Have you talked to him?"

My lips parted when she caught me off guard with the sudden change in the tone of her voice. She sounded almost... frightened.

"Yes," I replied, honestly. "I just asked him if he was aware that his wife's trying to get me as her lawyer."

"And what did he say?"

"Nothing," sabi ko. Bahagyang napakunot ang noo ko. She looked relieved. "Did you cheat? Did you have an affair? Because you surely do know na hindi grounds for annulment 'yon."

"I would never," she said.

I looked at her. This wasn't my first annulment case. No is almost the automatic answer kapag tinanong mo ang isang may asawang tao kung nangaliwa ba sila. Hindi nila maamin. But this wasn't how it should work. Abogado ako—I needed to know all the facts otherwise, I'd be freaking blindsided once the cross-examining begins. Baka kung saan mapunta iyong tanong ng prosecutor kung hindi ko alam na may mga ganito palang nangyayari.

"Are you sure?" I asked again just because I have to.

"Yes," she replied but for some reason, I couldn't bring myself to believe her. Something's amiss... Idagdag mo pa iyong sinabi ni Samuel na legally separated na sila.

"Okay... Since you have no idea about the possible grounds, then I will just have to wait to be furnished with the copy of the complaint," sabi ko sa kanya.

Tumango siya.

"Since you don't want the annulment, wala naman tayong magiging problema sa collusion hearing kapag nagsend na ng summon iyong office of the prosecutor," I told her.

Tumango siyang muli but for a split second, it felt like the veil had been lifted... para bang nakita ko na ngayon pa lang, nahihirapan na rin siya. She really didn't want this annulment...

What the fuck happened to their marriage?

* * *

I was never one to drink after work dahil mas gusto kong umuwi at matulog. Back in law school, panonood ng sitcoms ang pampawala ko ng stress. I couldn't do that anymore. I'd just rather sleep. Tapos gising kinabukasan. Balik sa trabaho. Tapos ganoon ulit.

But... I really need a drink right now.

Or maybe a bottle at this point.

"Sorry, late," I heard Kitty's voice nang maupo siya sa tabi ko.

"It's fine—nauna na ako," I said as I finished my already almost empty glass of whisky. Kitty got herself a bottled water.

"Game na," she said. Nagtext kasi ako sa kanya na kung free siya, magkita kami. We lost touch after graduation. Hindi rin kami sa same na review center pumunta. Ni hindi ko nga ata siya nakita nung oath taking. Nag-uusap pa rin naman kami nung nasa law school pa pero sobrang dalang dahil naghiwalay sila ni Jax. She isolated herself. Na-miss ko siya noon, but hindi ko rin naman mapilit na kausapin siya. I just told her na nandoon lang ako kapag kailangan niya ako—I told her that a lot of times because losing both your parents at once? Hindi ko alam kung ano ang nararamdaman niya.

I heard from her again when she called me from the precinct. Then things got busy. Then she went to Alaska. Then when she came back, we'd meet once a month to catch up. We didn't need to meet all the time—but I knew that if I need her, she'll be there.

"Hindi ko alam kung saan magsisimula."

Isinandal ko ulit iyong ulo ko sa may counter, never mind na madumi. Sumakit iyong ulo ko sa lahat ng narinig ko buong araw. I felt like I would physically be sick.

"Alam mo na kung bakit ikaw?"

"No. Feel ko hindi ko malalaman. Gusto ko na lang gawin iyong trabaho ko."

She patted my back. "Kailan ka free? Spa-weekend?"

"Next year pa ata ako magiging free," I said. Tumingin ako sa kanya. "Kapag nagsara 'yung firm, tanggapin mo ako sa 'yo."

Tumawa siya. "Walang sweldo 'don."

I groaned. "Kailangan ko ng pera."

"Try mo sa BGY?"

I actually thought about that, too, but I felt like... hindi ko kaya 'don? Puro topnotchers 'yung nandon. Besides, nandoon na si Yago na forte 'yung forte ko. Hindi pa nila kailangan ng dalawang family lawyer.

"Laban ko muna 'yung sa 'min," I said.

"Good," sabi niya. "Besides, it's just work."

I nodded. "You're right," sagot ko, remembering how I once told Kitty to talk to Iñigo before kasi nga... trabaho lang naman. I mean, oo nabwisit din talaga ako kay Iñigo at one point kasi alam mo 'yon? Kaming tatlo 'yung magkakasama sa law school tapos biglang ganon? Na-bwisit talaga ako. But then I remembered that it's work... And that it's Iñigo... He may be a lot of things but he's not an asshole. Surely, there's a reason why he did those things.

Kagaya nung ngayon.

May dahilan talaga kung bakit kailangan kasama ako.

"Do you know na nung lumabas 'yung BAR result ni Samuel, nandoon din si Shanelle?" I asked as I downed my second glass. Natawa ako. "Hindi ko alam kung... matatawa ba ako o kung ano... In that moment, 'di ko alam na nasa paligid ko lang pala 'yung papakasalan ng boyfriend ko? Ayos din, noh?"

Kitty looked at me with pity.

I smiled at her. "I'm happy for you," I said as I felt my chest tightening and my eyes stinging. "I wish I have that, too..." sabi ko habang mabilis na pinunasan iyong luha na kumawala sa mga mata ko.

"Deanne..."

Umiling ako habang pinupunasan iyong luha ko. "Sorry. Bakit biglang may pag-iyak?" sabi ko habang umaabot ng tissue at pinupunasan iyong mukha ko. "Masaya ako para sa inyo ni Jax. Deserve niyo 'yan."

"Deserve mo rin sumaya," she said.

"I know," I replied with a smile, but didn't tell her that at this point in my life? I was already convinced that I would never find somebody else again... because Samuel really did a number on me that I never really let anybody else get near.

Because what he did hurt.

So much.

And I didn't want to go through that again—not with him, not with anyone else. 

**
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