Chapter 27

"From the beginning," sabi niya habang naka-tingin sa akin. She was looking at me—siya. Siya na asawa ni Samuel. God, I needed a another cup of coffee. Iyong matapang. Iyong kaya akong gisingin sa bangungot na 'to.

"Yes," tipid kong sagot. Humugot ako nang malalim na hininga. "From the beginning," ulit ko.

Pinagsalop ko iyong mga kamay ko habang diretso akong naka-tingin sa kanya. Kailangan kong maging propesyonal. Trabaho 'to. Trabaho ko—pero agad akong natigilan nang makita kong naka-hawak siya sa singsing sa kamay niya. I hated how I suddenly felt my eyes stinging. I had to avert my gaze. Mabilis kong binuksan iyong drawer at kumuha ng yellow pad doon. Kumuha rin ako ng ballpen. Huminga nang malalim bago muling tumingin sa kanya.

'Umayos ka. Please,' pakiusap ko sa sarili ko.

I didn't know why she was here... of all the lawyers here in Manila, bakit dito siya napunta? Alam niya ba na ex ako ng asawa niya? What was her plan? O baka hindi niya alam at talagang trip lang ako ng tadhana?

Kailangan ko ng isa pang kape.

"Okay," sabi niya.

I knew I should be looking at her while she was talking because that was the professional thing to do, but right now, being professional was the last thing on my mind. At this moment, I just wanted to... survive. I just wanted to get this over with. I just wanted her out of my office para maka-hinga na ako ulit.

"We first met way back in law school," pagsisimula niya.

My breathing hitched. I hated that I had such a reaction sa simula pa lang ng kwento niya. I hated how affected I was kahit alam ko na taon na ang naka-lipas. Sinungaling talaga 'yang nagsabi na time heals all wounds. Kasi kung totoo nga, bakit ganito ako? Bakit makita ko lang siya, mabilis na agad na bumalik lahat ng nangyari noon?

Parang hindi nakaraan.

Parang nagpause lang.

Tapos nung nakita ko siya, biglang nagresume.

"Classmates?" I asked.

"No," she replied. "We were from different schools," she added. "I'm from Brent—he's from SCA." Ramdam na ramdam ko iyong tingin niya. "Saan ka graduate?"

"SCA," I replied habang naka-tingin pa rin sa papel ko. "And then?" I asked na naka-tingin sa kanya bago pa siya magkaroon ng pagkakataon na tanungin ako kung kakilala ko ba si Samuel. Hindi ko alam kung ano ang pwede kong gawin—kung magdedeny ba ako o kung sasabihin ko sa kanya iyong totoo.

O kung tatanungin ko siya kung bakit siya nandito sa harapan ko.

"Nothing happened," she replied. "I wasn't interested back then."

'Kasi nandoon pa ako,' a small voice inside my head said.

God, I should really decline this case. Ngayon pa lang ay nakikita ko na na hindi ko kayang ihiwalay iyong trabaho sa hindi. I would always compare myself to her, our relationship to theirs. Maghahanap lang ako ng bato na ipupukpok sa ulo ko.

"Kailan naging kayo?" I asked dahil hindi ko yata kaya na marinig lahat ng kwento niya.

"I'm getting there," she replied. "We met again nung BAR results."

Napa-higpit iyong hawak ko sa ballpen ko.

"I'm actually also a lawyer," she said habang ramdam ko iyong tingin niya. Alam niya. Sigurado ako na alam niya. Bakit siya nandito? Gusto niya lang bang makita iyong reaksyon ko? "But I failed my first take."

"It's not that big of a deal," tahimik na sabi ko. "You're a lawyer now. It doesn't matter kung ilang beses ka nag-exam. Iisa lang naman ang destinasyon natin."

It almost felt like a script.

It almost felt rehearsed.

The words just rolled out of my tongue.

Because years ago, that was what I kept telling Samuel... pero para siyang bingi sa mga salita ko.

"That's nice of you," she said.

Tumingin ako sa kanya. Hinigpitan ko iyong pagkaka-hawak ko sa ballpen ko at pinigilan iyong sarili na diretsahin na siya. Hindi ko siya kilala. Hindi ko alam kung ano ang trip niya.

"Ms. Nuevas," I said. "Since we're both lawyers, can we skip to the part ng annulment?" I asked.

"So, you're accepting the case?"

"Not yet," I said.

"Then, I can't talk about the case."

"Then, why are you here?" diretsang tanong ko habang naka-tingin sa mga mata niya.

And I fucking hated how when I look at her, all I could think about was that I was looking at Samuel's present... and that I was nothing but a part of his past.

"Because I want you as my lawyer."

"Why me?"

"You're practicing family law, right?"

"I am."

"Then, why are you asking me why I chose you?"

Huminga ako nang malalim.

"Shanelle," I said. "Can I call you Shanelle?"

"You can," she replied as she was staring at me. Ano ang nagustuhan ni Samuel sa babae na 'to? Because looking at her, she was the exact opposite of what Samuel told me he liked. Kasi ang naaalala ko, sinabi niya na gusto niya iyong babaeng magulo, iyong babaeng maingay, iyong babae na gugulo sa tahimik niyang buhay.

O baka nagbago na siya.

Baka ayaw niya na sa ganoon.

Dahil sa akin.

"Wag na tayong maglokohan," sabi ko sa kanya.

"I don't want an annulment," sagot niya.

"I think naliligaw ka, Miss," kalmadong sabi ko sa kanya.

Seriously, what's her deal? Kasi kung ayaw niya ng annulment, bakit siya nandito sa harapan ko? Hindi ba niya naisip na baka may feelings pa ako sa asawa niya at baka gawin ko lahat ng makakaya ko para maghiwalay sila?

Ano ba'ng problema niya?!

"No, I know why I'm here," she repeated. "I want you. As my lawyer. In my annulment case," she added. "Even better kung hindi na makakarating doon."

Saglit kong ipinikit ang mga mata ko at huminga nang malalim. Kung alam ko na lang na ito ang mangyayari ngayong araw, sana hindi na lang ako pumasok. Sana nahiga na lang ako sa kama buong araw.

"Why me?"

"Aren't you a competent lawyer?" she asked in a tone that made me want to throw her out of my office.

"I am," I replied.

"Then take my case."

Tumitig ako sa kanya. What's her game? Why me? Ano ang meron sa akin para pumunta pa siya rito? She's hiding something... Impossible na ako lang ang kilala niyang family lawyer.

Halos mapa-hinga ako nang maluwag nang maka-rinig ako ng katok sa pintuan. Agad akong tumayo at binuksan iyon kaya naman nagulat si Tel.

"Atty—" I stared at her. She knew me enough to know that I needed her to make some excuse para makaalis ako rito. "Tumawag po si Mr. Cinco. May kailangan daw po from you. Emergency."

"Thank you," I told her as I closed the door. Tumingin ako kay Shanelle na naka-tingin lang sa akin. Her legs were crossed as she looked at me. "I have to go," I said. At this point, I didn't even care na alam niya na gumagawa lang ako ng excuse.

I hated confrontations.

I hated personal feelings.

I hated how I couldn't just be fucking professional.

"Please leave," I told her.

Tumayo siya. She was taller than me. She was... beautiful. I hated that I hated everything about her. Hindi ako 'to. Ayokong maging ganito.

"I'll be back," she replied habang may kinukuha siya sa bag niya. Inilapag niya iyon sa lamesa ko. "I need you as my lawyer, Atty. Manjarrez," she added before she left my office... and that was the time when I realized that I was holding my breath around her.

* * *

"One more—" sabi ko nang mapa-hinto ako nang makita ko si Iñigo sa may bar. He looked equally surprised to see me. "Bakit ka nandito?"

Inilagay niya sa bar counter iyong briefcase niya. "Bakit ka rin nandito?" he asked back.

Umirap ako. "Nauna akong magtanong."

Bahagya siyang tumawa. After law school, hindi kami masyado ng nakapag-usap ni Iñigo. Life just happens. Mayroon siyang career at ganoon din ako. But sometimes, we'd bump into each other. Minsan ay makikita ko siya sa korte; minsan sa conference. The world is small for the two of us—but apparently big enough para sa aming dalawa ni Samuel.

God, I needed another drink.

"Dito gustong makipagmeeting nung isa kong client," he simply said. I didn't ask further because we shouldn't talk about our clients. But god, did I badly want to talk to him about what happened!

"Hypothetically," I began.

He laughed. "Kapag ganyang nagsisimula sa hypothetically, kailangan ko ng inumin, e," he said as he ordered himself a glass of jack and coke. "Hypothetically, ano?"

"Hypothetically," I said as I played with the stirrer in my drink. "Pumunta sa office ko iyong asawa ng ex ko."

Kitang-kita ko iyong pagka-bigla sa mukha niya. He was there. He knew what happened. We just didn't talk about it then. Ayoko kasing pag-usapan. Hindi ako makaka-graduate nun kung pinag-usapan namin. For quite a while, I pretended that nothing happened because at that time, that was the only way to go on.

I already lost the love of my life.

I didn't want to lose my dream, too.

"Sabi niya, gusto niya raw akong maging lawyer. Parang gago, 'di ba?" sabi ko na pagak na natawa. "I mean, hypothetically, parang gago."

"Ano'ng gagawin mo?" tanong niya. "Hypothetically?"

Tumingin ako sa kanya. "Ikaw? Kunwari hindi kayo nagkatuluyan ni Cha—"

"Asa naman," sagot niya.

Umirap ako. "Hypothetically nga."

Tumawa siya. "Kahit sa hypothetically world, kami ending nun." Sumimangot ako. Tumawa siya. "Sige na nga. Hypothetically ako iyong nasa posisyon mo—I mean, sa hypothetical situation?" he asked and I nodded. "Mahal ko pa ba?"

I shrugged.

He shrugged. "Assuming mahal ko pa, medyo mahirap kasi dragging mga annulment case," sabi niya. "Wala bang ibang lawyer? Hassle naman niyan."

"Ewan ko. Ang dami ngang abogado. Bakit napadpad sa opisina ko?"

"Bakit nga kaya?"

"Hindi ko alam."

"Tinanong mo ba?"

"Tinanong."

"Anong sabi?"

"Basta gusto niya raw ako."

Sabay kaming natahimik at napa-inom.

"Tatanggapin ko ba?" I asked after the silence that felt like forever.

"Up to you," sagot niya sa akin. "Siguro... siguro tanungin mo muna kung bakit kailangang ikaw."

"I know."

"Pero anuman ang mangyari, lisensya mo, okay?" he said as he tapped my shoulder. I just nodded as I stared at my drink. I knew that. I read too many fucking disbarment cases to even dare do something that would jeopardize my license.

"I should talk to him," I said.

"Usap lang."

"Hindi ako ganon. May asawa 'yung tao."

Tumango siya. "Tama 'yan," he said.

"Pero ayoko siyang kausapin."

"Para kang tanga."

"Wow, thank you."

Tumawa siya. "Decline mo na lang 'yung kaso, Manjarrez," sabi niya. "Marami namang abogado d'yan. 'Wag mo ng isama sarili mo," he added. "Saka na lang kung mafinalize 'yung annulment."

Napa-tingin ako sa kanya.

"Four years tayong magkaklase," natawang sabi niya. "Kilala kita. Kung gusto mo pa rin talaga, maghintay ka kapag okay na. Payong kaibigan lang, Deanne."

Isinandal ko iyong ulo ko sa counter.

"Samahan mo ko kapag kinausap ko."

"Bakit? Kailangan mo ba ng physical restraint?"

"Oo kasi baka masuntok ko."

Natawa siya. "Kasi 'di mo nagawa dati?"

I groaned as he laughed. Mayamaya pa ay nagpaalam na si Iñigo na aalis na siya dahil may kailangan pa siyang gawin. Nang mag-angat ako ng tingin ay napansin ko na may papel sa gilid ko. Napaawang iyong labi ko nang makita ko na isinulat niya roon iyong number ni Samuel. 

**
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