(16) Hate the way the world works

Hey guys, how are you all doing? I hope you have a great week!

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I didn't look up once.

I couldn't.

Nothing made sense. I didn't want them to.

"Alan, get in the car."

I did as Drake told me to but I didn't dare to look up. He sighed, leaning over to buckle me up. I watched the buildings pass by as the car drove through the town. I watched the tree sway and tried to count however many windows I saw. Tried being key. 

My mind was shut down heavily to think.

"Get out. Go shower. I'll be in your room to find you something to wear for the day."

I didn't mention it to him that I heard. I robotically walked down the driveway, pushing the front door, slowly making it up the stairs and into the bathroom. I didn't take time to look at the mirror and got into the shower, turning on the water. Putting it in heat, I burned under it, ignoring the warmth and the pain it caused.

After a while, there was a knock on the door. I didn't respond and that resulted with Drake roughly walking in. "Shit, what the heck man, you didn't lock the door."

I sighed, looking at the tiles. "Sorry."

There was a pause before he spoke again. "Nah, it's fine. I'll leave your towel here." Then the door closed again.

Getting out, I wiped the wet off me before tying the towel around my hips. I finally looked up at the mirror. Thick fog was painted against it and I almost laughed in amusement. Even the mirror didn't want me to see how bad I looked.

Not bothered to check, I made my way out, ignoring Drake, who was busy going through my closet, and sat on the bed. The soft fabric called out to me and I really wanted to lay down.

So I did. I ignored Drake's warning to not go to sleep before dressing and eating and laid down on my bed, moving my feet slowly to keep the warm coming. I could hear my steady breathing and wondered about the future. Before I knew it, I was out and darkness consumed me in the speed of lightening.

When I woke up, I felt like I slept for days. Weeks maybe.

I didn't know where I was and I didn't know what was happening.

What day was it? What time? How did I end up in the bed? Who's bed was it? When did I get into a pair of sweats and jumper? Why couldn't I remember anything?

Then I heard the noises from downstairs. My dad's voice was clear and so was Drake's.

I was in my own room and in my own bed. I looked at window to see that the day was still day and looked up at the wall clock to notice the smallest arrow point at eleven.

I found my phone on the bedside table and clicked on the home button to read that it was Friday.

I remembered how I got here. I remembered what happened in the morning. 

Grandma May died.

She died in her sleep and didn't come back to say goodbye. I couldn't complain. We got a whole week to say our farewells since I found out her sickness.

I'd been so stupid to not realize how small she'd looked when she came home. I'd been so stupid to not realize how broken she actually was on the inside.

It was too late now. It'd always been too late. She didn't have any other option.

I made my way out, stumbling out, down the stairs and into the living room. The two of them were busy talking. Mum was sitting on the love seat all by herself, covered in a blanket and a mug in hand. Katie was nowhere to be seen.

Everyone looked up at my arrival. Drake gave me a small smile, a pity-less one and dad just stared at me. Mum closed her eyes instead, pretending that I wasn't there and she wasn't feeling guilty for not soothing me instead. I didn't hold it against her.

"I'll make you a cup of coffee," and Drake stood up from his seat, pulling me along to the kitchen. "Sit here, I'll do the work."

Drake's been great help. He was there with me the whole week. Brought my homework and updated me on whatever gossip school was having. He brought Derick and Finn to meet grandma May along with Katie and her girlfriends. He explained how we won the games on against Drivestorm High.

Max came by, unfortunately to my dismay. He didn't say anything to me yet came over once or twice, talking to my grandma. She loved it. She loved him, like everyone else. In grandma May's eyes, even in the end, he was perfect.

I was being the best Alan Baker at the hospital. I was there everyday, I only went to school on Monday to report the situation to the teachers. Then I was back to sitting on the chair next to the sanitized bed, watching grandma May talk and smile. She was sick, I could see it in her eyes. I felt like the hospital only made it worse. 

I wanted her to go out but everyone opposed. They didn't want to risk anything since it was spreading fast. She had her hair shaved when everyone planned on the surgery on Tuesday. She still looked beautiful. Then the surgery was called off on Wednesday. Doctors said that it would be too much for her.

They told us to say our last words. Those cold-hearted assholes. I wanted to rip their so-called hearts out but I didn't even have the time.

I spent time reading grandma's favorite book, one that I couldn't even understand expect for the romantic parts and played scrabble with her. She loved it when I didn't know a word she knew. I sucked that game but it made her smile nonetheless.

That's all I wanted.

I barley knew what was happening around me when Friday morning came. I'd woken up beside her only to realize that the heart monitor was rather slow. I called dad first because I didn't know what to do. I didn't try to talk to her. Instead, I held her hand, ignoring how cold it was, ignoring how the beep sounds eventually slowed down and started to ring in my ears.

When the doctors came, it was too late. Even if they did come, it would've been too late. Dad came and helped me out of the room. Mum wasn't there and I knew dad was planning to tell her later, when Katie and I weren't there. Drake came as soon as he got the call and the rest was a blur.

"Here," Drake whispered, placing the hot mug in front of me. I glanced at it before slowly picking it up and taking a sip. It was sweet yet I didn't get any energy from it. "Dad's planning on the funeral. It's tomorrow. He told me to tell a few of your friends, just in case if they wanted to come and pay respect. Do you want to get your suit ready or do you need help?"

I didn't answer but he waited. Then, suddenly, Katie came into the room, looking worse than me. She was broken and her face showed it all. Red face, snotty nose, nested hair, oily skin and her old nightdress. She held tissues in both hand and her eyes were dark and heavy.

Drake moved to her fast, pulling her into his chest, holding her as she started to cry again. It brought more tear to me and I turned away. Then, he did the same thing he did to me to Katie and we both sat next to each other, silent. 

Time past like that and someone from the neighbors brought lunch. We ate and spent the evening listening to dad and mum organize everything. People came and helped and relatives, mum's sister's family was great.

Mum's sister was no more, she died in a car crash a few years back but uncle Greg came by which I knew dad was grateful for.

The adults told us not to interfere and just calm down and that's what we did. Drake left after lunch and it was the cousins who helped us out. They weren't that close with grandma May, but they understood and made the time calmer.

Then it was Saturday morning all of a sudden. Everyone was moving fast and I got ready by myself. I didn't want to be someone else's burden. I didn't wear a tie and stuck to black shirt and its suit. I'd bought the suit for school dance and the shirt for an event last year. Everyone'd pointed out that I looked amazing in it. The girls wear drooling.

I hated that I had to wear it for my grandma's funeral.

When I was downstairs, the rest of the family was already there. Katie sat on the corner of the room, Mason by her side. Mum had her friends consoling her, telling her that it'll all work out. The words didn't even register through my ears. Dad was no where in sight and after a few seconds, uncle Greg came in, informing us that we should get to the church.

I got in one of the cars, I think it was Mason's because Katie was sitting at the front. My cousins were on my right and before I knew it, we were there.

A lot of relatives came, whoever was near Stratford. Then, I noticed a few of our grade students, boys from the team and a few of Katie's friends. They respected our space and stayed quiet at the back during the whole ritual.

Mum talked and then all of a sudden, they wanted me to do so too. I was pissed. I didn't know what to say and when I asked, dad said just say whatever comes into mind. About grandma May.

I hated the way the world worked.

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