"You like this," he pointed to the space between me and him, he continued to whisper in my right ear, "you like the thrill I make you feel from here," he grazed his finger in between the spaces of my breasts, "to here." He stopped his index finger on my stomach and continued his journey to both of my hands but this time it wasn't just his index finger, it was his hands.

"Stop this." I screamed out when my eyes frantically saw the laughing students behind him as the devil came out from within him.

"This was all a game to me, go screw yourself." He patted my cheek that he used to kiss often and turned around to his corruptly infected world.

I snapped my pencil in half then re-adjusted myself like I was a buddha sitting on a throne. I threw away the scribbled papers away with my emotions. That guy didn't even deserve my emotions.

I clasped the wrath within me as I tried for a gazillion time to restart. My chest heaved up and down in what seemed to be a meditation but I ended up with a bent back; I couldn't for the life of me ever sit straight even if I had a king's chair. I just had to place one leg down my butt and the other on the floor as I shook my knee to ease my nerves up.

Dear Fuckface...

No, I needed something harder, therapists told me to project my emotions on a paper yet I couldn't get one single letter out. Many recommended a gratitude journal but I usually got the pretty cover ones that I never use; the hatred inside of me would tarnish the outer design. I didn't need another disorder in my life, one was enough.

Dear asscrack...

Ugh. I gave up internally.

I started up google to type for 'badass curse words to write for the guy that broke your heart' and it just showed me a bunch of girls crying holding up 'I hate you' signs and signing a petition girls club. I was definitely not up for that.

Here I was with the ugliest stained shirt on and the ragged sweatpants with the hugest coffee mug that had Hershey's cocoa deliciousness, delighted to be in a ton of sugar to keep me up at night, my glasses wanted to break as they kept slipping from my face, and the laptop screen stared angrily at me with the top-notch lighting.

All I wanted to do was get my internal tantrum out but it wasn't coming in any way and I had to start college in a week.

I cracked my knuckles like I had an idea to write, tried to look tough and mighty. Instead, I was about to break down again.

Until the savior came in all of his glory to ask me for his laptop back since mine got shipped to my dorm.

"Time's up," my sweet, sweet brother came in the perfectly right moment, sarcasm noted, he was an ass. "I have Elite on Netflix to watch." He impatiently sassed. My stinker of a brother was a college dropout, he was the joyous part of the family with his 6'4 height and his raised beard making Ray Cyrus go to shame.

"Hold on, didn't you mention that you finished that?" I argued.

"Yeah, I want to rewatch some scenes." He defended and I wanted to gag in holy water when I caught what he meant by scenes.

My brother was a truthful bastard.

I closed the laptop and stood up to give it to my brother, he neared me carefully like I had a stink bomb hidden behind me, widened out his arms as his hands held the side of his laptop, I smiled innocently at him when he successfully took it only to be hit with my famous kick on his behind pummeling him forward with a bang! sound and a fuck you to me.

Fidgeting around my room, I couldn't get myself to sleep so I opted for option number two: my phone. I grabbed the device thrown under the duvet to open my texts. My eyes came across my blocking list and the constricted feeling came back in my chest burning my throat with the need to cry.

Don't you fucking cry, it was a bet that he was going to regret. I affirmed it between me and myself. I was not going to let a snobbish rat ruin me.

I daringly placed my finger on the blocklist and his name flashed arrogantly on my screen in my dark room. A fresh set of infuriated tears came down my cheeks when I saw his name.

Lucas Hughes. The reason of my destructive feelings.

He had a picture of him with his bare chest smiling with a group of his friends.

I speedily closed my phone and placed it in my drawer as I put my head on the pillow after I wiped my eyes delicately hoping for a better tomorrow.

Breath after breath, eyes closed then fluttered then opened, sheets rustled with the amount of times I turned like I was about to transform into a werewolf, the bite marks of my teeth on my left hand to stop myself from crying yet my body wanted to see something.

My hand automatically reached for my phone again, I opened it and clicked on the archived chats as my brutal heartbeats thudded against my tight ribs.

"I promise to
be always there for you.
-Your bf, Lucas.

P.s dream of me. ;)"

Sent on Thursday, 04/11/2021, 12:12 am.

"I promise to
be there for you too.
- Your love, Naya.

P.S we aren't that cheesy yet. ;)"

Sent on Thursday, 04/11/2021, 12:14 am.

As much as I hated sappy romantic novels, I believed in what he told me like an oath but he broke it with a choice; a stupid bet that ended up in breaking me.

A bet he was going to regret.