A new chapter begins.

This is part two of 'Regrets'. Angst with a happy ending. There's also a bit of NSFW content.

For eggreads, ElleHan2, Im_fucking_tired, KonoGamuDa, and Yassminsworld.

-----

"We should invite him."

It was a suggestion spoken plainly, but also with a hint of enthusiasm, prompting Hashirama to avert his attention from the dishes he's washing and turn to look at Mito. She is sitting by the small dining table, her gaze fixed on her laptop.

He already has an idea whom Mito is pertaining to, but he still asks.

"Who?"

She lifts her head and meets his eyes, answering with her lips slightly curved into a smile, "Madara."

"Oh."

Hashirama turns the faucet on again and gets back to the dishes.

"I—I don't think that's a good idea," he supplies after a while, chuckling a little—his poor attempt to shift the mood.

"Why not?" Mito still asks earnestly.

Hashirama couldn't blame her because she doesn't know.

'Because we were friends who had sex on a regular basis before, but I developed feelings for him somewhere along the way and when I told him about it, he disappeared without a trace?'

Uh, no. Of course he couldn't tell Mito about that.

"Hmmm..." Hashirama drawls and then shrugs, trying to sound casual as he's capable of. He settles with "I don't think he would like to go. I haven't told you that we...separated on bad terms, have I?"

A brief moment of silence before, "I'm sorry," Mito says. There is a pause before she speaks again, but there's no hint of malice whatsoever in her tone, except for maybe a little disappointment.

"I thought you'd want to see him again and catch up."

By this time, Hashirama is already done with the dishes. He wipes his hands dry before going behind her. He leans down then wraps his arms around her shoulders, hugging her from behind.

"Why would you think that?"

Mito caresses the arms wrapped around her. She sighs and Hashirama notices the frown that slowly appeared on her face.

"I heard you call his name last night, in your sleep."

If ever his body stiffened, he's hoping Mito didn't notice.

It was true that he dreamt of Madara last night, although he wasn't aware that he was calling Madara's name. It was only because he saw him again after a long time, he would like to believe.

It doesn't mean anything.

Mito had been unusually cold today. Now he knows the reason why.

"That's okay," Mito says, pressing her cheek on his arms. "I'm sorry for bringing it up."

Hashirama smiles. He leans down and kisses her lips.

He doesn't have to tell her about Madara. It was one-sided after all.

-----

He ended up telling her.

Since then, simple discussions became complicated misunderstandings. The gap between them—which doesn't even exist before—grew wider and wider. It felt like treading on thin ice.

Things were going fine, Hashirama was certain. Didn't they just met with the wedding planner last week? They had just finalized the date and venue. Hashirama was even about to suggest that they both take a day-off tomorrow for cake-tasting and all that stuff.

In retrospect, he could have done more than just listen to Mito when she called it off. She said she can't feel it anymore.

In this time and age, there are a million ways to look for a person. But what if that person doesn't want to be found in the first place? For three years, Hashirama tried to move on from Madara and then one day, he met Mito. She's nice, and considerate, and Hashirama could say that he's happy when he's with her. It had been a long time since he smiled, laughed, had a decent conversation with someone, and little by little, he felt that he could breathe again.

Just when he thought that never again would he get to feel that indescribable feeling of falling for someone, Mito arrived in his life.

And he loved her, truly. But perhaps it wasn't meant to last.

He could no longer pretend that he's fine. That everything that happened between him and Madara are all in the past now. That he could go on with his life as if Madara never happened at all.

Loving without reservations is reckless, he learned. This was what he did with Madara. And even if it wasn't reciprocated, he's fine as long as the other would let him love him. He wouldn't ask for more. But then, all he was left with were a broken heart and the ghosts of their past.

So with Mito, he always held back, careful not to give his all and save some for himself.

"It's not 'holding back', Hashirama," Mito told her over their last phone call nearly a month ago. Her voice was still soft and mellow.

"You have never stopped loving him in the first place."

For Hashirama, it was awfully frustrating. Mito sorted out his feelings just like that, when he himself wasn't even able to.

In the end, there are no words that he was able to say except for countless 'I'm sorry's.

Mito said her goodbye. "Please stop fooling yourself, Hashirama," were her last words to him and then hung up after that.

Weeks had already passed since then but he still couldn't look at the bright side of it all—that they had a proper talk before things ended between them, even if it was thru a mere lengthy phone call—nor understand what her last words meant.

It doesn't and would not change the fact that he's alone. Again.

Empty bottles of alcohol are scattered on the floor in his bedroom. There are no lights on except for the light coming from the screen of his phone. He's sitting on the floor, his back leaning on the side of his bed.

Thoughts after thoughts cloud his mind. He'd drown them with alcohol, but he already ran out of those a couple of hours ago.

Indeed, people who are hurting tend to do be reckless. He reaches out for his phone and dials a certain number.

-----

Madara nearly dropped his phone when it rang. It was not because it's an odd time to receive a call—it must already be past midnight by now—but rather, it's because of the person who is calling. He was not sleeping earlier but he blinks his daze away, which was mostly due to shock.

"Hashirama?" he says, his voice a little hoarse but it's almost unnoticeable.

Only the soft breathing of the person on the other end of the line can be heard.

Madara asks again, maybe a little too eager, "Hashirama, are you there?"

After a couple of seconds, the person answers.

"...Could you come over?"

Madara doesn't think twice.

He arrives at Hashirama's doorstep early in the morning. He wanted to come as soon as possible so he took the train, but the trip from where he now lives going to Hashirama's still took four hours.

He's already knocked on the door many times but no one still answers. He's thinking of using the spare key that he kept. Hashirama gave it to him before, but Madara never thought that he will be using it again one day.

Turns out he's wrong.

He's about to put it in the knob when the door opened.

There are dark bags under Hashirama's eyes. His long straight hair is a mess and he smells of alcohol. His shoulders are drooping and his movements are heavy.

Never had he seen Hashirama in such a terrible state.

Their eyes only met once. Hashirama immediately shifted his gaze onto the floor, as if he's afraid of breaking down right there and then.

"Come in," he mutters, moving aside to give way for Madara.

With lips forming a thin line, Madara steps inside and walks to the living room. He takes a look around the small apartment.

Not much has changed. Hashirama still has the same set of furnitures, which are arranged just as Madara had last seen them before. Everything's generally the same aside from the new set of curtain that hangs by the window.

He hears the door being shut, followed by footsteps approaching behind him. He turns around only to find Hashirama standing very close from where he is so he reflexively takes a step back.

"What happened, Hashirama?" is what he would have asked when suddenly, he was pushed onto the couch. He gasps, landing on his back while Hashirama is on top of him, kissing him roughly that Madara can taste blood. He realizes it's not from his own lips but from Hashirama's chapped ones. He tries to push him away but both his wrists are held down on either side of his head.

"Hashira—hmph!" he struggles underneath him, trying to kick Hashirama away but it was ineffective.

"Why? Don't you want this?" Hashirama says as he briefly pulls away. However, there's no fire in his eyes. Looking at his expression, he doesn't seem angry at all. Instead, it almost looks like he was pleading.

Madara feels his heart being squeezed. It's suffocating and it's not because Hashirama has got him pinned onto the couch at all. Tears formed in his eyes but he tries his best to keep them from falling. He wanted to help Hashirama, but this is not what the latter needs right now.

"No, please—"

Just when he thought that Hashirama would finally stop, he leans down again, sealing his lips with his mouth. Hashirama lets go of his left wrist to use his now free hand to grip Madara's hair, almost a little bit harshly, tilting his head and exposing more skin on his neck.

"Stop!" Madara yells as Hashirama's mouth moves to his neck.

Drawing enough strength, he was finally able to push Hashirama away. He quickly covers his eyes with his arm. He couldn't hold back his tears anymore.

Hashirama momentarily gets off from him and lands on the floor beside the couch.

"Sorry," Hashirama whispers. He hugs his knees to his chest and then buries his face on them.

Silence filled the apartment.

Madara knew that something was wrong when Hashirama called earlier, but this was not what he was expecting at all.

He came here hoping that he could make it up to Hashirama—take responsibility for what he did to the man.

This time, he wanted to do it right.

He wipes the tears on his face before he joins Hashirama on the floor and sits next to him.

"...I'm sorry, Madara. Mito and I broke up and it's wrong that I'm putting the blame on you," Hashirama says weakly, his face still hidden from Madara's view.

"It's me who must be saying sorry," Madara starts, biting his lower lip to keep his tears from falling again.

Hashirama lifts his head and this time, he meets Madara's eyes, looks at him properly.

"That's why it's okay if you're mad at me," Madara says reassuringly. "Hate me, resent me, hurt me all you want and I'll take it all because I deserve it."

Hashirama's already knit eyebrows join further. "What makes you think that I hate you?"

That leaves Madara speechless for a moment. Does Hashirama have to ask? Isn't hating the person who hurt you the normal response?

"Because I left you, even when all you did was love me."

Hashirama frowns, but then he leans his head on Madara's shoulder. "I'm mad at you for leaving me without saying a word. Even after you left, I still hoped that you'd come back but you didn't. I was so alone," he says, voice brittle.

"I'm mad at you," he repeats, "but I don't know why...I couldn't bring myself to hate you, Madara."

On the contrary, Madara finds that answer worse. He knows he's being selfish but he needs Hashirama to hate him so that the weight of guilt in his chest would lighten even a little bit.

He grits his teeth. Hashirama really is a fool.

"Mito told me to stop fooling myself," Hashirama tells him. "I loved her, Madara. I really did, but..." His voice breaks, and then Madara feels a warm wetness on his shoulder, right where Hashirama's head is laying.

"I'm sorry, Hashirama. I was wrong. I shouldn't have left you," Madara finally says what he should have said a long time ago.

Hashirama sinks further until his head is against Madara's chest. Those were just the exact words he needs to hear. He cried and cried in Madara's embrace until he fell asleep.

-----

It takes time to mend a broken heart. Time and constant support. It is a process Madara is willing to take part in, for Hashirama's sake.

He became what the other needed—a shoulder to cry on, someone who listens, someone to be by his side if he needs it.

They became friends—just friends—this time, but Madara wouldn't change it for the world.

-----

06:39 PM
Madara: how's life at the countryside treating u?

06:45 PM
Hashirama: u say that as if i'm living here. I'm only visiting my brother -_-

Madara: i know

Hashirama: it's nice! We went up the mountain this morning. It's reallyyyy tiring but it's worth it, madara! The view is super super awesome! I took a ton of pictures! Wait i'll send them to you

Hashirama: sent!

Madara: u'r right. U really took a LOT of pictures

Hashirama: can't help it >.<

Madara: but i agree. It's a beautiful view

Hashirama: i know! Tobirama will take me fishing tomorrow. I'm excited!

Madara: do u even know how to fish?

Hashirama: i have like, zero knowledge about fishing lol

Madara: well, that's...i don't know what to say about that

Hashirama: hahaha it's fine. Tobirama will teach me how

Hashirama: hey madara

Madara: yeah?

Hashirama: nevermind ^^'

Hashirama: see you soon!

-----

Madara received a bouquet of flowers and a bottle of wine this morning. It doesn't have a card and the delivery boy refused to give him the name of the person who sent it.

A few hours later, he receives a text message.

11:19 AM
Hashirama: congratulations on your promotion! Sorry I couldn't come over to celebrate with you

Madara smiles as he types his reply.

-----

"I think that's the last of them," Madara says as Hashirama puts down the box he's holding, along with the boxes laid on the floor.

Madara places the box in his arms onto the pile of boxes as well. He sighs, stretches the slightly sore muscle on his shoulder. He then surveys Hashirama's new apartment.

"What do you think?" Hashirama queries when Madara returns to the living room.

"It's bigger than your old one," he notes, nodding his head. "It's nice."

Hashirama smiles at him. "Right? It has this really splendid view of sunrise from the windows in the bedroom. And although it's farther from the office, I like that it's not so busy in this part of the city."

Madara hums in agreement and smiles a little, too.

He scans the labels of the boxes and asks, "So where do we start?"

Hashirama grabs the keys from the table near the door then crosses the distance between them. He grabs Madara's hand.

"Let's eat first. I know a great place not far from here."

-----

09:46 AM
Hashirama: psst

10:03 AM
Madara: what

Hashirama: what u doin

Madara: working

Hashirama: i'm bored

Madara: no one's asking

Hashirama: mean

Madara: shouldn't you be at work,too?

Hashirama: i am

Madara: using phone is prohibited during office hours

Hashirama: look who's talking (~‾▿‾)~

Madara: whatever

Hashirama: madara~~~

Madara: what

Hashirama: i'm BORED

Madara: then try and actually do your work, idiot

Hashirama: but it's soooo boring

Madara: then quit your job and do what you want to do or something. stop bothering other people

10:20 AM
Hashirama: 🤔

-----

Hashirama really didn't bother him for the past few weeks. He wonders why. It's not like the other was offended by what he said, right? Hashirama is too thick-faced to be offended that easily.

However, it wouldn't hurt if he'd ask how the other is doing, so he grabs his phone, only to find that Hashirama has texted him twenty minutes ago.

07:13 PM
Hashirama: hey, u busy?

07:33 PM
Madara: not anymore. y?

Hashirama: i have news

Madara: stop it with the suspense vibe

Hashirama: i'm not even trying to

Madara: you are

Hashirama: i'm not

Madara: you are

Hashirama: i'm not

Madara: WHAT IS IT

Hashirama: HAHAHAHAHA

Hashirama: fine fine. i'll tell you

Hashirama: *drum rolls*

Madara: un-fucking-believable

Hashirama: ahahaha!

Hashirama: i could just imagine the face u'r making ryt now

Hashirama: madara

07:54 PM
Hashirama: psst. madara

Hashirama: mAdAraaAaaa

Madara: SPILL IT HASHIRAMA

Hashirama: i quit my job

Upon reading Hashirama's message, Madara quickly presses the call button, ready to give Hashirama the scolding of a lifetime.

"What were you thinking?! That was just a joke, okay?! I didn't tell you to take it seriously and actually quit your job!" he yells over the phone when Hashirama picked up.

The nerves in his temple are about to pop. Hashirama wasn't even helping at all because he laughs, as if to piss him even more.

"Oi, answer me!"

"Relax, Madara. Hear me out first, okay?"

"I am listening."

"Are you free this Friday?" Even though he can't see Hashirama right now, he can feel him smiling as he speaks from the other end of the line.

Madara's eyebrows contort, but he hums as he thinks his schedule for that day. "I have a presentation on that day, but I'll be free after five. Why?"

"Great!" Hashirama answers. "I'll see you at the bar then."

There's only one bar that they'd been in together, but it's still a complete mystery to him why Hashirama wants to meet there all of a sudden.

"Uhm, okay, but why?"

"Because you made me quit my job so I'm broke now and you should buy me a drink to make up for it," is Hashirama brief but very vague explanation. Madara doesn't know why he sounds so excited as he talks though.

Hashirama ends the call before Madara could protest. Madara shakes his head, and then he hears a ding! on his phone:

08:02 PM
Hashirama: nine o'clock at the bar. see you!

-----

Madara walks into the dimly lit room. He hasn't been here since that night when he and Hashirama met many years ago.

A lot has changed. The place looks wider now but there are fewer tables. Despite today being a weekend, only a few number of people are here. The atmosphere is a little more fresh, too, with the absence of the smell of strong alcohol and smoke, and there's still the soft music playing in the background.

He smiles as he proceeds to the opposite side of the room where Hashirama is waiting.

"You're late," Hashirama comments in a joking way.

Madara retorts anyway. "You do realize that I live in a different town, don't you?"

Of course Hashirama knows. Madara is pretty sure that the brunet just wants to rile him up.

As expected, Hashirama laughs. He motions him to sit down.

A middle-aged woman approaches their table. They give her their orders then she politely leaves after jotting it down. She comes back a few minutes later with their drinks.

"How'd your presentation go?" Hashirama asks when the lady left.

"It's a success," Madara replies simply. He takes a sip of his drink.

"Congrats!" Hashirama smiles brightly. "For that, this round's my treat."

"Oh, I thought you're broke?" Madara raises an eyebrow and smirks.

Hashirama, who was about to take a shot from his own drink, pauses midway and puts it back to the table. He laughs as he scratches the back of his head.

"Cut to the chase, Hashirama. Why did you quit your job?" Madara asks in all seriousness now, worried about the brunet.

Hashirama's face relaxes. "I realized you're right, Madara," he answers with a smile. "My job wears me down so I decided to quit and do what I actually want to do. Remember that closed flower shop that I told you about last time? I bought it."

"So that's what made you busy these past weeks, huh?"

"Yes. I made the repairs and rearrangements myself," he brags.

"That's good," Madara compliments. "I'm really happy for you."

Hashirama's smile widens.

Madara is unaware that Hashirama looks at him as if he's waiting for him to realize something. He was about to take another drink when he suddenly remembers one important detail.

"Wait a second. That flower shop—"

Hashirama nods. "Yes."

"—but it's in the town where I live—"

Hashirama is still smiling. "Yes."

"—so you—"

Hashirama places his hand on Madara's rather cold ones. "I'd like to give us another try, Madara. I still love you and I want to spend the rest of my life with you. I'm hoping you—"

Madara cuts him off by capturing his lips with his. Although the position is a little awkward because of the table between them, it was the best kiss Madara has ever had.

"I love you, too, Hashirama," he smiles as the brunet wipes the tears on his face. Hashirama's hand feels cold against his burning cheeks.

-End-