Taking a little break away from Wattpad, from writing in general helped me a lot and I definitely came home in a much better mood than when I left. This one shot was originally supposed to be posted on Valentines day but the subject doesn't really suit Valentines at all so I planned on pushing it back a few days. And well, then all the copying business increased rapidly over the space of a few days and I was really reluctant to post anything. So this is very over due and I can only apologise because it's definitely not one of my best ... 

Also a trigger warning; mentions of miscarriage so if that triggers anyone, you don't need to read this one - feel free to skip it 

My favourite part of the week was and always had been Saturday mornings. Whilst at school, Saturday morning meant I finally had a break from the hectic cycle of lessons and homework and irritating younger students. Weekends were for sleeping in. And when I finally left school, the weekend meant a break from work, from having to see to clients who didn't seem to possess the most basic manners and the chance to wake up just a little later. The downside of becoming an adult meant that I couldn't sleep in for hours now because I had things I needed to tend to, but that didn't affect my Saturday mornings. I refused to let that happen.

Saturday mornings were the one time of the week where after rolling out of bed I could let myself soak in the bath for as long as I wanted before helping myself to coffee that my friends insisted was so sweet it was going to give me diabetes eventually. But still – it was the small pleasures in life that made things worth it.

At the sound of the doorbell, I adjusted the towel that my hair was wrapped in and grabbed my coffee to go. Taking a sip and almost burning my tongue on my way towards the front door, I winced but wasn't willing to let something so insignificant ruin my morning. No, I was in far too good of a mood to let that happen. But when I opened my door and saw the person standing on the other side well – that was certainly enough to ruin my morning – to ruin the rest of my coming week in fact. My Saturday morning was now almost as bad as a Monday morning and it was all thanks to a single person. One I hoped to never see again.

Honestly, when I went to get the door, I had expected it to be a delivery or something, maybe even one of my friends popping round on their way through town to catch up after so long. But I certainly hadn't ever in my wildest dreams imagined that I would find Louis Weasley standing there. I wanted it to be nothing more than a dream, a nightmare.

Louis Weasley who stood in the falling snow with a scarf wrapped around his neck and looking as if he had walked right out of one of my memories from Hogwarts. Memories that despite my self-loathing were still some of my favourite. He of all people had no right to be standing there and looking up at me with that sort of smile. Not after all of the heartache he had put me through.

Helga, I wanted nothing more than to slam my front door in his face. And as if he knew what I was thinking and he probably knew me well enough to already have an inkling for what I was thinking, he spoke up softly, "Let me in?"

I didn't answer him. I couldn't.

Instead, I continued to look at him, hand tightening around the handle of my mug and kept my eyes on his. No matter how much I just wanted to walk away, I knew he wasn't the type to leave without an answer. The Weasley blood in him simply wouldn't let that happen. "No."

Expecting and hoping upon hope that he got the hint and would turn and walk away, I continued to watch him expectantly. He was bright, more than bright enough to know when he wasn't wanted so really, the moment my eyes met his he should have known to turn around and walk away. And yet he remained, as if I was gazing at him welcomingly, when I really wasn't. As if he was expecting me to just dive right into his arms, like he thought I had no self-respect.

"Étoile –" the pet named passed his lips easily and it was enough to make me gather my senses.

Étoile meaning star had always been his pet name for me whilst we'd dated because he'd innocently asked me out during one of our Astronomy lessons. I had secretly adored the nickname and it had stuck since the very first time he'd used it. But now, it was the last thing I wanted to hear. I'd never wanted to hear it again, never wanted to experience the rush of weakness that came over me at the sound of it.

"No," I said again, this time more forcefully, cutting him off before he could utter even another word. His earnest expression collapsed and I didn't let the way he was looking at me make my resolve falter. I didn't owe him a thing. "You can't come in. I don't want you to come in, Weasley."

"Étoile –"

"Stop."

"Ruiz," he started then, finally picking up on my dislike of the pet name. Again, he didn't make it any further, faltering when I shook my head at him. My wordless answer was enough. From the way he continued to watch me, part vulnerable, part disbelieving, I could tell that he had never expected to get a negative answer from me. Maybe he wasn't as smart as he used to be. "Please."

Swallowing thickly, I shook my head again. For the first time since I had opened the door to him, I averted my eyes and took another step backwards into the safety of my house. I needed to put some space between us. "You need to go now, Louis."

Without waiting for him to speak another word, I shut the door on him. But I didn't walk away yet. Instead I found my feet rooted to the spot, staring at the door as if I would be able to stare through it to check if he was still there. When my feet finally listened to the screaming of my mind, I ducked into the front room and watched from the window as Louis remained on my doorstep. He was looking at my closed door, hands shoved deep into the pockets of his coat. Eventually, he sighed heavily and turned to walk away, eyes focused on his shoes. My eyes, damn them, followed his figure until he had disappeared from sight and only then, did I finally let the net curtains swing back to their normal position.

Drawing away from the window, my body moved on autopilot back towards the kitchen where I had left my wand. Picking it up from the counter and casting a warming charm on my lukewarm coffee, I sighed; my morning had been ruined. Cradling the mug between both hands, I found myself slumping against the counter; what was so special about today? Why was it that Louis had decided to bring himself back into my life? And why was such a smart man expecting a warm welcome? How dare he?

Although it was the very last thing I wanted, my thoughts seemed to revolve around Louis for the rest of the day. No matter how desperately I wanted to think of something else, of anything else, my mind simply wouldn't let me. It seemed content to revolve around the bastard who had just decided to reappear into my life as if he had never left it, as if he hadn't been the one to turn it all upside down in the first place. Did he really think he had any right to be waltzing back into my life with absolutely no regard for my feelings? How was I supposed to think of anything else but him when it seemed like even the littlest of things in my house were stuffed with his memories? Why hadn't I noticed it any earlier?

Even as I stood at the kitchen sink, washing up the dishes I had collated from last night's dinner and this morning's breakfast, I was lost in the memories of my time with Louis. Even the bleeding salt and pepper shakers reminded me of him. Louis had gifted them to me when I moved into the house, the house that he would be moving into as well once his contract at his apartment was up. They were adorable figurines that I couldn't ever bring myself to throw away. One was a badger and the other an eagle and they had always remained on display and now that I thought about it, maybe the warm feeling they inspired in me was because they brought back memories with him? Memories from a better time?

Helga, things had been so good just a year before. Even before that, during our time at Hogwarts, things had been so wonderful.

Louis Weasley, despite being Head Boy was a certified trouble maker and I swore that it was all down to his Weasley blood. As Head Boy he was supposed to be a role model to the younger kids, to be leading by example and yet here he was skipping out on one of his lessons to soak up some sun that we so rarely received. Only, what did it say about me when I, the Head Girl was right here with him? Of course, he'd been the one to sneak me out of the castle in the first place.

And now here we were, sitting in the shade of one of the trees before the Black Lake. Louis, sitting with his back pressed against the tree trunk, had me sitting between his thighs. Not that I was complaining. Lately, it had been so difficult to spend any time together as we both juggled the responsibilities of being the Head couple and even struggled to cope with our final year. At the beginning of the year Louis had been overjoyed, believing we'd have so much time together, that we'd even be sharing a dorm. He was very misinformed.

Still, it was good to be able to have some time like this. Even if we were missing a lesson for it. Oh well, I could always get the notes off of Miah at the end of the day. For now, I was content to remain curled up against Louis's chest. I was so comfortable with his arms draped loosely around my waist that I could feel the beginnings of sleep working into the back of my mind. I knew that if I did fall asleep, the fool would keep us here until I woke up potentially hours later and then we'd have missed more than one lesson.

I'd have to force myself to stay awake. Louis, as if knowing my current mental fight against the need to sleep and wanting me to lose against it, leaned down to press a contented kiss to my forehead. Turning to watch him with half lidded eyes, I smiled up at him. It only grew when he returned it with one of his own.

"Part of me wants to stay like this, with you, forever," he confessed quietly, dropping yet another kiss onto my expectant lips. Finally drawing back, he tilted his head slightly as he asked, "Shall we?"

"Very sentimental, Weasley," I teased, nudging him lightly as I turned back to face outwards once again. My eyes, slightly more awake now, glanced across the lake as it glistened under the sunlight. "Louis? The idea is very tempting."

Shaking my head firmly, I decided then and there that I needed to think of things that had absolutely nothing to do with the former Ravenclaw. I wouldn't let my thoughts linger on him any longer. And if I needed to fill what was supposed to be my day off with an endless list of tasks, then so be it. Finishing the washing and leaving the dishes to dry on the side, I removed my rubber gloves and dried my hands on a tea towel. Eyes lingering on the eagle shaped pepper shaker, I picked it up quickly and shoved it right to the back of the overhead cupboard. Satisfied that it was out of sight, I scanned the kitchen; what else could I do to keep my mind busy?

**********

At Hogwarts whenever we were asked by the Professors and by our heads of houses about what types of jobs we wanted to join after finishing school, I had always wanted to help people simply because doing so had made me feel good. Even now, years on, I could remember the way that Sprout had smiled proudly at my answer before assuring me that wherever I wound up, I would be doing good and helping people. But Merlin, if I could go back to that time now, I would do my very best to stop myself or to at least have a more strict answer as to what helping people really meant. Because I was certain that it didn't mean having to put up with mostly bratty clients as I tried to help them work out legal issues that they were currently facing from the Ministry. At first, I'd thought that handling complaints and helping people fix their problems would be fulfilling but I quickly learned how wrong I was.

After having tended to a client and having pointed out to them all of the possible routes they could take to sorting out their current problems, I was looking forward to them leaving my office. But they were taking their time, continuing to ask me over and over again whether or not I was sure about the information I had given them. I was. Finally believing that I, a Ministry worker, might just have more knowledge about the inner workings of the Ministry than them, a regular citizen who didn't work for the Ministry, they were satisfied and thankfully, on their way, out. I waited until they were out of the door before dropping my head with a sigh. Sometimes certain clients just increased my wish to resign.

Groaning into my hands, I risked a glance at the clock and wondered if it was too early to take a break. It was. I would likely have to tend to one more client before being able to get some fresh air. For now, I would just have to get a refill of my coffee to tide me by. Rising from my desk chair and popping out of my office, I passed the receptionist and assured her that I would be back after I'd fetched some fresh coffee. Continuing on towards the lift, I walked past the packed waiting room and managed to stave off a wince. I'd better make it a large coffee.

Approaching the lift, my feet slowed themselves down as I caught sight of the man that was already waiting for it to arrive. Helga, it had taken so long to put Louis Weasley out of my mind and yet here he was, in my place of work. Was this it now? Would there really be no escaping him?

Finally reaching the small crowd that was waiting for the lift, I made sure to put the entirety of the group of people waiting between us. It was a short journey, I could cope with that. I had no choice but to cope with it.

When the lift finally arrived, I let everyone else clamber on first, hoping that Louis would be amongst them. But of course, he wasn't. His manners were impeccable and he had naturally decided to wait for everyone else to get on before he did. Holding an arm out towards the lift in a silent gesture to get on, he turned towards me and I watched as his brows rose in surprise. At least I knew that he wasn't here to see me.

Hurrying on before he could speak a word, I contemplated being a pest and shuffling through the crowd to get to the back but decided against it. It wouldn't be long now.

Leaning forward to press the ground floor button, I eyed Louis from the corner of my eye as he too got onto the lift by my side. We stood in a rather tense, but welcome silence. Only until the lift stopped for the first time and the majority of the other passengers got off. It appeared that he had only been waiting for the number of listening ears to reduce.

"Ruiz," he started slowly, turning towards me as I used the now available free space to put some much needed distance between us, "busy day?"

Silently nodding, I eyed him a little uncertainly when he took a step towards me. Of course, he disguised it as a gesture meant to give more space to the people that had just gotten onto the lift.

Sensing my hesitance to speak, he admitted, "I came here to see my sister. And well, I was hoping I'd catch you as well –"

He thankfully shut up when I cut in, "Louis."

Not that he was silent for long. When the lift opened onto the ground floor and I instantly headed towards the coffee shop, he followed me step for step. Why had I expected anything less? "Can we talk?"

"I'm not on a break," I tossed back, joining the end of the queue. "I only stepped out to get a coffee and the only reason I can do this is because my boss is sympathetic to how hectic my schedule is. I don't have time to speak to you about anything."

"Even though you're waiting in the queue now?" He tried to be cute, faltering when I arched an unimpressed eyebrow. "Right, sorry."

Reaching the front of the queue, I placed my order and moved to pay when Louis tacked his onto the end. Completely ignoring my irritated glare, he smiled charmingly and offered up his card when the cashier asked for payment. After it had been swiped, Louis retrieved his chard and led me further along to wait for our drinks. I pointedly didn't meet his eyes as I watched the baristas work.

"Why are you really here?" I asked eventually, still not looking towards him. "What do you want?"

He was hesitant to admit, "I want one last favour."

I looked to him then, mouth parted incredulously. Despite our drinks being brought out, I didn't pick mine up straight away. What right did he have to be asking me for one more favour? As if the last one hadn't been bad enough?

"No," I said, instantly hating how hurt I sounded. Why did I sound hurt? Why did it still hurt? Before he could try to convince me otherwise, I hurriedly said, "I've already given you my last favour. When I had to walk into our wedding to tell everyone that you had left – that was my last favour to you."

This time, when I grabbed my drink and hurried away from him, he didn't even call out to try to stop me. Good. At least he now knew where I stood.

**********

It seemed that Louis Weasley was insistent on stripping me of any and all peace that I was struggling to find in my already hectic life. Here I was, simply trying to repaint one of the bedrooms into a colour that was far nicer than the eggshell white that it had been since I'd first moved in here, but even that, he couldn't let me complete in peace. At the sound of knocking on the door, I had set the paint brush aside and wiped my hands clean of any wet paint before rushing down the stairs to open the front door. Sure enough, there he had been standing in snow that poured even heavier than the last time he was here.

My hands fidgeted with the t shirt I was wearing to protect myself from the paint. It was oversized and old – one that he had left behind. I couldn't let myself be cowed in my own home even if I was wearing one of Louis's old shirts. "What do you want Louis? What is it going to take for you to leave me alone?"

"I want to talk," he said slowly, hands raised in surrender as if to prove how harmless he was. Only I knew otherwise, he was capable of a great deal of harm to me. Especially since he still had my bleeding heart held in his hands. But there was something about his voice, some hesitance that hadn't been there before that had me thinking twice. "Please, étoile."

Making no comment on his use of the pet name, I stepped aside to let him in. "Come in, you're bringing all of the cold air inside."

He hurried in, as if thinking I would change my mind and if I possessed any sense I would have changed my mind instantly. Shutting the door behind him, I watched as his eyes instantly catalogued all of the changes I had made to the house since the last time he had been in here and I didn't bother to watch him for long, not wanting to see his reaction to the changes. The biggest of which was probably my removal of the pictures from the walls. Our pictures, that was.

"I was painting the small bedroom," I explained pointlessly, picking at some paint that had dried on my fingertips. "Hang around in the living room for a bit – you know where it is. I need to do something quickly."

"Of course," he said, still seeming shocked that I had let him in. Merlin knew that even I was surprised that I'd caved so soon. "Take your time."

Without sending another word his way, I headed upstairs and back towards the small bedroom. Putting the lid on the open can of paint and gathering all the brushes, I rolled them up in the old newspaper and set them aside; who knew how much longer Louis would hang around here for.

Lingering for longer than necessary in the room, I eventually had to force myself to join him downstairs. Tracking my way to the living room, I found him sitting on the sofa – one I'd changed – with a photo album in his lap. The album, one I'd compiled from the pictures that I had taken down from the walls, was something I really shouldn't have kept around. But what did it matter if he was looking at the pictures? He'd seen them all anyway. I continued to watch him, pointedly ignoring the fond smile on his face as he flickered between the pages and rapidly approached the final page.

...

The final page!

I rushed towards him, but it was already too late. Whatever he had seen had frozen him and I was terrified, already knowing what he had come across. Still, I remained standing in the doorway, wrapping my arms around my waist to protect myself from what I knew was going to come. It didn't make it any less terrifying for me when Louis reached in and drew out the loose ultrasound picture.

"The date," he managed eventually, holding the picture between shaking hands. I already knew what he was going to say, "This is taken a month after the wedding, Ruiz. What is this?" He looked expectantly towards me, "Well?"

"It's fairly obvious." I managed to murmur

"You should have told me" he insisted, rising to his feet and watching and waiting for some explanation.

"You took off," I reminded him, as if were possible for him to have forgotten. "Even if I wanted to tell you – and I did – I didn't know where to find you."

"Still –" His voice rose as he tried to come to terms with everything that small picture meant for uss. "You should have found me and told me."

"Louis –"

He outstretched the hand that was holding the old sonogram towards me, "You should have told me about our baby!"

"You ran away!" I exclaimed finally, rendering him silent. I released a shaking breath, trying to compose myself once more as I repeated more quieter this time, "You ran away. Not me."

"I did," he said eventually, rubbing a hand over my face. "Rowena, I did, and I've never regretted anything more in my life but that doesn't change the fact that I did leave you behind. But for you to keep my child away from me – I want to meet –"

"You can't," I said abruptly, feeling the sudden lump in my throat.

"This is my child as well! You cannot just –"

"I lost it." The words, though quiet, were enough to stop him. I only watched his face long enough to notice that they had wiped his face of any and all emotion; he was carefully maintaining his expression. "I lost our baby."

"It wasn't your fault," he tried to assure me and I struggled to bite back that I knew that.

"The healers said things like that happen often," I murmured, needing to say something to fill the silence. "Because of stress."

Louis continued to watch me, grief written plainly in his eyes and I struggled not to demand to know the reasoning behind his grief. Why was he grieving? He hadn't known the child, hadn't listened to its heartbeat and hadn't woken up in a bed soaked with blood. What exactly was he grieving over?

I couldn't bring myself to meet his eyes again. Instead, I silently held my hand out for the sonogram and even if he was hesitant to give it to me, he did. Tucking it safely again in the photo album, I didn't so much as glance his way as I stashed the album so it was hidden out of sight. Some things were better not thought about.

**********

This was beginning to get more than a little ridiculous. How much longer was it going to take for me to be able to return home to not finding Louis already waiting for me on my front door step? He worked – I knew he did, but why was it that he always seemed to have so much free time that he could spend hovering around me? I was so tempted to owl one of his sisters to get them to give him an earful about the way he was behaving but I honestly didn't trust them to do anything about it. Helga knew that entire Weasley family seemed to be hopeless romantics at heart and that overrode any sense they had.

Spying him a few houses down, I squared my shoulders in preparation for having to see him again. Just how long had he been waiting here? And why did it seem like he didn't feel the cold? Because it was still snowing and yet here, he was, as if he wasn't aware of the fact and from what I remembered he hated casting warming charms on himself. And sure enough, when I drew close enough and saw the red tip of his nose, I knew that he hadn't cast one today either.

Louis, finally spotting my approaching figure, turned towards me as if waiting for some form of acknowledgement that I wasn't ready to give him. Instead, I brushed past him and went straight towards my front door. Unlocking it and heading inside, I pointedly ignored the way his eyes trailed after me. Leaving the door open, I shrugged out of my coat and hung it on the coat rack.

"Are you going to come in or what?" I asked, removing my scarf from around my neck and knowing that Louis was likely still waiting outside.

He didn't need to be told twice. Hurrying inside, Louis closed the door behind him and was shrugging out of his coat as well whilst I headed upstairs to change out of my uniform. After having replaced the stuffy ministry robes with some comfy pyjamas, I headed down stairs and found him in the front room. Louis didn't even glance towards me at the sound of my approaching footsteps. No, all of his attention was rooted to the sonogram he held between his fingers. I wasn't even surprised that he had somehow managed to dig it out from where I'd hidden the album.

"Louis," I called out eventually as the silence between us continued to grow. Still, he didn't look at me.

The still silence extended even further before he abruptly dropped his head with a hissing sigh. "Merlin."

Fidgeting uncertainly, I watched as he finally managed to tear his away from the sonogram in his hands. He reached out to set it down on the coffee table with yet another sigh. Finally turning his head to face me, he couldn't seem to meet my eyes.

"I'm sorry." I held my tongue, wanting nothing more than to ask him just what it was that he was sorry for. Instead, I forced myself to listen as he spoke slowly, "Stress – you mentioned stress last time. That stress was it – was it because of me?"

"There's no way of knowing," I managed eventually, truthfully.

"Chances are it was." He dropped his head into his waiting hands, fisting his hair and tugging harshly.

"Louis," I chided, my voice halting the motion. When he looked to me, waiting, I swallowed thickly, not yet willing to cross the space between us. Instead, I decided to handle something that continued to linger between us, "Why did you leave?"

"I couldn't cope with it," he said eventually, holding my eyes as he spoke. From his eyes alone I knew he was being truthful and I could be grateful for that at least. "Marriage – Rowena, the thought of it alone was terrifying."

"And yet you were the one that brought it up." For a moment his features shattered, reminded of the truth. "You were the one that spent months persuading me to say yes to a proposal that I knew could wait another year or two."

"I know and I'm sorry but –"

"But that doesn't change a thing." Folding my arms across my chest, I pinned him to his seat with my stare, "You could have easily cancelled it at any point, before things were too late. But you didn't. Instead you acted the coward and left me to deal with the fallout."

"I was a coward," he agreed instantly. Rising from the sofa Louis moved to approach me. I stopped his progress with a shake of my head. "Étoile, I wanted to return to you. The moment I left, I wanted to come back."

Shaking my head, I moved to retreat even further from him. I hated when he spoke like that, when he used that tone of voice because all it did was bring back memories from a much better time. And it only made me hate myself even more because through it all, I still loved him. Helga, I hated that I still loved him. I resented him for making me love him. I resented myself to such a degree that it brought tears to my eyes.

"I love you," he pleaded.

"It's not enough." I shook my head, and hurriedly wiped away an unwanted tear that fell down my cheek. "It's not enough anymore."

**********

Not long after that, I found Louis waiting on my doorstep once again. Or perhaps a better explanation was that I had been keeping an eye out of my window because he had gone radio silent for a few days. No matter how badly I tried to convince myself otherwise, I knew that I was keeping an eye out for Louis, waiting for him to return. Because, even though I hated it, it was always him. Merlin, it wasn't fair. None of it was.

It was only because I was keeping an eye on him that I noticed him the moment he came into view. When I had spied him a few doors down, I had hurried to hide behind the curtains just in case he looked to the window and saw me waiting. I didn't want him to know that I had been waiting for him. It was bad enough that I myself knew.

Still, I couldn't stop myself from peeking glances out of the window to check his progress. I forced myself to wait until he approached the door and held my breath as he rang my doorbell. It was only a few seconds walk away but I forced myself to count to thirty, not wanting him to think I was too eager. Reaching the end of my steady count, I walked at a pace that was much slower than my usual to the door and opened it. I didn't even attempt to act like I didn't know he was waiting on the other side; he would have seen right through that.

Without a word, without needing to be asked, I stepped aside to let him in to escape the cold. Louis couldn't even manage to give me a small smile as he walked in. Briefly, I wondered whether he'd managed to get any more than a couple of hours sleep since I had last seen him because it certainly didn't appear that way. Shuffling past me, Louis's eyes continued to follow after me as I shut the door.

"Do you want some tea or something?" I asked without waiting for an answer from him.

It didn't matter; I spied his nod anyway. Ever silent, Louis followed me into the kitchen and propped himself up on the counter as I switched the kettle on and set about preparing two mugs. Part of me expected him to say something as I made us mugs of teas but he didn't. Removing the tea bag from mine but leaving Louis's in as he liked, I turned to hand him his mug. Only, I faltered for a moment, realising that he was fiddling with the eagle shaped pepper shaker. It hadn't remained in the cupboard for long after I'd stashed it away.

"Louis," I said eventually, removing him from whatever thoughts he had been contemplating so deeply. He looked towards me then, finally offering me a slight thankful smile when he saw the mug that I held outstretched for him to take.

"Thank you," he managed, taking a sip from his tea and watched me as I grabbed my own mug and leaned against the kitchen island directly across from where he stood. He took another long sip before setting his mug aside and raising his eyes to mine, "What do I need to do?"

"I'm sorry?"

"What do I need to do to make things better?"

"I honestly don't know," I said slowly, wrapping my hands around my mug and not caring that the heat threatened to scald my palms. In a strange way, it was rooting and I was glad of it. "I'm still not even sure what it is that you want from me."

"Forgiveness would be a start." He was the one to look away this time, apparently unable to hold my eyes for long when discussing something so serious. "I'm not asking you to marry me but just – I just want to be with you. To love you and to have you love me again."

Did he really have no idea that I hadn't ever stopped loving him? That it was this inability to stop loving him that made everything so excruciatingly painful?

"I'm not sure –"

"I know I'm asking a lot," he assured gently, speaking as though he was measuring each word, "but I can't help it. I want to return to the way things were. I want you to be the last thing I see when I fall asleep, to be the first thing I see when I wake up."

"You could've had that from the beginning."

"I know, and that was my mistake." Louis released a deep breath as if the confession was sapping him of his strength, "Still surely, surely I'm not the only one that feels like this can't be it for us? Surely it's not just me?"

"It's not," I practically whispered, knowing that I wouldn't be able to lie to him about something so important. "You're not but I can't."

"This can't be it for us – we can't go on this way any longer."

"I don't have the courage to do it, to take the last few steps towards you. It's too scary Louis, the idea of being hurt by you again."

After that, neither of us spoke. What could we possibly say? Perhaps this really was the end of it for us, just the two of us standing face to face but unable to meet each other's eyes. This was what it had come to.

**********

SOME MONTHS LATER

The need to forget everything, to be able to shove it once more into the back of my mind, drew me to rather desperate measures – even by my standards. Taking some time off from work, I disappeared for a short while just to clear my head. I left without letting anyone know where I was going, just on the off chance that it would get back to Louis. It wasn't as if I had gone far; I'd just hopped the border into Wales and spent my time deep in the Welsh country side. But what was the use of it all? Even the time away didn't help to cope with anything. My mind was too noisy and I had left the only person that could help me make sense of it, far behind.

The chaos of my train of thought continued even once I returned home from the impromptu holiday. Ever since I had begun to struggle once more with memories that were better off being repressed to the depths of my mind, I had strangely looked forward to work again. Even if I had to deal with a stream of irritating clients who came into my office one after the other, I didn't mind because it kept me busy. It stopped me thinking of Louis. Maybe that was why I hated going back home?

It was definitely why I hated the night time because it was in the dark of the night that I couldn't fight it anymore. I was confronted with things that I would rather forget and the heartbreak of it all was enough to drive even a far stronger person to tears. What chance did I possibly stand?

Stumbling from my bed, I forced myself to my feet and simply wrapped my dressing gown around me. Tying the belt tight around my waist and grabbing my wand on my way out of my bedroom, I walked slowly down the stairs and into the front room. Approaching the fire place, I hesitated to use the floo but knew that there was little else that I could do; I couldn't get any peace. Grasping a handful of floo powder, I stepped into the fireplace and threw it down, announcing my destination.

Unsurprisingly, when I reached the other side, the room was plunged in darkness. It was almost 2 am. I cast a hesitant glance around the living room before stepping out and taking a good look around. Everything was still the same. Waiting not so patiently by the fireplace, I wiped my cheeks to remove the final trail of tears from my face even as I knew it would do nothing to hide just how red my eyes were.

It would be any second now.

And sure enough, Louis was there with his wand drawn out in front of him, after having felt someone breach his wards. His eyes, when they settled on my face, widened in surprise even as a relieved smile graced his face because I wasn't some unwelcome intruder. Lowering his wand after casting a lumos, he got a good look at my face and his smile was short lived.

"Étoile," he said softly, and despite all my pride, that was what it took to break me. One word was all it took.

Face crumbling as tears rushed to my eyes again, I hurried to cover my face in my hands but it was enough. Just like that, Louis was rushing towards me, his arms outstretched to embrace me. But he caught himself just short of actually holding me, likely thinking that I was going to resist. Instead, I was the one to turn in to his waiting arms. Louis, quick to embrace me, cradled me against his chest and made soft shushing noises as I tried not to sob.

"I'm sorry," I started, hiccupping slightly against his chest.

"Don't be," he said back instantly, a single hand coming up to brush the hair away from my face as I sniffled.

"It's too much," I managed quietly, looking up into his face. He stared down at me with sad eyes, waiting for me to finish speaking. "It's too painful now. I tried so hard to forget everything but just – just the sight of you again made me remember so much. Why can't I forget it all?"

"I'm sorry," he said this time, arms tightening around me to draw me into his arms. He held me close, his nose burrowing into the crook of my neck as I finally wrapped my own arms around him as well to return his embrace. "I'm so sorry."

"I don't know what to do," I confessed slowly, so reluctant to part from him that I didn't even draw back to look at him as I spoke. Instead, I continued to cling to him. "I don't think I have it in me to keep myself away from."

Louis moved away from me then, looking down at me with a sad smile. Unable to help himself, he asked slowly, "When do you think we'll get back to that place again?"

"Do you want to get back there?"

"More than anything."

"I honestly don't know how long it will take," I confessed hesitantly, biting my bottom lip. "All I know is that it'll take a very long time until I can trust you completely again."

"That's alright," he assured me, pressing a kiss to my forehead before holding me close again. "I can wait." 

_____________________

Onto the hints for the next one;

* A member of Slytherin house

* Played as Seeker of his house team 

* As far as we know, he is an only child