Authors Note
Hi, welcome to chillis and this co-written book. No Chilli’s, shame on you then, should’ve opened the book only in one of those branches, now you are cursed with my big dumb energy for the rest of the chapter. I pass you on to my favourite main writer, cus I tend to do nothing most of the time.

Sup gang stay home don't get corona x

Chapter 1- the story of the door
Harry gazed forlornly at the door. He wished he could go outside and escape the stupid Dursleys. He needed fresh air, the house reeked of the Dursley’s, the smell so repugnant breathing became a little difficult. Unfortunately, COVID-19 forbade him from leaving the house. Great, stuck with stupid Dudley, Vernon and smelly Petunia. Petunia always carried the air of burned chips and the house stank of toilet paper left to marinate in marmalade. Harry hated it.

Wizards didn't get coronavirus. Harry could easily go outside and be safe. However, the muggles didn't know that. He couldn't risk big blonde Boris (The time-traveller. Harry lived in the 90s) catching him and bellowing that he's been on more than one jog.

It wasn't until Dudley shoved Harry into the window for the twenty-fifth time that day that he gave up.

"Fine Dudley, I see how it is," he taunted "follow me outside, I triple dare you"

Dudley obeyed. He would never go against a triple dare “I bet my mum’s life on it Feak, I would never not follow a triple dare, how dumb do you think I am?”

Dudley got corona. He had got coughed on by Nigel Farage, the sexiest wizard and monthly winner of the best smile in the witches weekly magazine, after Gilderoy Lockheart went missing after suspicious conditions, the main voice of the Wizard Brexit Party.

And I oop.SKSKSKSKSK

It was then that an owl flew at Harry's head. The owl was the biggest chonker he had ever seen and he’d seen the Malfoy family chonker. He had soft purple feathers with emerald orbs. He looked at it. It was a letter from the ministry, the ministry that was barely together, honestly, they call themselves a government. Everyone basically knows that Lucius is a bloody death eater, if bribes can work, it leads to corruption and everything and anything working. Like hello who bloody incriminated Ginny with the bastard Tom Riddles’ diary 

____________________________________________________
Dear Mr Potter,

You are an absolute bellend. How dare you leave the house and spread COVID-19? We are extending lockdown and removing your wand. 

If you expected to return to Hogwarts, I frankly don't know what to tell you. You're a massive twat to believe that.

You will attend a hearing on Thursday at 3 am. We will be calling the ghost of Voldemort in a seance at the same time.

Yours faithfully,
Mafalda Hopkirk (Big Bitch Energy)
xoxo
___________________________________________________

There was a roll of toilet paper attached to the letter.

Harry let out a cry of frustration. ?More time with the Dursleys? HECK NO! He decided that the ministry wouldn't be able to find him if he left the house under the impression he was going for his first jog of the day.

Harry left the house, jogging frantically away from 4 Privet Drive. Screw Corona.

It wasn't until he reached the end of the street that he realised he was being followed. He heard a loud, resounding cough as the figure disappeared. Corona time? No. It was just some random wizard.

Mad-eye then appeared with a second resounding cough. "Potter, I hear you broke lockdown! Come with me!" 

Harry screamed. "It’s my first jog of the day, Mad-Eye!' He cried. "And besides, Hermione and Ron haven't let me know they're safe!"

"They are but they won't be if you have bloody Corona!" Mad-Eye sighed, grabbing Harry roughly and apparating with a resounding cough.

They arrived outside a house covered in hand gel. These were wards, Harry assumed. Harry walked inside.

Hermione ran over to him and bumped elbows. "Harry, blimey, we thought you had Corona!"

Mrs Weasley walked over with Ron and cast a disinfectant charm, wrapping Harry in a hug. "Harry, thank goodness," she cried "We heard what happened!"

Ron gave Harry a high five with his foot.

"Harry you twat, Irish, incompetent, ass, moron, bellend and worst of all you’re an uncooked Yorkshire pudding" Sirius bellowed from the background, his voice deep and infused with the anger of a thousand ants.

Harry was very shook, he never knew Sirius to have such a wide vocabulary. He didn't think he had corona but they were all being so cautious?

Arthur Weasley strolled over "Sup Harry. I’ve heard you went on two jogs today"

Mr Weasley sounded disappointed, his balding ginger hair flopped gently over his rounded head.

"I gave Dudley Corona," Harry whispered.
Hermione fainted and fell to the floor with a thud with no one to catch her, apart from Snape, he didn’t seem to bother. Ron laughed so hard he fell to the ground, wriggling like the worm at the bottom of the garden. Arthur was so shocked he had to remember to manually breathe.

Sirius strolled out from the background and telepathically hugged Harry. "Can't take any risks, I've been self-isolating for 2 years for a reason"

"Shut up" Snape snapped from the hallway, his cloak billowing around him like the dark night sky. "If I had Corona, I would willingly infect you"

Harry gasped. He angrily coughed on Snape. Now Snape had corona.