I love Asian Thanksgiving... at least, Li's family's version of it.

Even though Li's parents scare me.

I already knew that Li's parents were strict but the way she'd fidgeted on the drive out towards their single-story ranch house in Santa Barbara should've tipped me off. An Asian man and woman, both with clear lens glasses, stood on the front porch with their shoulders back, spines stiff, and chins lifted high.

Their eyes tracked my car's movements up their driveway and their lips moved, just very slightly while their eyes flipped between me and the giant, blonde-haired, 6ft3 football player who'd uncomfortably crammed himself into my back seat.

"Ready for the firing squad, Friendzone?" I teased Kieran, who threw me a weak smile and unfolded his long legs out of the accordion position they'd been stuck in the twenty-five minutes it took me to drive here. He stepped out on Li's side, who tucked her tiny frame against his side, wrapped her arm around his lower back, and set a determined face like, somehow, she protected him.

While the ocean was nowhere in sight from their inland, tree-lined street, the smell of brine and salt filled my nose like a faint memory.

Physically, Li was a younger sister version of her mother. They stood at exactly the same height, the same facial features and body frame size. Their only difference, other than a slight amount of aging, was how her Mom managed to make me feel shorter with just her introductory gaze. Her dark eyes dragged down from the tip of my head to my toes, back up, then down again. Each pass through, her lips tightened.

"Li!" Her father beamed brightly. "All good? Ace the midterms?"

"I think I did okay," she replied modestly, which earned her two frowned expressions..

Right away, I knew that Li's parents were very... bluntly honest. Even their compliments sounded like insults.

"Li," her mother greeted her curtly. "You are not the smartest in UCLA pre-med but you will finish just fine. You might not get into the top medical school but we believe you will make it."

"Right," Li replied softly, then threw me a pained look. "This is Harper, my roommate."

"Ahh, the... roommate." Her eyes slanted narrower as they traveled from the top of my head down to my toes again, like she searched for details she'd missed the first passes over. Her visual scrutiny crawled over my skin uncomfortably but I forced a tight smile.

I extended the bouquet of white lilies I'd picked up this morning. "Mrs. Wei, thanks -"

"It's Doctor Wei," she corrected me sternly, eyed the flowers, and took them like I'd handed her a wasp's nest, with her eyebrows drawn together and held out at arm's length. "A lot of women do not go through eight years of higher education just to -"

"Lighten up, Mom," Li grumbled quietly, then threw me an apologetic look from where her head rested nestled in Kieran's armpit. "Harper didn't know."

"I'm sorry, Doctor Wei," I replied honestly, then turned to her dad. "Doctor Wei, nice to meet you."

"Harper." He smiled politely and shook my hand stiffly. "Hope you are a being good influence on my daughter."

"Well, I'm not pregnant," I joked, but the frozen expressions both Li's parents gave me was enough proof that my sarcastic comment felt flat on their front lawn.

Li shook her head then smiled up at Kieran. "And Mom, Dad, you remember Kieran Meade, my boyfriend."

"Mmmph," was the only strained, tight-lipped noise that Li's mom made. She looked down her nose at Kieran, then turned and abruptly entered the house.

I'm not sure who they're less impressed with, honestly.

"Please, come in." Li's Dad opened the front door, then stopped us right inside and pointed to pristinely white floors. "Shoes."

I toed off my boots, each with a thud onto the white tiled floors, then glanced around Li's childhood home. The decor was very minimal, with an entire wall of mirrors that faced the photographs of Li's family. I stopped right near one of Li sandwiched between both her parents and another Asian couple, with Li obviously dressed in her graduation cap and gown.

"Salutatorian," I murmured since I recognized a similarly colored yellow sash Ellie had worn. Unlike Ellie, who was heartbroken and beaten down on her graduation day, Li beamed proudly in her picture.

"Sore point," she whispered in my ear, then nudged me forwards with her elbow in my upper arm.

Warm, inviting, ginger, soy, and other spiced smells floated around the house, like we'd walked into an authentic Asian restaurant. My jaw dropped at the size of their kitchen, which looked like it took up half of the house. Every surface from the counters to the floors and walls, even the appliances, were a pure, sterile color of white.

Large platters of food covered every inch of their large, white island, with a few options I recognized but most I didn't. I wasn't sure how many people attended but easily all of Kieran's teammates could've eaten and there would still be leftovers.

A cluster of Asian women sat around the kitchen table, and another group of men in the family room, where surprisingly today's football game flickered on in the background. Once I saw the 'undefeated UW Huskies' on the field, I shifted my eyes up to Kieran, who silently smirked at me.

The entire two rooms stood up and a flurry of introductions bombarded us. Interestingly, Li's family also didn't exchange hugs, just handshakes and slight bows. Even Li's grandmother, a stunning, tiny woman with barely any gray streaks in her hair and not a single wrinkle on her beautiful complexion, just patted Li on the shoulder.

Kieran and I laughably stood out with our blonde hair and heads taller than the rest of Li's family. A few craned their necks back while they spoke polite, idle chit-chat but I was thankful once we all grabbed our plates and sat down.

"Harper knows him." Li pointed at UW's number ten as he lined up for a touchdown score.

"Ahh, you date football player too?" One of her aunts peered at me.

"I..." I looked up from the beef broth-based soup appetizer that exploded flavors in my and hoped it hadn't dribbled down my chin. "Not that one but one of USC's players, yes.."

My answer broke out a round of murmurs in the kitchen, then all eyes turned up towards Kieran. "Like you?"

"Like me," he chuckled quietly. "Although my future plans involve more medical school, less football."

Friendzone won over most of the room with that response, at least with the head nods, quiet hums, and polite smiles that followed. The three exceptions were Li's parents and her grandmother, who wore stone-serious expressions.

They sat, their arms folded, glasses lower, chins tucked, and glared at the television. "Football... game... Li only plays ping pong."

"And she's dam-darn good at it," I choked on my words but shot Kieran a smirk. "She can beat the pants off anyone."

He offered only a slight head shake, but Li's cheeks flushed pink. Her mother's eyes narrowed at her. "You playing games at school? We pay a lot of money, to study, not play games."

"She does," I cut in. "Li studies very very hard, Doctor Wei."

My answer only earned me the same "Mmmph" answer that Kieran had gotten outside.

We all fell into a relatively silent mode, where utensils scraped on plates but honestly my mouth foodgasmed at every single bite I stuck into my mouth. Bite after bite, my lashes fluttered against my cheeks at the rich flavors that burst into my tastebuds. By the time my plate was empty, my stomach bulged painfully and I was sure thankful I'd worn my Thanksgiving yoga pants because I needed every flexed inch that the waistband offered.

"So, Kieran Meade," Li's grandmother, who'd watched nearly every move he'd made like a hawk before it swooped down and snatched up its prey within its talons. "What your intentions with Li?"

"I..." He paused for a moment. "I like Li a lot. She's an amazing person that I've enjoyed getting to know better, and -"

"So, how serious?" She glanced at Li's parents, not Kieran or Li, who stared down at her empty plate.

"Very serious." Kieran wrapped his arm around the back of Li's chair. "I've loved -"

My eyes squeezed closed at the possibility that word was -

"Love? You not know love!" Li's grandmother jabbed one of her index fingers towards Kieran. "You are just... football fuckboy."

Even though she's wrong, I love her vocabulary.

My right hand raised on its own, followed by the worst possible admission, "He's not. Trust me, I know, the one I'm dating is."

"No argument here," Friendzone mumbled.

"Harper!" Li whispered hoarsely and narrowed her eyes at me.

"I mean, it's not him." I pointed at Kieran. "Look, Mrs. Wei, I know Kieran isn't what you pictured for Li but he's a good guy. He's not asking you to marry her, just a chance to accept them to see where their relationship goes... which should be Li's choice."

Woah, look at me go. I should write this golden shit down.

"What you know?" Her eyes narrowed into slivers at me.

"I know that if you squeeze her too tight, you'll pop her fu-uhh, -reaking head off and she won't forgive you," I retorted with lifted eyebrows.

Oh, that's Hallmark-level shit..

"Harper!" Going by her hoarse whisper, Li wasn't as impressed with my efforts. Neither was Kieran, by the knife motion his hand sliced over his throat and strained look in his eyes.

"No." Mrs. Wei huffed, which erupted a string of heated Mandarin words out of Li's mouth.

In a tiny flash, she shot out of her seat, marched right up to her mom, and verbally hurled... uhh, something, over and over. Her hands flew up and down animatedly and every pair of her relatives' eyes stretched wider the more she spoke.

Kieran's seat skidded over the floors as he stood up, but he froze with his hand on the back of it. His eyes filled with concern at the sparkiest version of Li I'd witnessed. Her hands flew in wild gestures around the air and voice raised in pitch, so I stood up and tugged on Kieran's shirt sleeve. "Come on, this isn't entirely about you."

He stood still but his eyes shifted between me and Li. While the rest of Li's family watched like they needed a side of popcorn, I tugged on his sleeve again. "Come on. They... need to work this out."

With slightly slumped shoulders, Kieran stepped into the kitchen with me, where we still heard Li's argument with her mother. Their voices clashed and bounced off the walls, so I shook my head and pushed open the single outside door in the kitchen. Outside, I saw that it led to a small wood deck, surrounded by a courtyard of green grass.

Kieran's broad shoulders slumped as he sat down on the edge of the deck and rubbed his face with his palms. "I completely fucked that up, didn't I?"

"You've always had shit timing," I teased and bumped his shoulder as I sat down. At the look he shot me between his fingers, I cleared my throat. "I mean it, not with Li... tell her again and you'll get a different reaction."

Hopefully not her songbird version.

Kieran blinked at me a few times. The bright overhead sun cast slivers of shadows over his forehead where he furrowed it.

Awkwardly reminding me we aren't actually friends.

I pressed my lips together tightly, then released them. "That was... not her real reaction, promise."

"Thanks," he mumbled, inhaled slowly, and exhaled loudly.

"You're a good guy, Kieran," I assured him with a hand patted on his closest shoulder. "Just be patient."

"Patient," he spat out the word as he lowered his hands and clasped them tightly together, fingers intertwined and rested his elbows on his thighs. "Ask Jake how he feels about that word."

The midday sun highlighted his sharp cheekbones and the bridge of his straight nose as he lifted his face upwards towards it. The light also painted a sparkle in his light green eyes when he looked at me. "I'm sorry, Harper. Your business with Harrison is yours alone."

"It is but..." In probably the worst timing of my own, I whispered quietly, "I know why you feel how you do, about Scarlett..."

At my admission, Kieran's entire body froze, then he leapt off the low deck. With a soft thud, his feet landed four feet down onto the grass below. The muscles in his back and shoulders rippled with tension as he squeezed his hands into tight fists, then looked at me over his shoulder. "If you're going to defend that asshole, don't."

"There is no defense of what he and she did," I replied quietly, tucked my legs into a pretzeled position, and rested my elbows on them. "But I'm sorry it happened. To her and... to you."

Kieran's fists unclenched but his nod was stiff and stoic. He stood silently for a moment, as still as a statue. Even my shit way with emotions knew he held back the words that burned inside him, drew his eyebrows together, and clenched his square jaw.

With a slowly drawn breath that pitched his chest only once, his normally casual voice wavered with intensity as he glared at me, "Did he tell you everything? How he tossed Sarah out like trash and didn't even call her a ride or walk her home? How she had so much remorse that she downed painkillers?"

I blinked rapidly.

Sarah?

When he took one step closer, I felt the anger that rolled off him in waves. His eyes glossed over but the green in his irises burned brightly. "Did he fucking tell you that her friends called me because she didn't answer at her apartment? That I found my girlfriend, unconscious on her bedroom floor after four hours of not reaching her, and freaked the fuck out?"

"No." My eyes closed under the weighted pain that threaded into his voice. "Not in that level of detail."

Even though his voice dropped an octave and lost its bitterly enraged edge, his words charged the airspace between us. "Did he tell you that he ignored her completely afterwards, even when she went to see him? Did he tell you that he treated her like she didn't exist!? She nearly died and he thought the whole thing was blown out of proportion, like she did it just to get his attention."

Fuck, don't I know that. No excuse, but fuck he needs to work on how insensitive his brush-offs are.

"That was wrong." The fact that I couldn't see how anyone wouldn't have viewed Jake's reaction otherwise lifted my eyes open. A sense of guilt had hung in Jake's eyes when he'd rehashed the story in his own words to me, which prompted me adding, "And he realizes it now, I think."

"Right." Kieran grunted quietly. "I used to believe him about his bullshit apologies, until there were too fucking many to keep track of anymore."

"Kieran -" I started, because I saw both sides of the same awful, horrible, shitty situation that shouldn't have happened but it had. "Jake should've -"

"Don't Harper," he warned me with a shake of his head. "Please, just... don't. Jake's made his bed, including whoever he's screwed over in the process of fucking whoever he wants. I'm just done."

The flicker of finality in his eyes challenged me to ask, "So, you're going to toss out seven years of friendship?"

"Friendship?" He barked out a sharp, biting laugh that sounded anything but amused. It was laced with pain, full of bitterness, maybe a hint of jealousy, but not happy. "You think we were friends? How many times was I shoved aside for a girl's attention, subjected to the supportive role of best friend. Do you have any idea how hard it is to find a girl who likes me for... not being just Jake's backup?"

"Li does," I replied quietly and jerked my thumb at the closed door behind me. "She doesn't think you're just Jake's backup. She... likes you, and right now that's all the fuck that matters."

Look at me go. Put that down, Hallmark.

The hardness in Kieran's expression, down to his tightly clenched square jaw, relaxed at her name. Like I unknotted a balloon, so tight it almost burst on its own, he visibly deflated. His shoulders curled inward and the veiny protrusions on his arms softened.

My own shoulders dropped when the brightness in his eyes sparkled, then faded quickly. "And I like her too. A lot, even though her parents don't think I'm good enough."

"They don't think anyone is good enough," I corrected him. "I know you make her happy, but -"

"But nothing." He dragged one of his hands through his short, dirty blonde waves. "I appreciate you being cool about me and Li but I'm done with the days that I spent as Jake's second choice. Laughing it off or doing nothing every time he got whatever and whoever he wanted, then tossed people aside like garbage was just as wrong."

Kieran was right, to some extent. Jake had treated girls like shit and Kieran had probably witnessed it first-hand more than anyone else. While I wouldn't have wanted a front row view of his behavior...

Hold the gonads. I have gotten not just a front row view but the blunt of the full-blown impact.

"And you?" Kieran's voice snapped me out of my thoughts. "How can you even look at him, let alone... get involved with his dick-driven shit again?"

What happened to my business is my business?

"Good question," I mumbled and closed my eyes, thankful that Kieran had left the 'where's your dignity' implication unsaid. "Full honesty, I ask myself that sometimes."

What I'd experienced first-hand with Jake had absolutely contributed to my fucked-up state of existence. From losing my virginity, getting my heart broken when my first boyfriend abandoned me less than twenty-four hours, cheating on his girlfriend, abandoned again, then secretively fucking each other behind Ellie's back -

Kieran is starting to make some sense here.

"I didn't want to when I got here," I admitted quietly and looked down at the nondescript green grass that fluttered in the slight breeze. "I tried, I swear. I changed my number for fuck's sake, only my dad and Ellie knew what it was. I even brushed you off, for fuck's sake."

"You did," he hummed quietly, more to himself by the way his eyes glazed over at the memory at the pool.

Not worth mentioning but I'd assumed at the time Officer Davis' roadside assistance was enough.

With a slight nod because I appreciated his acknowledgment of 'leave me the fuck alone,' I offered pathetically, "He just... wouldn't give up, I guess. We have this weird chemistry that keeps pulling us back together. Fucking annoying."

A flush of warmth swelled in my chest and washed over the irritation that disappeared faster than I acknowledged its presence. "But," I continued as a weakass softness slipped into my voice. "But... There's more to him than that with me. There always has been... but I can't really explain it, sorry."

My head tilted sideways as Kieran now studied me. With every cell in my body, I pleaded at him not to ask me for an explanation because the one I had was too fucking painful to admit to myself.

"Sorry," he grunted. "You're sorry, he's sorry."

"I'm not going to apologize for him." I narrowed my eyes at Kieran. "He is what he is and when you... care about someone, you accept their faults. He doesn't treat me like -"

I cut myself off and snapped my mouth closed. A flood of memories rushed through me, not just from when Jake and I had gotten back together two months ago but past that. Endless conversations, insults, teasing, and egging each other on replayed through my mind.

He was some of my best insults. I still like it when I told him he's as irritating as removing a dry tampon.

While most of our past was just sexual, okay fine, amazingly mind-blowing sexual experiences, we'd shared some emotionally heavy moments.

Or, at least our version of them. Hallmark would be disappointed because they're too R-rated.

My eyes closed at the memory of when Jake held me while I cried from not being worthy of Ryan's kind love and compassion.

When Jake lost the state championship football game our senior year of high school, he cried on my shoulder in the middle of the field. After the game, I met him outside the locker room and hauled his ass to the beach. We sat there until 1am, said absolutely nothing, fucked until we were both sweat- and sand-soaked, and I took him home.

In the ski cabin in Canada, he opened up about his Dad's death. His eyes glossed over, then tears trailed over his cheeks when he admitted how much time was wasted with his family's miscommunications. In a whispered confession, he regretted his part in their dysfunctional dynamic.

After he knocked Ryder unconscious, Jake needed reassurance he wasn't a bad guy, that he himself was worthy of -

Oh fuck.

My mind bombarded itself with recent memories. So many thoughts whirled through my brain that I closed my eyes.

I can't use my dildos without wishing he was there, that heated look in his eyes that curls my toes when he uses them on me.

Like a squatter, he's invaded my thoughts so much that I should charge him rent.

I will castrate any motherfucker that messes with him, football- or personally-related.

My heart skips when he scores a touchdown then looks for my reaction.

Curled up in his bed, his rich, dark brown eyes, make me feel warm and full of -

I inhaled sharply, so sharply I think my nostrils whistled, at the constriction that squeezed my chest hard. My palm pressed right over the area, where my heart pounded loudly, each beat like a painful punch in my chest. A hot burn rose up in my lungs from how long I held my breath and my pulse buzzed into my ears like I'd been attacked by a fucking swarm of bees.

No no no no no no FUCK no.

...No?

My last no was internally whimpered but I squeezed my eyes so tight that I saw tiny stars through the blackness. Warmth from the sunlight skimmed over my cheeks... at least I thought it was sunlight

Oh, fuck me. Front back, sideways, upside-down...

Thankfully, Keiran seemed like he hadn't noticed my internal meltdown moment. He snapped me back into the present and more pressing situation with a quiet sigh and leaned his back against the deck where I sat. I opened my eyes and took in the weight that hung in his gray and lifeless eyes, his slumped shoulders, and downturned mouth.

His voice sounded just as tired and defeated when he quietly admitted, "That's it, I just don't fucking care anymore."

If I was a kind person who wasn't shit at relationships, then I'm sure some version of 'Sometimes the best relationships are the ones you fight the hardest for' would've come out of my mouth. But I wasn't, so I just leaned forwards over the edge of the deck and patted the closest rock hard shoulder. "That's... your choice."

"Seriously, I used to think that you two deserved each other, with your weird joking, stubborn, sex-first, communicate-never attitudes." He lowered both his head and voice. "But you deserve better, Harper. I see you're different being friends with Li and he... deserves to be alone."

"You deserve to let it go," I shot back, turned my shoulders, and pointed at the Asian Chihuahua who still fought for him behind the kitchen door. "Move forwards, Friendzone."

"I forgave him but I never forgot," he spoke quietly, his eyes lowered like he admitted the words to himself more than me. "After time and Sarah's recovery, I was also happy to put it behind me. But after Brit... I was just done. Ethan's not though."

"Why the fuck would he care?" I stared at Kieran at the mention of his idiotic teammate, then muttered a string of curse words about stupid fucking football rivals.

"It has nothing to do with a damn football rivalry," Kieran spat out in a sharp, biting tone and narrowed his eyes. "Scarlett's real name is Sarah Burke."

A chill spread over my cheeks, down the back of my neck, and spine like my blood drained out of them. Kieran stood there silently and all of the hardness he displayed dissolved under the heated pleading that rose in his eyes.

Silently, he begged that I put the pieces together and understood what I assumed were words too painful for him to speak.

And, oh fuck, I knew exactly what he meant and never had I wished my gut instinct was more wrong.

"Holy fuck, she's - is she... his sister!?" I cursed and clapped my hands over my mouth when Kieran silently nodded. A giant lump of guilt sank into my stomach when I muttered, "And Jake..."

"That's right." With his cheeks and forehead flushed pink, jaw and fists clenched tight again, Kieran looked ready to spew venom. "The most protective older brother in California, the guy who beat the shit outta guys in high school if they even looked at Ellie, couldn't shove aside his own ego to realize he'd hurt someone's sister. Or anyone else's sister, friend, roommate, anyone."

My chin dipped down, below my shoulder line.

Fuck, this is -

"How's that for a mind fuck?" Kieran spat out for added insult to injury, in a tone that demanded I responded, or at least acknowledged, a beyond fucked up situation.

With a darkened gaze on me, he slightly tipped his chin upward. "When I found out you were here, I was actually excited to see that the one person who can put Jake in his place. I was completely behind Ethan's idea that Jake got the slap in the ego he deserves so he learns how to decently treat people. But then, you just crawled in his bed like all the rest."

Just like the rest...

The words sprung tears up between my lashes.

"And now..." his voice softened as a shadow cast over me, and chilled the warm sunlight kisses I'd felt earlier on my skin.

"Now what?" I whispered with my eyes averted because fuck, his words stung. Not because he'd said them cruelly, but because Keiran spoke the truth.

"I already told you." A dullness came over his eyes as he finally lifted them to mine. "I don't fucking care about Jake anymore. But now, for your sake, I hope you screw him over first."

My feelings for Jake sank under the possibilities of how catastrophically bad his situation with Ethan could go. Given our messy past, while Kieran's warning was slightly misplaced, it was warranted from the perspective he worried about my feelings getting hurt.

And, if he broke me again, I couldn't pick myself up this time.

With a ragged sign, my eyes closed and shoulders slumped.

Fuck, this is beyond bad.