This is not a date.

It's blackmail.

No, dickmail.

Some grade-B-D bullshit dickmail.

My cheeks puffed up and I huffed out a loud noise that vibrated my throat and sounded in between a grunt and a groan. Heat flushed my skin warm as I shut off the water and walked into a cloud of steam. The view of our microtiny bathroom walls blacked out of my view as I dropped my towel overhead, hinged over at my hip, and dried my hair with scrubbed hands.

Date my ass.

Two can play this game. And this girl plays dirty.

Five days had passed since our Saturday dinner night with Jake's mom, with a few date-reminder texts from Jake as the only communication between us since then.

After I dropped Jake and his mom off at his house, livid was an understatement of how I felt while I tore off for the drive home. My knuckles strained with tension, my right leg's calf muscles heated from how hard I stomped the accelerator, and black dots lined the corners of my vision.

I don't know whether to be mad or impressed with his ballsy move to tell his Mom.

Mad. Definitely mad.

Once back in my and Li's room, I needed forty-five minutes with HNV, followed by the coldest shower our bathroom offered. After a completely restless night, another finger flick session on Monday, and three days of retribution planning passed before I cooled down.

If Jake planned our not-date tonight, then I for sure planned the only part of it that I looked forward to.

And since I've had a few days to think about it, it's the part that involves Jake tied down to his own damn bed, where I tease and edge him as many fucking times as physically possible.

I knew that the two pairs of elastic, nylon bungee cords buried in my trunk were more than sufficient accessories to my redemption plan. Not even Jake's best escape efforts would've removed those if I'd bound his wrists and ankles to his bed corners.

No headboard to knock against the wall but I'll improvise.

At the mental image of Jake's large, muscular body strapped down to his white comforter-covered bed while I took from him whatever the fuck I wanted, a flush of warmth glowed between my legs like a cruel hum of approval. By the time I removed my towel and stood upright, my smile couldn't have stretched wider.

Childish? Yes.

Satisfying? For me, fuck yes.

I inhaled a deep, damp breath, wrapped my towel around my torso, and reached for the door handle. Muffled sounds hit my ears right when the door creaked open. Thankfully, I'd covered myself up because my flip-flops skidded to a stop when Li's bed thumped against the wall, shook like an earthquake, and two strings of Mandarin curse words erupted from the top of it.

So much for her being at dinner.

"Li?" I crossed my arms over my chest, shifted my weight onto my bare left foot, and lifted my eyes upwards.

"Yeah," she mumbled quietly before her face, as beet red as I'd ever seen it, peered over the bed's edge at me. My lips spread into a huge smile when her hands extended overhead and she slipped a T-shirt over it.

"Thanks." My lips curled upwards at the corners.

Her head tilted slightly as confusion flooded her eyes, echoed in her voice, "For what?"

"Proving my theory you can't break the lofted beds." My eyes shifted over her shoulder, where I knew the second voice's owner had hidden himself. "Hey Friendzone."

"Harper." Kieran's blonde hair stuck up and out in multiple directions, his cheeks were just as pink and lips as swollen as Li's. "Didn't hear you finish, sorry."

"I'll be quick," I promised and snatched up my clothes from where I'd set them on my desk chair. "Quicker than you'd better be, Meade. And thanks for not making me hear you finish."

"Not. Funny," Li grumbled quietly as she scaled down the side of her bed, followed by Kieran, who landed the last two steps with a jump that thumped onto the floors.

"I thought you were getting dinner." I glanced between the two of them. "Or..."

My voice faded out since I'd long forgotten what Li mentioned her plans actually were. I hadn't gotten much further than how happy I was for her that she also had a Thursday night date.

And hers is real, for the record folks.

"We are." Her dark brown eyes darted between me and Kieran faster than her tennis table game. "We were just... uhh..."

My eyebrows raised tension high in my forehead as my eyes swept over their clothes, rumpled in all the right places. Li's shirt was rolled up at the waist, the collar half crooked on her shoulders, and her pants hitched up so high I would've thought she prepared for a flood, while Kieran's wrinkled T-shirt looked like it'd lost a fight with... well, anything really.

A soft snort escaped through my lips. "Eating in bed?"

Didn't say eating food either.

"No." Li gave me a hard stare that clearly read, 'Stop embarrassing me,' so I just hugged my clothes to the damp towel on my stomach. "Sorry, we got a little carried away."

She says that like it's a bad thing.

Since a change of subject was needed for all three of us, I pointed my finger at tonight's addition to Li's wall decor, Kieran's 'personal,' helmet-less poster with his arms crossed over his puffed up chest, broad grin, and position next to his last year's stats. "Big improvement, Meade."

He flashed me a similar pearly-white grin, leaned over, and nearly melted my ice-cold heart with his next move. My lips curled up when he leaned over and pressed a cutesy-dutesy 'mwah' kiss onto the top of Li's head. "One at time."

"Couldn't agree more," I mumbled and walked back to the bathroom, where I'd almost gotten out of earshot when Kieran prompted the last question I wanted to answer.

"So... How's Harrison?"

At those three words, my throat tightened up and I swore I swallowed my tongue. Correction, I wished I'd swallowed my tongue so I avoided my answer to that question. Since no part of me wanted to lie to Li, I paused and lifted my shoulders up a microinch. "Awww, do you miss your bestie, Kieran?"

Li and I both straightened up taller as a thick, awkward silence filled our room, which already felt smaller with the addition of Kieran's tall, muscular frame. The green in his eyes darkened to a dull jade color as he clamped his mouth shut and set his square jaw. When he finally unlocked it and spoke, his voice bordered the angriest tone I'd ever heard from the mellow guy.

"No."

"Kieran, what happened?" Li's soft voice spoke up and asked the same question that burned in the back of my mind.

"Not the kind of guy I want to be friends with anymore," was all he offered, so I shot him a narrow-eyed look and waited for further explanation. Thankfully, Li looked at him with the same curiosity that kept my eyes locked on Kieran's furrowed expression. Although, honestly, hers was probably more concern about him while I just wanted to know what the fuck had happened between two guys who'd been best friends for seven years.

"Fine," Kieran spat out the word like it tasted sour. Heat burned in his eyes as they locked onto mine. "He slept with my girlfriend. Two, actually."

Tension arched my right eyebrow up. "Two?"

I only know of one and frankly, both guys are better off without that crazy train.

The few more seconds of silence that followed were only broken up by the slow, deep sigh Kieran released. He rested his elbow against Li's bed frame, then dragged his other hand through his messy hair. "First time was our first year, which I guess wasn't his fault, but the last time was..." He paused for a moment. "The last time."

"I'm sorry," Li said quietly, her eyes full of sympathy.

My reaction was more blunt, as only my curiosity piqued. "How -"

Kieran threw me a pained look like he preferred Li and I instead discussed our periods but continued, "Freshman year, my girlfriend went to a USC party, introduced herself to him under another name. Just wanted to see what the hype was about, he didn't know. It was a dare from her friends, a bet she couldn't go through with it."

Some fucking friends. Girl bullies are the worst.

Still, girl bullies aside, I already knew my own answer as I grumbled out the obvious, "But he slept with her."

Of course he did. Can't pass up a ready and willing vagina.

I was torn by Kieran's silent nod of confirmation. It sounded like Jake had been baited for sure, but my reaction surprised me. A stale taste crept up my throat, coated my dry tongue, and my stomach twinged at how Jake, like a dumbass, had chomped right onto that hook.

And by hook I mean sweater-stretchers and spread open legs.

I swallowed back my next thought.

Which is all I am.

The thought lingered with me like the worst form of morning breath while I dressed quickly inside the bathroom, trapped in the small space while mentally I reminded myself of all that my agreement with Jake was, physical release. The fact that I considered whether I wanted more than that combined with how the chump called me his girlfriend to his own mother then downgraded me into fuck buddy and ran quite a mindfuck number on my brain.

Do I... want more?

And how fucked up am I to think that he feels the same after he just told his mother we're only fucking?

My feet stopped in the bathroom door frame when I saw Li and Kieran were still here, his arms wrapped around her like a young adult romance novel cover. I needed a few blinks back to reality, my reality. With a slight head shake, I stepped over to my desk area and plopped down into the chair that was better off used as fire kindling.

At least their clothes are fixed this time... even if both still have makeout messy hair.

"You look nice, Harper." Li's eyes roamed up and down my choice of black leggings and a loose, long-sleeved, cream sweater that had a thick turtleneck collar. With two small grunts, I yanked up my calf-height brown leather boots and quietly stomped my feet flat in them.

The reflection of my eyes in my makeup mirror burned brightly at me and widened when I realized the obvious.

She's right.

Jake would probably fuck me no matter what I wore.

Bare makeup then.

With a soft squelch, my right hand squeezed a tube of moisturizer into my left palm until it cupped a small pile. As I dipped my right fingertips into the smooth, white liquid and dragged it over my cheeks, forehead, nose, and chin, then rubbed liberally with both palms, Li dragged a brush through her hair until it was straight and glossy. I smiled wryly when she stood up on her tiptoes and ran it over Kieran's hair until the evidence of what I'd interrupted was less obvious.

My gut-check reminder of Jake's lack of judgment deficiency bothered me more than I comfortably admitted, so I just offered Kieran a slight diversion, "Think you dodged a bullet on the recent one. She's a lot closer to the first situation than you think."

Now Kieran's blonde eyebrows raised. "Sure you're not just a little biased?"

"Probably," I admitted openly, since I wasn't beneath my own ego on that accusation. My fingers quickly applied my foundation, swept blush on my cheeks, brown shadow and liner on my eyes, and a nude balm on my lips. Once done, I turned and rested my left elbow on my desk. "But I also told Li to take the plunge on your ass so maybe my bias is worth two shits."

"Harper -" Kieran started in a low voice when a loud, almost thunderous knock sounded on the door.

Oh fuck, it can't be -

Li bounded up, yanked it open, then squealed softly. "Harper!"

Oh no. No no no.

Jake stood there, dressed down in a pair of black jeans and a short-sleeved, red USC T-shirt. His hair, usually messy, was styled and swept off his forehead but both my eyes and stomach dropped to the bouquet of coral-colored roses he clutched in his hands.

Fuck me sideways. This really is a date.

For one blink, Jake's dark eyes lit up as they landed on me. Just as quickly, they darkened when he shifted them past my shoulder. The plastic wrap around the roses crinkled as he clenched it so tightly that I wondered if he poked a thorn into his palm.

"Meade? What the fuck are you doing here!?"

"I'd ask you the same damn question but guess it's obvious." As Kieran walked around me, his head swiveled and he tossed me a dark look, full of disappointment. "What Jake wants, Jake gets."

The fuck does that mean? Kieran doesn't want me and feeling's mutual, asshole.

"Kieran," Jake's voice shifted lower, laced with a warning as the bouquet of roses dropped to the outside of his left leg. "Get the fuck away from her."

"Excuse me!?" My eyes snapped up to the guy who indirectly just begged me that I beat him with the roses, thorn sides of course. "You don't get to speak for me like that."

The cocky ass practically puffed up his chest and peed on my leg. Without a blink, he declared, "As my girlfriend, I do."

My brain nearly malfunctioned at that stupidity. Heated anger flushed inside me so quickly that tiny white dots flashed over my line of vision.

"Fuck, you did not -" I curled my hands into fists at my sides when Li's face stole my attention.

"G-girlfriend?" The shock in her eyes was quickly replaced with a pure joy that glittered brighter than her sparkly fairy lights and stabbed straight into my gut. My shoulders slumped when she rushed out, "So happy for you!"

Before I reacted further, Kieran steered the conversation in a worse direction.

"Happy, right," he spat out in a bitter, almost angry tone of voice, rested one of his large hands on Li's lower back, and steered her around Jake like a security guard.

Once they stood out in the hallway, his bitterness echoed off the bare walls and filtered into our room, "I'd say fuck you Harrison but, knowing you two, Harper's already got that covered."

Hold the biggest dick measurements!

"Hey -" I started with the intention that comment deserved a bacon and eggs punch when Li's small form stepped in between us. All I saw was the back of her head but by whatever look she shot up at Kieran, his stiffened expression relaxed and a slight amount of guilt seeped into his eyes when he lifted them over her head.

"Sorry," he mumbled at me but pointed one finger at Jake. "No offense, but this guy can't make a decision without consulting his dick first."

"Kieran," Jake started with a hint of guilt in his voice and swallowed lightly. "Look, uhh, I -"

"Fuck you, Jake." Kieran bumped his shoulder roughly and Jake stumbled back a step.

Like a stupidass caveman, Jake palmed Kieran's chest and shoved him out into the hallway, where he dragged Li with him. Within one step, Jake pressed his former best friend against the bare white walls, then pinned his forearm where Kieran's neck met his chest.

"Look, dumbass -" Jake started, his voice low and laced with a warning. "You don't get it."

Jake's words obviously struck a nerve in Kieran because he roared back at a decibel level that I'd never heard from him, "No, you don't get it! All you do is fucking take what you want!"

Both my and Li's shoulders jolted but Kieran had just gotten revved up. His chest heaved with a few uneven breaths, bright green blazed in his eyes, and he stared menacingly straight into Jake's surprised face. "And you don't give a fuck about anyone's feelings that you hurt along the way. I've had enough of you, your selfish bullshit, and the trail of hurt people you leave behind."

I gave Jake a lot of credit for how still he stood, even though his own eyes darkened until his irises looked almost black.

With one shove against Jake's hand on his chest, Kieran leaned his head away and glowered at him. "You deserve Harper fucking you until she's done so you know what it feels like be tossed out like trash."

I'm sorry, what!?

My body, still flushed with heat, burned hot as I glared at him. Tiny stings erupted in my palms from how hard my nails bit into the warm flesh on the interior of my tightened fists.

In comparison, sadly, Jake's brutal honesty to his mom suddenly paled in comparison to whatever shit Kieran spewed at us.

I mean me. Spewed at me.

The muscles in Jake's arms clenched until a thin vein protruded, which wound down his bicep to the elbow crook he now pressed into the base of Kieran's throat. All the other predictable angry-Jake signs were on full display: jaw clenched, fisted knuckles white, ape-like pants, and a venomously dark glare like Jake wanted Kieran incinerated with one glance, if possible.

Jake's thin lips parted, then curled up at one corner in a sneer that revealed his tightly clenched teeth. When he spoke though, he said the last word I'd expected, growled out with more of a threat than the pinned chokehold position he held Kieran in.

"Apologize."

I, however, wanted nothing to do with being the middle filling in this dick-Oreo sandwich. With one step forwards, my hand circled around Jake's rock-tense wrist and squeezed until he relented his grip. The fire that burned in his dark eyes slowly dwindled with each blink as I stared up at him with one slightly arched eyebrow in a silent, 'Really want to go there?' challenge.

Ape punching match though... Now that's a date.

One low grunt from Jake at Kieran's silence was all I needed before an internal flip was switched. "And you, Friendzone. Tuck your dick between your legs and don't apologize because I don't want it!" I snapped, yanked Jake's closest elbow, and shoved him forwards. Once he stood inside our room, I slammed the door closed with him still inside.

Before Kieran or Li responded past the wide-eyed looks they gave me, I thrust my phone under his nose and thumbed through my album. Once I found the video file I wanted, which was really a recording of the inside of my coat pocket from the Brazilian salon, my thumb hit play.

Based on the way a frown drew Li's thin, black eyebrows together, Brittany's chirpy voice was unrecognizable to her. Kieran's eyes, however, snapped right down to my screen when her words filled the silent hallway.

"I'll get him back though."

My voice rang through next, thick with sarcasm and drier than my vagina was the more I thought about tonight's date. "Really..."

My eyes nearly rolled out of their sockets at the baby-coo level of Brittany's voice as she chirped out, "Oh yes... I was only dating him to break up with him halfway through the season anyways. It was working... until..."

I ignored the sympathy that pooled in Li's eyes, smashed my thumb on the stop button, and silently pointed the corner of my phone at Kieran's face. I'd already said 'fuck you' too many times that, if I had a swear jar, then it was now a bank vault. Instead, I just clenched the right corner of my mouth into my cheek and stuffed my phone back into my pocket.

Chew on that, Friendzone.

After I turned on my heel and opened our dorm room again, Kieran's mumbled words hit the back of my head like he'd swung a baseball bat instead.

"Doesn't make a difference."

"That's your problem then." I scoffed over my shoulder, yanked the door open, and stepped back inside our room. "See you later, Li."

Jake's back was turned towards me when the door clicked behind me. The soft sound echoed through the small space and sounded as loud as if I'd slammed the door shut.

"Sorry," I mumbled. "He doesn't know about Brittany. You..."

An unreadable emotion filled Jake's eyes as they shifted in my direction, so I closed mine for a few breaths that slowed the hammered number my heart did on my chest walls. At the sound of crinkled plastic, I opened them and saw that he extended the roses towards me, although whatever good intentions he'd had dissolved into the awkward silence that filled the room after Li and Kieran left.

Oh shit, our dorm room.

"Yeah, let's talk about me." An arrogant tone coated Jake's voice as he pointed the roses at each one of his posters like a baton. "Me, me too, me over here, me there,... me up above me, me again, oh, and look... me next to me."

Just when I thought this couldn't get any worse... It just did.

"They're not mine," I gritted out and opened my mouth for an ego slam comment when Jake shut me up. With one arm lift, he thrust the coral roses into my hands. The sweet scent filled my nose as my fingers circled around the stems and up close the light pink-peach petals were edged with a blood red, almost crimson color.

"What are you playing with here!?" I gaped down at the flowers. "You... didn't have to do this."

"Fuck, you're difficult. I wanted to. And the florist said they mean - fuck, never mind," he muttered quietly and dropped his eyes down. "But yeah, I wanted to surprise you."

"Mission accomplished with whatever the fuck exchange that was with Kieran, you dick-mailing asshole," I deadpanned and roamed my eyes around my desk area around for a vase.

While Jake grumbled a few inaudible words that - fine, they were "What the fuck is dick-mailing?" - I rummaged through my desk for a viable replacement for the roses. Since glass vases were not in the list of packed items I'd brought, I grabbed my plastic bathroom cup, filled it with water in the bathroom, then lurched to a stop when I saw Jake's position hadn't changed.

His eyes were smug as fuck while they took another circular sweep around my and Li's room.

All of it.

"Don't even think about asking about Li's damn posters," I grumbled, set the flowers in the water, and pushed Jake out of the room.

"I could autograph them." The grin he now wore was beyond bearable. "Is that why you didn't want to fuck here? Not sure which one of me to look at?"

"No, your ego and fat ass won't fit." My palms slammed into his back as a loud, hearty laugh bobbed his tipped back throat. Before I slammed the door behind me, he took in all seven posters. Laugh after laugh rolled out of him as his chest and shoulders bounced.

With a smack dead center in his chest, I just muttered, "Fuck you," stomped my left heel down onto his nearest foot, and headed towards the stairs. "And dick-mailing, for the record, is how you convinced me that we have to do this tonight. So there'd better be dick tonight, or -"

Jake cut me off when his hands gently shoved me into the hallway wall. Warmth from his palms spread over my shoulders and my lips parted when his feet stepped outside mine. He surged forwards and pinned my ass and back flat with one press of his hips. My eyes fluttered closed as his head bent down, but my lips parted in a silent gasp from the sting that burst in my right earlobe from where his teeth sank down.

In a low, gravelly voice that vibrated my ear and a stiffening interest between his legs that he grinded against me, he murmured, "I'll ram my dick so hard inside you, over and over until you're screaming for me not to stop. I'll fuck you senseless while your fingernails claw my back to shreds. I'll shove my cock in so deep that your belly feels full, your back lifts off my bed, your pussy cries when you come because of how hard I've pounded it, and your quivering legs are so weak that I have to carry you back to this dorm room afterwards."

I might have whimpered when Jake pulled back. His eyes were dark and hooded but shone with the intention he was dead serious about every dirty word he'd just lit up my body with like a fucking on switch.

Okay fine. My vagina whimpered, then begged the obvious question, "Can't we just go... do that?" By the twitches in both my twin peaks, my nipples were perked at full attention, my core area ached with warm throbs of frustrated tension, and my brain mushed into one direction.

"No." Jake chuckled, reached down, and adjusted himself. "Besides, after what Kieran just accused me of, I have to prove something to you."

Jake's words hit my aroused body like a cold ice shower and my lips tugged down into a scowl. The mini-drama that preceded this date whirled through my mind until my forehead throbbed with a threatened headache. I'd always thought Kieran was a reasonable guy but his stupidity replayed in my mind as Jake and I walked down the hallway to the elevator.

Stupidly unnecessary drama combined with the edginess I now felt, which included a slight crawling sensation over my skin. My blood still surged quickly through my veins as my still-needy vagina exercised her opinion for tonight's events, until pissed off was an understatement of how I felt.

This is why I don't do dates.

While the car ride back to Jake's house was beyond quiet, I pulled out my phone for a much-needed distraction and looked up the meaning behind coral roses. The first meaning that popped up in a browser search smacked me in the face.

The coral rose is literally a mix of yellow and red, so its meaning sits between 'You are my friend' and 'I love you.' The coral rose message is a step down from the red roses, 'I love you,' but signify deeper meanings past platonic friendship. Coral roses are a wonderful first date option since they express enthusiasm without going overboard.

The definition blurred as my phone screen shook and I realized, having taken Jake's car, my bungee cords hadn't made the trip over.

Fuck, I need a drink. Or two.

Even better, twelve.