A/N: Mature content.

Let's get one thing crystal clear... I am no one's little spoon.

Except apparently Jake Harrison's.

Two hours after we fell asleep again, his wall of heat and sweat burned my backside, his sweaty armpit roped over my upper arm, and wave after wave of his hot breath panted down the back of my neck.

"I'm sorry." Jake's fingers traced over a faint bruise on my right hip with his lame apology, because both his smug voice and fucking sparkles in his eyes over my shoulder said he wasn't the least bit sorry.

"Don't apologize." I turned my head back and looked directly into his eyes. "I should be. I...bottle up everything inside, I disconnected myself a long time ago... because of you, for all people."

"If we're on the apology list, I owe you from seven years ago. What I said, what I did," he replied softly while his thumb rubbed arcs on my cheek. "Was wrong... I'm genuinely sorry."

"I bury myself into my physical feelings because it feels good," I murmured softly as his fingers intertwined with mine. "I don't have to feel anything else. And... you're the best one I've been with in that department."

"Same," was his immediate response. "Even with all the -"

"Okay, let's not go through the history highlight reel." I rolled my eyes. "And I'm not going to monologue all of your redeemable qualities because frankly I'm not sure if you actually have any."

"My charms?" His eyebrows lifted. I shook my head, but a smile tugged on my lips.

"My muscles?" I pretended I raked my eyes over his broad chest, which puffed up a little, then shook my head.

His lips split into an toothy grin. "My seven-"

My hand clamped over his mouth. "Yes."

I slid my hand down and placed it on the center of his chest. He wrapped his other one over and flattened my palm over where his heart rate throbbed wildly.

"You know what you do to me," he whispered quietly and pressed my palm tighter against his heartbeat. "But this is why I won't let you go. I... can't. I never have, and never will."

At that moment, I realized my heart was beating just as fast.

I cupped my palm to his cheek and gently grazed the rough stubble on his chin with the pads of my fingers. "Whenever I ran, when I took an out.. it was just my fucked up way of not wanting to admit I wanted you. And I... I still don't want anyone other than you."

With those words, the muscles in his face tensed and his jaw tightened, not with his typical

anger but a strained, unspoken emotion. His eyes shifted one shade darker and glossed over momentarily.

"We're fucked up," I choked out under the dry pressure that squeezed my throat tighter. "Messy. We can't communicate clearly without fucking first. But..."

Come on inner Hallmark. Help.

"Sometimes the hardest relationships are the ones worth not giving up."

That sounded better in its previously thought about version.

"Not giving up?" Jake's eyebrows drew together and he softly snorted. "Really? That's your line?"

"Roses are red, violets are blue..." I paused while my shoulders pitched at the laugh I held back. "Fuck my tits? I don't know!"

As I hoped, Jake's head tipped back and he laughed loudly.

My eyes dropped to his lips momentarily. As I dragged them back up to his, I found his already locked on mine. With a tug of his hands on the back of my neck, he pulled me in closer and kissed me gently. Both of my palms held his face as I returned the kiss and smashed my lips against his. Waves of relief and reassurance washed over me as how much I wanted him, and not in the physical way, over the past six months started to take over.

His forehead pressed against mine as he drew back slightly. "I won't say the words because I'll know you'll freak out but just know that I do."

"I know." My lips, puffy and warm, curled up. "You're completely obsessed with me, always have been, and always will be."

"No more leaving, no more running away," he mumbled vibrations against my lips. "You can hit me, scratch my skin off, fuck my brains out, whatever you want but you have to stay."

At that, I balled my right hand into a fist and punched him, not lightly, near his armpit.

He barely moved, only rolled his eyes. "I didn't mean literally right now."

I wrapped my arms over his tight, tensed shoulders and curled a few strands of his dark hair over my fingers. "But then we can get to the back scratching and fuck it out part."

He grabbed my hips, then rolled over me until his hips pressed down on mine. His hard cock was just as sprung as he was two hours ago. The warm, tight skin pressed against my mound, which tingled with sensitivity, and I wiggled against him for friction.

Jake's response was his hips thrust down and pinned me in place. He rolled his weight onto one elbow, and intertwined our fingers. Surprisingly, the move didn't bother me as much as it used to and I squeezed my palm into his.

His other large palm reached between my legs and cupped warmly and firmly around my core area. The pressure and firmness of his grip intensified as one of his fingers ran along my seam in long, soft strokes.

A gasp escaped me as his mouth closed over my nipple, then caressed my peak until it tightened under his tongue's command. A tiny sting erupted as his teeth sunk down, then went back to wet, soothing strokes from his tongue that shot wildfire straight between my legs. Ache and warmth flushed through me and lit my body up from under my skin.

His breath flowed warm tickles over my skin as he inhaled deeply, then exhaled and his nose nuzzled into my other breast. The warmth of desire in my core tightened against his fingers increased tenfold when his lips captured my other nipple and sucked hard. The tiny sting burst out, chased with a rush of warm heat that flushed through my chest.

After a trail of kisses down my ribs and stomach that only flamed my arousal further, he lowered down to his knees at the edge of the bed. My breath caught in my throat once his palms forced my thighs open and his nose stroked over the wet, desperate area between my legs that throbbed for his attention.

As if he felt as impatient as I did with his own teasing, his fingers stroked along the line of my folds, his mouth closed over me, and his invasive tongue up stroked and down my clit.

"Fuck," I cursed up to the ceiling as my thighs quivered from the warm, wet, tickling sensations. His tongue moved more gently than last night, like he caressed over my tenderized folds and they throbbed in appreciation. My fists balled and lower back arched as the warm frustration of an incoming orgasm built inside me.

I came quickly, with a rush of arousal but he didn't budge. His tongue movements slowed, but continued in a teasing, flicking sensation like he couldn't get enough of me.

Faster than I felt comfortable admitting, I'd already started to feel the same way.

Or like he said, I never stopped.

His dark eyes danced with amusement and his lips parted like he wanted to say something, but he only ran his tongue over them. After a slight hesitation, he gave what I considered as a compliment, "I need to be inside you."

My arousal glistened on his chin and lips as he climbed back over me and smashed his lips hard against mine. With fast hands, Jake spread my legs open with his palms, not that I had any resistance, and knelt down between them. With one hand, he wrapped one of my legs around his hip and the other rubbed his tip over my folds. They pulsed faintly and the dark look in his eyes said he knew exactly what he was doing.

Cocky fucker.

After he positioned himself outside my entrance, my hands dropped to his hips and I tugged us together impatiently. His eyes burned dark and intense as he guided the head of his cock past my entrance, then pressed deeper. We both inhaled sharply as he stretched me open. With a push of his hips, he filled me with his long, thick cock and my inner walls clenched with anticipation and need.

His body loomed over mine, illuminated by the streams of sunlight like an imposing vision of raw strength and power. The muscles in his arms pulled taut as he pressed himself up and his torso lifted and dropped as he thrust right into me. He wore an alluring look on his face as he took what he wanted from me, his abdominal muscles tensed into a stacked wall, and his V-line flexed and gyrated with each buck of his hips.

His free hand cupped underneath my ass, then pulled me up against him as he pushed forwards. The combination shoved him in deep and hard, just the way both of us craved and loud, needy sounds erupted from my lips.

With our deeper confessions exposed, every thrust we met together felt like a two-sided apology. Our hands clutched tightly where they could as we grabbed and groped each other roughly like two clumsy teenagers fumbling through the dark.

With a grunt, his arms tugged me up towards his chest and I moaned as my inner walls clenched down on his shaft. They swelled with heat and squeezed him all the way down to the base. His hands grounded into the flesh on my hips and titled me into a slight angle as his hips bucked into mine. My pelvic area throbbed in response as my fingers clenched down onto his broad shoulders. With a grounded press of my heels, I met him on his next thrust.

We both traded moans and grunts, with the sound as our skin slapped contact increased with Jake's speed and power. I doubted that he made up for lost time and more rammed his fucking point home with each orgasm he pushed me into.

I just want a fucking chance to show you that I should be yours.

"You..." My lungs burned as I gasped out for air. "Might have... proven your point."

For once, Jake didn't prod me for an answer. He just leaned forwards and slammed his lips hard against mine. My body rocked as he pushed harder, my moans swallowed into his mouth, and I fucking loved him for it.

Jake spent the entire week I was in Hawaii with me. We fucked, a lot, we apologized even more, and we enjoyed our low-key, relaxed vacation. From walks on the beach, scuba dives with turtles and dolphins, and a lot of meals delivered to my hotel room since he basically moved in there after our first night together, we honestly and truly reconnected.

In probably the best decision for the near future, Jake secured a housing loan that ensured he had his own off-campus apartment for his fifth and final year at USC. While a part of me, apparently a completely insane part of me, actually considered we lived together, I had a good laugh when I came to my senses and Dad secured me my own place.

Not as much changed between us than in the previous year. We fucked first, argued stupidly, but this time heard each other's side. Then, surprisingly, our argument turned into stupid shit, like why Jake had shifted from coral colored roses to red on our dates. The cocky ass told me I couldn't handle the truth yet.

In comparison to Jake's previous season, his last season as USC's quarterback was incredibly boring and tame. From my seat wedged between Mrs. H. and Delilah and my knees bunched up behind Earl's old ass, the individual games were exciting. With his mounting hopefulness for being NFL-drafted, Jake played ridiculously well. Without Logan heading up UW anymore, USC ended up the PAC-12 champions and secured the Rose Bowl berth.

After the piece of red and yellow confetti twirled down onto the Rose Bowl stadium's turf, Jake grabbed me in a completely cliché moment and kissed me hard, on national television. So, I returned the favor, monkey clung onto his torso, and hooked my feet around his waist.

My heart pounded hard in my chest and I gasped for breath. I detached my lips with a soft pop and groaned as Jake's hands tucked into the back pockets of my jeans and palmed my ass... on national television.

The spring semester brought our last round of classes, Jake's NFL preparations, combine invitation, Senior Bowl game, and one last unattended personal redemption moment between Jake and his former best friend from high school.

I wasn't sure how I was supposed to react to Kieran's admission that he wasn't angry with his best friend of seven years, but he'd given up. Whenever I asked Jake, he hadn't shown much of a reaction other than passively expressed anger, but I knew he fronted guilt with anger.

Seems like a situation that can be blown over easily if they're trapped in the same room together.

At that thought, a brilliantly wicked idea crept into my mind.

If I know anything, then it's a pint-sized Asian who can convince Kieran to do anything.

As long as I convince her first.

"You sure about this?" By the frown on her face, Li looked completely unconvinced.

I hadn't seen Li since her and Kieran's undergrad graduation in May and we met up eight months later, in the following March. Her hair was longer and eyes more tired, but she glowed with a quiet sense of contentment when we met up almost a year after she and Kieran had taken their MCATs.

"Oh yeah." I nodded firmly. "We're doing this."

The four of us stood inside a shaky elevator that descended down to an imaginary military laboratory, to work with a team of scientists and discover an antidote against a deadline world virus, courtesy of The Virus Escape Room, presented by Get the F Out.

I'm not making this up.

While the virtual reality component set up the game's challenges, Li and I exchanged amused glances with each other and the 'host' of our event. Technically, Jake and Kieran didn't know, but we'd arranged ahead of time for a special version of this eight-person escape room experience.

"Right this way," the intern 'Jeff,' welcomed the group into the room. Li and I lingered towards the back of the herd and she clamped her hand over her mouth.

Just as the laboratory doors slowly shut, Li and I scooted back out into the hallway and wiggled our fingers at Jake and Kieran, who threw us completely dumbfounded looks over their shoulders. After the door shut and locks clicked, our giggles intermixed and we laughed until my sides hurt.

"Think they'll figure it out?" she squeaked out and rubbed her fingers over her eyes.

"They have an hour. Either they'll work together and figure it out or punch each other stupidly," I replied dryly. "Up for some coffee while we wait?"

Li and I caught up, or tried to. She pretended that she cared about my bachelor's degree courses and I pretended I understood her med school terminology. Her and Friendzone seemed just as close, although she admitted she worried about being separated for their rotations.

Sixty minutes after Li and I had abandoned Jake and Kieran, our phones both lit up with suggestive messages that we were 'in for it.' Jake's version was much dirtier, obviously, and I smiled at his empty delayed orgasm threats.

We finished off our drinks and met the guys outside the escape room. My mouth dropped wide open at how casually the two exited onto the sidewalk, their heads tipped back in hearty laughs. Jake even slapped a hand on Kieran's shoulder. But I snapped my mouth shut and shook my head when I took in the red swelling around Kieran's eye and Jake's split lip.

"Did you really have to punch each other?" I groaned quietly and spit-dabbed at the dried blood on Jake's lower lip.

He offered just a shoulder lift and crooked grin that faded under the pressure on his cut. "Yep."

My eyebrows lifted. "Is that a guy thing or a stupid thing?"

Li cursed quietly in Mandarin, which earned her a chuckle and kiss on the cheek from Kieran. "Come on, let's go back. Can't wait to see you explain that incoming black eye to my parents."

A few hugs later, we parted ways. When Jake and I got back to his car, his arms snaked around my waist and he buried his nose into my hair.

"That was dirty, Harper," he warned me but feathered his lips behind my ear, which lifted up my shoulders slightly.

"Did it work?" I clasped my hands over his and interlocked our fingers. A small squeak left me as his arms Heimlich-hugged me tightly.

"Yeah," he admitted softly, then chuckled. "But you're still going to get it when we get back to my place."

I spun around in his arms, placed a quick kiss on his lips, then patted his cheek. "I'd better."

Once we got back to Jake's one-bedroom apartment, he surprised me when he stopped in the kitchen. 

"Jake..." I looked straight into his eyes as he lifted up my ass and plopped it onto his cold, hard kitchen counters and danged my legs over the edge. "I've been thinking about you, me, us."

"Don't scare me," he warned with a flash in his eyes that gave away his teasing.

"I mean it," I insisted quietly. "I'll... stay."

"Really." He stared at me in disbelief, as if my words hadn't registered inside that pea-sized brain.

Good thing that's not the organ size I care about anyways.

"Yeah... Our relationship is all kinds of fucked up and weird, we're sexual miscreants, and absolute shit with expressing our feelings," I teased him with a smirk.

"Never took you for the romantic type," sarcasm dripped from his voice, but a faint spark ignited in his dark eyes like a small, warm candle glow.

"But..." I continued slowly and trailed my fingers over his chest. "It's our fucked up and weird."

"So... you're saying..." he prompted as the spark flickered brighter.

Apparently, he wanted to torture me into reciting poems and vomiting my feelings, so I drew in a slow, deep breath.

"I just want you and me." Any lingering senses of panic vanished under the warmth that burned in his gaze. "I'm sorry it took me so long to realize that... probably too long."

"I've been waiting almost a year to hear you say that," he murmured quietly, not cocky or condescending, but softly, as if he was in awe that I'd finally said them.

"I'm a bit of a slow work in progress," I mumbled and lowered my eyes.

While I considered taking the words back because fuck, they didn't sound like me, he stopped my movements with his hands clamped on my thighs. My thoughts halted too when he murmured in a quiet, steady voice.

"It's always been you, Harper."

"Is this where we have some cheesy, cliché, romantic sunset kiss?" I arched my eyebrows at him as my fingers danced up the lengths of his arms and rested on his shoulders.

He stepped in between my legs, so I hooked my ankles around him and tugged us flush. "Not when you ruin the moment like thmph-" I cut him off when I pulled myself forwards and gently pressed my lips on his.

While Jake's cut had stopped bleeding, it was still slightly puffy. I wouldn't have known though, because he caged his arms around me, and gripped the back of my neck aggressively. Quivers trembled down my spine as our lips moved against each other roughly, desperately, as if we were reintroduced after being apart for too long.

Once our lips parted and locked onto each other, I tilted my head for easier access and internally smiled as his tongue thrust against mine. He tasted warm, inviting, and intoxicating as our tongues stabbed roughly at each other's. I relented and gave up everything in that kiss, control, self absorption, and succumbed to the deeper feelings behind it.

He pulled back slightly, withdrew his tongue for a breath, then pressed his lips gently against mine. That moment of tenderness shocked me more than the mouth mauling kiss, and my own lips parted in a slight gasp. With a breath, his large hands wrapped over my jawline and his rough fingers gently caressed over my cheeks.

My eyes flipped open and blinked a few times at the intensity he stared back at me with. The same intensity smashed his lips hard against mine. After I gently broke off and we recovered our breathing patterns to something less asthmatic, the corners of his lips tugged into a wide, cocky grin.

"But..." My eyes dropped with my teasing tones and I rolled my lower lip inward, then released it with a pop. "About football..."

"I don't know where that's going," he reminded me of the obvious. "I could get injured tomorrow and it's all over."

"But we both know where you want to be," I countered and shifted my eyes towards his NFL combine invitation. His opened letter sat on top of his mail pile, right next to me. "Where you should be."

Without a blink, he nodded. "The draft. It's in New York City this year. You want to go?"

"No." My blue eyes rolled. "I mean, yes if you want but -"

Jake cut me off when his hands clenched tightly onto the waist of my jeans, which needed to be puddled on the floor of his bedroom, or any room in his apartment, the longer we stood flush like this. His eyes and voice deepened with a certainty that shook me inside, "Fuck yes I want."

"Fine." I exhaled sharply. Annoyance slipped into my voice because he'd totally missed my point, "What I meant was afterwards, wherever you're drafted to... I'll go."

Look at me. Growth.

I meant those words; I was more flexible than just in different sex positions, even if we'd needed to start with those again first.

"What?" Jake's jaw dropped and his hands squeezed down so tight, I grunted. His eyes glued to mine as a smile spread across his mouth. "Say that again."

"Where you go, I'll go," I said in a flat, bored voice although internally my heart pounded like it wanted to burst through my chest.

"You sure?" he pressed like he knew the weight of my sacrifice, the same one his parents and Ellie probably made during high school.

"It's my choice, dickhead," I assured him.

His eyebrows lifted up high into his forehead. "What about LA?"

"That's the beauty of lawyers." My lips curled upwards. "They're like cockroaches, too many to know what to do with. My paralegal cert is only good in California, but..."

I folded my lips inward again and held them for a few moments. "But it's only six to twelve months. I did it once and I can do it again if I need to."

"You shouldn't have to -" he started when I smashed his mouth shut with one of my fingers pushed into the warm, soft skin. His voice muffled around and vibrated my finger, "Don't want you to regret it or feel like UCLA was a waste."

"It wasn't." The corners of my lips curled upwards. "I did it... And no one can take that away from me."

Jake's hands left my hips and his arms tugged around me so fast that he squeezed the air out of my lungs. "You did..." he murmured into the side of my neck, his voice full of pride.

"But..." My head tipped back, chin up to the ceiling as I laughed. "We need some rules."

Jake snorted and pulled back but the sparkle in his dark brown eyes gave away the face he knew I teased. With a flinch on his lips, he humored me, "Fine. You're my girlfriend, mine. In all definitions, mine. In public, mine. Everywhere -"

"I'm working a job," I blurted out in between his mushy word vomit. "And I'm not doing WAG-shit."

His broad shoulders shrugged. "Whatever you want."

"Clean tests," I teased with a finger tap into the tip of his nose.

"Fuck, you know I haven't -" he growled out but then realized I wasn't serious and shot me an unamused look. "Hilarious."

"No couple shit," I continued but gave him more incentive and removed my shirt. "No anniversaries, couple song, movie, restaurant. None of that gooey mushiness."

"We're celebrating our anniversary..." He released one of his arms around me and pulled out his phone. "June eleventh, every year."

"I meant no high school six-week, three-month, but fine," I relented, then flashed him a smirk. "But the flowers you get me are... nice."

"Glad you appreciate my student budget." He grinned and wrapped both his arms back around me again.

"What now?" This was unchartered territory for me, signified by the racing heartbeats that thundered my pulse through my veins. "Because if the next step is matching outfits and cute nicknames for each other, then my ass is out of here."

"Fuck our brains out?" His shoulder shrugged again but his hands cupped around my ass and tugged me halfway off the counter.

"Works for me." Now I was the one who smirked as he pulled me down to stand and we separated.

As his fingers wrapped around mine, warmth burned in my chest. The sensations spread across my body as I recognized the stifling, near suffocating feelings that I ran from for so many years. This time, I just inhaled deeply, kissed Jake again, and surrendered myself to them.

Trust.

Openness.

Love.

And maybe, just maybe... love wasn't so bad.