"Ugh..." My nostrils flared as I took in a deep breath and scanned my eyes over the rolling hills of lush greenery in front of me. "Fresh air."

"Won't kill you." Ellie's elbow linked in between mine. "This'll be fun."

"Just hang the penis necklace around me already so I can choke myself with it," I grumbled and looked down at the white, satin 'Bride to be' sash that hung diagonally across her chest. It was already wrinkled from our drive up here, which admittedly was a lot more fun than I'd expected.

Ellie's friends though... Highly questionable.

Let's see, we've got a meddling ex-roommate, a lactating NFL wife, and... me.

"Request granted!" A chirpy female voice erupted behind me and a muscular bicep slipped over my head. I groaned at the strategically hot-glued together three pieces of cork that looked like an over stylized set of cock and balls and rested right between my breasts.

That length has to be intentional... the necklace length.

"Perfect." Charlie, the meddling ex-roommate one, patted my shoulders.

On this surprisingly lovely mid-April day, Ellie and two of her friends had flown into Sacramento's airport, since it was cheaper and less of a driving headache than San Francisco. After I stayed overnight with Dad, I drove up from Santa Cruz, picked them up, and took a road trip I'd never have expected.

Maid of honor sacrifices.

Going back to my old bedroom in Dad's house, which felt a lot smaller than I remembered, was a mindfuck of memory lane wherever I looked. Four baby pink walls surrounded me, the same color Vanessa painted before my seventh birthday and I hadn't changed since.

The personal items I'd kept there because they'd felt 'important' when I left for UCLA now seemed trivial and superficial. I packed away a lot of high school memorabilia and pictures, donated my prom and Homecoming dresses before they became too out of style, and paused when I came across the picture of me, Ellie, and Jake at Santa Cruz's high school division playoff win.

My fingers traced around Jake's grin as nostalgia gripped the edges of my heart. With a sigh, I put the picture back on my dresser, surrounded by a lot less but I smiled when I added a recent picture of Wyatt. He still rested in at-home quarantine but his hair had fully grown in, identical in color to mine.

And still obsessed with Sponge Bob memes, I don't get it.

I wasn't entirely sure what Charlie's post-college plans were, and honestly, I'd nearly fallen asleep when her explanation included her hopefully NFL-bound fiancé, Wes Brown. Even for a student athlete herself on UW's tennis team, she seemed like a normal, non-bitchy representative of the blonde-haired, blue-eyed community. Part of me always appreciated how she'd taken care of Ellie when they'd lived together at UW.

Not gonna lie, the milkmaid one freaks me out a little.

Monique, Ellie's other friend, was a tall, strikingly beautiful black girl with frazzled nerves and a fucking breast bump lodged onto her during the ride up here. For her privacy, her pumping had left me with my eyes staring straight out the windshield for most of our drive up to Napa Valley.

"You can look," she'd teased me, then cackled when I winced at the sight of her pumping bottles full of milk and still attached to her breasts.

I was pretty sure my nipples inverted at the sight.

No no no. Never.

"It's not as glamorous as it looks," she grumbled, detached the cups, and wiped her dark brown nipples clean.

"That would not have been my first choice of words," I admitted and cupped one hand on the side of my eyes.

Surprisingly, the weirdest exchange by far, which replayed through my mind a few times during our drive, hadn't been with one of Ellie's friends but one of my ex-boyfriends. Technically and semantically, he was my only real ex-boyfriend but I barely recognized the tall, brown-haired, brown-eyed man who stood with a baby strapped onto his stomach and another small child gripped tightly onto each of his hands. By their approximately same size and age similarity, the boy and girl with curly brown hair and wide brown eyes looked like twins.

"Holy cow, Harper?" He bounded straight over to me, with rugrats in tow. The baby's dangled limbs bounced a few times over his chest. Her brown eyes blinked up at me and a glisten of drool dribbled over her chin.

It looks... sticky.

I blinked a few times until the warmth in his brown eyes hit me from behind his glasses. "Ryan!?"

"It is you!" He smiled brightly. "What are you doing here?"

"It's an airport pickup area," I replied dryly as four similarly brown eyes blinked up at me curiously next to each of Ryan's long, thin legs. "I'm picking up Ellie for a weekend trip. You?"

"My wife, she's flying back in from - oh, there she is. Izzy!" He waved frantically, which jiggled the baby's dangling legs a little. With his nose, he nodded at each kid then the baby, "This is Peyton, Olive, and Easton. And Isabella, my wife."

Absolute adoration beamed out of Ryan's eyes, which I followed to a short, very pregnant woman with tanned skin and black hair. She waddled across the white painted walkway with a beautiful smile, pulled a rolling suitcase behind her, and her other arm outstretched.

"Hi!" she cooed out, hugged her kids, and kissed Ryan with a loud smack of their lips.

Wow. Ryan's been busy since high school.

I'm... really happy for him.

"Your flight good? Feeling alright? Are you -" Doting father looked adorable on Ryan and I couldn't help but smile at their exchange.

"I'm fine." Her brown eyes beamed up at him, then flipped at me. "Who's this, Ry?"

"Just a friend from high school," I answered vaguely. At the gleaming gold wedding band on her left ring finger, I added, "You must be his wife."

"I am," she replied proudly, then palmed her stomach and moaned softly. Her eyes fluttered for a few moments. "Sorry, baby kicks. This one moves like he thinks he's a professional soccer star and my ribs are the ball."

"Ahh," I replied lamely, then inwardly thanked Ellie when my phone lit up with her update that they'd gotten their luggage. "Excuse me, it was nice to meet you. And good to see you, Ryan."

They waved goodbye, then Ryan grabbed his wife's suitcase and herded their kids across the walking path to the parking lot. Thankfully, two minutes later Ellie and her friends strode up, wrapped me in uncomfortable tight hugs, then we all headed up... well, here.

The four of us stepped out of my car in front of Caneros, a sprawling resort area that looked like a vacation house dropped right in the middle of rolling vineyards and green hills. Charlie had found and reserved the joint, which looked lovely in a high-end, rustic, white siding, green-roofed farmhouse kind of vibe. Over the rhythmic whirs of Monique's breast pump, I'd heard about way too much 'farm to table' discussions about the food between Ellie and Charlie on the way up.

They better not slaughter a cow or chicken on our dinner table, that's all I have to say.

While technically I was the maid of honor, I'd happily forfeited any and all responsibilities that Charlie willingly took over. And she happily indulged, even though that meant wine cork penis necklaces and I'm fairly certain a few lameass Ellie-related games in our future.

At least I can drink myself numb if I need to this weekend, but probably best I hadn't planned this weekend for Ellie.

I don't envy Adonis for his bachelor's version though.

"So, what's Adonis doing right now?" I teased Ellie as we walked into the hotel.

"Knowing him, taking a nap." Her small shoulders bounced with a laugh. "He's not as excited about this weekend as he should be, although I think they're only going out Saturday night."

"Not excited?" My eyebrows raised. "About our girl's trip?"

"No." Her long, dark brown hair swung like a curtain across her lower back. "His weekend. I think they're going to Bryce's club tomorrow tonight."

At the wrinkle that creased her nose up to her eye corners, I assumed she meant a strip club. None of me was surprised that Logan's former tool of a high school teammate dropped out of high school, stayed local, and worked at a gentlemen's club.

With a smirk, I wiggled my phone at her. "We can get our own show if you want. I'm sure a G-string banana hammock lap dance for you is just one call away."

"No." She giggled quietly and heaved her suitcase out of my car's trunk, which for the record, I'd cleaned out at Dad's house. "I'm good. And Logan's fine. I know that he's looking forward to seeing some of his friends again. He needs a break though, he was all jittery after the combine tryouts."

"Ellie, he crushed it." Charlie patted her on the shoulder as we stepped up towards the front reception desk. "It's not a matter of if he's drafted, but where. With all the wide receivers this year, Wes is just hoping to get drafted ahead of Mister Irrelevant."

"Mister Irrelevant gets a weeklong celebration though," I teased her.

The very last pick in any NFL draft was named 'Mister Irrelevant." The draftee and his family were invited to a week-long vacation in Newport Beach, California, a trip to Disneyland, free golf, a dinner that I assumed also involved a roast, and the 'Lowsman Trophy,' which showed a football player that fumbled a ball.

My joking aside, Charlie was right. I hadn't followed the game in person but Li and I had watched the PAC-12 Championship game on TV. The flashes of Jake were definitely bittersweet reminders of my own stupidity but he played exceptionally well and Logan just slightly edged him out.

"And I'm sure you'll hear from him." My eyes rolled because I assumed Ellie would've gotten at least one 'Yours are nicer' text from Adonis tomorrow night while artificially inflated boobs were dropped in his face.

"Hey!" Monique puffed out her enviously smooth, glowing cheeks with a sharp exhale. "Don't diss naps. They are amazing and I plan to get one as soon as we're in our rooms."

"Oh..." Ellie's face fell as Charlie checked us all in under her reservation. "I was really hoping to take a cooking class. The Institute of Culinary Arts is -"

"Already scheduled one for us. It's starting in forty-five minutes, Ellie," Charlie called over her shoulder, then smiled at the desk attendant who handed her four white room key cards.

Charlie passed out our cards and I noticed my room was between Ellie's and Monique's, Charlie's was on the other side of Ellie's, and all of us were on the ground floor.

Just a short walk down the hallway, we all punched into our rooms, except for Ellie, who threw me a wistful look. I curled my fingers inward to my palm and she smiled and walked up to me.

"What's up?" My question sounded out of the blue but she'd given me side eyed, knowing glances that something occupied her mind since the moment she'd hugged me at the airport.

"It's just... We should sit down." She sighed quietly, so I flicked on the lights and blinked at the beautiful room.

Large, open glass doors covered the wall past the queen-sized bed with white rose petals spilled over the brown comforter. A beautiful sunset painted the backdrop of the vineyards but I ignored it and flopped stomach-down onto the bed.

Ellie sat down gingerly on the opposite corner, her doe-shaped brown eyes pooled with uncertainty.

"Ellie," I assured her and cupped my chin in my palms. "No matter what you have to say, spill the tea. I can take it."

"I know, it's just..." She rolled her lower lip under her teeth and bit down. Her eyes studied mine and darkened. "I know you've had a shitty year and I'm sorry you're going through that with your mom."

"Oh..." I replied flatly, half-relieved she hadn't actually brought up -

"And I'm just going to get this out so it's not hanging in my head this weekend," she rushed out and wrung her left hand in her right, a nervous Ellie gesture. "Jake is seeing someone but it's... not you."

While her reminder of Jake's new girlfriend hit me harder than I comfortably admitted because, why wouldn't Jake have moved on? I had, with Eddie. And I really liked him.

But still, knowing an ex has rebounded stings like a bitch.

"No shit." I snorted softly and went with the sarcastic, obvious response, "Of course it's not me, Ellie."

"No, it's - that's not what I meant." Ellie closed her eyes and shook her head a few times. "It's one of the hospital nurses, Jana. What I meant was... he doesn't -"

"Doesn't owe me any explanation," I interrupted her. "I know he's seeing her, we met at Wyatt's hospital ceremony."

"Oh..." Adorably, her entire face flushed pink and her voice dropped to a barely audible mumble, "Sorry, just wanted to tell you. He mentioned bringing her to the wedding, if..."

While I was touched about her concern, it was completely unnecessary. "Ellie, it didn't work out. I fucked up, not just at the end but practically through the entire thing. It's just... we're just... not good together."

I meant every word. The open, honest relationship I now shared with Eddie, while admittedly less raw, sizzling sparks were also there, had opened my eyes to how horribly I'd treated Jake. Many, many mistakes, from where I'd been closed off, suppressed, avoided, and ignored the feelings I'd developed for him preceded my bullshit excuses of why I'd ended our arrangement.

Raw, toe-curling, chaotic sex isn't everything anyways. Eddie still capably drives me into orgasm station, even if his favorite position is missionary.

Above any other aspect of our relationship, the part I probably deserved the least, was Eddie truly felt like a friend first. He assured me that he happily took whatever I had to give, although even my fucked-up perspective knew that wasn't fair to him.

Ellie shot me a narrow-eyed look like she was unconvinced, so I reached out and squeezed her hands. "Eddie's not Jake but he makes me happy. He's a nice, sweet guy. And if Jana makes Jake happy then..." My throat strangled each word as I choked out, "That's great."

And if she's just a rebound, well at least he's picking himself back up.

"I'll respect your separate decisions but I've always thought you too were right for each other," Ellie replied quietly and dipped her chin down. "I'm glad you aren't ignoring my calls anymore. I know this wedding stuff isn't your thing but there isn't anyone other than you, Charlie, and Monique that I want on my side."

"I'm sure we could pluck an Anthony off the family tree," I teased but she surprised me with how her small arms flung around me and hugged my shoulders.

"No," she whispered softly into my shoulder. "I'm glad it's you."

"Me too, Ellie." I hugged her back and blinked back that damn watery substance that pooled in the corners of my eyes. "Me too."

After a day and a half pattern of relaxing, wine sampling, Monique and I stretched out by the pool while Ellie and Charlie attended some cooking class, wine sampling, pampering in the resort's spa, wine sampling, and my insistence that a bike ride tour of Napa Valley was a horrible idea, the four of us holed up in Ellie's room.

Technically, three of us sat on Ellie's bed. Monique sat in her arm chair, hooked up to her pump while she, in her words, "pumped and dumped."

I don't want to know but think my nipples inverted again.

As she'd done all weekend, Monique cooed through photos of her husband and three-month old son while they enjoyed their own 'bachelor's weekend.' Charlie and Ellie similarly gushed at each photo while internally my ovaries shriveled up.

DJ is cute but... nope nope nope.

"Hey baby," Logan's deep voice cracked out of Ellie's speaker phone, which laid flat on the bed in the center of our semi-circle. "Are you having fun?"

"Yep," Ellie answered tightly. "Listen, you're on speaker and I need you to answer some questions about me, okay? It's for a game."

"Great," he answered unenthusiastically. "Put me on the hot seat. Give me a minute to go outside because I can barely hear you."

After a few rustled sounds, with the throbs of music in the background, a breeze-like whistle spread over Ellie's phone. "I'm ready."

"Did he just leave his own bachelor's party for this?" Monique cooed, while I snorted. Honestly, I wouldn't have been surprised if we woke up tomorrow morning and Logan had snuck up here and snuggled into Ellie's bed.

One by one, Ellie peppered him with questions and I smirked wider at the more I got right. The other three girls, which included Ellie herself, had answered the questions in terms of how Ellie would've answered them, not Logan.

Amateurs.

What is one thing she can't live without? Logan, which will prompt a teasing that he's not a thing but he's not changing his answer.

Ideal date? Any activity that embarrasses Logan.

Best dish Ellie cooks? Anything but seaweed smoothies.

Celebrity crush? Logan. Actual celebrity? Logan.

What Logan does that annoys her? Breathes. Kidding but it's showing her the hair clogs she makes in the bathroom shower's drain before he throws them in the trash.

I'm guilty of drain clogs too but could've lived with not knowing the last one.

"Thank you, Logan," Ellie cooed in her soft voice, followed by a lot of sweet talk that my ears filtered in but my brain blocked out.

"I'm done," Monique called out and shut off her pump.

"Right, so yay I win." I flashed up my 9/10 scorecard when Ellie hung up. "Can we do presents now? Please?"

"Of course." Charlie adjusted her white silk robe, uncrossed her long, toned legs, and hopped off Ellie's bed.

She and Monique returned to Ellie's room's giant bed and we all sat robed out, hair conditioned and tied up, toes pedicured, and stuffed chocolate-covered strawberries in our mouths between sips of the most amazing Moscato wine.

Seriously, I'm taking a whole trunk full of this stuff home. I will happily spare some duct tape rolls for this stuff.

I wasn't normally one for fruity wines but the almost pear-flavoring from the local white grapes was irresistible. My face was flushed warm but the rest of me oozed with an edge of content.

"Me first." I chucked a giant gift bag over to Bridezilla. She caught sight of the bag's Adam and Eve logo and immediately flipped her eyes up at me in a look of concern. "I can't decide if this is more for you or Logan though, sorry."

Yes, I'd met up with a certain insider sex shop worker while I shopped for Ellie's gifts. In terms of finding bridal stuff in Ellie's size, Delilah was amazingly helpful. The awkward way she'd mentioned she was sorry about me and Jake, not amazingly helpful.

I for sure deserved her, "What the fuck are you doing," bitterness tirade she gave me while I pawed through every XS option that Adam and Eve store sold. She also shot me a look like I was an absolute idiot when my response was Jake had moved on.

"It's cute, promise." I pointed to the black bag, which I'd attached two circular present bows like boobs and taped a white thong on the outside. "And don't worry. It's tasteful. Possibly something I'd consider wearing for a church boy."

"Yeah, but it's expensive." Ellie's round eyes lifted up at me.

"Don't worry." I squeezed her shoulder. "I'd rather spend money on high end underwear for you than a fucking thirty dollar china plate."

"You shouldn't have." She curiously glanced in the bag and gasped, probably at the black lace teddy number and her cheeks flushed bright pink.

"No way I'm letting you spend your wedding night in the grannie panties you prefer, Ellie." I smiled as she pulled out the three nightgown sets, which I'd thought were tasteful but each time her cheeks blushed deeper until her entire face flamed.

"Actually, I planned on not wearing any at... what?" Ellie's fingers dropped the black lace onto her lap and smiled at the three of us, probably because our jaws identically hung open. "Honestly, there's so much wedding planning I'm ignoring. That includes underwear but I will wear these during the honeymoon, so thanks Harper. At this point I'm dreaming that we just elope to one of those island getaways."

"Now I feel lame for getting you this." Charlie handed her a small, rectangular black velvet box. Ellie gasped and pulled out a delicate white pearl bracelet.

"No," she whispered softly and delicately fingered the pearls. "It's beautiful and will be around my neck that day, thank you."

"Mine." Monique whipped a bag right into Ellie's chest.

"Thanks," Ellie replied dryly but her eyes lit up when she pulled out a black cooking apron and read off the white embroidery, "'You'll eat it and you'll love it.' Perfect, thank you."

"I hope it fits," Monique teased her. "It's an extra-small."

"Hilarious," Bride-to-be shot back and glanced around at the gifts. "Thank you, guys. I... am really glad we're all here right now."

"We need to do something fun." I sipped down the rest of my wine glass, which honestly I'd lost count of how many I'd enjoyed but fell somewhere between happily buzzed and still coherent but reckless enough that we really needed some fun infused into this trip before we parted ways tomorrow.

"Like what?" Charlie's blue eyes brightened but Ellie, knowing me better, frowned.

"Hmm... let's go streaking." I giggled and pointed at the black night outside Ellie's room's patio door. "Right past that farm to fresh restaurant."

"We can't do that!" Of course Ellie's spine shot straight up at that idea.

"Speak for yourself, my breasts are like twice as big as normal." Monique frowned. "Imma give myself a black eye if I run around naked."

"Fine, you get a bra and Ellie, you wear just the apron." My eyes rolled upwards then latched onto Charlie's smirk. "Anything else?"

"Shoes," she replied with a giggle and wiggled her toes at me.

"Fine, Charlie and I get shoes." I slipped off the bed.

"This is a bad idea..." Ellie's quiet protests dissolved under a round of collective giggles that meant the wine thought it was a good idea.

My clothes were puddled onto the floor faster than the gasp that left her mouth.

"Oh boy," Ellie muttered and stripped off her clothes slower than Charlie and Monique combined, then fastened the apron around herself tightly.

Monique had managed to find a sports bra and struggled with it while Charlie and I tied our shoelaces, bare asses hinged up in the air. With a few more giggles, Ellie helped Monique with a rolled over edge on her back, then Charlie cracked open the patio door.

As Ellie stuck her head outside into the black night, my hand lightly smacked on one of her bare ass cheeks and she jolted.

"Go already -" I started but she surprised me when those short little legs shot out like a racehorse off a starting gate. Her soft giggles continued after her bare ass disappeared in the dark.

Or maybe more like a miniature pony.

Cool air fanned over my skin as I ran out last, behind the girly squeals that led me in their direction. A hearty laugh bubbled up inside me and my hair tickled as it whipped over my cheeks. My breasts bobbed and ached, my nipples tingled in the cool air, my lungs reminded me I wasn't a runner, and my thighs practically clapped in encouragement from how hard I ran.

But, at that moment, laugh after laugh left me. I felt light, free, and even a weighted pit in my stomach...

Happy.