"I'm so excited!" Mrs. H. gushed, her arms completely stuffed with what looked like all possible wedding dress options clutched into her chest.

"This is the girl who tried on just one dress and chose it for Homecoming," I reminded her as my eyes roamed over delicate lace, silk, satin, tulle, and probably to Ellie's horror, organza. "How many have you got in there?"

"I..." Mrs. Harrison's dark brown eyes, same color as Ellie's but flooded with chagrin, dropped to her armful of pillaged rack scores. "...might have gone a little overboard. But my baby, my only baby girl, is getting married!"

"And we both know Logan would marry her if she wore nothing at all..." I paused and the corners of my lips curled up at Ellie. "Which I bet is his vote if I checked with him."

The three of us stood in J's Bridal, a downtown Santa Cruz shop, surrounded by soft turquoise walls, bridal pictures, and an entire wall of accessories. Mrs. Harrison had flocked straight for the racks of dresses in the bridal store because I'd never seen so many veils, tiaras, wraps, or even jewelry that wasn't in a jewelry store.

"And I just want something... simple," Ellie finally spoke up from where she stood near a wall rack of dresses on hangers. Her empty arms fell limp at her sides and her round eyes threw me a silent 'help me' plea. "Especially now that we have a change in plans."

"Ellie" Her mom screeched and I caught an armful of white fluff that she threw it into my chest and clapped both palms to her cheeks. "Are you... pregnant!?"

Wow, that took a sharp turn.

"No!" Ellie cried out, almost as shrilly, with enough extra volume since the other shoppers, all three of them, shot their gaze in our direction.

At the 'Kill me now' Ellie look, I coughed slightly and nodded at a strapless, curved neckline A-line dress with four layers of chiffon that fluttered when I nudged the hanger with my right elbow. "What uhh... about this one? It's a little plain but add a nice belt and it could work."

"That's... per - really nice," Ellie caught herself, pulled the dress toward her, and draped it over her breasts. No floor sample's length would've worked for Ellie's short height but she gasped when she looked at the tag.

"Great, it's a marked down floor sample -" she started when her Mom huffed.

"Good afternoon, Gianna, oh and this must be our bride Ellie?" A shorter, slightly plump, older woman with round glasses walked up towards us.

If she knows Mrs. H. by first name, how many times has she been in here?

Technically, the three of us had been here before, when Ellie and I had gotten our Homecoming dresses our senior year of high school. I'd also gotten my prom dress from here and swallowed tightly at that bittersweet memory.

At the time, Jake and I had called off our highschool version of the fuckbuddy arrangement. He planned to take both Ellie and me to prom, but pulled up solo in Dad's driveway. We'd had an absolute shit time, spent less than an hour at the dance, and headed to the beach.

If I thought hard enough, I still remembered the damp, cold sand between my bare toes and the warmth from Jake's jacket around my shoulders. We only talked, well, Jake talked and I listened. He'd been distraught after he'd punched out Ryder's lights, nearly lost his football scholarship, and saddled all of us with silence under an NDA that bought Ellie a second chance at UW.

That night, Jake unnecessarily promised me that he wanted to change the toxic, destructive parts of himself.

"I'm an awful person," he'd rasped out and pressed a damp cheek into the back of my neck. "As much as I want to blame it on Ellie's assault, it's my own damn fault."

"You're not," I spoke out towards the ocean. "You just make shitty decisions when you're angry."

At the time I thought he just voiced out his thoughts out loud, but at one point he reached over, cupped my cheek, and mumbled, "I'll be better."

That was the last moment I saw him before he left for USC.

Until I fucked everything up... again.

My eyes fluttered a few times when the older woman smiled at me. "And who is this here? Sister of the bride?"

Huh? Is she blind?

I glanced sideways at Mrs. H. and Ellie, whose dark brown-haired heads came up to my shoulders and shook mine. "I'm Harper, the uhh... maid of honor."

"Hi Harper, I'm Joanne the owner. Welcome," she gushed warmly and shifted her eyes around our area. "We have some wonderful coordinating collections. Are there any more expected in the bridal party?"

"Oh..." Ellie's cheeks turned slightly pink. "Umm, no."

My eyebrows shot up at that decision, but Joanne's eyes dropped to my armful of Mrs. Harrison's selections. "I see you've already gotten started."

"One of us did." I shot Ellie's mom a look as she stepped closer to another rack of options.

"I think this would be a lovely option." Joanne took the dress from Ellie's grasp. "It's a discontinued option though, I'm sorry."

At the disappointment that filled Ellie's eyes, I asked, "Couldn't she get the floor sample?"

"Of course." Joanne nodded, then skimmed her eyes down Ellie's small frame. "They rarely fit but yes, I'd give it to you for thirty-five percent off the tag price if it's doable."

"Totally do-" Ellie started when her mom coughed from behind a rack of white lace.

"Eleanor Grace." She narrowed her eyes at the only one of us whose opinion mattered, so I knew my role today wasn't solely to find my own dress. "Let's not rush. Try it on of course, but there's lots of options."

Ellie and I hadn't discussed many wedding details, just a few texts related to our trip here, but the way she chewed on her lip like it was her next meal showed she obviously had serious thoughts that ran through her head.

"Anything else today?" Joanne's eyes shifted between Mrs. H. and Ellie.

"We also need a maid of honor dress and the mother of the bride," Ellie replied quietly and jarred my memory to what she'd hinted at earlier.

Why doesn't she have any other bridesmaids?

That's going to be a lonely bachelorette party if it's just me and Ellie.

"Good, and what's the venue?" Joanne continued and held up a clipboard, pen poised and ready.

Ellie rolled her lower lip under again and bit down. "Beach."

The word snapped my and Mrs. H's attention to her. "Really?" I blurted out because, honestly, Ellie hated the beach.

"Really." Her eyes shifted between me and her mom. "Logan and I met with the wedding planner this morning and we've decided... to do a destination beach wedding."

My eyebrows shot up high while Mrs. H. frowned. Ellie hesitated for a moment, then rushed out, "This June."

"June!?" both the older ladies squeaked out, while I stood impassively because, well, I didn't know shit about wedding details.

Sooner we get it over, the better I guess? It's Ellie's day.

Joanne dropped her clipboard onto the floor with a gasp. While I watched her pen roll away, I assured them, "It's more than two, almost three months."

"Dear me." Joanne shook her head, bent over, and fanned her face with the clipboard. In a half-stressed, half-condescending tone, she scolded Ellie, "It takes a year to get some designer's dresses made. Eleanor, where is this beach destination?"

"Hawaii," Ellie said with enough finality in her voice that I knew her mind was made up. "Maui, the Marriott Wailea Beach Resort... on June twelfth."

Ellie earned herself three pairs of skyward shot up eyebrows. "Logan and I just decided that after our meeting this morning."

"So... so..." Poor Mrs. H's face flushed nearly purple and her hands clutched the nearest dress rack. "The big Italian family wedding?"

Ellie's answer was a firm head shake with a throat slash that curled up the corners of my lips. "It's not me, Mom. Logan and I agreed, sooner the better before his rookie season and my grad school start."

Not that my opinion counted, but I agreed. Small and intimate was more Ellie than three hundred random relatives who showed up for the open bar and elbowed each other over Mrs. H's catered meatballs.

Let's be honest, Logan will show up at the end of whatever aisle Ellie walks down.

"So..." Mrs. Harrison cupped her cheeks with her palms. "The food?"

"Included," Ellie replied firmly. "You can help finalize the menu if you like but you're not lifting a finger making it."

"Cuh... cake?" her mom croaked out as the color drained out of her cheeks.

"Same."

"Guests?" Mrs. H's voice hitched and she swayed slightly where she stood.

"Umm..." Ellie's cheeks flushed pink at that prompt. "We'd like it to be small, just super close family and friends. Less than fifteen people are invited."

This just keeps getting better. Go Ellie.

"Fifteen..." With her palm now on her pale forehead, Mrs. H. looked like she needed a chair.

Selfishly, I was more than ecstatic because an all-inclusive wedding at a vacation resort implied a lot of preplanned, packaged decisions, i.e., less mandatory maid of honor duties were needed.

"But... but..." Mrs. Harrison whimpered softly. "It's like a shared vacation then."

"Exactly!" Ellie clasped her hands and beamed. "We want it to be like that. If we're spending money then it'll be enjoyable for all the guests. I think... We all could use a nice vacation before the next chapter of our lives starts."

"It's what they want," I jumped in with narrowed eyes as Mrs. H. fanned her face with her hands.

Honestly, even if Ellie and Logan paid for travel and hotel expenses, which wasn't expected, then the price was probably even cheaper than a big-ass, three hundred chair wedding in any Northern California venue that wasn't someone's backyard.

"I think it's an amazing idea," I added quickly. "But you need a dress asap, Ellie."

"Oh, of course it's Ellie's choice. I just... didn't expect," Mrs. H. mumbled, more to herself than me, so I just handed her selections to Joanne, who'd been stunned speechless, and snatched up an offered glass of champagne from another sales associate's offered tray.

"Let's not think about that," I reminded Mrs. H. "We all need a dress."

And honestly, I have no idea what the fuck dress says Hawaii wedding.

Unfortunately, for Mrs. Harrison, her daughter loved the very first option she tried on, the floor sample model. Her fists gathered up the excess skirt material at her sides but her entire face beamed brightly with internal warmth that froze both me and Mrs. H. in our movements.

Even with enough clips along the back that Ellie looked like a porcupine, she stepped up onto the three-way mirror block and dropped the skirt material. It flowed down beautifully in layers that reminded me of gentle ripples of ocean waves.

"Ellie..." I gasped quietly because, fuck, my best friend was getting married... and most likely in that white dress.

"I love it." She smoothed her small hands down the ruched sides. "Mom?"

"Oh, Ellie," Mrs. Harrison rasped out, giant streams of tears down her cheeks.

Oh fuck.

Thankfully, Joanne was well-prepared for mother of the bride waterworks and brought over some tissues, which Mrs. H. blotted all over her stained cheeks. "It's... beautiful. You look beautiful."

"Don't even ask if Adonis will like it," I teased Ellie and snapped a couple pictures of her. "The only coconuts he'll be looking at are yours."

"Stop," she whispered as a smile tugged on her lips. "You're shameless."

Ellie humored her mom with a few more options but, once in the first option again, along with her long, dark brown hair side-swept, a veil placed on her head, and silk flower bouquet in her hands, Mrs. H. bawled and my nonexistent allergies flared up.

Mrs. H's dress was a bit harder to find, given the new location. I flipped through the bridesmaids' racks, then pulled out a few simpler options because all the attention deserved to be on Ellie. "See anything you like?"

"Let's see." Ellie's eyes dropped and she pulled out a strapless, light turquoise, A-line dress similar to her bridal one but the top layer had a high side slit on the skirt. "Would this work?"

"If you like it, sure," I replied, although honestly I knew my covered boobs drew more attention than the dress itself, but again, not my day. "What are Charlie and Monique wearing?"

"Ohh..." Her cheeks flushed pink. "Uhh, well, see..."

"Spit, not swallow," I teased, which earned me an eyeroll.

"It's just me, Logan, Jake, Josh the best man, and you at the altar," she replied. "Charlie and Monique are still coming, just as guests."

"The only guests," her mom muttered quietly from behind her second champagne glass.

"Mom, you, and Jake." Ellie ticked off on her fingers. "Logan's mom, Brody, Logan's dad and Olivia his new wife, plus the babies if they can travel, Charlie and Wes, Monique, Darrius, and their son, Josh and Ava, and, umm... Oh, your Dad, Harper. But you're welcome to bring a date if you... need one.."

"Josh and Ava?" I wrinkled my nose at that sour pussy couple.

"Josh's girlfriend, but at this point we don't even know if Josh can make it." Ellie's eyes and voice dropped, which suggested she knew insider info I didn't.

Since I wanted nothing to do with that oddly golden couple, I just shook my head. "We've met."

"So, I'm not at the altar? And I can wear whatever?" Ellie nodded at her mom's questions, and Mrs. H. sighed and fanned at her armpits from the royal purple, strapless, gaudy number that looked better on the hanger than her body. "Oh, thank God. I feel like a walking bunch of grapes."

"Wear whatever, Mom," Ellie replied dryly. "Bathing suit if you want."

"I'm surprised that wasn't Logan's request," I teased her. "Coconuts, remember?"

"Stop," she whispered, then turned back to her reflection in the mirror. With her shoulders drawn down, she smiled brightly and stated the obvious, "This is the one."

After Ellie chose her dress and I tried on her choice for mine, she and I were poked, pinched, prodded, and fingered - not in that way - by a very frantic seamstress who assured us that two months was fine for alterations but her eyes read she needed the rest of the champagne bottle Mrs. H. hadn't drank. Apparently bridesmaids dresses had a much shorter order time, so I paid for mine along with a large chunk of Ellie's and secretly asked Joanne to take it off the price as an extra discount.

All of our stomachs growled afterwards and we grabbed a late lunch at the cafe next door. We hadn't gotten ten minutes into the meal when Mrs. H. leaned towards me and went right for the ovary punch.

"Have you seen Jake lately?" Her dark eyebrows lifted.

"I..." The spinach salad that was amazing two seconds ago now tasted like I choked down grass and weed clippings. "No."

While Ellie and her mom, Jake's mom, looked at me with sympathy in their eyes, the weight of, "Because I royally fucked up... again," dried out my tongue as the grass clippings died into compose.

"It doesn't matter the reason," I muttered quietly at their dropped open mouths and swallowed. "I was shit to Jake, again."

"Yet, that didn't stop him from... umm, pursuing you," Ellie replied softly but her true words hit me hard. "I think he went to the hospital -"

"I don't think you're getting it, Ellie." My fists clenched tight under the table, but tears blurred over the concern in her eyes. "I'm like the worst version of myself with Jake. He's better off without me."

"Harper... I know you're tough, but not even you can hide away your emotions all the time." The warm hand on my left forearm drew me to the fact I'd forgotten Mrs. H. was here too, mother of the son I'd messed up with. "Relationships aren't like that."

"She's right," Ellie replied slowly, like it pained her to admit she agreed with her own mom. Given their still partially strained relationship, I understood when she cleared her throat and pushed her water glass across the table. "Uhh, Mom, could you get me a refill?"

"Sure," she replied quietly, then patted me on top of my head as she walked past us.

Ellie wasted no time once her mom was out of earshot and leaned her elbows onto the table. "Harper, you know why I wasn't with anyone but Logan the three years we were apart?"

My nails absently scratched at my chin. "Umm... standards?"

"No!" She rolled her eyes and huffed. "It's because I was so fucked up inside, I wouldn't let anyone else get close to me."

"Oh." My shoulders slumped because I'd been a responsible party there too.

Ellie's small hands reached out and squeezed around mine. "The NDA silence was one thing but I just... didn't trust anyone other than Dr. Sterns to deal with the darker sides of me, the self-doubt, not feeling worthy to someone else, the depression. Logan somehow sees through that... stubbornly, but I love him more because he's seen the darker, broken parts of me and they didn't chase him away."

"Ellie..." I pressed my lips together tightly. "What's your point?"

"My point is whatever you think is so bad about yourself, Jake might think otherwise." Her lips flinched up into a smile. "Even if he has the emotional empathy of a brick, he deserves more credit than none."

I exhaled sharply but she continued before I answered, "He's always taken whatever you dished out."

"Because he has a degradation kink," I joked dryly and pulled my hands back. My right index finger tapped against my forehead as my tears rose up again and blurred Ellie over. "I just... He deserves better than someone who isn't so... completely fucked up in here."

"I used to think that about Logan," she admitted softly as her eyes darkened and pooled. "You believe he's the best person for me, right?"

"Yeah." I nodded emphatically because I honestly believed that.

Where Logan was social, cocky, and outgoing, Ellie was quiet and reserved. He drew more unwanted attention for the both of them and while Ellie preferred she lived a simple, quiet life, she just absorbed and deflected it.

Don't get me started on how they're on the opposite ends of the human size spectrum.

Would they make average-sized kids?

Yet, past the surface, Logan was also warm, caring, and protective when it came to Ellie. One of the hardest moments of my life was when I realized that he'd pulled Ellie out of her depression, after the rest of us had pushed her into the dark hole. Ellie hadn't shared those painful details but I didn't need any stretch in my imagination that Logan was by her side, whether she wanted him there or not.

Therapist Ellie apparently was done. She leaned forwards, lifted her chin, and locked her gaze on mine. "And can you look me in the face and tell me that you believe that I'm not right for him?"

"I..." Dryness stole my initial answer as I studied her bold question.

It was the type of question that came from a lot of soul searching, acceptance, and inner confidence to even ask. She'd always radiated a quieter, inner sense of confidence but, at a first, superficial glance, Ellie was a pretty girl who didn't draw attention to herself. But her strength and true beauty was the heart she kept embedded deeper because she reserved that part of herself to only a few lucky people in her life.

Ellie Harrison was smart, ridiculously smart, hard-working, and tenaciously loyal, which I hadn't deserved from her. She'd fought through her struggles, quietly and on her own terms, but I respected her for that more than words expressed. And she loved unconditionally, a pure, wholesome love that came with an open-ended forgiveness for people who didn't deserve it.

Even now, a glow of contentment warmed her eyes, her skin, her relaxed posture, fuck her entire body. Only her eyebrows were slightly drawn together, her dark eyes full of warmth and compassion, sparkling with that damn spirit of an angry chihuahua trapped inside a tiny body, my answer was obvious.

"No." My head shook a few times. "I don't think anyone could be better for him than you."

He's lucky to be loved by Ellie. We all are.

Fuck, write that down Hallmark.

"Shit." I shook my head and silently thanked Mrs. H. for the longest water glass refill on record. "I don't even deserve to be your friend still, Ellie."

Since I hadn't wanted to give her motivation otherwise, I'd never asked Ellie why she'd forgiven me for sleeping with her brother behind her back. Her relaxed shoulders lifted slightly as she offered, "It's not your forgiveness to give. Or maybe I just have low standards."

My own shoulders relaxed at the twinkle in her eyes. "No argument here, Ellie."

"But, believe me, I have moments where I doubt why Logan's with me," her words were light but the emotion she wrapped around them wasn't. "And I wasted a lot of time assuming that I knew what was best for him instead of just listening to how he actually felt and what he wanted."

"Is there a point here?" I rasped out because the heaviness of the conversation crushed down on my chest like Jake's fat ass sat on it.

"I've never hidden the fact that I don't fully understand the dynamics of your relationship with my brother. I never have and probably never will. " Her eyes narrowed at me. "But ask Jake what he wants."

"Ellie," I started because fuck, I wasn't sure I was ready for the answer. "He can't -"

"Stop assuming you know how he thinks and I'll hold off on the, 'forgive yourself and move forwards' speech I'd mentally prepared on the flight down here. I already know you'll think that's total bullshit." She cut me off with a dismissive hand wave. "But you owe him that much."

For once in her perceptive outlook, Ellie was wrong. I didn't owe Jake the chance to explain his side or even my trust in him hearing out mine.

I owe him an apology and a groveling session at his big, ugly feet.

A loud sigh escaped me before I leaned forwards and banged my head on the table between us.

"It's not that easy," I protested with a grumble as Mrs. H. returned to the table, probably tired of standing and admiring the dessert menu. "I'm seeing someone now."

"Oh?" She gasped quietly, sat down, and shoved Ellie's water glass at her. "Who?"

"His name is Eddie," I replied and pulled out my phone. With a quick flip, I pulled up my paralegal certification pictures and shoved it across the table. "He's a state highway patrol officer."

"Hmm..." Ellie frowned down at the picture.

I couldn't blame her reaction because I'd kept Eddie aside to myself. Any relationship was new and uncomfortable for me but Eddie hadn't seemed to mind my slow, stumbling pace. Plus, the idea I spewed happy hearts about him to Jake's mom and sister just seemed... awkward as fuck.

"Wonder why your dad didn't mention him," Mrs. H. mumbled quietly, then shook her head. "I'm sorry, your dad is -"

"Like everything in my life." I sighed quietly. "A work in progress."

I hadn't told Dad not to share my personal updates but maybe he just assumed he needed to regain my trust. Two months later, a small part within the bitchy, petty part of me was still upset that he'd withheld such personal, life-changing information from me. In the spirit of self-improvement, Dad had literally paused his lawyer-led life, came down to LA in person, and straight to the point told me the truth.

I respected that far, far more than my usual tendency that I held onto petty shit.

He doesn't owe me but I'd be lying if I didn't enjoy the shopping trip the weekend after he left.

"He's very... cute." Mrs. H. nudged Ellie, who still frowned like she tried to crack my phone with one look if she could. "How long have you been seeing each other?"

"Uhh, six weeks or so," I admitted quietly and trailed my fingers through my ponytail. "Give or take."

"What's he like?" Mrs. Harrison leaned forward, her eyebrows lifted as she asked the simplest yet most complicated question.

How do I summarize Eddie? Handsome, hardworking, loyal -

"Safe," I blurted out quickly, then squeezed my eyes closed. "You know, uhh, the whole officer thing. He's nice, polite, uhh... very drives between the lane lines kinda guy."

I don't even know what the fuck I'm saying anymore. I'm pretty sure they don't want to know how far down his ink goes.

"I guess for some people that's... good." Ellie's lips twitched slightly, but not in a smile. Internally she laughed at me, I knew it.

"He was off-duty when we met, when my car was parked on a highway," I rushed out but my filter caught the part about my tomato-tossing breakdown over Jake. "He came to check if I was okay. He's... done that a lot since."

Warmth soothed the uncertainty inside me. "He's caring but tries way too hard. Very into talk through everything, since his divorce-"

"He was married?" Mrs. Harrison blinked rapidly and sat up straighter. "Oh, that's... unfortunate."

"Not for me, I guess." I cringed at the whole entire shift in the conversation, then slumped my shoulders. "He doesn't judge me for being a total mess. Seems like he doesn't mind hearing about it."

Either that or I'm just his Telenovela entertainment, who knows.

"Well, that's... good," Ellie repeated in a strained voice. "I'm happy for you, but gosh, what I said earlier? I'm so sorry, I take it back because it's -"

"It's fine," I assured her with a 'stop' hand motion. "Really. I meant what I said when Jake's better off without me."

Both of them shot me a look like they were completely unconvinced, so I diverted the subject, "So, what's left? You need a bachelorette party?" I joked and nudged her shin with my right foot.

"Charlie had something in mind," was all she mumbled.

Even though inwardly concentrated forms of estrogen and I didn't get along, I pressed my lips together tightly and nodded. A girl's weekend was so far out of my comfort zone but I'd have done anything for that girl.

Except, like a fucking coward, face her brother.