A/N: mature content (even if a dream 😴🤪).

Each day after I'd seen Jake, my sobering embarrassment over how just one in-person exchange with him was replaced with irritation. We hadn't even started a conversation but exchanged more of a heated eye-fuck stare down that still inspired a shower finger flick session with my largest dildo and Li unfortunately witnessed as my DP dildo revved up its magic on my lady bits.

The more days that passed, the more both my irritation and physical dissatisfaction grew and grew. Even worse, just one shower session apparently wasn't enough torment for my fucked-up brain as I moaned his name and stroked myself off more than once with Jake Fucking Harrison in mind.

As the week progressed, the telltale signs of sexual withdrawal slowly surfaced within my traitorous body like mold that grew over spoiled food. My focus level dropped, the three hours I sat in class every day stretched longer and longer, my homework took longer before I completed it, and my mind was easily distracted.

Whatever Jake's intentions were, which his one-liner text messages hadn't revealed, they bothered me enough that my sleep became restless. So, by Thursday night, four days and two fingered orgasms later, I tossed and turned in my bed so much I was surprised I hadn't rocked it off its lofted furniture ends.

In a horrible state of sleep awareness, a flashed back memory sucked me down into a dream like a bad horror film. I blinked at the familiar scene of Santa Cruz High, the white-walled main hallway lined with students and Ellie at my side. Once Jake stepped into my line of vision, I was painfully aware of the fact that this wasn't real but couldn't tear myself out of it.

The fucker's now in my dreams.

Our senior year of high school, after Jake had one flashed moment where he was a decent human and held me while I cried over how shitty of a person I was when I broke up with Ryan, he bombarded my phone with suggestive messages. They weren't dirty or teased me, they were worse and sounded horribly similar to whatever cheesy-approach Jake attempted in his most recent text messages.

dickhead: Go out with me.

dickhead: Friday. You and me.

dickhead: A real date.

Since back then I couldn't have blocked his number without Ellie knowing, I deleted every message as it hit my phone.

My favorite part of when I dated my actual boyfriend Ryan, his sweet, safe nature and the sex aside, was how jealous Jake was. Even as the school's bully, with the weight of his dark, narrowed eyes, jaw ticked, and fists clenched, I'd always found angry Jake both ridiculously sexy and empowering.

I know, I'm fucked up in the head. Especially the part that comes next in my pathetic non-love story.

Love was never an option for me, so I settled for second best. My fucked up outlook on love combined with my repressed anger and pain from how Jake crushed my naïve heart our freshman year of high school and unleashed in unbridled insults every chance I had.

Forget sticks, I picked up a whole bear trap and clamped it onto his balls at every opportunity.

And I'd do it again in a split second.

Sadly for me, my insults only turned that fucker on, which combined with the appeal of me being untouchable, Jake only wanted me more. I knew it, he knew it, and I exploited the fuck out of it.

Depending on whose perspective was taken, one slip-up, one moment of weakness from me, or one opportunity was all Jake needed. He took his cock and rammed it right into the chance my legs opened up.

I screwed up, under the best intentions. Desperate for dick after I'd broken up with Ryan, fueled with intentions that I returned the painful favor Jake bestowed on fourteen-year old me the morning after we traded V-cards, the night Ellie went to Logan's Homecoming Dance, I fucked Jake in his parent's garage, tossed his own 'didn't mean anything and we both knew it' line into his face, then left with all intentions that whatever toxic draw we had, it was over and the last burn was mine.

Unfortunately, I had no idea that my 'see if you like being treated like trash' moment behind Ellie's back with Jake Harrison had just gotten started...

Uhh, again.

Unfortunately for my needy vagina, when other dicks came nearby, Jake beat the shit out of the guys attached to them. I'd snagged some 'you'll do for now' fuckboy from the school's water polo team since I figured Jake wouldn't have messed with an entire team of jocks. I was wrong, I'd underestimated the bear, who grabbed my elbow before I saw if the hype under the banana hammock was true.

"Don't," Jake growled, his eyes dark, blah, blah, blah he was angry. "What are you doing with this tool?"

"What I need a tool for, disphit." One of my blue eyes winked at him.

"No, you're not." He squeezed my elbow but his eyes and words were directed at my new potential bleacher buddy, who folded faster than a shaky house of cards.

"Jake, bro..." Pathetic white-flag hands lifted up in surrender. "I don't want any beef with you."

"Fuck you," I snarled at Jake once he'd clit-blocked me.

"Exactly," he murmured, then dragged me down the Santa Cruz High School's main hallway, outside, and right towards those bleachers.

"Jake -" I protested and yanked my arm the entire way, but he just grunted and pulled harder.

"Not winning any points here, asshole," I griped as the football stadium came into view. He steered us towards the visitor's side near the woods, which offered the most privacy.

Instead of the bleachers like I'd expected, Jake dragged me straight into the woods like some kind of serial killer. My heart already thumped harder in my chest from the rushed exit out here, combined with the fact we were on limited time, and my vagina...

Stop, traitor. Just stop.

Jake dragged us further into the woods, until only trees surrounded us but the back of the silver mental bleachers still stood in view over the tops of the bare, gray branches. My nose cringed at the slight damp, decay smell from the dead leaves that littered the ground.

"Far enough," I huffed, beyond annoyed at this point. "Stop. The fuck do you want?"

With one hard stop, Jake turned around and yanked me forwards. With one stumbled step, my body crashed flushed against his like I'd run straight into a brick wall. My free hand's palm pressed onto his chest and found similarly rapidly pulsed beats beneath his shirt. Without moving an inch, his hand tugged my other hand's wrist until I steadied my feet.

Rustling and crackling leaves erupted under my feet as they dragged forwards. Once I stepped backwards, Jake pinched my chin between his thumb and index finger and guided my gaze back up to his. The intensity in his eyes, a torn mix of heated anger and... jealousy?

No fucking way.

A bonfire raged in his dark brown eyes that would've incinerated the entire dormant woods with one look, if possible, and completely gave away his thoughts. The internal struggle in his eyes showed that, in his mind, I wasn't just Ellie's best friend, the untouchable, the unattainable.

He's had me, yet he still wants me, and that kills him.

To this day, I still can't imagine what my face looked like at that moment. I was torn between multiple emotional reactions - guilt, anger, disbelief to start - directed at both me and Jake that crashed into each other within my limited brain space until anger bubbled up to the surface. Given that, my facial expression speculations depended on my mood when I tried to remember, but usually settled on angrier than my worst day of PMS.

"You," he spat out flatly with and pinched enough force into my chin that my lips parted. My body betrayed me in how it lit up at his contact, my nipples tightened against his hard chest against them, and my vagina practically cried out its preference that we stripped naked for a proper reintroduction.

My brain still functioned, barely at this point, and with one last shred of decency, I snapped my head back, yanked my hand from his grasp, palmed both hands into his chest, and shoved us apart. A much-needed cool breeze blew between us and doused the heat flushed over my skin, the only dose of reality I needed.

"Not a chance," I retorted and crossed my arms over my chest. "Ship sank, thanks to you, cheater."

"Takes two to cheat," he struck back with a heated gaze.

Technically he's not wrong but if we're splitting pubic hairs then I'm sticking with the argument that slip-up was a seventy-thirty situation.

After one Jake step forwards and two of my steps back, my back smashed against, of all things, the stiff, rigid trunk of a fucking tree. Rough bark scratched into the back of my arms and my spine stiffened as Jake's hips pinned me in place. My spine stiffened when his hands clamped on my shoulders.

"We're both single now," he gritted out impatiently as his chest heaved with hot, sharp breaths that wafted over my nose and cheeks. When definite interest grew between his legs and rubbed into my right inner thigh, I bit back a moan that also wanted to make its presence known. "And I have a proposal."

Anger flickered inside me from our close proximity, how my pelvis throbbed with its own pulse, his awful, musky cologne filled my nose, and the tingles in my shoulders from how tightly his hands clamped onto them.

This is so fucking wrong, I shouldn't feel this way.

I shouldn't feel anything.

At that moment, I wasn't angry at Jake but myself. I hated that I had any reaction to him. I particularly hated how the warmth of his breath over my lips parted mine further, how my pulse buzzed like electricity in my veins, my blood turned hot and thick, and the friction over my core area urged my fingers to move so they removed every last barrier between us.

My eyes glued to the torturous gaze in his, I snapped, "What."

"You and me," Jake shot back without a blink.

"I'm not dating you." A hearty laugh erupted out of my mouth. My scalp scraped over the ridged tree bark as I turned my head sideways. The last thing I wanted was that he saw any reaction in my eyes, since those probably also betrayed me at this moment.

He matched my laugh with one louder. "Fuck, I don't want to date you, Harper."

My shoulders uncurled at those words and my back melted against the tree. Sadly, I was half-relieved, half-disappointed at his response. And disappointed Harper hated relieved Harper so disappointed Harper kicked relieved Harper's ass.

"What," I repeated with a small amount of uncertainty wrapped around that word.

One of Jake's hands gripped my chin again, gently this time, and he directed my gaze up to his. With one breath, his hardened features softened, wistfulness poured out of his eyes, a gentle smile lifted up the corners of his mouth, and his thumb swept softly over my lower lip.

"What." I jerked my head back because the soft tingles his touch erupted over my lip felt... weird. "Now you're just freaking me out."

"Exactly." He withdrew the sentiments, thankfully, but not his hips against mine.

"I know you, Harper." He rolled his pelvis, still hard and radiated warmth, into mine. With my jaw tight, I fought the urge that my eyes rolled back from the friction he built up, purposely in hindsight. "This is what you want, performance."

My lips parted, but another shameless push from Jake froze my insult on the tip of my tongue.

"No strings, just satisfaction. Stress relief. I can give you that. Just this..." The next time Jake grinded his hips into mine, his hard erection rubbed right over my center seam. With each contact point, my mind fogged over, my common sense dissolved into the fucking fireworks my body erupted, and the familiar pent up frustration for release reared its ugly head.

"I know this -" He pushed again and my core area practically gave him a fucking welcome home party. " - is all that you want and I'm okay with that."

"And what do you get, locker room bragging rights?" I scoffed, despite how my vagina at this point jumped overboard and swam right into the bait he'd tossed out.

His dark eyes rolled like the idea he shared this... agreement with anyone else was ridiculous. "No, only the same fucking thing you get. Sex, good sex, no feelings, until we go wherever the fuck we go for college."

I must have gone insane at that moment because I saw Jake's point. Ryan wanted forever and rainbows and I'd cut ties since we'd most likely have scattered in different directions after high school.

"Look..." I swallowed hard against the dryness that crept over my tongue. Jake was bold and direct and while mentally I applauded both, I also acknowledged the obvious fact, "We can't. I mean, we can but Ellie..."

Fucking your best friend's brother once randomly is awful, but regularly is... beyond awful.

"Don't tell her." One of his shoulders lifted casually. "I won't."

A lump of guilt lodged itself in my throat right at the moment a small amount of arousal trickled into my underwear like a tear of shame. "That's wrong."

"Not the first time we've done that," he pointed out the obvious. "Or second."

He wasn't wrong, Ellie hadn't known Jake and I traded V-cards the night Ryder assaulted her, or the Saturday morning a week before our senior year started when Jake cheated on Camille with me, or our fuck fest after I'd done her hair for Logan's Homecoming.

Laid out like that... We're already shit to Ellie.

"If it ends, then she doesn't need to know," Jake continued, but the now near continuous grinding against my dampening panties dulled his words in my ears. "Ellie's always distracted by her own head anyways."

Jake wasn't wrong, Ellie had the worst case of overthinking I'd ever met, and still met to this day.

Damn, I must be desperate or insane because Jake is actually making a lot of sense.

But the idea I went behind her back, continuously, with her brother... That was low, even for me. A tremble slithered down my back at how wrong, completely fucked up this situation was.

And if Ellie found out, she for sure would be crushed.

The steady thrummed heat source in between my thighs washed over my sensibility.

"Deal?" Jake demanded in a firm voice but the gleam in his eyes and smirk across his lips raised the silent challenge. At that moment, he knew he had me and I hated both of us for it.

"No feelings?" I pressed in a weak voice.

Why the fuck am I considering this?

Each push of his hips, to the point where he dry humped me into that damn tree, drove his points home.

We fit.

We're both fucked up.

We both don't care that we're fucked up.

"Only physical," he promised but the hesitancy that flickered in his eyes betrayed his words. "No feelings."

Now my lips curled upwards, since silently we both silently acknowledged that, of the two of us, I wouldn't have caught the feelings. But I banked on his history of being a selfish, dick-driven asshole, which raised another demand.

"No one else. You fuck me, you fuck only me."

"If I fuck you, then I don't need to fuck anyone else," he grumbled. "But I'm not as much of a manwhore as you think. Deal?"

My lips pressed together tightly, then released with a quiet pop. "Deal."

He exhaled sharply. "Good."

I sucked in a deep breath when his hands finally released my shoulders but frowned when they lowered and a quiet hiss sounded as he undid the fly on his jeans.

"Woah, cool it Pistol Pete!" I glanced at my phone. "We have twelve minutes, eight without the walk to class."

"I don't need eight minutes," was his cocky response and the erection that suddenly flipped out of his boxers verified that.

I'd seen Jake's erections plenty of times, certainly teased him into that state and left him with just his hand, but the idea we fucked at school sent a rush of exhilaration through me and warmed my skin. I'd made out under the nearby bleachers a few times, enough where I'd gotten detention more than once, but had never gone this far.

At this point, my common sense was completely obliterated. His cock, flushed red, the sharp central ridge pointed straight up, and slightly glistened at the top was all the reassurance I needed that Jake was serious about this sex-only arrangement.

"I'm -" I started one of my usual insults when his hands made equally quick work on my clothing barriers. In one movement, his rough, callous palms rubbed up my outer thighs and slipped my skirt up until it pooled around both sides of my hips.

The cool fall air against the damn nuclear level heat zone between my thighs barely registered because Jake locked his lips onto the side of my neck, hot, wet, and right under my left ear. My eyes slid lazily closed and I bit back a groan when his teeth gently grazed the skin before a gentle suction sensation turned into a sting that flipped my eyes open.

"You did not just -" I started my complaint about a possible hickey when a cool breeze whipped a few strands of my hair across my face.

As I brushed them aside, I gasped silently at how gently Jake's fingers traced down the sides of my hips as he lowered my underwear down, not at the quick fuck speed he'd promised but slowly, gently, more like a lover's caress. Goosebumps pricked up the sides of my legs from the trails of his fingers traced down. He left my underwear, surely soaked and looped around my ankles, then dragged his large hands back up. His fingers stroked over both inner thighs until one of his palms cupped right over the fucking furnace that was my core area.

"You're throbbing," he taunted me, both with words and his palm pressed right up my soft mound of flesh. I groaned loudly at the friction he applied and fisted his shirt in both my hands. "You want this too, say it Harper."

Before I responded, he teased a finger over my outer folds and my inner walls clenched tightly just from the external contact. My vagina must have sprung a leak because wetness pooled inside me as his finger moved faster. He massaged circles gently over my sensitive clit in strokes that felt like a reacquaintance strangely mixed with dark, erotic promises of much, much more.

"Fine," I whimpered in defeat that he wanted us to fuck to seal the agreement. "But I still don't believe you, eight minutes."

"Challenge accepted." I gasped at the sting from how he pinched my clit between the finger that still teased me there and his thumb.

The asshole actually tossed me a smirk while his other hand rolled on a condom.

Jake was right though. He didn't need eight minutes, not before both of us got off, at least.

Fucker needed only four.

I'd thought Jake would've railed me with my back against the tree but was equally grateful and turned on when he withdrew his finger from me, slipped the top inch into his mouth, then dragged it out slowly as he sucked it off. Before my eyes got halfway through their roll, he twirled the same finger in a 'turn around' motion.

I huffed but his other hand turned me around and my skin burned underneath the weighted line of pressure he pushed down between my shoulder blades and spine. A tiny shiver followed when his palm flattened warm over my upper back and applied gentle pressure until I hinged halfway over.

Desperate for some grounding, my hands lifted and clenched around the same tree he'd pinned me against. I ignored how the cracked bark scratched into the pads of my fingers because the lower I bent over, offered my ass upwards, the air hit my slicked entrance in a moment that froze us both. The chilled sensation on my outer skin layer only heated up the layers underneath and the beat that pounded in my ears was all I heard during the silent anticipation.

In one moment of teasing, Jake's other hand's fingers threaded up between my thighs, stroked a few tugs of wetness over my folds, then parted them. Before I took another breath, at the moment where I broke every rule in the best friendship book, he plunged himself right inside and pressed slowly forwards until the soft fabric of his boxers brushed over my bare ass.

Fuck, asshole didn't even take those off.

"Look up," he growled behind me.

I turned my head and met his gaze but he lifted his chin slightly forwards. Once I looked in the same direction, I saw only trees but the angle arched my lower back and choked him deeper inside. Right then, I was glad we weren't face to face because I'm sure he would've seen the torment of shame that battled against my hormones.

My eyes squeezed tightly shut under the intensity of the moment. A single tear over what we agreed to trailed over each of my cheeks at the same time my body clenched with pleasure at how fucking good it physically felt. Like a suctioned vice grip, my walls choked him from tip to base and swelled in size as he positioned both hands around my hips and started the second worst mistake I'd made in my life.

First was cheating on Camille with Jake, if not obvious.

Even though Jake and I were both unattached at that moment, we were on borrowed time and exchanged no other words other than grunts and low groans as Jake rammed in and out of me. He quickly hit a speed between gentle and punishing, more an impatient race to an end.

In hindsight, I guessed that the end was my dignity, not the orgasm. But at the time, I wasn't sure who held the tighter grip, his fingers clenched into the skin on my hips as he yanked them against his thrusts or mine braced against the tree. Either way, the rest of me had no complaints.

Like a fucking on-switch, the deep penetration angle rubbed along my inner walls stroke for stroke, inwards and outwards, each of which brought equal amounts of relief and more frustration. Edged toward relief, I clenched those muscles on each entrance, pressed my very warm forehead against my right upper arm, and groaned as Jake railed harder into me.

The quiet sounds of wet contact filled the airspace as his hips pushed forward and hands yanked me backwards. My palms ached from how hard I pushed them against the tree, my friendship with Ellie hung in complete jeopardy, and selfishly all I cared about was I satisfied the painful pressurized ache inside me.

My orgasm, pent up from a couple weeks without a release, shook me all the way down to my toes. The evidence slicked over Jake's cock and one satisfied groan from me was enough that, combined with one last hard yank, he came in the condom, pumped a few times to empty himself, and withdrew.

The ground beneath us blurred as I panted and blinked both my eyes and thoughts into focus. Sobriety wasn't my friend at the moment of shame when we silently put ourselves back together.

"I still hate you," I grumbled, shimmed my underwear back up, and prayed the mess stayed hidden under my skirt. "I really, really fucking hate you."

Both my fists tightened when Jake threw me another one of his damn cocky smirks but the earlier tension that etched lines around his eyes and mouth were gone. Warmth smoothed over the intense gaze he'd looked at me earlier with as his voice softened but words stung into me.

"Feeling's mutual, firecracker."