"Harper, please," Dad's firm voice begged me through my locked dorm room door. "We need to talk about this."

Two days after I'd returned to my room, I maintained the same silent treatment I'd greeted Dad with, right before I'd slammed and locked the door in his face. After my initial freak out moment with Jake, then the subsequently awful conversation with Mom, I curled inward.

Physically, I tucked myself into a fetal position under my bed covers. Emotionally, other than I was still embarrassed that Jake witnessed both of those un-Harperlike moments, I'd withdrawn into a constant state of numbness.

How long did Dad know she was coming here? How much has he known for the last ten fucking years?

None of me trusted my self-centered mother and my brain met her accusations about Dad cheating on her with a hardened sense of denial because I couldn't picture Dad like that. He'd never portrayed my womb donor as anything she wasn't, but he'd never been malicious about her.

Yet, he'd also spoken to her at some point, behind my back. I wasn't sure if her surprised arrival, her accusations, telling me about my brother, or Dad lying hurt me more. My relationship with Dad was built on trust and, within one confrontation, that foundation had been rattled.

My heart was another story. The ice crystals in my heart felt shattered and obliterated into too many pieces. Not even Jake's voice on the other side of my dorm room door had coaxed me out of bed, where I'd laid as a pathetic, sniveling mess.

A soft click of the door broke through the silence that surrounded me from where I sat on my awfully uncomfortable desk chair. My knees curled up to my chest, ugly tears streamed down my chest, and my throat choked with violent sobs.

Two days had passed since I'd spoken to her, then redirected my initially gut-wrenched reaction to her, combined it with my embarrassment that Jake had witnessed it, and spewed out verbal bullshit at Jake. During that time, my eyes had leaked more tears than the reservoir water held back by the Hoover Dam. I was torn up, raw, and broken. My face was swollen, red, blotchy, and gray circles outlined my dull, sunken-in eyes. Fatigue sagged my limbs and my stomach felt hallowed and carved out.

"Harper?" Li's soft voice squeaked out, followed by dead silence and three pairs of shuffled footsteps. "Your dad is - oh, you're still not feeling well."

Dad's cleared throat sound was followed by his steady voice. "Li, can we have a few minutes?"

"Sure, I'll just get some... lunch." Her dark eyes lowered to mine, then she knelt down next to me and blinked up a few times. One of her small hands patted my left knee. "Text me when I can come back? No, don't. I'll just... Come back before your class. Give me a minute."

Poor Li was understandably confused because I'd uncharacteristically taken up residence in my bed for two days straight and told her I hadn't felt well. She only ever looked at me sympathetically but thankfully never pressed me for more. Not that I'd been productive but she had woken me up and I hauled my ass out for class, in my braless, pajama-covered, and messy-hair glory, then came straight back here.

With a kindness I didn't deserve, Li had also brought me a couple of dinner to-go boxes at mealtimes. I appreciated her kindness but even the smell of food coiled my stomach with nausea. So, every time, I thanked her politely and discarded them in the hallway trash can when she wasn't here.

My lips rolled inward but the sobs that choked back my voice led my only response to a few stiff head nods.

"Okay," she whispered softly and warmly rubbed my knee.

Her softly rustled movements carried the weight of the room, as she gathered what I assumed were items that meant she slept at Kieran's tonight. "I hope everything is okay," she softly whispered before she left with another door click.

Dad's hand rested warmly on my shoulder, which I yanked back. "Harper, we need to and we are going to discuss this." Given the heavy silence, his quiet, firm voice sounded like he shouted in my ear.

"Now?" I quipped out because we weren't alone.

My eyes lifted up and focused on the tall, thin woman with straight, shoulder length blonde hair streaked with gray. Her ocean-blue eyes flooded with sympathy and if I'd ever seen someone who was torn between wanting to help and giving someone space, then it was written all over the rest of Grace's Hightower's face.

"David, I really don't -" she started hesitantly from where she stood near our bathroom door.

"No, Grace. I want you to hear this," Dad redirected his tone and eyes, brown eyes that painfully looked nothing like mine, back at me. "Harper, I didn't have an affair like your mother thinks I did."

My lower lip trembled violently. "But she -"

"She thinks she saw one," he admitted with a sigh, removed his glasses, and rubbed the small indentations they left on the sides of his nose's bridge. I took in the dark half-circles pressed under his eyes and wondered when the fuck he'd gotten here. "I had a paralegal who crossed over the professional line and your mother walked in on her propositioning me. I refused her advances and let her go from the firm that day, but your mother -"

"Ran with whatever she wanted to think," I muttered and closed my eyes. They stung with the dryness paired with my tears. "Why didn't you tell me?"

"Because it wouldn't have changed anything." Sadness filled his brown eyes and he crossed his arms over his chest. "We'd secured our first big case and I was down a paralegal. I was working sixteen hours a day and sleeping in the office. By the time we sat down and really talked about it, she told me she was pregnant."

He... knew!?

"It could have changed me being blindsided about a brother I didn't know I had," I snapped coldly. "Fuck, I hate you for hiding this. She's the reason I've -"

Dad flinched slightly, but held his steady resolve. "Harper, you don't hate me. Wyatt is her and Rhett's child, not mine. That information wasn't mine to share, which it was and you chose to destroy it when it was in your own hands."

My hands rubbed over the painful throbs in my forehead.

Fuck, I hate when he's so legally diplomatic.

"David." Grace placed a hand on Dad's shoulder and the calmness in her reaction hinted they'd had a previous conversation about this, at the least on their trip down here. "Remember Harper didn't know what was in the letters and might've acted differently if she had. Let her speak."

He nodded stiffly and I drew a ragged, shaky breath that sucked up a nose full of congestion. With a pause, I took in his state. To anyone else, his pressed black suit, crisp light gray dress shirt, and silver and black striped tie radiated power lawyer, but I saw the shirt wrinkles around his sweat-soaked armpits and sides. Behind his frameless, square glasses, concern filled his brown irises, which still felt on the opposite side of the eye color wheel from mine.

In the silence that followed, I knew I wasn't prepared to get into those letters but I wanted the truth. The tip of my tongue flicked out and ran over the dried cracks of my lips. "What did you know?"

"Until she called my office three days ago, only what she'd told me the last time I saw her," he replied firmly. "That she was pregnant, leaving me, and served me divorce papers. That you were better off with me, the baby wasn't mine, and I..."

Movement on Dad's shoulder, where Grace's fingers pressed down, drew my eyes from the shame that welled in Dad's eyes.

"You what," my voice cracked in my dry throat.

"In her own colorful words," he muttered and blinked rapidly. "I could go to hell. My only response was I wouldn't encourage a relationship between you and her but I wouldn't resist it either, if that's what you wanted. Until three days ago, when she called my office to tell me she'd found you, that was our last contact."

Lovely.

The truth that Dad spoke, that he hadn't been in contact with her over the years, eased some of the strain that pulled my mind in that direction. Lying wasn't just against his nature but honestly thrived in every cell of his body.

The lawyer side of him though...

"Harper," Dad's knees cracked as he squatted down. Up close, worry lines etched into the skin around his eyes and between his eyebrows. "Since nothing changed between your mother and I after she left, I told her exactly the same thing. I neither encouraged or discouraged you from having a relationship with her."

Bitch burned that bridge when she left.

Dad's sixty-two text messages had confirmed that response. He'd gone from, 'Harper, your mother called, please call me' to 'I'm coming down there,' with subsequent updates on his travel status every thirty minutes afterwards.

"So, is - I mean, are you sure that... The baby..." My eyes slid closed as my throat squeezed off my words.

"He's not my son," Dad's firm voice flipped my eyes open, which first took in his tightly clenched mouth. "She got pregnant from her affair."

The hardness in his eyes softened into guilt. "We've never had a DNA test but the dates match up because your mother and I weren't... I was working too much."

While the news that Dad hadn't cheated on Mom while she was pregnant with his kid actually mildly relieved me, the relief was quickly replaced with how horrible I felt for him. While my confirmation felt like I twisted a knife deeper into his old wounds, I picked at my right thumb's cuticle and reiterated, "So... Mom wrongly accused you of an affair, had one herself in retaliation, got pregnant from it, then slapped you with divorce papers and left?"

Guess I know where my inner bitchiness comes from but poor Dad if I'm right.

"That's..." His nostrils flared as he exhaled sharply. "Correct."

Wow. Just... wow. My family is even more fucked up than I ever imagined.

Silence weighed the air space between us, so thick that I wanted to choke. My own mother was possibly the worst person I'd ever met.

Close-minded, self-centered, easily spreads her legs open... Am I just as bad?

Don't answer that Harper.

My hands cupped my face because my forehead throbbed painfully. Strain pressed into my eyes to the point they felt like they wanted to pop out of my head, and my cheeks, my jaw, fuck even my teeth hurt at this point.

"Unless you're withholding more relevant information, I don't have anything to say," I spat out bitterly from between my fingers.

"No." Dad's gray-haired head dipped downward. "It's more than I hoped to burden you with, I'm sorry Harper."

The only response I had any strength left for was I hugged my knees into my chest and rested my chin on them. Dad sighed softly and stood back up with another soft joint crack.

"Alright..." Grace spoke up as her eyes shifted between us. "This has been a lot to unpack. David, you've been up all night. Harper, this must all be a cluster-you-know-what to absorb."

I blinked a few times and, despite the heaviness that sagged my limbs, my lips twitched at her censorship.

She patted Dad's closest shoulder again but her eyes stayed glued on mine. "If you want us to stay Harper, then we need to get a hotel room. Harper, if you want us to go, that's okay. Just tell us."

"I..." I mumbled and rubbed the inside corners of my sore eyes. "Need to lay down for a while."

She nodded silently, although the unanswered 'stay or go' question hung in her eyes. My throat squeezed tight as I swallowed against the dryness in my mouth, then wet my lips. The weak, uncertain voice that came out of my mouth was unrecognizable, "Uhh... You came all this way, so... We should hash this out."

Dad's shoulders sagged under my words and a small smile curved on his lips. "Text me when you're up. Dinner, breakfast, whatever you need."

Emotion strangled my throat again, so I just nodded tightly. Grace bent down and squeezed me tightly, her hands in a near choke-hold around my neck. "I'm so sorry, Sweetie," she whispered in a husky voice, then squeezed me again before she stood up and wiped her eyes.

"Thanks," I mumbled faintly as Dad patted me on the back. To anyone else, he probably appeared emotionlessly cold and detached but the pain in his eyes struck down whatever strength I had left for today.

My lashes fluttered over the hot tears that resurfaced before the door clicked shut. I sat, hunched over as tears freely rolled over my cheeks and dripped over my jaw until Dad and Grace's muffled voices grew quieter. Once I couldn't hear them anymore, I heaved a raspy sigh.

The silence of the room weighed down on me. Li wouldn't understand, she had two parents. Sure her mother was hard on her with unfairly high standards, but she was over-involved in her daughter's life because she cared and wanted the best for her.

And Jake? Ellie? Fuck, their mother wasn't perfect either but she loved her children. She was present, invested in their lives, even if unfairly in Jake's favor.

I crawled into bed as my emotions fucked me over, raw and unhinged like when I'd unfairly unleashed on Jake. He hadn't deserved my emotional lashing but I was beyond embarrassed at what he'd seen. Coupled with the embarrassment that lingered from my own actions, Jake seeing my shitty mom with her fucked-up motivations was too much.

Another reason why I'm probably better off alone.

Warm softness curled around me as tears soaked into my blankets. With a raspy breath, I squeezed my eyes closed and my thoughts raced until I collapsed from too much thinking.

Dad lied to me.

Fine, technically he withheld information then came clean when confronted but fuck, it still hurts.

Mom showed up without warning.

Correction, she showed up only because my little brother made her.

Fuck, I have a brother.

What happened to the control in my life?

"So... Are you pregnant too?" I blurted out because, I guess technically it was biologically possible.

Grace's head tipped back and she laughed loudly, so loudly I swore it echoed off the walls and table. Dad shot me an amused smile, then patted Grace's hand and interweaved their fingers.

Eww. That's weird.

"Not by a long shot, my tubes are tied," she assured me.

While I wasn't sure what they'd done for the past three hours, I appreciated that they'd let my ass sleep. After I'd washed off my loathing self-sympathy with a shower, Grace and Dad met me downstairs at Feast.

"Actually..." Dad cleared his throat, which indicated a legal technicality followed. "We wanted to tell you about us -"

"He says that like I didn't tell him on the phone to ask you out," I shot at Grace, who smiled widely.

"While we are exclusively together..." Dad wrapped one of his arms around the back of Grace's chair and she leaned slightly inward to him.

Oh my fuck, they're actually snuggling closer to each other.

I might be actually be sick.

"Right now, we have absolutely no plans of getting married or even moving in together. We're keeping separate households at least as long as all you kids are through college," he finished in a straight, matter-of-fact tone of voice.

"Including Dimples?" I raised my eyebrows at Grace, who frowned. "Brody."

"Yes, he's just started his freshman year, but... yes." She nodded firmly.

"Are you telling me this because of Mom?" I looked at Dad but Grace leaned forwards in her seat.

"Ahh, no." Her forehead creased as she drew her eyebrows together. "This is because of Garrett, my ex-husband and Logan and Dimples' dad."

I exhaled sharply out my nose but still didn't understand the context. Grace silently glanced at Dad, who stiffly nodded, then fixed her eyes back on mine.

"Garrett remarried and is having his own children with Olivia, which I completely accept because it's his life but it... Certainly gave me enough perspective on mine," she answered with a confident, tone of finality in her voice. "I moved closer for Brody's final year of high school, but even though he's not at home anymore, I'm completely happy with my small condo and job in Scotts Valley."

"What do you do?" I asked since honestly, I hadn't paid attention in previous conversations. Before now, my only Grace reference was the crazy loud Logan heckler at games who'd called my dad a silver fox.

"I'm a medical office assistant." She smiled brightly. "Right now at a dentist's office in Scotts Valley, located right next door to a local bakery, ironically."

"I'm sure they keep you in business." I snorted softly.

"More like the other way around," she murmured with a smile. "The owner is a real sweetheart though."

"Huh..." I mumbled.

"Look Harper, I am sorry." Grace leaned forwards and cupped her elbows with her hands. "I'm sorry that I wanted to come here at what's not the best timing. I just want to assure you that, my feelings for David aside, I know my place. I'm a Mom to Logan and Brody first. I have no intention of... replacing yours, but I'd love to be another person who's in your corner... if you'd let me."

I don't have a mother. I have a vacancy.

My shoulders lifted and I sat back against the weight of the forwardness in her words.

"And you're happy?" My eyebrows lifted at Dad. Although the 'say yes' answer that hung in his eyes already answered my question, he nodded stiffly. At my continued silent look, the corners of his mouth curled up into a small but warm smile.

I shifted my eyes to Grace but pointed at Dad. "And you're okay with his cardboard personality and being second-choice to his job?"

"He might not be the brightest color within all possible paint chips," she teased and patted Dad on the chest. "But I respect your father's work ethic very much. Even if I have to bring him dinners to the office, I'm quite taken with this big softie, yes. How much he missed you is what drew me in closer, actually."

And now it's back to gross. I walked into that one.

My lips rolled inward at the pained look that struck Dad's eyes when Grace had mentioned bringing him dinners, which suggested she'd cooked some of those meals.

From what Ellie said, Grace has two settings. Burned into carbon and food poisoning.

"She has enough personality for the both of us, you'll see," Dad teased, then his smile faded back into serious mode. "But she's right. I've had a lot of alone time lately and... realized I should've made more time outside of work. That was one reason we were coming down here, although we're a little off on the Parents' Week timing."

My eyes closed for a moment. While I appreciated their efforts coming here, which included an advance warning I just hadn't gotten, I wasn't ready to discuss all the emotional details yet. "We can still do a few things, walk around campus," I offered because honestly, I needed a diversion myself.

"If you're up for it, Grace wanted to see the Griffith Observatory," Dad nearly knocked me out of my seat at that suggestion.

"Dad." I narrowed my eyes over his business suit. "I don't think you can hike wearing that."

"I own some casual clothes," he shot back dryly but a sparkle appeared in his eyes. "I just don't wear them."

"This I need to see." Grace winked at me.

"Me too," I admitted quietly and sat back with a smile.

Two hours later, I think Dad regretted his words. He'd changed out of his suit into what looked like athletic-enough clothes, a breathable fabric shirt and baggy, black nylon shorts. While he looked like a fit enough guy, his tall and thin body type resembled more of a string bean than an active exerciser. His normally pale face was flushed with bright red splotches, sweat dripped down his forehead and temples, and he gasped loudly.

"You sure you're okay?" Grace asked him for what felt like the thirtieth time and rubbed his back. "Let's get him some more water, Harper."

"I'm -" He wheezed out like an asthmatic. "-F-fine."

"Dad, sit down before you pass out." I groaned quietly from the slight burn in my legs as I squatted down, pulled a bottle out of the small bag I'd carried on my back, and passed him his third water bottle.

His eyes filled with gratitude as he chugged down a third of it in one round of loud gulps. I had to give Dad credit, he really had tried. He'd parked near the Greek Theatre's parking lot... eight-tenths of a mile hike away, although the hiking trail was hilly in some spots.

"I think we're due for a breather," Grace agreed with a bright smile and Dad plopped down into the sandy dirt right where he stood.

I stepped away from Dad's recovery zone and stopped where the trail's edge sat near the cliffside. On the other side of dead, tumbleweed-like weeds sat an amazing view of Los Angeles. The square blocked buildings, houses, and the small number of skyscrapers were haloed with a faint yellow-gray haze of pollution, sprawled out underneath us.

Bet this is really pretty at night.

Up the hill from where we'd stopped stood the actual observatory, a white building with three domes on it. I assumed that we needed at least a bathroom break, but wasn't entirely sure how much of the water Dad consumed hadn't just been sweated back out.

Should've known we were in trouble when the senior hiking crew passed us.

Despite the hiking part had tired out my breath and left sweat rings around both my breasts, pollution factor aside, the outdoor excursion hadn't been all that bad. I hadn't realized how badly I wanted to be away from campus until we'd left, into what felt like a completely different world.

I don't even know if I want to go back to this point.

With one visit, I hated that my mom had tarnished a few spots on UCLA's campus for me. In particular, I knew I wouldn't look the same way at the School of Law Building's steps as I passed them.

Safe to assume I'm not going back to that coffee house either.

Grace and Dad, when he had been able to breathe, were an unexpectedly pleasant diversion. I'd never seen Dad teased more, yet also relaxed.

"So..." She paused and scanned her eyes around the area, which I had to admit, for the most touristy-hike area I'd ever seen, was pretty nice. "We might need to hike down, drive back up, and take your Dad back to the hotel."

A quiet snort tickled my nose. "He lasted longer than I thought he did."

She paused for a moment as we both pulled out our phones and took a few pictures, even turned around and took one of Dad's still half-crumpled over form. He'd actually plopped down in the perfect selfie spot because the Hollywood sign peeked out from behind him in the distance.

If only he didn't look like roadkill, then it'd be a perfect picture.

"Your dad wants to ask a question but he's not ready for the answer," Grace said quietly as she lowered her screen.

"What?" I snorted louder.

Her eyes, as blue as the Pacific I still hadn't seen down here, flicked in my direction. "If you're seeing anyone."

"Complicated," I deadpanned in a dry voice but kept my eyes directed at the view.

"That's what Ellie said," her admission snapped my eyes in her direction. "But it doesn't seem like it."

She extended her phone to me, which showed a website I wished I hadn't seen.

Jake Harrison's confirmed girlfriend!!

Grab your tissues and favorite ice cream, Jake Harrison is officially off the market -

My eyes glazed over when the broken heart emojis and a blurry picture of me at what looked like a USC game appeared. "Don't believe everything that's online," I muttered and turned my eyes back to the view, although now I found my vision completely unfocused.

Fuck, I need to apologize but I'm still not ready to untangle that shit.

I was more than painfully aware that I'd unleashed displaced anger on Jake, who actually hadn't deserved it for once in his life. While Dad's clarity had calmed my uncertainties about his and Mom's past, I hadn't fully digested and shit away those emotions yet.

After Jake's blurted out confession, I also wasn't ready for an emotional confrontation on two fronts. So, in a moment of Jake-preservation, he'd gotten shoved aside until these shit Mom-related emotions settled down.

Otherwise I'll just lash out again. Even I can admit he doesn't deserve that.

Even though two days had passed since I'd seen him, just the way my heart rammed painfully hard into my chest at the sight of his damn posters in my room was enough of an indication my emotion-filter lockdown button was still broken.

"Which is why I'm asking the source," Grace replied casually and tucked her phone into her pocket.

"It's an unreliable source." I closed my eyes and breathed in deeply. At Grace's silence, I cracked open the nearest eye and looked at her out of its corner. "How are you even getting cell service up here?"

"I'm not, it's a screenshot." Her shoulders lifted up slightly. While she wore a soft smile, her ocean-blue eyes hung with sincerity. "Harper, if my idiotic son is any indication of how not to -"

"How not to give up," I interrupted with a soft smile and sharp exhale out my nose.

By the way her mouth snapped shut, I don't think that was Grace's choice of words. But I meant them, and she responded with a warm smile. "Couldn't have said it better myself."

Not the same situation. Ellie's heart was made for loving, mine's just... all smashed up to shit.

My smile faded as soon as her eyes turned back to Dad because while I appreciated their efforts, I knew that as soon as I returned to campus, two things were painfully obvious. First, my disillusioned reality had shattered and two, I'd turned into the worst version of myself around Jake.

So, no matter what my feelings were and as much as I wanted to...

I can never go back there again.