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it's been an hour into the surgery and basically nothing has happened.

"the dura's opened. let's get out first look at the tumor." derek said.

"wow." jackson said, looking at the tumor.

"that's um... wow." lydia gasped in awe.

"the vessels are more intricate than the m.r.i. showed. there's no way I can get the tumor out without rupturing one and killing the cord." derek said.

"so, uh, what do we do?" jackson asked him.

"if i start t-2, i could avoid hitting the feeding vessels, so maybe i should go lower. there's less vascularity around t-7, so that does see better no?"

"it does seem better. and you'd only get function loss below the chest." lydia commented.

"but i risk rupturing the anterior spinal artery there." derek spiraled off from her.

"probably. the tumor tapers off there." lexie said, watching them do the surgery.

"higher is better maybe? either way I risk sending them into hemodynamic collapse.

" he's not talking to us, is he?" jackson lowered his voice and directed his questioned to lexie and lydia.

"not at all." lexie said at the same time as lydia said, "nope."

"t-2 shows less potential for bleeding. at t-3, the vessels have...increased." derek said, seemingly focused.

"if I clip the draining veins without getting the feeders, they'll burst." he continued.

"dr. shepherd, i really think it's time for you to take a break. it's been over 8 hours." lexie commented.

lydia looked over at derek and back at lexie, silently agreeing with the girl.

"i could go under the tumor here, but I might cut the radicular artery." derek ignored her.

"let's look for, maybe if I go.."

"dr. shepherd..." lydia tried.

"dude, if you need a break, just take a break." jackson told lexie.

"please. I don't need one. I'm hard-core." lexie fought back.

"are...are you wearing a diaper?" jackson asked the girl.

"shut up jackson." lydia told the boy.

"At least bend your legs." lexie told derek.

"you can't bring yourself to use it, can you?" jackson asked mockingly.

"shut up! shut the hell up." derek shouted. he turned to lexie. "grey, I don't need a break. If you do, take one. either of you open your mouths again, you're out of the o.r."

lexie ran out of the o.r. and bumped into bailey on the way. "bathroom break."

"um, dr. shepherd." bailey questioned.

"what?" derek snaps.

"okay, I'm sure this is a completely authorized surgery, but I thought you might like to know that the chief Is scheduled to do a surgery across the hall in o.r. three shortly. so if you're planning on doing something, anything, you might want to do it soon." bailey told derek. lydia's and jackson's eyes flew to bailey and back to shepherd.

"thank you, dr. bailey." derek said. bailey left the room and lydia continued working over isaac.

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a little while later webber bursted into the o.r. and confronted derek. "dr. shepherd. dr. shepherd. am i to understand that you canceled your surgeries today to operate on a spinal cord tumor? dr. shepherd."

webber walked angrily toward derek shepherd until he was right next to him. "the rate of infection for this patient is increasing every second you keep him open. not to mention the thousands of dollars you are wasting standing here doing nothing. so I am demanding that you close this man up. close him up and relinquish the o.r. right now, derek."

"okay. that's it. let's close him up." derek said calmly.

webber turned around and stopped the clock at 10:22:23.

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the surgery was completed and lydia followed derek to isaac's room. derek and lydia started to explain what happened during surgery to isaac.

"there was no way of taking it out without risking your life." lydia started.

"and to cut the cord at this point, i just- i won't do it. you're still walking isaac. let's reassess this in a few months." derek explained to isaac.

"i understand. you worked hard today. you're tired." isaac said.

"i'm sorry." derek said, grabbing isaac's file and heading to walk out the door with lydia.

"you'll try again tomorrow." isaac told him.

"tomorrow? no i can't try again." derek said to the man.

"the tumor is inoperable, isaac." lydia said soothingly.

"i can't fix this." derek said.

"go home. sleep on it. we'll talk more tomorrow." isaac chuckled.

lydia took isaac's file from derek's hands and left the room.

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lydia went home for the night opened the door to her apartment that she shared with her sister, callie, cristina, and owen. the brunette woman was so glad to be home. lydia said goodbye to the babysitter and picked up her newborn baby.

lydia carried her daughter to the kitchen and she put emily down into a portable crib so that she could make dinner for her family. the brunette made pasta for her, arizona, and callie, then put it in the microwave until the couple got home.

the girl fed emily while she waited for arizona and her girlfriend to come home. lydia heard the sound of keys from outside the apartment and soon enough arizona and callie walked through the door. the mother quickly finished feeding her daughter and put her back in her crib.

"hey zona. hey cal." lydia said, setting emily down.

"hey lyds." arizona said, taking off her jacket and setting it on the back of the couch.

"hey lydia." callie said, putting the keys on the hook.

"so, cristina texted me and said her and owen are on call tonight so they won't be home." lydia stood back up and headed toward the kitchen to warm up their dinner. "i made us pasta."

"great, i'm gonna go get changed." arizona said and walked into her bedroom.

lydia brought emily into lydia's room and set the baby down into her crib and wished her good night. the microwave beeped and lydia took their dinner out and plated it for them. she took their plates to the table and poured two glasses of wine for arizona and callie and water for herself.

"so how was isaac's surgery?" arizona asked, taking a bite of her dinner.

"boring, honestly. we stood there for ten hours and did absolutely nothing." lydia replied.

the three girls ate their dinner and talked about everything and anything. they talked about arizona's day as well as callie's until lydia brought up something that's been on her mind for a while.

"arizona, we've lived with each other since you've started at the hospital and it might be time to change that." lydia started out carefully. "meredith asked me to move in with her because she has an extra room. she wants me and emily to be closer to her and alex."

"why, i'm your sister. i'm perfectly capable of helping you and being there for you." arizona said.

lydia could tell she was getting angry and a bit riled up. The brunette could see where her sister was coming from but still thought she was being unreasonable. lydia signed and ran her hand through her hair.

"ok, arizona, calm down. maybe you should hear her reasoning first before you lash out at her." callie said, trying to calm her girlfriend down.

"i declined her offer at first but then i thought about emily. it would be great if she was closer to her father and you know that." lydia told her sister.

"i understand that but i don't want you to move out. i love living with you." arizona said, trying not to let her anger slip out.

"we've lived with each other our whole lives, i think it's time to change the way we live our lives. besides, don't you think you and callie should have more privacy?" lydia said, getting up and putting her dishes in the sink. "also, don't you think it's way too crowded with me and emily here?"

with that dinner was over and arizona knew that she wouldn't be able to change her sister's mind. arizona put hers and callie's dishes away and walked over to her sister's door, ready to apologize when she heard lydia on the phone accepting meredith's offer.

the blonde walked back to where her girlfriend stood, who welcomed her with open arms.

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the next day lydia was sitting in a room with lexie, jackson, dr. webber and derek, the latter staring out a window.

"this patient understands what cutting the cord means?" dr. webber asked. "the loss of function in both legs and possibly more?"

"we have to cut the cord to kill the tumor. there's no other way." derek said to him.

webber sighed, "okay. that'll only take an hour or two. you can have o.r. one. hunt needs it right after so he'll have enough time."

"thank you." derek thanked quickly.

"good luck." webber said, standing up and leaving the room.

as soon as the door closed derek turned around in his chair. lydia realized that they weren't about to do anything derek just agreed to.

"we're not cutting the cord." derek said to his team.

"we're not?" jackson asked, clearly confused.

"eh, i had a feeling." lydia said.

"mnh-mnh. the mistake i made yesterday was that i wanted a plan. there can be no plan. i just have to pick a point and cut." derek told them.

"but what you said yesterday, if-if you cut an artery or hit the cord..." lexie started worriedly.

derek sighed, "isaac wants is to take the risk. he wants a cure, and it's our job to try. see you in the o.r."

lydia and lexie looked at each other, worry etched all over their faces.

"this is bad. this is really, really bad." lexie said, holding her head in her hands.

"are you kidding? no one at mercy west was this badass." jackson told the female two doctors.

"this isn't badass. this-this is..." lexie started but lydia cut her off.

"you've gotta admit, it is a little badass."

"okay, you saw him yesterday, he was spinning himself in circles, mumbling like some crazy psych patient. and he was mean." lexie finished.

"well, he's your psych patient now. deal with it diaper genie." jackson said.

lydia let out a light chuckle and lexie turned to glare at her. lydia put her hands up in surrender and leaned back in her chair.

"hey, i wore a diaper yesterday, yes. and i will wear one today. if it helps get dr. shepherd through the surgery, i will wear a diaper, because my diaper is awesome. my diaper is hard-core. you wish you had the balls to wear my diaper. i'm gonna wear it, and i'm gonna wear it with pride. and if i have to pee in it, oh, i'll pee, because i am a surgeon. this is america, and i will do what needs to be done. so you can kiss my hard-core, diaper-wearin' ass." lexie ranted, pitting her hands on the table and standing up to leave the room.

lydia stared at her in awe and clapped when she finished her speech. before lexie walked out of the room she gave her friend a look that obviously meant she wanted her to wear a diaper too. lydia caught on and shook her head.

"as awesome as your speech was lex, i'm not wearing a diaper. i told you, i'm there for you with moral support."

lexie shook her head and left the room.

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6/21/20