Beautiful aesthetic made by Alyssa_Evangeline

Amelia stared at her reflection, her cheeks flushed in a way that complemented her eyes as she unwrapped the towel from around her head, letting the wet curls cascade down her back.

She plugged in her hair dryer, brushing through her strands.

It was weird how happy she felt. It was her birthday and she was alone yet there was a peculiar sort of contentment within her.

Her birthday dinner with Daniel and Jo had been scheduled, she had treated herself to a lunch date earlier and then picked up a pastry on her way home as a birthday cake.

On any other year, that would have sounded like a pathetically sad birthday. But she was pretty okay with it now.

The bell rang and she turned her hair dryer off, replacing her towel with a baggy t-shirt that stopped below her knees.

She walked out to her room and into the living room, yanking the main door open.

She came face to face with Ethan and although he was not who she was expecting, she wasn't the least bit surprised to see him.

What surprised her was the square box balanced precariously between his chest and forearm and the bouquet in his hands.

He smiled at her and she watched as his eyes swept over her half dried hair and sleeping attire.

"You look hot," he commented as he brushed past her.

"Thank you but you're not welcome here," she said, turning around to watch him as he placed the gifts on the countertop.

"And here I was, thinking we were making some progress when you opened the door without asking a million questions."

"I would have kept the list of questions prepared if I knew you were going to show up."

"If you knew, I wouldn't have gotten to see that vexed look on your face. And there's no fun in that."

She scoffed. "Good to know my misery is a source of entertainment for you. Who are those for?"

He looked at her incredulously.

"Your next door neighbor. She caught my fancy and I thought I'd leave these at her doorsteps once I'm done enjoying your misery."

"My next door neighbor is a sixty year old man but I'm sure he'll be delighted. I've heard he swings both ways and you'll be right up his alley," she said, turning the other way to hide her smile.

"Suggest me someone with a little less white hair and then we'll talk."

She rolled her eyes. "Why are you here, Ethan?"

"Why do you think?"

"You know, in a conversation between two normal people, when one asks a question the other is supposed to reply with an answer."

He grinned and it unnerved her. She still wasn't used to seeing him smile so openly around her.

The bell rang once again.

"Who is it?" he asked.

"My next door neighbor," she replied, pulling the door half open.

"Tell him he's got a secret admirer," he yelled back.

She grabbed the brown delivery bag from the floor before closing the door.

"Now, tell me why you're here or else I'll kick you out."

She placed the bag beside the flowers, her fingers tracing the outline of the white and red tissue paper.

"I didn't wanted you to be alone today," he said.

She had suspected it was because of her birthday when she'd seen the cake but now she was sure.

But the fact that he remembered her birthday left her feeling warm inside.

"I wanted to come earlier but I got caught up in some office work."

She nodded, struggling for words. A variation of insults settled at the tip of her tongue about how the great Ethan Williams had gone all soppy but she swallowed them back. How could she say anything cutting when he was looking at her with glittering stars in his eyes.

"You didn't had to..." she finally managed to say, busying herself with unwrapping her food.

"I wanted to. It's no big deal." He said, waving a nonchalant hand.

She glanced from the black and white flowers to the man lounging on her couch, his sleeves rolled up to his elbows, her collar button open as if he'd hastily thrown off his tie before coming here.

She sighed. Why did he had to complicate everything by acting this way? Why couldn't he stay like he was before? Cold, unfeeling, unwilling to open up to her. Why did he had to change now, when she had made up her mind that she wanted nothing to do with him?

"You should..." she paused, unsure of how to say the words she'd said millions of times now.

"Leave?" He asked.

"Yes, please," she sighed, not meeting his eyes.

But she felt him get up. She felt him make his way towards her and she clenched her fists, her body getting alive the closer he got.

"You don't have to do this," he whispered and even though he didn't touch her, she felt the buzzing in her veins

"But I do. I have to because if I don't, I'll..." she bit her lips, unsure of what her next words would have been if she hadn't stopped herself.

She looked up to see him with that expectant glint in his eyes, the stars brighter than ever, like he'd been waiting for this moment since forever.

"You'll what?"

She shook her head.

He was so close and she didn't wanted to feel this whirlwind inside her. Hating him was easy. She was used to it. It protected her. Kept her emotions, her real emotions buried so deep inside that she'd almost forgotten they existed.

Her hands shook as she reached up to touch him. Just this once, she told herself.

He stood still as if holding his breath as she allowed her fingers to hover over his jawline.

"Tell me something," she whispered, closing her eyes. It was too hard to look at him with that look in his eyes and not give in. "Something to make me hate you."

He scoffed and she felt him take a step back. She kept her eyes closed, her hand dropping to her side.

"Oh, I have plenty of stuff." He said, thorns in his words. Not meant for her. Meant for himself.

"Tell me." she said.

And watch me love you despite it all.

Her eyes flew open and she took a moment to collect her thoughts.

She felt no such thing as love for him anymore. The proximity was affecting her brain.

She took a step back.

"Do you not hate me enough already?"

"Tell me," she repeated.

Of course she didn't hate him enough. If she did, she wouldn't be thinking whatever she was thinking right now.

"I found you right when I thought I might just be able to get over you. It was a coincidence. One that was really hard to believe because I had been searching for two years without any success. But then a contact told me he'd seen the girl I was looking for. I had to see you for myself so I came to the office you worked at and I finally saw you after years of wanting to. I sat with your boss for hours, making up shit about my company wanting to do business with them. I was just waiting for you to leave. I don't know what I was going to do or say but I waited hours. You finally got up to leave. I followed you. And then you met Alexander. I saw you kiss him and I knew I should have stepped back. But I'd seen you. And I couldn't stop now. I had to do something. And the thought of you with him made me die inside every single day."

"No," she whispered but he didn't hear her.

"I knew I had to do something. I knew it was wrong but I had to. I had to see it for myself. Know if you were truly happy with him."

"You had no right," she said, her voice clearer now. Sharper.

"I know that," he replied, matching her octave. "You think I don't know that?"

"Fuck," she whispered. "So, what? You offered him the job?"

"I offered him the job. He'd applied a few years back but gotten no response then. This was the perfect opportunity. I made an offer he couldn't reject even if he wanted to. It was the kind of offer he'd pack his stuff and move for."

"You're fucking insane," she yelled, shaking her head.

He tried to get closer to her but she took a few steps back.

"Do you regret it?" she asked.

She needed to know. But then again, she was sure it wouldn't matter in the end.

He looked like a menace with his hair sticking up in all directions and a panicked look in his eyes.

"Do you regret it, Ethan? Do you regret making me, making us both a pawn in your deranged game?"

"It was not a game," he whispered, running a hand through his hair.. "Fucking hell, Lia. It never was a game. If it..."

She cut him off. She wasn't in the mood for his confessions.

"Answer the question."

She could see the nerve ticking in his jaw, the restraint in his eyes. She wanted to push him until he shattered. She wanted to see how far he was willing to go.

"The truth or the lie?" he asked and despite the hunched shoulders and the closed fists, his eyes were warm and comforting.

Like hot beverages and orange flames on cold nights.

"The one that'll make me hate you more," she replied, looking away from those enchanting eyes.

"The truth it is," he sighed, his shoulders relaxing like he'd accepted his defeat.

But she knew he wasn't the kind of person who gave up this easily.

"No. I don't regret it. I'd do it all over again if need be."

"How can you say that?" she whispered, running a hand through her now mostly dried hair. She swallowed back her tears. She wouldn't cry in front of him. Never again.

He looked at with a pained expression on his face, like he wanted to reach out and hold her to him. For a wild moment, she allowed it to happen in her head. She allowed herself to relish in the feeling of his arms around her. Only for one blissful moment before she snapped back to reality.

She took a step back. Just for safety measures.

"You hurt me. You hurt me back then and you hurt me again when you forced me to separate from Alex. How could you claim to..." Love me? "Care for me when you just keep hurting me?"

She watched as a shadow covered his face. A shadow of all things bad and dark. She felt her heart twist in her chest.

Finally, she thought savagely even as her heart hurt alongside his. Finally, he'll understand what she had suffered these last two years.

"Stop it, Lia. Please, just stop this," he pleaded and she inhaled.

She could stop now. Whatever the cake and flowers had made her feel was gone now, leaving behind only red hot anger and putrid hate.

But even her hate had been disastrous.

"You were not happy with him," he said and she shook her head. It wasn't true. How dare he?

"You know it, Lia. I know it. He knew it too. That's why he left. Not because you weren't good enough or because you didn't try hard enough. And it wasn't because of me or because of a relationship that happened two years ago."

"It was because I lied to him," she said. It felt important that she held onto her version of the truth. Blaming herself and blaming Ethan was easy. Accepting the fact that everyone except her own self knew about her true feelings was harder. And it couldn't be true.

"No, it was not. Whatever you lied about wasn't the kind of issue that couldn't be solved. And he was not the kind of guy who would leave things in the middle. He was always looking for a solution. Trying to fix things."

"You didn't know him," she whispered. But he was right.

"He could have fixed the relationship if he wanted to. But he didn't. He left because he knew you weren't happy with him no matter how hard he tried."

"That was not it. He left because of a misunderstanding."

"Lia, look at me."

"No."

"Why the fuck do you have to be so stubborn? Look at me, look me in the eyes and tell me you were truly happy. That you never once thought of life without him and enjoyed the thought."

"Every relationship goes through that phase."

"There was never a spark to begin with. You never felt anything for him."

"Shut up, Ethan. Just shut up," she yelled.

He had no right to talk about her life like he knew it better than her.

"Look at me and say it, then. Prove me wrong."

She gritted her teeth and mustered the courage to look up. She would have drowned. His eyes, so enticing, so warm, she could have drowned.

Or maybe it was the shore. Maybe she was drowning before and he was her savior. Maybe he was the one pulling her from under the abyss and telling her to breathe.

She allowed the tears to fall. She didn't had the strength to fight them back any longer. Ethan was right.

She had never felt anything for Alex. Yes, she had become attached and she had cared for him but that was it.

He hadn't challenged her. He hadn't set her on fire with his touches. She didn't feel butterflies when he got close. She had thought of him leaving, a lot more than she would have liked to accept and the thought had scared her just because she'd gotten very dependent on him and not because he might take her heart with him.

And that had not happened. He was gone and she was okay. It didn't feel like someone was pulling out her heart through her ribcage, breaking her bones in the process and then shredding the beating organ into pieces. Unlike the last time.

She let out a shuddering breath as another, more brutal realization followed the first.

She was still so in love with Ethan.