AMELIA WAS BROKEN before she met Ethan.

He didn't do anything that her mum hadn't done already. She was broken and ruined.

Ethan had only made her feel like maybe she could be fixed after all, like maybe there was hope for her before snatching all that away.

Yes, he'd increased the damage but it was nothing she couldn't deal with.

But what she had done to Alex, it was different. It was so so wrong and how could she ever forgive herself now?

Alex always had big emotions. The ones where you feel too much and end up destroying yourself because of it.

But he'd somehow managed to keep himself intact. Those were the first things she'd noticed about him when they'd first started dating.

He was whole and warm and bright and everything Amelia could never be.

She wondered if she'd made him like her now? If she'd shattered his heart into irreparable tiny pieces that'll make him bleed out until there's no love left anymore.

There was a sob stuck somewhere in her throat. It was there for the last two days now, painful and itchy. She wished it would get out.

The bell rang and she frowned to herself. At least she tried to.

Her muscles screamed in protest at the mere thought of getting out of bed and she tried to will the visitor away.

It rang a second time and she closed her eyes, ignoring the sound.

But what if it was Alex? What if he was back?

She sat upright, her body supporting her now as she got off the bed and walked towards the main door with quick steps.

She smoothed down her hair and tried to bring some blood back to her face by rubbing her palms over it before she yanked the door open.

It wasn't Alex. Of course, why would it be?

“What are you doing here?” She said, a lingering sigh in her words.

“I wanted to check up on you,” Ethan replied.

“Why?” She asked, looking at him as if he'd gone crazy.

He blinked, his hand rubbing the back of his neck awkwardly. The motion alerted her. Why was he acting awkward? Ethan had never been awkward about the most awkwardest things.

“What? What's wrong?”

“Alexander handed in his resignation two days ago. Didn't give any reason.”

She deflated, her shoulders sagging. She'd officially ruined him in every way possible.

This job, this damned job was the only reason they'd come here. Because it was Alex's golden chance and now he had given it up because of her.

“What? Didn't you try to stop him? You needed his help. You should have tried to stop him,” she gritted out and his eyes softened around the edges, something like pity in there.

“I didn't know what the reason was behind him leaving so I didn't feel okay calling,” he paused. “What is the reason, Lia?”

She inhaled, the sound sharp and painful.

He already knew the reason now. It was written all over her sunken face and swollen eyes.

“He found out. I told him.”

A pause followed her words in which she didn’t dare look at Ethan, afraid of what she might find.

“It was in the past. Why would it matter?” He asked softly, his arm reaching out for her but he stopped midway, thinking better of it.

She shouldn't have told him that but what was the point of it anymore? And anyways, her brain had stopped working two days ago.

“He believed I still loved you. I told him I don't but he didn't listen. He didn’t believe me,” she shrugged helplessly.

“Fuck. I'm so sorry,” he whispered and now he did touch her, his fingers curling around her shoulder protectively.

She took a step back, silently telling him to stop and he obliged.

“Lia, I'm sorry,” he repeated, as if it would change something.

Something snapped inside her.

“You're sorry? Didn't you have this planned out already? Why did you invite me to that stupid dinner? Why didn't you stop visiting me when I told you to. It's all your fault.”

It wasn't his fault. Not really. But it was easier to blame someone than to carry all the guilt herself.

He held onto her shoulders again but she shrugged him off. Why wasn't he yelling back at her? She wanted him to yell, to tell her to shut up.

“I’m sorry,” he said once again but she wasn’t listening now.

“He told me he loved me. I loved him too. I did. But I just wasn’t able to say it. I didn’t wanted him to go.”

She heard him inhale sharply at her words. She didn’t look up.

He reached out for her but she took a step back. He needed to stay away from her.

The sob was still there, somehow more painful now.

“Why did you invite me to that dinner?” She asked, finally looking up at him.

He had a pained look on his face, his hands reaching out for her but not touching.

“Why did you invite me to that dinner?” she gritted out.

“Because I'm a selfish bastard. Because the thought of you with him made me want to set the world on fire.”

She stared at him. She kept staring, unable to look away.

What was wrong with her?

“Fuck you.” She spat, managing to tear her eyes away from him.

“I'm so sorry.”

“No, you're not. Don't fucking lie to me,” she yelled, eyes burning with hatred.

“You would hate me if you knew the truth,” he whispered, taking a step towards her.

His eyes burnt too, but not with hatred.

“What makes you think I don't hate you already?” She said, inching towards him without even knowing it.

“I know you do,” he sighed and it broke her trance.

She took a step back.

“I think you should leave.”

“I'm not leaving you like this,” he replied.

“I'll fucking slap you.”

“I’m still not leaving.”

“Get out.”

“No.”

“Get out,” she gritted out, giving him a shove. It barely budged him.

She tried to do it again but he held her wrists midway, forcing her to stop.

“Amelia, stop.”

There it was. The dom he hadn't let out until now. Her body obliged as if it was the most natural thing to do. She hated that he still had that effect on her.

He pulled her closer, wrapping his arms around her, cocooning her in his warmth.

She froze. This was unfamiliar territory for both of them.

“It's okay,” he whispered, his voice fanning the top of her head as he smoothed down her hair.

The sob broke free.

Ethan was the last person she wanted to break down in front of.

But he was there, holding her close, whispering things in her ear. He was warm and comforting so she held onto him as if he was the only thing keeping her alive.

“I didn't wanted this. I don't know what's wrong with me,” she said in between sobs.

“I know. There's nothing wrong with you.”

He paused, the silence stretching, filled by her sobs.

“You love him? You call him and make him believe it. You don't love him? That's alright. You can want someone desperately but still not be in love with them.”

She sank down to her knees, her legs giving out from under her. She was just so tired.

Ethan sat down along with her, his grip not wavering at all. He pulled her into him and she sobbed against his chest, arms hooked at the back of his neck.

She didn't even had the energy to hate herself for being wrapped around the man partially responsible for her breakup.

Her mind was somehow quiet now. Too quiet. She waited until her sobs had subsided and her tears had dried. She waited until her muscles regained a bit of strength.

“You should…” she began, untangling herself from him.

“No. I'm not going anywhere. You go to sleep,” he cut her off, pulling her more tightly into him.

She was tired. She hadn't slept for two days. But she couldn't sleep like that. She forced her eyes to remain open but consciousness was drifting away too fast.

She needed to get away from Ethan. But she couldn't. He was there. Just like he'd always been. He'd been with her even when she hadn't wanted him to be.

Even after she'd left, he had been there with her.

She wondered if she'd carry Alex with her the same way now.