“We need to talk,” Amelia said. That wasn’t what she wanted to say though. She wanted to kiss Alex and call it a day.

But she knew this couldn’t go on like this. With such close calls and the constant guilt. She was getting tired of the web of lies she’d spun for herself.

This game needed to end and Amelia preferred it if it ended on her terms.

“Is everything okay?” Alex asked, settling on the edge of the bed.

“Yes but there’s something I need to tell you,” she said, sitting down next to him, covering his hands with hers.

“Go on,” he said, giving her an encouraging nod.

His smile, the one that always calmed her, now did nothing to ease her frantic heart.

“Your boss. Umm… I know him. Well, I didn't know he was going to be your boss. I only found that at the bar. At your dinner party but umm, yes. I wanted to tell you. But I thought it might not be necessary…”

“Okay, wait, you know Ethan?” he asked with an amused look on his face, stopping her rambling.

“Yes.”

“How?”

“Alex!” she sighed. He was going to make her say it. He was going to make her lie once again.

But this lie, this will be okay, good even. It’ll set everything right. Alex would know what he needed to know and she wouldn’t have to live with this heavy, all consuming guilt anymore.

“We were together. For a year.”

“Oh.” The smile vanished, giving way to something dark and serious.

She so desperately wanted that smile back. She wished she could reverse time and not tell him. She can continue with the lies if it meant never seeing that look of betrayal on his face ever again.

“I didn't tell you only because I didn't think it was necessary. But then we kept meeting and it just felt wrong to not tell you anymore.”

“It's okay,” he said and Amelia blinked.

“Really? Then why are you staring at me like this?” She questioned, looking at the not at all okay look on his face.

“Can I ask you something?”

“Yes, anything,” she said, a little too desperate.

“Did he love you?”

She stared at Alex and he stared right back, his eyes cold and emotionless.

“No. No, he didn't.”

“Are you sure he didn't?” He scoffed, a bitter laugh escaping his lips.

“What is that supposed to mean?” She asked, suddenly on high alert.

Had Ethan told him something?

“It means that I've seen the way he looks at you. First at the bar and then again tonight. I dismissed it because, of course, why would a random guy look at you that way.”

His words were covered with thorns and she flinched as if they'd physically pierced her heart.

Her Alex was never this harsh.

“Look at me how, Alex? What are you talking about?”

“Like he would burn the entire world down for the barest of your touches.”

Her breath caught in her throat and she looked at Alex with a bewildered look on her face.

A thousand questions flooded her head, distracting her from the only thing that mattered, the person sitting in front of her.

Alex couldn't have seen that. He couldn't have because Ethan felt nothing of the sort for her. Alex had it all wrong. It was the only explanation. It was the explanation she held onto, pushing everything else in the back of her mind.

“Alex,” she cleared her throat. “I don’t care what he feels or thinks. And I don't think he feels anything of the sort. He's never loved anyone in his life.”

“And did you love him?”

Amelia sighed, having already seen this question coming. “I did.”

Something shifted in his eyes. Not just in his eyes but something shifted between the two of them as well. She wondered if lying would have been the better option here.

“Why did you guys separate, then?”

“Because I loved him and he didn't.”

“Right, and there's no point staying with someone who can't love you back,” he said, his voice low.

She nodded in response.

“Why didn't you stop me from coming here, then? Didn't you know he'd be here? Didn't you know you two were bound to meet again?”

The accusatory tone was like a knife to her heart and she felt moisture gathering at the corner of her eyes.

“Why didn't I stop you? Because the job was amazing. It was your big shot. I wasn't going to let you miss the opportunity because of some guy I was once in a relationship with and who had a 0.01 percent chance of ever bumping into me in this huge town.”

He blinked as if only just realizing how stupid his question was.

His eyes softened around the edges. Except they didn't. She could see the darkness there, concealed but not gone.

He stood up, running a hand through his hair as he began pacing the length of the room.

“Alex,” she pleaded, getting up and walking towards him, holding him by the elbow to stop him. “What is it? What is wrong?”

“You were in a relationship with him yet you didn't know his firm? You didn't know that the company who offered me the acceptance letter was his?”

For that, she had no answer. How to tell him that even though she loved him, she didn't know anything about him. That their relationship was strictly pleasure. That there was no place for love in that relationship.

“I didn't. I… Alex,” she whispered. “I know it'll sound very unbelievable but it's true. I didn't knew it was his company until I met him at the bar.”

She hadn't thought that I'll be so hard. She wanted it to be over already.

He looked at her and she knew he didn't believe her at all. And why would he? If she would have been in his place, she wouldn't have believed herself either.

The only way to make him believe was to tell him about the lifestyle she led before him, the things she was into.

But she wouldn't do that. Even if it meant him not believing her. It was her secret. Her and Ethan's. She wasn't ready to let it out into the open yet.

“I think you still love him,” he said, voice almost a whisper.

“I do not love him,” she bit out, glaring at Alex, her frustration coming up as anger.

“Do you love me, Amelia?”

She stopped breathing. Because wasn't that what she had always dreaded? That someday he'll tell her he love her and she won't be able to say it back.

It was just three words. It wasn't such a big deal. She can say it. She can. They were just words. She needed to say it. She could see Alex's waiting eyes and she needed to say it quick.

“Alex,” she whispered, her voice stuck somewhere in her throat. “I… I do. You're the most amazing person I've ever met and…”

He clicked his tongue, looking at her sympathetically. And she knew exactly what was going to happen next.

Because, of course, you can't stay with someone who doesn't love you back.

“That's not what I asked, Amelia,” he said and a tear escaped her eye.

This was not happening. It was supposed to be just a little confession about her knowing Ethan. It wasn't supposed to escalate like this.

“I love you, Alex. I do.”

There it was. She'd said it.

“Oh, cut the bullshit. Even you don't believe it,” he bit out, poison lacing his words and she deserved every last drop of it and more.

What was wrong with her?

She was crying by now, hot angry tears spilling down her cheeks.

“You know, I always saw it in your eyes. I saw you were happy, of course, but I also saw that you didn't love me like I loved you.”

Loved.

“I thought, maybe with time, it'll fade. Maybe you'd want me like I wanted you but it never did. I never figured out what I was doing wrong.”

“But now I know. It never was me, was it? It was always him. You never got over him and you know it, Amelia. He still owns your heart after all this time and you haven't even allowed me anywhere near it.”

“Alex,” she whimpered, shaking her head wildly. “That's not true. It's not.”

“Maybe not all of it. But most of it is. And you know it too. Stop lying, Amelia. Both to me and to yourself.”

She was still shaking her head, not allowing his words to rest in her mind. It was a fucked up place and his words will only mess with it more.

“Right,” he breathed, his shoulders sagging. He ran a hand through his hair and looked at her again.

“My stuff will be gone by tomorrow evening,” he said, voice so cold that if she hadn't seen his lips move, she wouldn't have believed the words came out of his mouth.

She gasped even though she knew it was coming.

“Alex, no, please. Just stay. We'll figure this out. I just… I don't want to lose you. Alex, please.”

She held onto his hand, as if it might stop him.

He sighed and his eyes softened. This time, they really did soften but she hated that look on him. The designation, the hopelessness in his eyes. It killed her.

He held her hand and more tears escaped her at the familiar softness of his touch. There was still softness there despite everything she'd done to him.

“Am, it's better if I leave. It's better for both of us. Maybe you can give Ethan another chance. Maybe I'll find someone who'll truly love me.”

How dare he? How dare he say that?

“It isn't fair,” she sobbed, still shaking her head.

“It's not fair to me, Amelia. Staying with you won't be fair to me.”

Something about his words, something about the way he said those words, something about the haunted look in his eyes made her drop her hand.

It fell limply to her side and she watched Alex walk away. She turned around, just barely, just so she could see him.

He closed the bedroom door behind him. Just a soft snap but she flinched nevertheless.

She waited for another series of clicks, the main door opening and closing before she dropped down on her knees, face in her hands as she cried all her feelings out.