present

ALICE.

It was currently 11:15 a.m. and Billy, Chris, Anthony, Oliver, and I were still wide awake and tripping on acid. If my calculations were correct, our twelve hour acid trip would be over around 1 p.m, but I could also be mistaken.

All of us were still seated in our original positions from when Sebastian had left except for Billy. Billy had gotten up and sat in Sebastian's spot beside Anthony which had caused Oliver to whine rather loudly. But that was hours ago; everyone was happily existing now.

"Aye," Anthony called as Sebastian emerged from the top floor onto the main floor. He was leaning against the wall beside the flatscreen and looking between all of us with dreary eyes. "There's my favorite Sexy Seabass!"

Sebastian lazily smiled as he walked towards us with his hair sticking in every direction. Sebastian slowly moved to sit in the empty seat beside Oliver that Billy had once occupied. "What did I miss?" Sebastian asked tiredly as he rubbed his eyes.

"A lot," Anthony exclaimed. "We came up with nicknames for everybody while you were passed the fuck out."

"Oh, Christ," Sebastian murmured. "Did I get a new nickname?

Oliver interrupted cheerily, "Obviously! We couldn't forget about you, Bucky Barnes!"

Sebastian raised an eyebrow. "Is that the nickname you came up for me?"

All of us stared awkwardly at Sebastian in response before Oliver murmured, "We couldn't think of anything else."

Chris sheepishly smiled as he shrugged his shoulders. "You kinda have, like, every nickname that could possibly be given to you," he said.

Sebastian rolled his eyes before glancing around at all of us. "Then I'm guessing you guys got better nicknames than I did?" Oliver smiled widely as he nodded his head in response.

Billy sighed before murmuring, "My nickname's fucking stupid, too. Don't worry."

"I gave you that nickname with love, Billy Goat," Oliver exclaimed as his eyes snapped to Billy's. "Why can't you just accept my love?" He whined.

Billy rolled his eyes and leaned back into his seat.

"Ok," Sebastian murmured as he glanced around at us. "What other nicknames should I know about?"

Oliver smiled a toothy grin at Sebastian as his head snapped to meet his. "I'm Snowflake," Oliver cheered as he pointed to his white hair.

"My idea was to name him The Winter Prostitute," Billy chimed in. "Or Candy."

Sebastian raised an eyebrow. "Why Candy?"

Billy shrugged. "I looked up common stripper names and that suited him," he responded.

"I think it's because Billy wants to taste me," Oliver whispered as he winked at Sebastian.

"Everyone can hear you, Oliver," Billy said.

Oliver cupped a hand over his mouth as he whispered to Sebastian, "I think it's because Billy wants to taste me."

Billy groaned in response and tilted his head back. "I don't want to taste your STD infested dick, Oliver," Billy groaned.

Anthony exclaimed, "If you don't wanna taste Snowflake's billion dollar dick, then I happily will!"

Oliver smiled widely in response and squeaked, "Thank you."

"Not even a billion dollars can save you from getting AIDS," Billy murmured as he glanced beside him at Anthony.

Oliver whined in response. "I don't have AIDS, Billford," he moaned. His eyes then lit up as a cheery grin spread across his face. "That's your new and improved nickname," he exclaimed as he pointed at Billy. "You're Billford now!"

Billy sighed as he closed his eyes. "I guess it's more original than Billy Goat," he mumbled.

I glanced past Oliver to Sebastian. "My decided nickname was Mary," I said. "Like the Virgin Mary? Because I've only had sex with, now, three people."

"Two thirds of them are in the room," Oliver cooed as he wiggled his eyebrows. "Threesome," he whispered as he winked at Billy.

"If you ever touch my dick, I'm calling my lawyer," Billy responded as he gazed at Oliver.

"Y'know," Oliver murmured as he looked to a far off space in thought. "Billy's nickname should actually be Virgin Mary," he cooed. "Isn't your body count lower than Alice's?"

"If we called you Virgin Mary then it'd really be a pun," Billy replied with a smirk on his face.

"You ignored my question," Oliver murmured as he wiggled his eyebrows.

Billy sighed before running a hand over his face. "Yes, my body count is officially lower than Alice's because of last night," he said. A smirk then took form on Billy's face. "What's your body count, Oliver?"

Oliver glanced into his lap and began counting with his fingers. The whole feat went on for about a minute or two before Oliver gave up. "Honestly," he began. "A lot of them I can't remember because I was really fucked up, but out of the sober ones I can remember, I counted, um, give or take twenty something," he responded sheepishly.

All of us sat back in shock as Oliver nervously smiled at each of us.

"That's," Anthony began before shaking his head. "Those are just the ones that you can remember?"

Oliver shrugged his shoulders. "Ok," he sighed in defeat. "The number was actually higher than that but I didn't want you guys to judge me."

"How much?" Billy sighed. "How fucking many?"

Oliver glanced nervously between each of us before training his gaze on his lap while fiddling with his fingers. "Around thirty or forty," he murmured.

Billy shot me a disturbed look and I raised an eyebrow in response as I shrugged my shoulders.

"That's," Billy exclaimed, causing Oliver's eyes to nervously meet his. "Those are just the ones you remember," Billy sighed as he stared through Oliver's chest. "One of them definitely must've gotten pregnant."

Oliver cockily smiled in response. "I trained my swimmers to go the other way," he responded coolly as he pointed his thumbs behind him. "But that's only with women," he added on with a wink.

"I both envy you and am repulsed by you," Chris murmured as he gazed into open air. Chris' eyes met Oliver's and he leaned over in his seat. "How?" Chris asked as he shook his head with a raised eyebrow. "Just how?"

Oliver leaned back in his seat as he crossed his arms over his chest. "Snowflake's got some moves," he responded as he nodded his chin towards his lap.

Chris chuckled and shook his head. "I mean," he began. "Like, how do you seduce so many people? I need to know, Man," he chuckled.

Oliver shrugged his shoulders. "I just act as gay as I can around women, and as straight as I can around men," he said nonchalantly.

"Shouldn't it be the other way around?" Anthony asked with a raised eyebrow.

Oliver smirked and looked at Anthony through the corners of his eyes. "Can't fix something that's not broken," he murmured.

Sebastian shook his head and sighed. "What about your guys' nicknames?" Sebastian asked as he glanced between Chris and Anthony. "Are they as bright as Snowflake?"

Chris chuckled and shook his head. "Billy nicknamed me The Bachelor," he responded.

Billy nodded his head slowly as a smirk plastered on his face. "That's what I've been calling you in my head ever since I met you," he said.

Oliver raised his eyebrows as he airily sang, "Creepy." Billy glared at Oliver in response, and it was honestly a very threatening look, which caused Oliver to slightly recoil back into his seat and gaze at anything but Billy.

"My new nickname's Mr. Krabs," Anthony chimed in. "It's because I was basically begging for money last night, technically this morning."

Sebastian nodded his head as an understanding look took form on his face. "That makes sense," he cooed.

Suddenly a vibrating noise could be heard cascading around the silent room.

"What the hell?" Billy sighed as he began fiddling with his phone in his pocket.

Oliver leaned over to my ear and whispered, "He's embarrassed because his vibrator turned on."

Needless to say, Billy grabbed the tissue box off the coffee table and threw it at Oliver's head while taking his phone out of his pocket with his freehand.

"Ow," Oliver pouted as he rubbed at his head. "That hurt, Billford."

"Good," Billy responded before holding his phone up to his ear. "Hey, Dad," he sighed.

All of us raised an eyebrow in questioning as we watched Billy.

"Yeah," Billy sighed as he pinched the bridge of his nose. "I'll put you on speaker." He then hit a button on his phone and placed it on the coffee table.

"Am I on speaker now?" Tommy called through the phone.

"Yeah, Dad," Billy sighed. "You're on-"

"Hello, children," Tommy exclaimed through the phone rather cheerily. All of us said our hellos in response as we chuckled. "Oliver," he called. "I didn't know you and my son were good friends!"

"We're not," Billy called back.

"That's because we're best friends," Oliver exclaimed with a cheery grin as he glanced between Billy and his phone. Billy glared at Oliver again which caused Oliver to quietly mumble, "We're not best friends."

"How'd you even know we're, um, friends anyway?" Billy asked.

Tommy chuckled. "I saw your other friend's auction," he boomed. "Hell, if he really wanted good money, then he should've sold a date with Oliver for a day."

Anthony's eyebrows raised as he glanced at Oliver. Oliver flashed him a wide grin in response and Anthony mouthed out, "I'll get on that."

Billy sighed as he closed his eyes. "Are you solely calling because of my new friendship with Oliver? Because if so, I'm gonna hang up," Billy said.

Tommy chuckled before clearing his throat. "No, Billiam, that's not why I'm calling," he responded.

Oliver held up a heart he made with his hands to Billy as soon as Tommy spoke his son's nickname which caused Billy to flip him off in response.

"I'm calling because the court dates have been set," Tommy murmured.

I leaned back into my seat and closed my eyes while sighing which prompted Oliver to place a reassuring hand on mine.

"They were just announced today," another voice chimed in, causing Oliver's eyebrow to raise in shock.

"Dad?" Oliver exclaimed in confusion.

"What's up, Snowbear?" Xavier called back into the phone while he chuckled.

Billy held up his hands in the shape of a heart to Oliver before placing a hand on his heart while fake crying. Oliver glared at Billy in response only to prompt Billy to mumble through fake sobs, "It's just so beautiful."

Oliver rolled his eyes and sighed before asking, "Are you apart of this now, Dad?"

Xavier hummed in agreement. "Yes, I most certainly am, my little rainbow," he called back.

Billy raised his eyebrows as he continued to fake cry while batting a hand at his fake tears. "God," he murmured as he glanced at the ceiling. "I know you clearly don't exist within this household, given that all this poor, corrupt soul does is sin, but please let the nicknames keep on coming."

"I heard that," Xavier chuckled. "I can keep listing all my nicknames for Oliver if it helps ease the tension of the situation," he joked.

"No, Dad," Oliver sighed as he rubbed a hand through his hair. "Please, stop while you're ahead," he begged.

"I don't know," Billy whimpered as he shook his head, still continuing to fake cry. "I think I need a little reassurance because this whole thing has just got my head so messed up right now," he murmured as he sniffled.

"Shut up, Billy," Tommy called back into the phone. "I know you're not really crying right now. Stop trying to embarrass your third friend."

Billy rolled his eyes in response to his father's comment as Oliver chuckled.

"Goddamit," Xavier sighed. "Rainbow, please tell me you didn't fuck the Redford kid and get him pissed off. We can't have another celebrity shitshow."

Billy practically threw up as he held a fist to his mouth as he dry heaved. "Never," Billy groaned. "Never in my wildest dreams would I let tha-"

"Billiam," Tommy yelled into the phone. "You only have three friends. Stop trying to make your third and final friend leave."

"No," Xavier sighed into the phone. "Let him make fun of my kid, Tommy. He's a little asshole anyway."

"Dad," Oliver exclaimed in shock as his eyes bugged. "What the fuck?"

"It's no secret that you're an asshole, Oliver. Remember how you threw a tantrum at a restaurant because they gave you chicken tenders instead of chicken nuggets?" Xavier chuckled back.

Oliver leaned forward in his seat as he gripped his hair while Billy laughed rather loudly. "I was fucking seven," Oliver exclaimed.

"Yeah," Xavier sighed into the phone rather happily. "Those were the good ole days when you were choking on chicken nuggets instead of whatever gets shoved down your throat nowadays," he sighed.

Billy burst out laughing as he clapped. "Please," he pleaded through laughter. "Just keep going."

Oliver groaned as he shook his head. "I hate you," Oliver mumbled to Xavier.

"I love you too, Charmin Ultra," Xavier chuckled.

"That's it," Oliver exclaimed as he slammed his back against the couch. "I'm officially re-dyeing my hair."

"No," Tommy cooed into the phone. "You don't need to do that, Frosty."

"Yes!" Xavier exclaimed as he clapped his hand on something, most likely Tommy's hand.

Oliver closed his eyes and sighed rather loudly in annoyance.

Billy simply chuckled quietly as he continued glancing between the phone and Oliver.

"Ok," Tommy chuckled. "Time to get more serious."

"Finally," Oliver groaned dramatically as he rolled his eyes. "I didn't know that today was Roast Oliver Day."

"That's everyday in my book," Xavier chimed in. "But anyway," he sighed. "The first court date is taking place a week from today. The jury's currently being selected as we speak, and the judge is going to be Judge Paulson."

"God," Oliver groaned as his eyes rolled to the back of his head. "I fucking hate Paulson."

"You know him?" Chris asked as he raised an eyebrow.

Just as Oliver was about to respond, his father chimed in. "Oh yes," Xavier exclaimed. "Oliver knows him quite well."

"The guy wants to lowkey fuck me," Oliver murmured. "He's, like, in his sixties."

"Wow!" Xavier exclaimed, completely taken aback. "Now my son has standards? Are we sure that that's even my son speaking?"

Oliver groaned as he closed his eyes while his jaw clenched.

"Is that all you know him for?" Anthony chuckled as he glanced at Oliver.

Oliver's eyes slowly opened and met Anthony's. "I got, like, four speeding tickets in the same month and had to deal with him," he responded. "Also I got the cops called on me because someone thought I was a prostitute. Basically I was very high one night and I was standing on a street corner trying to sell my body for sex."

Anthony raised an eyebrow. "And did it work?"

Oliver slowly shook his head. "No," he began. "But I got to deal with a creepy judge who paid for my fines every time he saw me in court because he wanted to sleep with me."

"That's my boy," Xavier exclaimed into the phone. "That's how you get a deal! I gave you that face, Son! Make me proud!"

"Jesus Christ, Dad," Oliver sighed. "Why the hell are you with Mr. Redford anyway?"

Xavier chuckled. "Congratulations, Bitches! I'm Billy's and Alice's fucking lawyer now!"

Billy raised an eyebrow as he glanced at me and nodded in approval. I nodded my head as well. I mean, would we rather have an expensive lawyer who could hardly do shit for us? Or would we rather have Xavier Blackheart, who's also expensive but is good friends with Billy's dad? Also, I lowkey fucked his son...Whoops. Actually, I fucked both of the men's sons. Wow.

"What happened to Mickey?" Billy asked with a raised eyebrow.

Tommy chuckled. "Mickey was never your guys' lawyer," he responded. "He's just one of the lawyers working on my team."

"Oh," Billy murmured as he nodded his head.

"Anyway," Tommy sighed. "When's a good day to meet up with all of you? Time is ticking, children."

"And that includes you, Kleenex," Xavier chimed in. Oliver rolled his eyes for probably the millionth time today as he groaned.

"Any day is fine with me," Billy murmured as he glanced between Oliver, Sebastian, and I.

"Me too," Sebastian murmured. I nodded my head in response as I glanced at Billy.

"Any day is fine with us," Billy responded.

"Thanks for asking me," Oliver snapped. "It's nice to know your true status in a friend group."

Billy rolled his eyes in response. "You're so fucking dramatic," Billy sighed.

"Maybe it's because I'm partially gay," Oliver quipped.

Billy raised an eyebrow. "I'm bisexual too, Oliver," he began. "I don't do half the shit that you do."

"But you wanna," Oliver sang as he flashed Billy a smirk.

"Tomorrow it is," Xavier exclaimed. "We'll see all of you in Billy's and Alice's hotel room tomorrow at noon."

"Noon?" Oliver exclaimed.

"Is that a problem?" Xavier asked slowly.

"Yeah, it's a fucking problem," Oliver exclaimed. "I'm tripping on acid right now, Dad. I've been up for, like, twenty four hours now."

"Sounds like a personal problem," Xavier remarked. "Everyone be there at noon."

Chris jutted in, "Does that include me?"

"And me?" Anthony asked as he leaned forward.

"I don't even know who the actual hell is speaking right now, so no," Xavier responded. "Just Sebastian, Alice, Billy, and my stupid ass son need to show up."

"Thanks, Dad," Oliver murmured as he shook his head.

I raised an eyebrow at Billy and mouthed out, "Aren't you and I already gonna be there?" Billy nodded in response and shrugged.

"Ok," Tommy sighed. "We gotta go; lots of important shit to discuss that you children wouldn't understand. Goodbye!" And then he hung up the phone.

Billy smirked at Oliver as he proclaimed, "I absolutely love your dad."

Oliver glared at Billy before murmuring, "Shut up."

———
AUSTIN.

"Fuck," I moaned as my orgasm claimed me. I had just finished another round of decent sex with Annie in whosever office this is, and frankly the two of us have been fucking a lot in these past few days. The only hypothesis that I could come up with is that she was lonely and no one really wanted to fuck her, and then low and behold my hot, sex deprived ass showed up and saved the day. Shoutout to you, Oliver for getting me some jail pussy. I owe you one.

"Hmm," Annie sighed as she began pulling her pants up with me doing the same. "It just gets better every time," she cooed.

I chuckled and shook my head. "Didn't you have something to show me?" I asked as I leaned in to bite her ear.

Annie chuckled before pushing my chest so that I was a few feet in front of her. She was currently sitting on the desk that I had just bent her over and fucked her on.

"Yeah," Annie sighed. "It's a video that I saw last night."

"Oou," I cooed. "Something sexy?"

Annie chuckled as she handed me her phone. "Just watch it," she giggled.

I pressed the play button and Anthony Mackie was staring at me while talking about Oliver. I tuned out what he was saying for the most part until the camera zoomed in on Oliver; and then Anthony said something about selling Oliver's post sex hair while Alice flipped off the camera. Alice was also cuddled into Oliver's side with a lazy grin on her face.

"Oh, Annie," I sighed as I hit the pause button and handed her back her phone. "You just showed me something very important."

"I know," Annie murmured with a smirk. "How are you gonna thank me?"

"Well," I murmured as I leaned in to where my lips were almost touching hers. "Considering that you just showed me that my plan is working out perfectly," I began. "I think you deserve something a little special," I said while placing my finger tips into the waistband of her pants.

"Like what?" Annie asked with a raised eyebrow while wearing a smirk.

"Anything you want," I murmured as my lips brushed against hers. "You can be my wife for the night."

Annie sexily chuckled as she placed her hands on my shoulders. "Someone's into role play, aren't you?"

I smirked before pressing my lips against hers in a slow and passionate kiss. "I guess I am," I murmured as I pulled away.

"In that case," Annie began. "If I'm your wife for the night, then that means I get to tell you what to do," she murmured.

An even wider smirk plastered on my face in response. "Anything you want," I murmured as I leaned in to where my lips would barely brush against hers. I smiled darkly before whispering, "Alice."

hi i know this isn't how court works at all but yEET
anyway- here's this