present

ALICE.

"We're all stars now, in the dope show," Billy slurred as I opened the door to our hotel room.

I rolled my eyes and brought him over to the master bedroom, to which I then sat him down on the bed.

He tilted his head up to look at me with a lazy grin and partly closed eyes. "You're too nice to me, Alice," he murmured.

"I know, Billy," I mumbled as I began trying to grab the bag of cocaine from his hand.

Billy held the cocaine away from me as I continued to grasp for it. "No," he whined as his face screwed up into disapproval. "This is my cocaine, Alice."

"I know, Billy," I sighed. "But I'm just gonna keep it somewhere until you wake up. Ok?"

Billy lazily grinned at me. "Ok," he sighed. He proceeded to clasp the small bag within my hand, causing me to sigh in relief.

I began walking out of the bedroom to set it on the coffee table when he called, "None of that better be gone when I wake up!"

I rolled my eyes as I set it on top of the coffee table, partly hiding it with the room service menu. I walked back to the bedroom to see Billy laying down but still wide awake.

"Alice," he sighed as he closed his eyes. "You're my best friend. Or my girlfriend- I don't know. But either way, you're my best and only friend," he murmured.

I softly smiled to myself before thinking of an idea. "I'm gonna be right back, Billy," I said as I began walking out of the bedroom.

Billy tilted his head to look at me, his chin resting on his chest. "Where are you going?"

"I'm going to get you pills from the mini store in the hotel so you have something to make you feel better when you wake up," I responded, trying to dumb my words down as best as I could.

Billy sighed and closed his eyes as he laid his head back on the pillow. "I like pills," he murmured with a lazy grin.

"Me too, Billy," I murmured as I opened the door to our hotel room. "Me too."

After I had gotten Billy's pills with his own credit card, I proceeded to walk back to our hotel room. My mind raced with today's events, and I couldn't fathom what Billy was going through. I felt terrible for him, even though I was also in that video, but I remained anonymous. My actuality of being in the video was only a theory, although I swear that when Austin played the video for us, I heard Billy moan the first part of my name before the rest had been edited out at least once. Maybe I was only hearing things. Maybe I was only hearing what I wanted to hear.

And it wasn't only the sex tape bullshit that Billy was going through. All that shit with Vinny reopened up an old and dark wound within Billy, I knew that. I wish I had helped Billy back then instead of Austin taking him in. I desperately wanted to go back in time and give Billy one meaningful friend, at least a replacement friend. When Johnny Starson, Billy's only friend since elementary, killed himself, Billy was broken. No one knew why he had killed himself, but everyone could tell that Billy blamed himself.

From what I knew about Billy and Johnny, even before Billy's parents got divorced, the two had always been close. And then when Billy's parents split up, Billy's mom moved to the same rundown subdivision that Johnny's family lived in, which only made their friendship grow.

I opened the door to our hotel room and stepped inside to hear Billy quietly murmuring incoherent words in his sleep. I stepped inside the bedroom to see that he was still clad in his black skinny jeans and leather jacket, along with the washed out white t-shirt beneath it, as he laid above the covers. Then again it's not like he had another change of clothes with him because of his sudden departure from New York.

I softly smiled at him before walking to the kitchen to get him a water bottle for tomorrow morning. I grasped the water bottle and took a sip myself before setting it on the nightstand beside him along with the package of Ibuprofen.

I watched his chest rise and drop slowly as he breathed steadily within his sleep. He seemed so at peace right now, and he looked adorable. He didn't look like the badass that Billy always portrayed himself to be. He looked small, innocent, and beautiful. Billy Redford truly looked like what I had gotten to know the past few days, and it made my heart soften for him. He looked like Billy Redford, the heavy metal nerd. Billy Redford, the teddy bear loving goofball.

Billy Redford, the emotional, broken boy back from high school.

Billy Redford, my best friend.

And Billy Redford, my lover.

**
BILLY.

I awoke the next morning with a throbbing headache, groaning into the pillow as my eyes screwed shut.

"Fuck," I groaned as I tilted my head to my right to see a water bottle with two Ibuprofen pills within a package.

I heard footsteps from the entrance to the bedroom and I didn't even turn my head to see who it was because I knew it was Alice.

"Wake up, Sunshine," she called, causing me to whine into the pillow. "The breakfast buffet ends in an hour, and I'm starving."

"We can just get breakfast somewhere else," I groaned, which became muffled by the pillow.

Alice walked over to me and shook me by clutching onto the back of my jacket, causing me to whine as I lazily tried to push her hand away.

"Get up, Billy," she demanded.

I lazily moved onto my side and reached my hand over to grasp the water bottle. I unscrewed the cap and threw it on the floor somewhere as I took a sip, which then turned into me chugging it as I properly sat up.

I groaned as one of my eyes squinted from the sun pouring in as I reached over to grab the pills. I downed the pills and looked at Alice. "Happy now?"

Alice rolled her eyes and walked to the main room of the hotel. "You can use the bathroom connected to the bedroom. I'll just use the one down here," she called, causing me to groan as I rubbed my eyes.

I began checking my pockets, only to find the drug I had picked up last night to be nonexistent. I slowly got off of the bed and stumbled as I walked through the bedroom and towards the main room. Alice was still in the bathroom, from what I could tell, so I quickly grasped the cocaine bag off of the coffee table and made my way to my bathroom.

I closed the door of the bathroom and looked at myself in the mirror. I definitely fit the part of looking hungover. My hair was plastered in every wrong direction, there were heavy bags under my eyes, my eyes were a little red- I was the whole package.

I glanced at the small bag of cocaine in my hand before cursing myself as I shoved it in my jacket pocket, deciding to wait until I desperately needed that sweet bit of release where I was at an unfathomable point of desperation to use it.

I splashed cold water on my face after I had used the bathroom, trying to wake myself from my barely conscious state. Needless to say, it only resulted in me feeling even worse and it made my headache grow while cancelling the Ibuprofen out completely.

I stepped out of the bathroom to see Alice waiting for me in the doorway of the bedroom, a small smile appearing on her face when she saw me.

"Look at you," she cooed with a smirk while raising an eyebrow. "You actually made yourself look like you're not dead."

I rolled my eyes and smiled as I walked past her and towards the door to our room leading out into the hallway. I heard her footsteps behind me and I waited for her to close the door behind her before continuing down the hallway with her at my side.

The two of us didn't speak that much on our way to the elevator, and that I was thankful for. I didn't have it in me to talk that much, at least not yet. I was still dreary from the current state I was in, and last night's events didn't help me whatsoever. After I had told "Johnny" that I loved him, he had simply vanished. Although I knew he was never truly beside me, it still hurt to see him leave again. As much as I hated hearing his voice constantly wafting through my mind, it plastered the blame for his death once again on my heart when he left me.

Alice and I stepped into the elevator and she hit the button for the main floor as I leaned my back against the wall and shut my eyes. I remembered my drunken escapade from last night, although I desperately wanted to forget it. I remembered my conversation with Sebastian and his two friends, one of them being the guy I had gotten in a fight with right before my nose had been bashed in. I remembered screaming at them, especially the one with blonde hair that looked like the man every female contestant on The Bachelor competes over to win a date with. I remembered that they had seen mine and Alice's sex tape, which had caused me to double over in laughter. I remembered everything, and I desperately wished I could just forget all of it.

Alice and I stepped out of the elevator and walked towards the dining area of the hotel where the buffet was laid out. Upon reaching the medium sized room where the buffet was occurring, the room silenced as everyone stared at us.

"Great," I whispered as Alice and I just stood there while staring back at everyone who was gaping at us.

Everyone's eyes were boring into my skull as I stared back at them, and I couldn't move. It was one thing to know that over twenty five million people had seen your sex tape, and it was another thing to know that probably that same amount of people or higher had read your rape story. But it was completely different to be surrounded by a whole room of people who had seen you naked. It was completely different to be surrounded by a room full of people who had all read your "story."

I held back the tears that were forming in my eyes without consent as I grasped Alice's hand and led her over to the buffet spread out across many long and narrow tables. Our backs were to the room and I could still feel their eyes piercing through me, leaving a gaping hole in my chest as they stared through me.

I moved down a little ways towards the center of the narrow tables as I moved towards the platter full of bacon. Alice was a few feet to my left still, placing eggs on her plate.

I groaned as I screwed my eyes shut in frustration, now hearing people whispering about me as their eyes still bored into my back. So, what I did next guaranteed to have yet another article written about me this week.

I slammed my plate down on the buffet table and turned around. "What?" I screamed as my eyes scanned the room, hopefully making eye contact with every single individual. People continued to stare as I took rapid breaths, trying my best to contain my frustration. "Was my sex tape not good enough for you? Do you have anything else you want from me?" I screamed.

Some people cast me apologetic looks while others snickered at me.

"Billy," Alice murmured as she placed her hand gently on mine. "They're all assholes. Just let it go, please."

I shook my head as I continued to gaze around the room. "Fuck all of you," I murmured before picking up my plate and walking to an empty table with Alice in tow. I slammed my plate on the table and pulled out my chair quickly before sitting down in it very hurriedly. I tried not to make eye contact with anyone again, desperately wanting to contain the possibility of another outburst for Alice's sake.

Alice and I ate in silence for the most part, occasionally asking the other to pass the coffee pitcher that had been sat on our table. But then, low and behold, the one person I did not want to see asked to sit at our table along with his two fucking asshole friends.

"Hey," Sebastian murmured as he glanced between Alice and I while holding his plate, his two friends behind him. "Is it alright if we sit here? Every other table only has one or two seats available."

"No," I said as I took a bite of my bacon. "Not happening."

Alice cast me a look before glancing back up at Sebastian. "Sure," she murmured as she smiled sweetly at him, causing me to roll my eyes. I picked up my plate and moved to sit in the seat next to her, not wanting to be stuck sitting across from her while I'm between two people whom I barely even know.

"Thank you," Sebastian murmured as he sat his plate down in front of the seat to Alice's left. I rolled my eyes yet again as I cast him a look from my seat on Alice's right.

Sebastian's blonde friend, or as I liked to refer to him as "The Bachelor," sat on my right while Sebastian's other friend sat on "The Bachelor's" right.

I glared at the three men before my eyes trained themselves back on my plate as I shoved food in my mouth to keep myself from screaming my lungs out for the third time in less than twenty four hours.

"Are you gonna introduce us, Seabass?" The African American friend asked, causing my eyes to shoot up to him.

Sebastian rolled his eyes. "I'm sorry," he murmured as he glanced at Alice. "This is Anthony," he said while motioning to Anthony.

"I'm the cool friend," Anthony spoke up as he smirked to himself, causing me to roll my eyes for probably the hundredth time since I've been in Atlanta.

Sebastian shot him a look before continuing. "And this is Chris," he murmured as he motioned to Chris. Perfect name for arrogant, selfless douchebags that star in The Bachelor, I noted. It suited him perfectly.

"I'm Alice," she murmured as she glanced around the three men. She cast me a look and I swallowed my food before speaking.

Right before I was about to put the coffee cup up to my lips, I declared, "I'm the guy in the sex tape with the sob story that's recently been exploited."

Alice sent me a 'really' look, causing me to shrug my shoulders as I sipped at my coffee. "They already know who I am, Alice," I remarked. "They've seen the tape and the news. They told me yesterday."

Everyone shifted uncomfortably in their seats as they began picking at their food, causing me to roll my eyes yet again as I began picking pieces off of my bacon and shoving them in my mouth.

"I'm Billy," I murmured as I stared down at my food while nudging the pancake with my fork.

I saw from the corner of my eyes that Alice had a small smile on her face, causing me to smirk to myself.

"That was quite a speech we heard right before we walked in here," Anthony remarked, causing my eyes to shoot up to meet his. "Impressive."

Sebastian shot Anthony a disapproving look as he nudged him on the shoulder.

"What? I was just saying that the kid can control the room pretty well," Anthony said while shrugging his shoulders.

"It's not that hard when the whole room has seen your dick," I grumbled as my eyes remained on his.

Anthony smirked. "You'd think that would make it that much harder to do," he responded.

"Anthony," Chris jutted in while giving him a look of disapproval. "Enough."

"I don't need your help," I murmured as I glanced at Chris.

"Need his help with what exactly? I was giving you a compliment," Anthony insisted as he leaned closer to the table before leaning back into his seat.

"Shut the fuck up," I murmured as I went back to eating my food.

I noticed that Alice hadn't said a word for the duration of this conversation besides when she introduced herself, which didn't really bother me too much. If Anthony wanted Hell, then I'd give it to him.

"Woah. Tough guy," Anthony chuckled. "You gonna threaten me with your lawyers again because I gave you a compliment?"

I clenched my jaw as I continued to nudge my food with my fork, desperately wanting everyone to be silent for just five minutes. Five fucking minutes of silence is all I wanted. Just five fucking minutes. But nope, Billy Redford never gets what he wants. Never.

"Stop, Anthony," Sebastian demanded. "Poor kid's gone through enough."

I smirked as I looked up at Sebastian. "You didn't exactly help, Sebastian. You couldn't even refrain from watching my sex tape," I chuckled.

"Billy," Alice murmured as she raised an eyebrow at me.

"Oh! That's right. I'm sorry," I murmured as I still remained eye contact with Sebastian. "I meant our sex tape," I said as I motioned to Alice.

"We were just Googling you and then your sex tape popped up out of no where," Anthony exclaimed.

I raised my eyebrows at him. "I have two questions," I chuckled. "Why the actual fuck were you Googling me? And why did you feel the need to actually click on the sex tape?" I asked as I rested my chin on my knuckles while casting him a small, sarcastic smile.

I noticed Alice give Sebastian a slightly pissed off look, and she cast the same look at the other two men, causing me to smile an even wider smile. She clearly wanted to know the answer as much as I did.

Sebastian sighed as he closed his eyes. "We were looking you up because," he began before being interrupted by Chris.

"We wanted to know you and your dad's net worth," Chris mumbled as he glanced at me.

I chuckled and was about to respond before Anthony jutted in.

"We were Googling you because we wanted to see how much of an asshole you really were," Anthony said, causing me to raise my eyebrows.

"Oh, really?" I asked with a smirk plastered on my face. "Do I live up to my title?"

"Yes," Anthony responded as he raised an eyebrow while nodding. "Most definitely."

"Good, because I would hate to disappoint," I mumbled.

Anthony continued to glare at me while I wore the same smirk on my face while staring back at him. Alice, Sebastian, and Chris remained silent as they watched the two of us, not knowing entirely what to do with the situation at hand.

Anthony pulled out his phone and typed something before exclaiming, "Wow! Another article about Billy Redford. I am so surprised."

I took my chin off of my knuckles as I sat up straight. "I am the media's favorite person to shit on right now, after all," I responded as I leaned back and cracked my back.

Anthony rolled his eyes in response. "Oh, look! It's a statement from your step dad," he exclaimed before shutting himself up very quickly, realizing what he had just said.

I stared at him with a shocked look on my face before hurriedly taking my phone out of my pocket and opening the Safari icon. My face stared back at me, but it wasn't only me in the photo.

I gulped as I clicked on the article. The caption read, Billy Redford: Sexually Confused Teen Who WANTED His Step Dad to Fulfill His Homosexual Needs Because of His Lover's Suicide.

I set my phone down on the table as I pushed my plate forward. I rested my elbows on the table as I gripped my hair while reading through the article. It read, "Vinny Gillinger, Billy Redford's step father, claims he never made any sexual interactions with Billy in any sort of way. Gillinger claims that Billy was sexually involved with his late friend, Johnny Starson, before Starson committed suicide. After his friend's passing, Redford tried making many sexual advances with Gillinger only for Gillinger to turn him down. Gillinger explains that he understood that Billy was hurting at the time, so he never thought anything of it. He even showed us these photos that Redford and Starson had taken with one another and of one another the night before Starson's suicide. Gillinger said he was absolutely appalled that his own step son would tell such lies to people over the years, and he even said that he would never think that his son would go to extreme measures to cover up his own sexual misconducts. After all of this being said, we have a few questions for Billy Redford himself: Why would you lie to everyone, Billy? Why would you try to force yourself upon your step father? And our last question is the one that I'm sure everyone's asking themselves: Are you the real reason for Johnny Starson's suicide? Feel free to contact us here at Riverside News."

I glanced up from my phone to see everyone at the table casting me apologetic and nervous looks as a tear slid down my cheek. I turned my head to look past Chris and I saw people shaking their heads at me with looks of disapproval and disappointment on their faces.

"Billy," Alice murmured, causing me to slowly bring my gaze to meet hers. "What happened?"

More tears slid down my face as I looked away from her. I scanned over the room to see people looking at me while whispering things, and when I would meet their eyes they would shake their heads at me.

I wished I could just evaporate and disappear from everything. I wasn't Billy Redford, the kid who had been raped by his step dad. I wasn't Billy Redford, the billionaire who couldn't even use his own money to stop his sex tape from being released.

I was Billy Redford, the liar who tried to fuck his own step dad. I was Billy Redford, the sexually confused billionaire who wanted to fuck his own step father.

I was Billy Redford, although Vinny claimed he never called me it, the faggot. The same lonely gay kid who apparently hadn't been raped by his step father, although I can still feel the pain I felt from it to this day if I think hard enough. Apparently all those months were just a lie I told for attention, even though I wasn't even the one who released the fucking article. Apparently I was a lie myself.

Apparently I'm not the human being in all of this. Vinny is. I'm just the one who made it all up as an excuse to do drugs, have sex, drink my liver away. I'm just another thing that's all my fault. Everything is nowadays. Everything's always my fault.

I wiped my eyes before putting my phone back in my pocket and pulling my plate closer to me. I began shoveling every bit of food that was left on my plate as the other four watched me, not knowing exactly how to react. They hadn't read the article; they didn't know. Anthony had put his phone back in his pocket after he had seen that it was from Vinny, which I'm partly thankful for, but everyone else in the room had read it. Or their friends had read it to them. But they all knew. They all knew a fucking lie that Vinny shitted out of his mouth.

"Liar," a man mumbled as he walked past me with a plate of food in his hand.

I shook my head and felt more tears forming in my eyes as I continued shoveling more food in my mouth.

"Billy," Alice murmured again, placing her hand gently on my arm. "What happened?"

I swallowed the food and glanced up at her before I felt a cold, tangy substance hit my forehead and cascade down my body.

I pushed my chair back and stood up as I watched the orange juice continued to drip from my hair and onto my clothing.

"Fucking pervert," another man said as he glared at me while walking away, throwing the empty glass in my direction as he continued walking.

The glass hit my left arm and I recoiled slightly while taking rapid breaths. I picked up my head to glance around the room and everyone was staring. Everyone.

"Fuck," Sebastian mumbled as he stood up and walked over to me. He began taking off his light jacket and handing it to me when I pushed it away.

"Don't," I grumbled as I glared at him. "Just fucking don't."

"I'm trying to help you, Billy," he insisted. I noticed that Alice was cautiously standing up from her seat along with Anthony and Chris. "Just let me help you."

"I don't need your fucking help, Sebastian," I grumbled. "I've got everything under control."

Sebastian huffed out a sigh. "Yeah, Billy. I can see that," he said as he motioned up and down my body.

I glared at him before I pushed his chest, causing him to stumble back a few feet. "Do you think that this shit is funny or something?" I grumbled. "My life has been fucking falling apart these past twenty four hours, and now everyone thinks that I'm a fucking liar," I yelled.

"I don't, Billy," Alice murmured as she cautiously stepped around Sebastian. "We don't."

I glanced between the two of them with a look of complete and utter defeat on my face. "I'm sorry," I mumbled as I shook my head. I proceeded to turn around and walk back towards our room while I heard Alice calling after me.

I sniffled as I exited the buffet room and began my retreat to the elevator, and I heard hurried footsteps from somewhere behind me.

"Billy! Wait," Alice yelled as she ran after me. I looked back to see Sebastian, Anthony, and Chris behind her.

I stood outside of the elevator, waiting for the doors to open. The four of them caught up to me and I glanced back at them with puffy eyes before bringing my gaze to stare at the elevator once again.

"You're not a liar, Billy," Alice mumbled as she placed a gentle hand on my shoulder. "We'll get this straightened out. I promise."

Anthony spoke up. "Yeah, man. You may be a dick, but that doesn't mean that I think you're a liar," he said with a small smile, causing one to spread across my face as well.

"Thanks," I mumbled as new tears formed in my eyes while I continued to smile.

"And I know I'm not your favorite person on the planet," Sebastian began, causing me to glance at him. "But I don't believe anything the media says anymore, truly. Especially when I have the truth standing right in front of me," he mumbled with a small smile.

"We all know your story is the truth, Billy," Chris stated. "Everyone who thinks otherwise is honestly really fucking stupid and not even worth being in the same room as you."

I cast him a smile as Alice began to speak up. "See, Billy?" She whispered. "We all know you're telling the truth. None of the other people in that room matter, Billy. You do."

I stepped inside the elevator as a stray, happy tear escaped from my eye with the four of them following me. We all cluttered into the elevator, barely able to fit because of the mass amounts of muscle being squeezed into the elevator from the three men.

The elevator stopped on mine and Alice's floor and we stepped out while saying our farewells to the three men.

Alice softly smiled up at me as we made our way to our room, and I smiled back with as much of a smile as I could offer.

I unlocked our room to be met by two people already being in our room, one of them pacing around the main room while deep in thought.

I stepped inside cautiously and the man pacing stopped and turned around to look at me.

I wore a confused look as I remained eye contact with him, not knowing exactly how to respond to the situation at hand. He still looked the same, clad in his Tom Ford suit and tie and everything just like I had remembered.

I gulped as I stepped a foot closer to him, grasping Alice's hand in mine for a little piece of emotional support to hold on to.

I didn't even know how to even speak, all that came out of my mouth was one simple word that came out as a question more so than anything else.

"Dad?"

oohhhhhh what's billy's dad doing in Atlanta when he's been in Cuba all these years

and who's the other person in the room

and i keep hurting billy so much and i'm so sorry but i do really love Billy. he is my favorite by far.

but here's a little statement from me:

as you guys can probably tell, this isn't a typical fanfic where the guy and girl meet and immediately hit it off. no, sirs and misses, this is not that. you see, as an author, i have to make these characters of mine come to life and convey to you, the reader, how i would like you to respond to them. for example, everyone hates Austin and Vinny. would you hate Vinny as much as you do if i had left Billy's flashback out of chapter 12 and just left it with Billy's story being told to Alice in Chapter 4 or 5? would you hate Austin as much as you do if I completely left out the chapter where he released the sex tape and Billy's rape story? Hmmmm?

would you feel for billy as much as you do now if I had never had him "come to life" by barely being in the book and never having anything in his point of view?

and i know that Sebastian has barely been in this, but everything I mentioned above is the reason why. all of you came to this book for Sebastian, and i understand, so you all for the most part know Sebastian's personality in real life- which i will convey as the book goes on. and you all know how Chris and Anthony are along with the other cast mates of Civil War, but you never knew who Billy, Austin, Alice, Matt, Kellan, Vinny, Johnny, etc were before this book, which is why I feel it is my job to show as much of them as I can in this book to convey their personalities and make them real for people. idk but there's my statement. i hope y'all can understand.