Shade could feel Leah trembling the entire way out of the ruins.

She barely seemed to be breathing, with only slight, shaky breaths sucked between her lips every few seconds. There were a few superficial cuts on her neck, but she was fine. She was just shocked. She was fine.

He just had to keep telling himself that so he wouldn't turn around and punch his frustrations out on Ash and his smug-ass face.

Shade held onto her until they were out of the tunnel and surrounded by night. Leah's crystals were gleaming on her skin, throwing weird shadows through the trees around them as he took her to a small clearing hidden from the tunnel entrance. He couldn't carry her the whole way back to the League, but she needed a minute to recover.

He put her on her feet, and when he was sure she was stable, let her stagger away from him.

Leah's fists were at her throat when she spoke.

"You..." Her voice was raspy. Shade's guilt jerked as he waited for her to figure out her question. "They were going to kill me. They--they were going to kill me, and you work with them!"

He stepped forward. "Leah--"

She flinched.

He stopped.

"They're Lightless!" Leah's back hit the tree, her eyes wide. "You brought me straight into them an--Oh, oh sunlight, please. Please tell me you aren't like them."

He didn't know what to tell her. He spread his arms apologetically. "Sorry."

One hand flew to her forehead as disgust took over her features. The silence stretched the space between them. It wasn't anything Shade hadn't lived through before, this rejection, the familiar fear and hatred that came with being Lightless, but coming from Leah, it hurt.

"I trusted you," she whispered. Her hand flew to her forehead. "I trusted you, and you were using me the whole damned time!"

"I wasn't using you," Shade tried. "If anything, I was enabling--"

But Leah was shaking head. "No. No, you lied to me. You're a monster. A parasite-infested monster."

Shade took his eyes to the ground, resisting the urge to recoil as if she'd physically struck him. It took a moment before he found his voice, but when he did, it came out so soft he barely heard it himself.

"You wouldn't be talking to me if you truly believed that, Leah."

She didn't push the point, and it was enough for him to believe that she'd regretted the words. "I can't believe I didn't realise. I can't believe I trusted you."

"You still can," said Shade. Everything about tonight was a mistake. Everything. "Leah, I'm not using you. I never wanted you to get hurt."

When she didn't reply, he found the strength to lift his eyes back to hers to find Leah's stare pinning him down. The moment dragged on, and he could tell she was evaluating. Assessing.

"If that's true," she said. "If I can still trust you, then prove it. Show me your face. If I can trust you, you should be able to trust me, too."

The one thing he couldn't do. The one thing he couldn't explain why it was impossible. "I can't do that."

"Then don't ask the same thing of me," she whispered.

He swore. "Leah, Lightless aren't monsters. Not like the Shattered are. We still have our minds, our--"

"They were going to kill me!"

"They were scared!" said Shade, unable to stop himself. He couldn't explain his mask, but maybe he could explain something else. "One of our safehouse regions was recently raided by the Radiants--and you know what's going to happen to them? They're going to be brought to the League, and they're going to be experiments. They aren't Shattered. They aren't monsters--they're people, and unless we rescue them, they're going to be tortured by your research team until they die or truly Shatter!"

Leah's fingers dug into her palms. "They're Lightless! They aren't--"

"They're exactly like me!" said Shade, matching her volume. "The League says we're the ones with the parasite, that we're the ones who are broken, but you know what? I don't feel any different now to the days before I was trapped under the ruins and my Light ran out. If anything, my mind feels freer!" He walked over to her, his hands pleading, and this time she didn't pull away. "There is more to this, Leah, and that's why I came to you. Because I need your help to find the cure--the real cure, not whatever it is they're cooking up in that research lab!"

Leah looked away. "You expect me to believe that the purebloods--the people who are at a very real risk of Shattering to this parasite--aren't doing everything they can to find a cure? You think they want to live with the fear of Shattering?"

Shade stepped back. He'd seen this before in her. The ridiculous, almost desperate need for approval. She didn't need it, not with her brain, not with her dedication. She insulted her own intelligence every time she didn't question something, didn't challenge them because she didn't want to rock the boat.

It drove him nuts, watching it go to waste. "I think you need to stop believing what everyone tells you and think for yourself for once. You're good at analysing the facts when they're written in crystalite, Leah, but shadows take me you're too quick to follow someone blindly because you're trying to please them."

"I don't need your wisdom, Shade," said Leah, her words more of a hiss than anything. "Everything that I did that was ever worth something was in those damned reference journals, and your buddies have them now. What does it even matter?" She shook her head. "This entire thing was a disaster from start to finish. I should have just stayed in Teridia."

"What, running away when things get hard?" said Shade. He kept telling himself that she was shocked, that she'd just had a sword to her throat, but it only excused so much. "I thought you came here for a cure, not to have people tell you what a prodigy you were every five minutes!"

"A prodigy?" said Leah. "This last week has been a living nightmare! I wasn't good enough for the cure team, so they put me on an expedition team--and I wasn't good enough for them either! If you'd have seen the way most of them look at me, you might have some kind of idea!"

"Gee," said Shade, sarcasm tinting his tone. "You mean the way that people look at me when they know I'm Lightless? Something along those lines?" She didn't reply to that one. "Life isn't easy, and it's never going to be. You can spend your whole life pandering to other people and be miserable, or you can do something worthwhile and make the misery somewhat worth it. That is entirely up to you."

Leah snorted--something Shade hadn't seen an almost-fullblood do in a long time. "Yea, you know what? I thought I was doing something worthwhile with you. That night you blackmailed me into coming to the ruins was probably the best thing about that entire expedition. I didn't care so much that the others after that--because even if they didn't know what I'd done, you did." She folded her arms, gaze aside. "And that mattered."

"And the fact that I'm Lightless changes the value of my opinion?" Shade asked, softening his voice.

"I don't know." Leah rubbed her head. "It makes me reassess your motives, at the very least." She huffed, blowing strands of violet hair aside. "I need to sleep. I can't do this now. I need to think."

"Need help getting back to the League?"

Her eyes drifted to the Spire. "I think I'll be okay. Nothing else in this forest that's going to tear me apart, right?"

"Considering our luck tonight, I make no promises."

As she turned to go, he called after her. "Leah--I don't think I'm going to be around the next few nights. When I get back--"

He got one last glimpse of her eyes as she glanced back over her shoulder. They were blue at the moment, but shifted to green even as he watched.

"Leave a note. I'll decide if I want to keep involving myself with you then."

She walked off. Shade followed her, intending to ensure she reached the wall before he went back to explain himself to the other Lightless. Her answer hadn't been a no, which was a good sign. He didn't know what her decision was going to be, but even if it was a no... maybe it'd make things easier, regardless. Maybe it'd be better that way.

With Leah over the crystalite wall via her own hardened Light ladder, Shade made his way back to the ruins, his mind not where it needed to be at all as he followed his usual path and entered Dusk's usual meeting room.

The room was packed with Lightless from their region. Grey covered figures populated the room with their weapons, but even with the room filled, Shade was aware of how painfully few of them there were compared to a few years ago. The Radiants had taken their toll.

At the head of the room, Dusk was talking in a low voice with Ash.

Shade knew it'd been coming, yet it was still annoying. Explaining himself, having people question his loyalty--and possibly the most frustrating thing, Dusk's, if his friend continued to place his trust in him.

Dusk's gaze slid to Shade as he made his way over, Shade's sword and pouch in his hands. Ash's usual smirk was gone, and that alone told Shade how much trouble he was in. Not that he hadn't known it already, but he wasn't about to walk away because it was difficult. Everything about his life was difficult--not to mention the regular lack of sleep.

"Shade," said Dusk. "Ash tells me you brought a Radiant into our ruins. Is this true?"

"Yes."

Dusk drew in a long, pained breath. "Is she sympathetic to our cause?"

That reply wasn't as quick. "...I'm not sure. She didn't know I was Lightless until ten minutes ago."

"Then why," began Dusk, his fingers tightening around the hilt of Shade's sword. "Would you consider anything about bringing her to our haven a good idea, Shade? Do you understand what you've risked? We can't stay here if the Radiants know--we'll be the next safehouse they raid!"

"I didn't know there was a meeting!" said Shade. "This place is usually abandoned, and we needed more reference material! She wasn't supposed to know this was anything more than ruins, just like the expedition team that came through here a few years ago!"

"Reference material?" Dusk's disbelief only grew as he spoke. "If whatever it is was so necessary that you'd risk us all, why in the name of the sun itself wouldn't you just go to the old League records and get it out of them!"

"Because the League hasn't been recording what she needs!" said Shade. "Dusk--the ancients had another language, a secret one, and it's all over the walls." Shade strode to the wall, pointing at the individual symbols in the mural there before sweeping his hand across the borders. "All of this--it says something, and she can read it!"

"Shade, I--"

"No, look," said Shade. He grabbed Leah's bag off Ash before he could protest and flicked to the middle of her reference journal, handing it to Dusk. "Look at this. Tell me that it doesn't make sense. We opened one of the sealed doors in the ruins and found some kind of ritual with a Shattered in the room, but the murals inside were blasted away by something, but it was important. It was evidence--more than I've ever found otherwise."

Dusk was frowning, turning the pages to Leah's journal slowly, carefully examining the pages. "And why, if you're so convinced that this is crucial research, didn't you just steal her work and figure it out yourself? It's simple decoding."

"Because it's not simple," said Shade. "There's no other reference for the symbols, so it's all worked out from context until it makes sense. Maybe it's just me, but I can't work them out from context. She sees things in those symbols that seem blindingly obvious once she's worked them out, but all I see is marks in the rock. Once they're decoded, it's easy enough--but there's new symbols all the time. I couldn't do it by myself."

Dusk flicked the pages to the symbols from the temple that Leah still had to decode. "And what, you think that she's the only one who can do it?"

"I think it's something to do with her Light," said Shade after a moment. "I've got more experience than her, and I've never seen those symbols as anything more than decoration, and I know the other mixed-blood Radiants feel the same way. Now that I'm thinking about it, it's only ever the fullbloods or close to that even look twice at the symbols."

"And you intend to pursue this investigation?"

Shade heard the test. "I do, though it may be alone. Leah didn't exactly take well to the Lightless thing. I think she's terrified of me."

Dusk grumbled. "Even more reason why we'll have to move our base." He closed the journal and sighed. "Shade, I cannot ignore this. You know that, right?"

Shade took a deep breath and nodded. "I do. Do what you have to."

"Even though you've endangered us all, I won't exile you from our ranks," said Dusk, and Shade released his pent up breath. "We will never turn away one of our own, not unless they have truly turned against us, but you will no longer be a leader among us. Shade, I hereby strip you of your rank. Your privileges are revoked, and you will follow my orders to the letter or be subject to additional punishments."

That hurt, but Shade simply nodded a second time, not willing to give Ash the pleasure of seeing him crack. "I understand."

"Good," said Dusk. Shade knew him well enough to know that it hadn't been easy, that he probably hated Shade for forcing his hand. Dusk handed him back his sword and pouch, which Shade re-equipped. "Are we resolved, Ash?"

Ash inclined his head. "Yes, Dusk."

"Now that's over, can I ask what the meeting was about?" asked Shade. "Even a lowly grunt like me needs to know that, right?"

The look in Dusk's eyes told him to drop the attitude, but it was all that was keeping Shade's exterior together right now. He'd been Lightless for a mere three months when he'd been promoted to Dusk's second, and he'd been by his side for the years in between. Losing it was worse than a simple demotion. It felt like he'd failed his friend, and in more than one way, he had.

His earlier words to Leah echoed through his skull, and he made use of them. He'd done the right thing, even if it hadn't been the easy thing. He'd been well aware of the risks.

Eventually, Dusk spoke. "The Radiants moved up their schedule. We don't have a week anymore, we have less than twentyfour hours. We strike tomorrow, or we lose the Lightless they've captured."

"Am I still allowed to tag along?" asked Shade.

"Shade, don't. You're still one of our best fighters by far and I'd already factored you into the strategy. You'll have command of a small unit, but after this--"

"I know," said Shade. "All that matters is that we get them back. Pride comes after."

"At least you have that much sense in you," muttered Dusk. "We'll be going over strategy soon. Take your seat with the rest of them."

"One more thing," said Shade. "Can I take Leah's reference journals back to her? There's nothing in there that would link it to here--"

Dusk waved a hand. "That matter is on hold until after we get the Lightless back. For now, they stay with us."

Shade restrained his fists from clenching as he nodded and went to sit down with the other Lightless, well aware of the glances that came his way as he kept his own gaze straight ahead, telling himself that it was worth it.

That he hadn't just lost it all for nothing.

*+*+*+*

A/N - Sooooo things are no longer a walk in the park. *cough* 

Are notifications still working? They seem to be pretty unreliable at the moment >< 

Please remember to vote/comment if you're enjoying the story so far ^_^ Think we can crack rank #60? =>

Wordcount: 48,816 [50k inc!]