crush culture makes me wanna spill my guts out
i know what you're doin' tryna get me to pursue ya

Aurora Holland

If you were to ask me what it would be like on my first day of public school, I would never know how to answer that. The people were staring, which was odd considering I wasn't used to people giving me any type of attention.

Sure, I'd get glances here and there because I was with Paige, but that was about the extent. And sure, I had some attention at the party, but surely it was because they felt bad and were trying to make me feel included.

It was like I was this little pity friend. I was only considered a 'friend' because they did it out of pity. They talk to me out of pity. They want to be friends with Paige, which means to be friends with her you have to be friends with me. Nobody usually wants to, they just do it because they have to.

Not to mention I had to go through the first day jitters with the weight of the conversation with my mother and father hanging over my head. Things would be so much easier if I were just Jason - the perfect little angel child. The one who does nothing wrong despite doing everything, and the one who never gets the blame.

"Rora! Paige!" A familiar voice exclaimed from behind Paige and me.

Paige was the first to turn, a bright smile covering her features as she saw the person who called after us. I turned as well, seeing Logan lightly jogging toward us. He wore a letterman jacket, one with a giant R on the front. His name was on the other side of it, stitched in with perfect cursive letters.

He wore a blank T-shirt underneath, the material very form-fitting on his skin. His backpack hung off one shoulder, almost looking too small for him due to how tall he was.

Logan stopped right between the two of us, glancing between me and my cousin. "I see you finally made it."

"Had to stop and get our energy for the day." Paige waved her frappuccino lightly before taking a sip, her smile never leaving. "Haven't talked to you since the party, everything good?"

"Yeah. Had a major hangover and took me forever to clean up," Logan answered her.

As usual, I felt like I was just there. People were looking, probably for multiple reasons. One, I was with Paige and she gets attention everywhere she goes. Another is if Logan is as popular as Paige tells me, he gets looks just as well. Then the very last was that I was the new girl at Riverway High, and so people were probably interested in me and wondering what I was doing with two of the most popular students at the school.

I took a sip of my coffee as I walked, twirling a ring around my finger. My eyes bounced to my right hand, where scratch marks were welted up from the fight this morning. Nobody had seen the marks, and I was really hoping they wouldn't as it'd be an awkward answer.

I don't have a cat and although most people don't know that, Paige knows. She'd shut that down and there was no point in lying to the other people if Paige found out.

She always finds out.

Hiding is the best option, as then there'll be no questions asked.

"So, Rora," Logan's voice caught my attention again. My hand shot down to my side to prevent him from noticing it, and I looked up at him.

"What's up?"

"What classes are you taking?" He asked.

"She's taking a bunch of art classes and shit," Paige answered for me. "Because she was so ahead of all of her classes at the old school she didn't need very many more mandatory classes here, so she's really just taking them for extra credits."

"Really? That's cool. So you're like- smart?" He asked.

"Of course she is, she's in my family." Paige snorted out, nudging him softly. "She's the most nerdy person you'll ever meet."

"Not true," I denied.

"You wear glasses?" He asked.

"No-"

"Reading," Paige cut me off, "But she doesn't wear them because she's afraid she looks too nerdy."

"No, I don't wear them because I only need them to read." I shot back, rolling my eyes.

"Chill, I'm joking." Paige sent me a look, to which I just looked down.

"I have to go to the library to get my textbooks for all my classes, I'll see you later," I muttered, beginning to walk away from the two.

"Aurora, you don't even know where anything--"

"I'll figure it out," I cut Paige off, disappearing into the sea of students.

Although I really didn't want to walk anywhere alone on my first day of school, I really didn't want to deal with Paige. I love her to death considering she's my cousin and my best friend, but I was too humiliated to sit and listen to her 'joke' about my personality.

Sure, she knew nothing about what my mother was saying, as I specifically left that part out. But she knew I had a pretty rough morning, and she knows it makes me nervous and feel crappy when she jokes about me like that.

I get she's into being popular, and she's into impressing attractive boys. If I had confidence I'd want to impress them too, but not once would I think about throwing anyone else under the bus or joke about their personality traits to make myself look better.

It's a shitty thing to do, cousin or not.

My eyes danced around the signs of the school, feeling nothing but lost. I wanted to find my way to the library without any problems, but I didn't even have so much as a map of the school. I had no idea where anything was, and they don't offer tours during school hours or anything.

As I looked high at the signs plastered on the walls, I failed to realize the body standing directly in front of me. Before I realized what was happening, my face collided with a rough chest, causing pain to shoot through my nose as I stumbled back in embarrassment, clutching my coffee to prevent it from spilling everywhere.

"Shit-"

"I'm so sorry," A voice immediately spoke, resting their hands on my upper arms to steady me.

My eyes watered slightly due to the pressure on my nose, and I used my free hand to pinch the bridge. "It's okay," I mumbled, blinking a few times to get the blur to go away. When my vision came back, I looked to see a familiar head of blond hair.

"Sorry to bump into you, Aurora," Cameron apologized again, removing his hands from my arms.

"I was the one not looking where I was going," I admitted, twirling my ring around my finger.

"Where's Paige?" He asked, looking around me.

At the mention of her name, I couldn't help but feel defeated. No matter where I go or what I do, I'll always be affiliated with Paige. Even though I haven't even gone through one school day let alone one class, people are already wondering why I'm not shadowing Paige every two seconds. It's ridiculous.

"I don't mean that to be offensive or anything-" He stammered, seeming to notice my disappointment. "I just figured she'd be helping you out considering it's your first day and all."

"She wasn't doing much helping," I muttered bitterly, before realizing he could hear me. "I just left her to do her own thing is all."

"Right." He cleared his throat, gripping the strap of his backpack. "Need some help?"

"I'm just struggling to find the library. I was supposed to be there before classes started to get my textbooks for all my classes." I told him. I noticed a nearby trashcan and tossed my coffee in it, not needing it anymore. I never really wanted one in the first place, a little too nervous and upset to drink any. Not to mention my hand was also numb from holding the cold drink for so long, and I was going to need all the hands I could get to grab my textbooks anyway.

"I can show you if you'd like?" He asked, "I know I'm not like as cool as Paige or anything but I surely can be of some help."

"Really? That'd be really nice, thank you." I nodded with a smile.

Cameron began to show me in the direction of the library, pointing out other things about the school as we walked. He told me about how the schedule is eight classes total, ten including two days of homeroom. They're separated into five though, where we take five classes one day and the rest the next.

Today is considered what they call Day 1, so we take classes one through five today, the fourth being homeroom. Tomorrow is Day 2, so we take classes six through ten, nine being homeroom again. It was weird, but it only feels weird because I've never taken classes like this before.

He even read over my schedule and told me the easiest way to get to and from each class considering we had six minutes between each period to get from point A to point B. Of course, I doubt I'll remember any of this later when it's needed, but it's more explanation than anyone else has given me.

When we reached the library, Cameron held open the door and let me go in first. My stomach twisted in knots as I reached the desk where the little old librarian sat, sorting through the little trolley of books.

"Hello, Mrs. East," Cameron greeted with a bright smile, a dimple sticking out of his cheek.

"Hello Cameron, how's your sister?" The woman greeted just as warmly, a smile on her wrinkled features.

"She's great. This is Aurora-" He stopped, looking at me.

"Holland," I whispered, knowing he needed my last name.

"Aurora Holland, she's new here at Riverway High and was told to come to the library to get the textbooks for all of her classes." He finished, tapping his finger a few times on the shiny desktop.

"Ah! Yes!" She stopped what she was doing, turning to a giant stack of books sitting on her desk. There was a little sticky note sitting on the top of them, which I saw had my name. "This should be everything." She sat them down, the slam echoing through the quiet room.

"Oh, gosh," Cameron spoke with wide eyes, staring at the pile. "Are you sure all of these are hers?"

"She needs a few textbooks for a few classes. Just show her where her locker is and she can keep the ones she's not using in there." Mrs. East told Cameron.

"Right." He gently took my schedule from me. There were a couple of other things listed on the schedule, such as where my locker was located. After reading it over a couple of times, he handed the paper back to me. "I know exactly where we're going."

Before I could process anything, he slid the giant stack of books from the desk as if it were nothing. He began to turn out of the library and I was quick to follow, shocked he was continuing to help me.

Paige wasn't even here, and he was being really nice. It's not like he's got anything to prove, considering she's not here to witness his kindness, so why's he doing it?

Well, I'm most definitely not asking him. That could get weird.

I know Carter was very kind to me the night at the party, but we were also where nobody else could see. He was hiding it, I'm sure of it, as he would've made it obvious we hung out. But he didn't, and whether he did or not I hadn't planned on telling anyone because it's not like me to air anyone's business out like that.

After what felt like a lot of twists and turns, we finally stopped in front of a row of lockers. Cameron stepped to the side, leaning his body against the locker next to what I assumed was mine.

"The combination's on the paper, just put it in like any normal lock and it should pop open."

I did as he said, the door popping open easily. He began to shove the books in there neatly, not wanting to be rough and unorganized. It was probably due to kindness, or maybe he was a really organized person - I couldn't tell.

"Well, you got your books, you got your locker, is there anything else I can assist you with?" He asked. I realized he was much more talkative than he was the day I met him, but instead of asking him anything to do with that, I kept the thought to myself.

"No, you've been more than enough help. I'm sure I'll find my classes. Thank you though," I told him, sifting through the books to see if there was anything I'd need for my first class: Ceramics.

I could see Cameron watching in my peripheral vision, but instead of looking over at him I just focused on the books in front of me. I acted as if they were the most interesting things ever, wanting to avoid any more contact for the moment.

Although I was super grateful that Cameron was more than willing to be nice to me and not only help me find the library and get my textbooks but also show me my locker, I knew the kindness was only temporary. I'm so used to it being a front for something else, such as to get closer to Paige, or basically anything that shows it wasn't from the heart.

I'd rather not keep a conversation going when I willingly know that I'm just going to get hurt in the end. I always do.

That's one reason I'm so afraid of putting myself out there. I used to try to be my own person back at Point Prep, but everyone always had some ulterior motive. They'd use me for the fact that my parents' jobs had a lot of perks, to get with or get close to Paige, something that they could use me as some sort of stepping stool to weave their way up in life.

It's exhausting, and I'm at a loss. It's either do what Paige tells me to do and continue to act as if I'm her little minion living in her shadow or do what I want to do and become a nobody who rarely gets paid attention to.

It's a lose-lose situation, no matter which way I go about it.

"Well, don't be a stranger, okay?" Cameron asked after noticing I wasn't planning on responding anytime soon. "Being a new student at Riverway can be a little overwhelming, it's always nice to have someone to turn to when things get rough. A friend, you know?"

A friend.

Something I never truly got the experience of, not including Paige. But then again, would Paige really be my friend if we weren't cousins by blood?

That question's been running through my mind a lot lately.

My movements haltered, my eyes bouncing from the plain locker over to where Cameron stood out of the way from the other students. He had his hands shoved in his short pockets, his mouth in a straight line as if he were trying to read my expression. I know I probably looked stupid. My eyes were wide, and my mouth slightly parted.

All because he said the word friend so effortlessly, something I never heard unless it was someone faking or asking me to refer them to Paige.

"Th-thank you, Cameron." I softly spoke, feeling rude for leaving him hanging as long as I had.

He smiled softly at the response, seeming relieved that I didn't say something rude back. Usually, I'd make a way to say something sarcastic, but his words caught me off guard. Part of me wanted to glance and see if Paige was standing around, watching as if she orchestrated the whole thing, but then I knew I'd look stupid.

Cameron didn't say anything else, and I was glad. He did a quick nod before walking away and into the sea of students, out of my line of sight. My smile grew as he could no longer see me, feeling a warm feeling inside.

Although I was still fishy as I wasn't used to this type of attention, the way he spoke the words so softly so no one else could hear made me feel warm inside. It made me think of the other night at Logan's party when Carter went out of his way to get me warm clothes, even going as far as to wash my own alcohol-covered ones.

That gesture was done out of the kindness of his heart as well, considering nobody else saw us interact the way we did. And I know for a fact Paige hadn't done anything to set it up because she was too drunk and in a bedroom with Elijah.

Not to mention she's made it very clear that she thought the Jackson brothers were untouchable when it comes to women.

A bell rang, and students looked at it and dismissed it. I take it that was the warning bell for the first class of the day, meaning there were only six minutes for me to get from here all the way to the art hall where my Ceramics class was.

This was going to be a long day, it hadn't even started.