i've been quiet for too long

Aurora Holland

Monday came way too quickly. The weekend was gone as soon as it was there, but to be fair I was constantly on the move. When Paige wasn't dragging me to the mall or her house, I was helping my mother around the house with things that still needed to be done after the move. Usually, my mother would've already had everything unpacked and done especially considering we've been here long enough, but she's been super busy with work on top of other duties she needed to do.

I wiped the tiredness from my eyes as I sat at my vanity. I was already ready for school minus my hair and makeup, but even then I wasn't planning on doing anything fancy. I just wanted to look less tired, and if anything look at least a little bit put together considering this was my first official day of school at Riverway High.

My outfit was something simple; a pair of jeans, with a white shirt underneath a black spaghetti-string top. I have a black belt on along with a pair of black boots for shoes. It was something comfortable yet sort of stylish, and surely nothing to cause too much attention to come my way.

I quickly dried my hair before brushing through it with a detangler brush, using some detangler spray to help with the knots. When I finished doing that I pulled half of it back, tying the top half up with a black scrunchie. I let a couple of loose strands fall out of the sides to frame my face, much like Paige had done for me for the party the other night.

When I was finished with my hair I moved onto my makeup, applying light concealer to hide the bags under my eyes and any other blemishes I found. Thankfully, whenever I get acne it's only a few on my chin or my forehead, nothing too dramatic but enough to be noticed when it's there.

After concealer I applied mascara, then some highlight along my cheekbones. I felt like that was enough, considering I was only going to school and nowhere fancy.

Even then, this was a lot for me. At our old school, we were lucky we could even use lip balm. We were only able to use non-colored lip balm, meaning anything with any type of color or tint wasn't allowed. We'd get in a lot of trouble if we were seen wearing it.

When I was finished with my makeup, I gave myself one last look in the mirror. I looked okay, the best I was going to with my lack of talent in any type of beauty thing. 

This was one of the many times I wished I were Paige. She was probably sitting at her own vanity, doing a glamourous makeup look with no mess-ups, and even if she does make a mistake it takes almost nothing for her to wipe it away and fix it effortlessly.

I'm lucky if I can apply mascara without getting any on the bridge of my nose.

My phone dinged from where it sat on my nightstand, and I stood up from my spot to see what the notification was.

Paige:

On my way, be there in ten so you better be ready

I typed out a quick response and hit send before locking my phone and gathering the things I'd need for the day. That included my backpack (in which all of my notebooks and such were already in there), my earbuds, a phone charger, and some chapstick.

After spritzing some perfume I was ready to go, and it wasn't long before I was sitting at the dining room table. My entire family was already sitting there and eating breakfast, something that rarely happened at our old house.

"Eat up before you get to school, is Paige picking you up?" My mother questioned as she put some butter on her toast.

I nodded and ate a piece of bacon, not being very hungry at the moment. My stomach was reeling from the nerves of it being my first day. Anything could happen - all the attention could be on me, nobody could pay attention to me, the people I previously met could act like they didn't know me, anything could happen and no matter how much I try to prepare myself for it, I know I won't be prepared enough.

Jason, who had been sitting next to me, seemed perfectly fine. He didn't seem at all nervous or bothered he was going to a new school. Then again, he was always in public school so he probably didn't understand the transition from being homeschooled to skipping straight to private schooling.

Then transitioning again to public.

"Remember to see if there's any way you can get any type of extra credit to make up for the assignments you've already missed," She said, wiping the edges of her mouth on a napkin. "And see what extras you can do as well."

"Paige is on the cheerleading squad, right? Maybe you could join that?" My dad suggested from his seat at the table.

My mom stifled a laugh, shaking her head at the comment. "Harold, you and I both know that Aurora would never join the cheerleading squad."

"What's that supposed to mean?" I asked, slightly offended.

My mother looked at me, a 'really?' type of look on her older features. She then rolled her eyes, seemingly irritated I didn't get it. "Aurora, you've never once in your life been talented in anything to do with gymnastics or cheerleading. You really can't be offended that I'm saying this, either." She waved a hand in the air like it was nothing, "Paige has those qualities, so it's no surprise she got in the team so late in her first year. I doubt they're going to let someone so inexperienced on the team like that."

"Vivienne," My father said, sending her a stern look. She just waved it off like she usually did, not seeming to care about the hurtful words she was saying.

"I'm just telling the truth. You wanted it, right?" She looked at me.

"I think I'm very capable of doing the things Paige does," I said softly, uninterested in the piece of bacon I'd been previously eating. I sat it down on Jason's plate, who didn't question it as he plucked it up and shoved it in his mouth.

"I've seen her play Just Dance, she's quite good." Jason chimed in, not looking up from his iPad. It was weird he was chiming in, and it was even weirder that he was saying something so nice about me. He was either usually not interested in what we were talking about, or saying anything that was against what I was saying.

"Just Dance is a game, Jason. Get back to your food," My mother ordered, her attention coming right back to me. "Go ahead and try out Aurora, but I can guarantee you that because you're not talented in the sport they're not going to allow you in."

"I think you're wrong. I think I'm just as talented as Paige, if not more." Of course, every word that came out of my mouth at that moment was a lie. I knew for a fact I wasn't more talented than Paige, it just really hurt hearing my mother say these types of things.

Of course, she's said worse, and of course, it's not the first time. But because she's my mother, each time it comes out it's just as if it were the first time all over again.

My mother laughed an obnoxious laugh as she shook her head, seeming to find what I said hilarious. She wiped the corners of her eye dramatically as if she were crying.

"Vivienne," My father started, but his mouth clamped shut as soon as she sent him a glare.

"Harold, she's only thinking like this because you're putting thoughts into her head." She snapped, her eyes then moving back to me. "I understand that you are my daughter, but that doesn't mean I will shield you from the truth. I will be honest, no matter the situation or how harsh it is. I'd rather you grow up knowing the harsh, honest truth of things than to be told a lie and go into the world blind as a bat."

"There's a difference between being harsh and being straight-out mean," I told her, twirling the ring on my finger a little aggressively.

"You think I'm being mean?" I seriously don't know what caused my mother to wake up attacking me today, but I wasn't in the mood to deal with it. "Aurora, I'm telling you the truth. Look at Paige, and look at you. You basically live in her shadow."

Before I could think of any type of response, a loud horn blaring from outside cut our conversation short. That would be the exact person my mother was talking about, and so I snatched my backpack off of the ground as I stood from my seat at the table.

"That would be Paige, the daughter you wish you had," I snapped at her, scratching at the skin of my palm.

Whenever my mother and I get into these little spats, I tend to hold my anger in. Unfortunately, the way I do that is by picking at my skin, and scratching it roughly. Sometimes it can cause it to welt up, other times it looks like I was attacked by a cat.

But it's the only way I know to hold my thoughts on the inside, keeping them from the world to hear.

I didn't wait for my mother to respond and instead marched my way to the front door. I didn't hesitate to swing it open, slamming it on my way out.

However, just as I managed to get off of the porch, the front door swung open again. I glanced around to see my dad coming after me, a worried look on his face.

"Aurora," He said, slightly out of breath from rushing out so fast.

"You can say something, you know?" I couldn't help but ask, ignoring the hurt feeling in my chest. "When mom says things like that, she only does it because you allow her to."

"I tried to cut in, Rora, I really did but-"

"But what? Is she too hard-headed? Too stubborn? That's what you say every time. I can only take so much abuse," I said as I continued to scratch at the skin on my hand. It was raw, red, and scratched up by now, but I didn't care. My mind was racing and jumbled and I wanted to be anywhere but here.

"Your mother doesn't abuse you," He said, holding his hands out in defense. "Look, I didn't come out here to give excuses as to why she said what she did, but just take it with a grain of salt."

"Take it-" I stopped, pressing my fingers to the bridge of my nose in frustration. "This is ridiculous- this entire conversation? Bonkers." I laughed out loudly, shaking my head in disbelief.

"As I said, I didn't come out here to give you excuses." He said again, stepping down the last few steps. "I came down to tell you what I wanted to tell you at the table. Don't make any plans for Friday night, because my work's having an event. It's something we as a family will go to about once or twice a month depending on what's going on at the time, and it's formal. Think of it as a formal event. I need you to be on your best behavior while we're there. I wanted to tell you because I added some money to your card, have Paige take you to the mall after school to get a dress and shoes in advance that way you're more than prepared."

"Tell your wife to be on her best behavior and I'll see what I can do," I rudely snapped without thinking.

As soon as the words left my mouth, my eyes went wide. I've never in a million years thought about talking to anyone like this, especially my father. My father was usually the one person to stick up for me no matter the situation. But after the conversation we'd just had, it really bothered me that he had the nerve to tell me I needed to be on my best behavior.

If anything, I'm the last person he should be telling that.

Without muttering any type of apology or anything, I just shook my head as I turned and walked down the yard and toward Paige's car.

The entire morning infuriated me, which sucks considering this was my first day of school. I get it, I'm not as talented as Paige and I never will be, but there's no reason to rub it in. Even if it is the truth, it didn't need to be constantly shoved down my throat the way my mom does.

I swear, if it happened any way my mom wanted it to, she would just switch me and Paige all together.

"That looked intense," Paige commented as soon as I slammed her car door shut.

"It was," I responded, not looking at her. If I'm being honest, I couldn't. When I'd look at her, I'd get even more angry. It's not her fault, it never is. But looking at her makes me think of all the things my mother says, then it just makes me more jealous.

"What happened? Mom being a stick in the ass again?" She asked, pushing it further.

I knew Paige, and I knew she was never going to let this go. Even if I managed to push it away for now, it'd come up constantly and over and over until I broke and told her.

"You could say that," I said.

"I'm telling you, Aurora, sometimes you just need to stick up for yourself! Your mother's a bully and just angry you didn't turn out exactly like her." Paige ranted, her eyes on the road as she spoke. She pulled into a nearby Starbucks, waiting in line at the drive-thru. She then looked over at me, her brows pushed together in concern. "My mother's constantly talking to my dad about how your mother treats you compared to Jason. It's unfair."

"It's how it is, though, and nothing can change it." I shrugged. "Also, I did say something this time."

"Seriously? You have to tell me!" She exclaimed with a light slap to my arm.

Before I could respond, it was our turn at the drive-thru. She ordered her usual along with what I usually got when we came, not even needing to ask. It was silent as we waited, the girl letting the conversation go long enough while we got our coffee.

I knew I was going to have to tell her, especially since I mentioned I finally somewhat stood up for myself. But I really didn't want to tell her it was because my mother was comparing me to her. The last thing I wanted was for her to know a lot of the times we were fighting was because I was being compared to any teenager that wasn't me, but mostly because I wasn't just like Paige.

As soon as the barista handed us our coffees, Paige began driving toward the school. She glanced at me, giving me a look to continue on what I was about to say.

And so I told her.

++

My heart breaks for Aurora </3 Outfit at the top is hers btw.