- She's No You; Jesse McCartney -

Aurora Holland

It was the end of the night. For some reason, Logan decided it would be a great idea to invite our giant group of 'friends' to his house, meaning yet again I'd be in the Jackson residence. I don't know how the party lasted as long as it did, nor why they insisted we keep going. But Bailey was having the time of her life - which was what truly mattered considering the whole night was dedicated to her.

However, unlike our earlier shenanigans where we were partying and drinking, most of us lounging around in random places. It was much calmer than it had been hours - even minutes - before, the party chilling to a point where it was just a casual hang out. I watched as everyone talked, unsure of where to go or what to do.

Standing in the kitchen, I watched as the ice melted in my cup. It was just water, my body basically screaming for it at this point from all of the work I'd done today. I'd helped set up, tended to every need of Bailey's, and even helped clean up some before coming over.

Part of me wished I would've just gone home, but since Miles had decided to come over, I did as well. He'd run off somewhere with Logan, who insisted they hang out a little bit more. It made me a little uneasy as Miles is one of my best friends and Logan and I still aren't talking, but I couldn't stop Miles from mingling with other people.

Hearing movement from somewhere next to me, I glanced over to see Cameron standing in the kitchen. His eyes were on something else, and when I looked to see what he was looking at - my heart filled with sadness for him. He was watching as Layla and Bailey seemed to be in a serious conversation, far too close for 'friends'.

Biting the inside of my lip, I sighed as I stepped closer to him. "It's going to be okay, you know?" I mumbled, reaching out to grab his hand.

He looked at our hands before at me, a sad smile covering his face. "How do you do it? Watch Carter with Ashley like that? This is killing me." He shook his head as he looked away.

My first instinct was to deny that I felt any type of way, that I wasn't into Carter the way he was assuming. But as I looked at him, and saw the pleading in his eyes - I just couldn't. "I don't know," I admitted. "I guess I just... I just keep myself distracted."

"How does it work? I do what I can but I can't keep my mind off of her," He told me.

"I don't know," I told him truthfully. "I want to tell you what you need to do - what helps. I want to say it's going to be okay and tell you everything people didn't tell me, to just fix it for you. But being completely honest here, I can't. I can't say anything that will make you feel any better, about fixing the problem you're having despite going through something similar. I can't just make the pain go away and stop you from hurting. But I am here, and if you ever need someone to distract you by kicking your ass at Just Dance, you know where I am, okay?"

Cameron let out a light laugh at my little attempt to make him smile, showing I had succeeded. I know it was only temporary, but it was still better than nothing. He just nodded in response, looking down at the counter.

I reached up and left a light kiss on his cheek as I squeezed his hand, leaving him alone for a while. He seemed to not be in the mood to want to talk too much, although I could be wrong as I've never been very good at reading people.

Deciding to go somewhere that I could be alone, I slowly made my way up the staircase. Part of me was curious whether Carter and Ashley were in Carter's room, but I pushed those thoughts to the side knowing I was only thinking them because of the things that Cameron was saying.

Reaching the familiar balcony I'd been on a handful of times now, I didn't hesitate to open the door. I was immediately greeted by the chilly night air, goosebumps forming on my skin almost instantly.

It was silent as I walked from the doorway to the railing, the metal so cold I could feel it through the sleeves of my shirt. I looked at the scenery, a feeling of deja vu running through me as I remembered the very first night I ever came here. That was the day I met most of Paige's friends, and the day I'd met Carter.

"Quite cold for you to be out here, isn't it?" The sound of a voice made me jump. I quickly turned to see Carter in the doorway, leaning against the doorframe. "Good thing you didn't drop your pencil."

"What?" I asked, my eyebrows bunching together as I looked at him in confusion.

"The first day that we met, when I scared you up here." He stepped further onto the balcony, rubbing his cheek. "I made you drop your pencil over the balcony."

"You remember that?" I softly asked, not intending for him to hear.

"Of course I do," He spoke just as softly, stopping only a few feet from me. "Why wouldn't I?"

Shaking my head, I looked at him in confusion. "That's- that's such a random thing to remember."

"And I remember it. I remember everything about you, Rory." He told me. "You're breathtaking tonight. Every night, but tonight specifically."

Tears began to fill my eyes, all of the previous feelings beginning to flood back as if a dam just collapsed. "What?" I asked. "Y-you can't do that, Carter."

"I know," He told me.

"So why? Why do it if you know you can't?" I asked, scratching at my hand nervously. "You- you just- you can't. I'm- I'm better than that I deserve better."

"Yes. You deserve the world," He agreed, only causing me to grow angrier and angrier by the second.

"Why? Why do this? Are you intending to hurt me?" I asked, sniffling as tears began to fall down my cheeks. "Cause you've already succeeded that a long time ago."

"The last thing I ever want is to see you hurt," Carter said. It looked to be as if tears were beginning to pool in his waterline, but at the same time, it could've simply been because of the harsh wind blowing against his face.

"So why hurt me?" I asked, slapping my hands to my sides. "Why? I know you lied when you said you felt nothing for me."

Carter didn't say anything, and so I took that as my queue to continue. "You invalidated my feelings because of God knows what. But yet you continue to put these stupid fucking love letters in my locker that you've been doing since I moved here? Why?"

He looked caught off guard at the mention of the notes, his cheeks growing pinker than before. He cleared his throat and glanced to the side before back at me, at a loss for words.

"Ror-"

"No!" I exclaimed, cutting him off. I began to walk past him but he stopped me from doing so, flipping us to where he was standing closer to the balcony and me toward the door. I ripped my hand from his grip, unable to handle the feelings it gave me when we touched. "You can't just act like you're not fucking with my feelings! You said I had no idea what love was yet you say the most cliche shit on these!" I exclaimed as I pulled some of the notes from my purse. "You've been torturing me for months, and you have the nerve to come up here and tell me I look breathtaking?!"

"Because you do," He whispered. "You always do."

"And you have no right to tell me that!" I screamed, ignoring the scratchy feeling forming in my throat. "It's not your place to when you're in a relationship with someone else. You shouldn't be here."

"It's my house," He simply commented. He seemed to be wanting to say more but was holding himself back, but I didn't focus on that as my feelings began to grow more and more chaotic.

"I meant here, with me." I motioned in front of me, ignoring the tingling sensation of the cool weather hitting my wet cheeks.

"Rory, I don't think I can stay away from you." He mumbled.

"No, don't say that!" I exclaimed, "Stop fucking with me, Carter."

He didn't say anything, which for some reason upset me even more. I pushed lightly at his chest, much like I had the night he ended things with me. "You broke my heart and now you're sitting here like nothing's happened? Like you didn't fuck me over?!"

I began to sob at this point, Carter just letting me shove at his chest in anger. "I needed you! I needed you and you left! As soon as I realized what it was I felt for you you just up and left me!" I cried, my eyes shutting from the burning sensation. I felt his arms wrap around me as I cried, but at this point, I was too weak to shove him away. "I needed you, Carter. I needed you and I loved you more than anything and you hurt me so bad, s-so much worse than Asher."

"The last thing I wanted was to do any of that, Rory," Carter mumbled. He pulled me close to him, and as much as I knew I needed to get away from him, I couldn't. "I didn't want you to hate your life here at Riverway."

"But you made me hate it, Carter." I cried, grabbing a fistful of his shirt. "You made it bearable, you made it worth it."

He didn't say anything, and I couldn't dare to look at him. All the feelings I'd been holding in let loose, and I knew for a fact I was smearing makeup all over his shirt.

"You and the others. You made it enjoyable, especially you." I cried, much softer than before. "You made me believe it was worth falling in love."

"It is," He said. "Rory, I-"

"I don't understand how you didn't feel anything for-for me?" I cried, "I-I don't understand when-when you've done so much nobody's-nobody's ever done. T-the letters. You don't do those things for someone you don't like."

"Rory, I-" He stopped himself, pulling me away from his chest. Realizing how close I'd let myself get to him I went to move back, only to be stopped by him putting his hands on my upper arms. "I love you."

"W-what?" I asked, looking at him.

"I love you so much it's killing me not being with you. She's not you, she'll never be you. I'm only- Ashley is making me do this." He told me. "She stole your journal and told me if I didn't cut you off she'd release it. I had no choice."

I stayed silent, processing his words. Not even acknowledging the beginning of what we said, anger filled me as I processed the rest of what he said. "You had a choice," I told him, pushing him off of me.

"What? Rory, I-"

"You could've said something. You could have let me down easier than you did. You could have done everything so differently." He exaggerated, waving my hands around angrily. "You could have told her to I don't know- go fuck herself!"

Although realization was hitting that that was why I couldn't find my journal, I had much bigger things to think about right now. It was frustrating that all of the things I've been going through were mostly Ashley's doing, but I meant it when I told Carter he had a choice.

"You're letting someone else control your life, that's nobody else's fault but yours. Why let someone in the past control you like that?" I asked.

"Rory, all I thought about was how I didn't want you to go through hell here." Carter tried to reason, but I just stepped back as he stepped forward.

"No! You could have told me! You could have done something other than this. You put me through hell, fuck everyone else. Do you even know what I've had to deal with?" I asked with a scoff, running my hands through my messy hair. "Things would've been so different."

"I realize now doing this was a mistake but I just want to fix it." Carter reached out, tears glistening in his eyes.

"It-it's too late," I spoke without looking at him, tears falling from my cheeks to the balcony floor. "I've been through hell, and you didn't bat an eye."

"Rory, please, I love you." He begged.

"No," I shook my head. "You can't do that to me now."

I refused to look at him, disappointed and ashamed. I was embarrassed, sad, angry, and feeling just about every angry feeling I could feel in the moment.

Before he could continue I heard footsteps behind me and turned to see Miles awkwardly standing in the door. "Did I interrupt?" He asked kindly.

"Yes,"

"No." Carter and I spoke at the same time. I glanced back at Carter, seeing his jaw clenched as a tear fell down his cheek.

"We're done here. Goodbye, Carter." I muttered, walking away from him.

It broke my heart to leave him there, especially with how the conversation turned. But instead of giving in and going back to him, I just let Miles wrap an arm around my waist and lead me away from the boy who broke my heart.

Tears streamed down my face as Miles led me down the stairs and outside, not bothering to say goodbye to any of our friends. They didn't bother, either, as they saw the state I was in.

Knowing I'd get multiple texts about it later, I just avoided eye contact as Miles led me to his car. He opened the door and let me in, shutting the door for me afterward. He didn't ask what was going on, he knew the last thing I needed at this exact moment was to talk about it. He knew I'd eventually tell him, but as of right now I just need comfort.

I wouldn't even be surprised if he heard the conversation, considering how loud and heated it was.

Looking out of the window, my heart broke even more as I watched Carter running to the end of the yard, watching in despair as we pulled out of the long driveway.

Heartbroken and unwell, I just leaned my head against the window and shut my eyes, letting the drowsiness take over.

++

Sorry if this felt rushed </3 I swear I tried on it