- What Was I Made For?; Billie Eilish -

Aurora Holland

"You don't have to do this, you know," Miles mumbled from my left, his fingers tapping against the back of my hand. "You don't have to act like everything's fine and sit with them if you're hurt."

"I'll be okay," I insisted, sending him a fake smile. Of course, I wasn't lying - I know I'll be okay eventually. "The first step is facing the problem head-on."

Miles didn't say anything, probably because he didn't want anyone to overhear our conversation. This was the first time I'd decided to sit with the friend group during lunch again, Miles being a Saint and coming with me despite not really being friends with my friends.

I don't know what I'd do without Miles. He's someone who's stayed consistent, giving me the same effort I've given him. It's like we've both found each other as platonic soulmates after being hurt so many times by other people and although it sucks we've both gone through what we have - I'm glad to have him the way I do.

It's not weird. We don't expect anything from one another, we don't hurt each other and we don't hold each other to certain standards. We just treat each other how we've always wished to be treated by our other friends in the past, and that's more than enough for the both of us.

"Sorry for falling asleep on you the other day," I apologized, realizing we never really talked about it. I'd not only fallen asleep during the middle of the movie (more like the beginning) but also ended up literally on him.

"Don't worry about it. A lot was going on, and I could tell you were exhausted. You did miss quite a good movie though, I'll say." He joked, taking a bite of his sandwich. "Actually, I have no idea if it was a good movie, to be fair. I fell asleep sometime after you."

"I guess you did, huh?" I asked, picking at my apple slices.

Despite the slight tension from all of us sitting together - minus Carter, as he was off God-knows-where with Ashley and her friends - things weren't so bad. They definitely weren't as bad as I thought they would be, but maybe it's also because I've taken day after day to gain some space anytime Logan was around.

I wasn't avoiding my friends, I just simply wouldn't be around if Paige or Logan were there. Paige was back on the shitlist for Layla and some of the others, so she didn't come around as much, but Logan was around just as much as he was before.

"Okay guys, all drama aside-" Bailey spoke up loud enough for everyone to hear, catching all of our attention. "My birthday's coming up, and it's the most special time of the year for me as most of you know as I'm a sucker for birthday parties."

"Oh, here we go," Layla mumbled jokingly, sending a soft smile to her friend who glanced at her in mock offense.

"Anyways, I was thinking this year we go big or go home!" Bailey exclaimed, "I'm turning eighteen, which you only do once."

"You turn every age only once, Bails," Cameron spoke from the other side of me.

"Getting to the point!" She exclaimed, glaring at her brother. "The point is, I love the seventies style. Fashion, music, all of it! So here is my declaration that I'm going to be giving my eighteenth birthday party a seventies theme! And I expect each and everyone who attends to dress the part and partake in the activities for the night."

"And what are the activities for the night?" Griffin asked, leaning his head in his hand.

"Dressing up, as mentioned before, karaoke - everyone at this table has to sing at least one song - including you Aurora - dancing! Lots of dancing!" She exclaimed, the excitement basically radiating off of her.

I playfully rolled my eyes at her comment, knowing that there was no way I was singing anything anywhere. Even if it was her birthday party, the last thing I wanted right now was to attract any more attention I didn't want. And singing in front of a giant crowd of people would do just that.

"This is going to be interesting," Guin said from their spot next to Griffin. "I'm in. But I'm always down, so..."

"I don't think I could handle singing," Quinn mumbled, "But I'm down to come and help out with decorating!"

"If I have to sing, you have to sing," Layla told the other girl, earning a look from Bailey. "What? You said everyone here. That's everyone."

"Right!" Bailey exclaimed. "We could do a duet!"

Layla's eyes quickly shifted to Cameron, who just looked down at his half-eaten food. Nobody else noticed this action, but I did. I put my hand on Cameron's arm to catch his attention, sending him a look.

He half-smiled, resting his other hand over mine. I don't know what's going on between the three of them, but I do know there's something happening. It's something that nobody else knows - and if they do they never say anything. This makes me not say anything either, knowing it really isn't any of my business.

The warning bell rang, indicating the time for lunch was almost over. This caused the conversation of Bailey's birthday party to come to an end, and I watched as people began to say their goodbyes to head to their next class.

Miles stood up next to me, and I let go of Cameron as I followed. My eyes trailed to Layla who took her time in getting up, very obviously trying to avoid walking with both Bailey and Cameron. I glanced back at my friend, who was patiently waiting for me to gather my things.

"Hey, I'll catch up later, okay?" I asked softly to where nobody else could hear. "I just want to talk to Layla about something."

He glanced at the girl behind us, nodding with a smile. "I'll see you later, Rory."

I waved goodbye before turning and grabbing my things, quickly making my way around the table to get Layla's attention.

She sent me a look as I grabbed her wrist, pulling her away from the lunch table. She began to question me, but I didn't say anything until we got out of earshot from anyone nearby.

"I just want to say I don't expect you to tell me what's going on between you, Cameron, and Bailey but I am here for you. It's not good to hold it in, and others might not notice the way you're all looking at each other but I do and whatever it is I'm here for you." I quickly said. I knew I wasn't making too much sense as I was really just saying whatever I thought, but Layla was quick to understand and get the idea.

She glanced around before grabbing the strap of her backpack tighter, letting out a sigh. "You know how you've been dealing with the whole Logan-Carter situation?" She asked.

My brows bunched together at the mention of the Jackson brothers, but instead of saying anything I just nodded.

"Well, that is the same for me. Wild, right?" She asked with a scoff. "I mean, it's not the exact same, I guess, but I'm stuck between them in the same way you were with Logan and Carter. Maybe that's why I felt the need to reach out to you at the bowling alley, I don't know, I just know I know what you were feeling and it sucks like hell."

I don't know what I was expecting, but it wasn't that. I stayed silent, thinking about everything she just admitted.

"Bailey's my best friend, and there's no doubt I love her. I feel things I've never felt with anyone - much like you and Car-" She stopped, clearing her throat as she noticed my change in expression. "Much like your situation. But then there's Cameron..." She trailed.

"You have feelings for Cameron?" I asked.

"No, that's the problem. I thought I did, I think. I mean- at one of the big parties we went to, Bailey didn't go because she was sick. Cameron and I got drunk and we-" She stopped, tapping her fingertips together. "You know, something teenagers do when they're horny and drunk. And I freaked because that's my best friend's brother. My best friend whom I feel things for, and might feel things for me."

"Holy shit," I mumbled.

"Yeah. Quite the ordeal." She began to walk, and so I walked with her. "One day I feel the feelings for Cameron, the next I don't. I don't know how to tell if it's lust or love. I mean- how does one tell? I mean there's definitely sexual tension and feelings, but what I feel for Bailey is so much stronger. But there are so many things. Like... what if I'm reading it wrong and she doesn't have feelings for me? What would she think knowing I fucked her brother?"

"The last thing you wanna do is fuck things up with Bailey whether it be the friendship or if there's something more," I mumbled.

"Exactly! And it's fucked, it's so fucked! Cause I make eye contact with Bails and melt, but then I look at Cameron, and my heart flutters. I don't know how to feel or who to feel for." She explained.

"It's weird," I said. "How alike our situations were."

"Right? Like who would've thought? Completely different people, the same scenario." Layla agreed.

"I know you didn't ask for my opinion, but I think I'm going to tell you anyway because of how similar our situations are." I stopped next to my locker, Layla following suit. "I think you shouldn't go for either as of right now. Stay friends with both of them. Clearly, you care about Bailey to the point of telling her you hooked up with Cammy scares you. Clearly, you're unsure of your feelings. To me, it sounds like your feelings for Bailey are more emotional and your feelings for Cam are physical. Sexual, I guess you'd say. Cameron's lust, Bailey's love. You just need to sort it out with yourself. It's not fair to you or either of them."

I put in the combination, switching my books out as Layla responded. "I know, it's not. It sucks all the way around. How are you doing it, Ror? How are you-" She stopped, "Excuse me for bringing it up but how did you deal with Carter and Logan?"

"I didn't," I simply said as I shut my locker. "Want the honest truth?"

"Yes," She rolled her eyes, breathing out.

"I still hurt. Every day. Every second. I wonder why Carter did what he did and I wonder why Logan did what he did. Then I wonder why I put myself in that position, and why I'm letting two insignificant boys run my life. I realize there's more out there than the Jackson brothers, and although it hurts more than anything else I won't let them or anyone else unimportant to me see me break. They don't matter, simply because they showed how much I matter." I told her, "I think that's where your situation is different. Cameron and Bailey both clearly care about you, this isn't just two people playing you. It's just a sucky situation and that's why you need to back away until you can come clean to Bailey and choose the one you actually want."

Layla stayed silent, but I could see the tears in her eyes. "Carter cares about you, Ror."

Is that really all she got from that?

"Maybe so, maybe not. But I prefer actions that show words to be true. Not words that are betrayed by the actions themselves. So until I'm shown different, I won't hold my breath. I'll move on, and it's his own fault if there's more to it than what he's saying. But this isn't about me, this is about you. You do what's best for you, best for Cameron, and best for Bailey. You're all friends whether there's anything more, and I pray to God you don't let what happened to me and the Jackson brothers happen to you and the Letterman siblings."

With those last words, I sent one last small smile before turning and making my way into the direction of my homeroom, my mind chaotic from the unexpected conversation with Layla.

What is going on at Riverway High and all these love triangles?

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Double update <3