- Bad Ones; Tate McRae -
- making the bed; Olivia Rodrigo -
- Devil Doesn't Bargain; Alec Benjamin -

Aurora Holland

The talk with Carter opened my mind a little bit more. I don't feel the butterflies, I don't shy away when I see him - not even when he's with Ashley like before. She still does everything she can in her power to bully and harass me, but that's only when Carter isn't around.

When Carter's around, she acts like she's a completely different person. She's kissy, touchy, nice, and I've even seen her smile at people she never acknowledged when I first moved here. She's flipped a switch, and although I want to have hope that she's slowly becoming a better person - I know she's not with the way she treats me when we're by ourselves.

Despite having slowly stopped feeling what I previously felt for Carter, it's a little bit disappointing to notice I'm not feeling anything for Logan still. I know it's wrong to continue seeing him despite knowing my feelings for him, but I can't help it.

He's quite literally the golden boy. The perfect person, the one that everyone else would want to see. He's who I should be falling for, wanting to spend every second with. And although I've been spending as much time as I can with him in hopes that my feelings will change, they don't.

That thought alone is depressing.

Responding to a text Paige sent, I sighed as I continued my stretches. My body was in lots of pain from the extra practice to catch up with what was going on in both cheerleading and dance, but with Alexa's help, I think I finally got everything down.

"You good?" Alexa asked, laying flat on her back. I watched as she stretched her back, the sound of popping echoing through the dance studio.

"Just a little overwhelmed I guess," I said.

"Nervous for tonight? You're matching with Logan, yeah?" She asked, turning to her side.

"Yeah. Raven and Beastboy." I told her, pressing the bottoms of my feet together to stretch my hips out a bit.

"That'll be cute," She said with a nod, "I'm basic. I'm being Silvermist from the Tinkerbell universe."

"That's cool," I said.

"I heard you and Paige made up or whatever," She said as she sat up, stretching an arm over her chest.

"I guess so," I mumbled. "It was more of Logan begging me to talk to her and then her begging me to forgive her. And I have no reason to be mad anymore, plus we're family, so."

"She did a lot to you though, yeah?" She asked.

"Yeah. But she's my cousin." I shrugged.

"Family doesn't matter. It's how they treat you, not whether they're blood or not." She advised, checking her phone. "It's already getting late, we should probably get heading."

"Sounds good," I said as I stood from my spot. I grabbed my belongings, following Alexa out of the dance studio and toward her car.

Her car was nice and still smelt new besides the fact that she said it was gifted to her last year. She's taken really good care of it, it's surprising how old it is.

But then again, when you take good care of things they last longer... Or whatever that quote is.

The drive home was silent, the two of us having talked a lot during dance practice. My body ached, and if I'm being honest I didn't really want to attend the bash. But at the same time, my family will be going to Paige's house, save for Jason who's going to a friend's house. The last thing I wanted was to spend Halloween night alone in my bedroom.

Not to mention I've already committed to this, and Logan's already bought and dropped off my costume. It'd be rude to have him spend that money on me and me not appreciate it and use it.

After Alexa pulled up to my house, I said a quick goodbye and told her I'd see her at the party. She sent me a kind smile and waited until I got inside before driving away, leaving me with my thoughts.

The house was silent. My parents were working late despite it technically being a holiday, and I'm assuming Jason went straight over to his friend's house when he was finished with school. This was fine with me, as after I get ready Logan will be here to pick me up.

He's having to pick me up early, simply because he doesn't want to be late to his own party. I told him I could get myself there and see if I could borrow one of my parent's cars, but he insisted he come get me since we're together.

Or whatever.

I took a quick shower, not wanting to take too long as I didn't exactly know how early Logan planned to be. After that I took my time in drying and brushing my hair, pinning it up and back so I could eventually put on the ugly purple wig that Logan bought.

He really wanted to go all out on this. It kind of scares me, as Beastboy is green. This means if Logan wants me to wear the blasted purple wig, then he might just dye his skin and hair green.

What a treacherous thought in that idea alone.

I put the outfit on first, struggling at first to tighten it. I felt very exposed - as this was more something that Paige would wear instead of me. But I ignored those insecure thoughts, knowing it would do nothing but ruin my night.

My insecurities haven't been as bad as they usually are. I don't know why, but they don't consume my thoughts like they usually do. I'm not complaining, but it makes me wonder what exactly is different, because besides whatever started happening between Logan and me - nothing's really changed.

Despite Logan wanting to go all out on the costumes - I refuse to change the complexion of my skin. Raven has a beautiful pale color, and I'm already pale enough - just not in the same shade. Instead, I just put the sticker gem in the middle of my forehead after doing some light makeup. That would be good enough, and if it wasn't - oh well.

The wig came on second to last. It took forever, almost even longer than my makeup it felt like. It was either falling off, you could see my hair sticking out somewhere, or the top of it kept sliding back. I had to watch multiple videos to figure out how to get it to look somewhat decent - and even then I was debating on whether or not to just get rid of it completely.

Deciding against it, I sighed at how horrible I looked. This costume wasn't for me, but there was no changing my mind now. It'd be rude and wrong.

After putting on the boots, I was finally finished getting ready. It didn't take as long as I assumed it would, but I think it's because I half-assed my appearance more than actually caring how it looked. Minus the wig, of course.

Logan arrived about fifteen minutes later, and to say I was shocked at his look was an understatement. He sprayed his dark hair with a dark green color, and his skin was a tint of the lightest green instead of the dark green as I assumed. He somehow managed to make it look good, but then again that's not too surprising considering this was Logan Jackson we're talking about.

Or thinking about.

"How pretty," He mumbled, holding his hand out. "Some of the others are already there, they came to help set up."

I took his hand and followed him to his car, sending him a smile as we stopped in front of the passenger door. He let go of my hand quickly, almost as if he was too afraid to touch it.

Instead of questioning it, I just opened the door. I'd much rather prefer fewer touches, as I still don't know if there's something going on between us. He acts like there is - putting an arm around me in the halls, picking me up, and taking me places with him, matching like this. I don't want to assume, though, as the last time I assumed something bad happened.

So I'm going to do what I should've done with Carter, and refuse to actually call us something or be affectionate with him until he officially asks me out.

But then again, I don't even know if I want anything more. I like him, I do, but not in the way I want to. I want to have feelings for him - more than I've ever experienced. I want what others have with each other - like Elijah and Katherine. I want something real, but for some reason, I don't feel it.

Maybe it's just not real at this point.

I'm confused about my feelings if you couldn't tell. One second I think I might actually begin to get feelings for Logan, but I know I'm not. I want to, so bad. He's like the perfect person most would think, but I'm just not. Why am I trying to force something that's not supposed to happen?

The car drive was silent. We didn't have anything to talk about and didn't even glance at each other as we rode to the Jackson residence. My stomach swarmed with butterflies at the number of cars already hanging around the house, and I immediately looked at Logan for the first time since we left my house.

"I guess people decided to show up early," He said with a shrug as he turned his car off, not giving it another word.

I just nodded and pursed my lips, hesitantly getting out of the car. It was quiet between us as we walked up the yard and into the house. It was already loud with music and drunk teenagers, which isn't surprising considering most of the people here were Logan's friends.

My eyes immediately landed on Elijah and Katherine in a corner, talking about something serious. I looked away before they noticed, not wanting any drama tonight. I then looked to see Layla sitting in between Cameron and Bailey, looking extremely stressed.

Z and Naia stood with Lila and a few of the others, talking about something I couldn't hear. All of my friends were scattered around in different costumes, mixed in with other teenagers I'd seen around Riverway High School.

Some people were here that I don't remember ever seeing before, but I'm not surprised as 1. This is Logan's big bash that's been talked about for days now, and 2. Riverway is a huge school. I still have yet to meet everyone there.

Logan's hand rested on the small of my back, underneath the dark cloak I wore for my costume. I continued to glance around the giant house, looking from person to person to study their looks. I was really stalling, as I didn't know what to do. I know Logan's a bit of a party animal, but at the same time, he's yet to leave my side.

"Logan!" The sound of an all-too-familiar voice caught my attention, and my breath hitched in my throat as I looked in front of us.

Ashley stood in front of us, Carter next to her as he usually is. My eyes immediately met his, but instead of focusing on him I just looked to the girl next to him. She smiled a fake smile to his brother, her red lipstick complimenting the toothy grin. "What a nice party! Thanks for the invite. We're definitely having fun."

Logan's arm snaked further around my waist tightly, and I glanced from Ashley to him. He was looking at his brother, a look I couldn't decipher on his face. "Of course."

My eyes trailed back to Carter, who stared at Logan's arm wrapped around my waist. His eye twitched in the slightest, which only confused me. Why does he care that Logan's touching me? He's the one who claimed nothing was going on between us and that he wasn't into me like that.

So why would he care if something was going on between Logan and me? There's not, but still.

His eyes met mine again before I could look away, and the pain in his eyes was clear as day.

"You guys matched... that's creative." Ashley said, "CC and I here thought costumes were too tacky."

Carter rolled his eyes but didn't look away. He continued to stare at me, and as much as I wanted to look anywhere but at him, I couldn't. My eyes stayed stuck to his, looking into those honey-brown eyes that I love so much.

Loved. I loved them. Not anymore.

"That's nice," Logan said sarcastically. "Look, we'd love to stay and chat but we have stuff to do."

"Like what? Parade around looking like a tacky scrawny Hulk?" Carter asked. My eyes widened as I noticed he was no longer looking at me but was instead looking at his brother, nothing but anger in his eyes.

"Carter, where's your costume? Oh, wait, you're dressed as trash." Logan countered.

"Good comeback. How old are you? Three?" Carter asked, his dark brows pushing together.

"Oh come on, stop acting like children. Let's go get a drink, CC." Ashley begged, rolling her eyes this time.

Carter didn't respond and instead continued whatever stare-off he was having with Logan. I felt awkward. Standing there, I ignored the sweaty palms as I began to scratch at my hand nervously.

Logan's grip didn't leave my waist, so I couldn't exactly just walk away without catching attention. Ashley on the other hand, could, however. She just scoffed and walked in the direction where her friends stood, not even getting so much as a glance from either boy.

"You got a lot of nerve, Carter," Logan muttered, his brows drawn together in thought. "Pathetic, really."

"Pathetic? I'm the pathetic one?" Carter scoffed, looking around.

My scratching intensified as Carter rubbed his face with his hands, and it was then I took notice of the bruised knuckles. He'd punched something, but I wasn't sure what. It looked painful, though.

As he removed his hands, his eyes found me again. I stayed watching him as I scratched at my hand but was quick to stop when the dark irises snapped down. "Stop that," He said. He began to move his hand outward, but before he could touch me, I snapped back.

This put me further into Logan's grasp. He held onto me tighter as if he were protecting me from something, from Carter. Carter realized what he was about to do and pulled his hand back, stopping himself from saying whatever was on the tip of his tongue.

"Whatever," He muttered.

"Exactly," Logan mumbled in return. He put his empty hand over mine, covering the scratched-up marks.

Carter noticed this, and with one last look of disgust moved past us as if nothing happened.

I stayed silent, my heart beating wildly as I recovered from whatever just happened. I looked to Logan, who immediately let me go as he realized Carter was no longer around. "Sorry," He mumbled. "He's mad that we're..."

"That we're?" I asked, trailing off.

"A thing." He finished.

A thing? That's it? A thing? That's what he describes whatever this is? I'm just a thing? Like a fling? Or am I overthinking this?

"I need a drink," I couldn't help but mumble. Logan made a face, one I didn't care to decipher. Instead, I turned and made my way over to the counter where Layla had wandered off to.

"Relationship problems?" She asked, sliding a shot across the island.

"No," I said. "'Thing' problems."

"Thing? What the fuck is a thing?" She asked as her nose scrunched up, pouring her own shot. She stopped for a second, thinking about it. "No," She said in realization. "A thing? He called it a thing."

"Apparently so," I muttered, downing the shot in one go.

It was nothing like the Jello shots I took with her the first time I got drunk. These were much stronger, considering they were straight liquor. I cringed and coughed, blushing as Layla laughed at my weak tastebuds.

"You get used to it," She said, sliding a bottle of Sprite. "Drink some of that. It'll help get the taste out. It's just my drink so you don't have to worry about germs or shit."

I gratefully opened the bottle and took a big sip, doing anything I could to get rid of the bitter taste. Despite how gross it was, I could already feel the burning sensation down my throat and chest. This was what I wanted, honestly. To just feel numb.

Layla and I continued to drink, the moment with Logan and Carter long forgotten about. It was also obvious that Layla was clearly going through something, but instead of pushing I just did my best to let both of us have a good time. She seemed she was feeling the same way I was, and the last thing I want to do is talk about my feelings.

This is Halloween, this is supposed to be a night of fun and scares. But part of me wishes I'd just stayed home and away from everyone.

The buzz went through me, past the point of tipsy. I giggled at everything around me despite nothing being funny, even going as far as going up to Katherine and giving her a giant hug. She looked confused, but I don't care.

I just feel good, which is all I wanted all along.

Glancing over, I saw that Ashley had Carter standing with her and her friends. He looked bored, but instead of worrying I decided to go find Logan. He is the Beastboy to my Raven after all. I can't be mad at him, right? For calling us a thing instead of either just friends or something more.

I need to stop acting out of my feelings. It's never good for anyone involved.

"Have you seen Logan?" I asked Alexa loudly, holding onto her arms for support. "You're a cute fairy." I then giggled before she could answer my first question, touching the fairy wings gently.

"How many drinks have you had, Rory?" She asked, ignoring me.

"Uh- yes." I pointed a finger, letting out another laugh. "Yes is the answer."

"No, it's not." She sighed, "I think he went upstairs to grab something. Why don't you head up there and rest, okay? You need to take a break."

"I-I'm fine," I argued, hiccuping immediately after.

"Go, now." She ordered as if she were my older sister. I laughed, waving her off but heading toward the crowded staircase anyway.

Keeping my hand on the railing, I took my time in heading up the stairs. I weaved through the bodies of poorly made costumed people, ignoring their eyes on me as I focused on not falling backwards. I even had to stop at one point, but once the dizziness went away, I was back to my walk.

Arriving to Logan's door, I wiped the sides of my wig down in case any fake hairs moved out of place before placing my hand on the knob. I didn't knock and instead just opened the door, barging in as if it were my own room. "Hey, Logan, I couldn't find-" My words caught in my throat as I stared at him, suddenly feeling much sober than before.

Paige and Logan stared at me in shock, a look of guilt flashing across Logan's features as Paige just seemed surprised I was standing there. Logan pushed away from my cousin, straightening his hair out and wiping his lips as if he knew her lipstick stained them. "Logan, I thought you said the door was locked." She whispered, almost too quiet for me to hear.

I looked between them in silence, familiar feelings settling through my body. It didn't help I'd been drinking, the alcohol in my system making it harder to think clearly. "Not again," I muttered quietly. My mind flashed back to this same scene, except instead of Logan it was Asher.

Paige did it again. She did it again.

Bile rose in my throat as my face twisted in disgust, my feet moving backward before my mind could comprehend what was happening.

Logan was up in a rush, seeing I was beginning to flee. "Stupid ass fucking costume I never wanted to wear," I stumbled over my feet as I threw the cloak off of me, letting it fall to the floor. The stupid purple wig was gone next, the bobby pins flying out of my hair and everywhere on the floor. I'm pretty sure I hit a couple people with them stumbling down the stairs as well, but I didn't care to look back or listen to their reactions.

I let my hair fall to my shoulder as I stumbled around people, ignoring the looks from Alexa and a few of our other friends. I felt nauseous, I felt like at any moment I could lose it. Feelings I spent forever getting over swirled around in my stomach and my chest, and in this moment I regretted every life decision I've ever made.

Letting Paige control me. Liking Asher. Falling for him. Catching him and Paige. Befriending Paige's friend group. Falling for Carter. Telling him I loved him. Getting close with Logan knowing I had no real feelings. Catching him and Paige. Even if I wasn't feeling what I felt with Carter with Logan, it didn't hurt nonetheless. Paige knew. She knew that there was 'a thing' going on between us, as Logan called it.

She'd lose her shit if I did anything like this to her. Yet here she is, doing it for a second time.

"Rora, wait!" The sound of Logan was heard closely behind me. It wasn't long before the feeling of his warm fingers wrapped around my wrist, turning me quickly in my spot.

I stumbled forward and without thinking raised my hand, striking him right across the face. The slap was so loud it echoed, and it was then I realized we'd caused a scene.

Looking Logan between the eyes, I didn't show any emotion as he cradled his cheek in his hand. "You're a prick, you know that?" I asked, seething.

"Rora," He mumbled. "Please, let's not do this here."

"What? Not ruin your perfect little reputation?" I asked with a scoff, noticing by now that the music had stopped and everyone's attention was on us. "Right. Did y'all know Paige and Logan were fucking? Cause I sure didn't."

Gasps echoed through the house and I took one last look at Logan. "Too late," I mumbled, turning and stumbling away. My eyes caught with Carter's on the way out, but I just threw up a middle finger before continuing my struggled walk.

I was out the door within an instant. I struggled down the porch and toward the street, deciding a walk home would be best. It's a huge distance, but I've done it before. The only difference now is it's completely dark, I'm in tall boots and a little too drunk. But the last thing I wanted was to be anywhere near the Jackson residence.

Within what seemed like a flash, a familiar blond boy stood in front of me. It was Cameron, but I was too upset to smile. I just stopped and stared at him, watching as he caught his breath.

"You're drunk," He stated.

"Thanks." I muttered.

"You can't walk home," He added.

"The last thing I'm doing is staying in that house any longer, Cammy." I mumbled. "I've been hurt and embarrassed by not only myself, but my cousin. Again. And by another Jackson sibling. I can't-" I stopped, feeling the emotions beginning to build up. "Not again."

Cameron pulled me in for a hug, wrapping his arms around me tightly. I gladly let him, too buzzed to care. I cried, holding onto him as if my life depended on it.

"We'll leave then, okay? I can- I'll take you to McDonald's and we'll sober you up, then we'll- I'll take you home, okay?" He asked softly.

"No," I said. "I can't go home. Nobody's there and my parents are-are at Paige's. I can't." I cried, wiping my cheeks.

"You can come to mine then, okay? Griffin's staying the night, but us and Bailey can have a sleepover okay?" He asked, moving my hands from my face. "We'll get into pajamas and-and you can wear something of mine or Griff's and we can forget all about this mess of a night, alright?"

I nodded, letting him make the decisions. He was the sober one after all.

He glanced behind me with a nod, and I turned to see Bailey and Griffin standing there. They must've followed Cameron out and hadn't said anything, not wanting to overwhelm me more than I was. The two walked up, Bailey wrapping her arm with mine. We walked to the car they brought with them to the party, not giving the bash another glance as they helped me struggle into the car.

I stayed silent, crying out every once in a while. My heart hurt, my head and chest hurt, and I just wanted to do nothing more than go to sleep and never wake up.

Katherine was right. This did nothing but hurt myself all over again.

++

Long chapter to makeup for lack of updates <3 I've had major writer's block writing this as said before, but I'm really trying. Plus I've been working on plenty of other stories, so PLEASE check those out! Thank u. Drunk Rory is unhinged and I love that for her