now i wish we never met,
cause you're too hard to forget

Aurora Holland

"Took you long enough," Logan joked as I hopped in the jeep. I glanced over to see him smiling at me with a goofy smile, one that showed he was messing with me.

I let out a slightly fake laugh, not wanting to be rude or seem offended. "Sorry, I had to get past my dad," I explained anyway.

"I'm not worried," Logan said. He began the drive to his house, the low music playing on the radio being the only sound between the two of us.

I didn't say anything, simply because I didn't want to. I feel much better now that I've had that talk with Miles, but part of me knows I'm still truly upset. There's nothing I can really do but fake it until I make it, but even then, it's easier said than done.

Before I realized it, we were already pulling up to the Jackson residence. I took my time getting out of the car, knowing Logan would be patient enough to wait for me.

We got inside, and I saw that it was completely empty in the house. This surprised me, as for some reason I was expecting other people to be here.

"Is it just us today?" I asked, twirling my ring around my finger.

"Yes-" He stopped for a moment, looking over at me. "I hope you don't mind. I didn't really want anyone else to come over."

"Oh, okay," I mumbled, following him to the staircase.

He led me up the stairs and to the right side, my eyes casting over in the direction where Carter's room was. I know I shouldn't even give him the simple thought - but I did. I wondered if he was in there. Was he alone? Was he with Ashley?

Was he at her house? Where was he and what was he doing?

Obsessive thoughts ran through my mind, but instead of focusing on that, I put my focus back on Logan. He held his bedroom door open for me and I walked in, immediately taking notice of how different it was from his brothers.

It was brighter, with colors of all kinds in different areas. It wasn't themed at all, and the opposite of Carter's minimalistic look. It fit Logan, but at the same time threw me off as I hadn't expected it.

But then again, what do I ever expect anymore?

Logan had a futon at the foot of his bed, fluffy pillows and throw blankets messily lying atop it. He began to clear some room as I walked further into the bedroom, my eyes trailing over the different items lying around.

"Sorry about the mess," He spoke up, grabbing his remote from the bed.

"It's okay," I told him. I felt awkward, but instead of showing it, I just smiled at him.

He began to press some buttons on the remote, beginning to look through his different streaming services. I reluctantly walked over to the futon, sitting down at the edge of it. His face stayed on the TV as he looked through the movies, his teeth biting down on his bottom lip as he looked through the selection.

"Are you picky when it comes to movies?" Logan asked, "I prefer action."

"I'm fine with whatever," I said.

"So is Inception alright with you?" He asked.

I have absolutely no clue what Inception is, but I assume it's an action movie based on the way he told me he prefers that. I just nodded, watching as he smiled bigger and clicked on the movie.

"You ever seen it?" He asked, sitting down next to me on the futon. He got comfortable, his thigh brushing against mine as he slouched down in his spot.

"No," I said as I shook my head, my cheeks burning at the admission.

Logan began to talk about the movie and what it entails, despite the fact that it had already begun. I let him talk, knowing I wouldn't be able to pay too much attention. Even if he wasn't talking, I'd still be drifting off into my own thoughts so it didn't really matter whether he spoke or not.

Plus, he was very into what it was. He spoke with a brightness and pep to his voice that I quite enjoyed, and I found myself just watching him as he talked instead of actually listening to what he had to say.

"And basically, it ends with him joining his children," Logan finished after explaining the entire movie, his hands waving around. "Although I guess I should've just let you watch instead of talking, huh?"

I laughed lightly, shrugging. "It's okay."

"Well, we can watch now! It's still only like fifteen minutes in." Logan exclaimed, jumping in his seat slightly.

His body shifted a little closer to mine, and I ignored the weird feeling in my stomach. Instead, I just stared at the TV and mindlessly watched the movie. I wasn't interested, even after Logan explained the entire thing.

My eyes bore into the TV, and every once in a while, I could feel Logan looking at me. I don't know if it was because he could tell I was faking my interest in the movie, or because of something else, but either way, I didn't like it.

"Is it alright if I run to the kitchen and grab a glass of ice water?" I asked softly, breaking the silence between us.

"Sure. Want me to come with you? I can pause the movie and we can-"

"No! No, that's okay." I quickly cut him off as I stood from the futon. "I'll manage. Just keep watching and inform me of what I missed when I get back."

He smiled, nodding. "Deal."

I sent him one last smile before walking out of his room, carefully shutting the door behind me. It was silent as I walked down the hall and descended the steps, making my way into their kitchen. It was nice and quiet, although at the same time, it made my thoughts run even more wild than they were before.

Taking my time, I grabbed a clean glass from the cabinet before filling it with ice and water from the refrigerator. I sipped slowly, my eyes stuck on the clean countertop. After I took the longest sip I could manage, I just set the glass on the counter and stood there.

As much as I have fun with Logan, this movie night isn't as entertaining as I wanted it to be. I know for a fact it's only because I'm letting my thoughts ruin my day, but sometimes I can't help it. It sucks because I want to enjoy it.

After what felt like minutes upon minutes of standing there, I decided to head back up before Logan came looking for me. I dumped the leftover glass in the sink before setting the glass down, slowly making my way back up the dreaded steps.

Just as I got to the top of the steps, the faint sound of crying was heard. My brows furrowed as I glanced down the hall - to the direction of Carter's room. It was clearly coming from his room, and against my better judgement, I took one last glance in the direction I was supposed to be going before heading toward his room.

Stopping just in front of the door, I noticed that the crying was clearer. It sounded like a child - a baby, to be exact. Holding my closed fist up, I hesitated before softly knocking three times on the door.

"Jesus fucking Christ-" The sound of Carter was heard before he shouted. "Hold on!"

Without waiting, I grasped the doorknob and slowly opened the door. I looked inside to see him struggling to change a baby - a fake baby. It was one of those babies you got in that health class, the one that teaches you how to be a parent.

I watched as he struggled, his fingers not seeming to be able to connect the fake diaper. His eyes quickly moved from the baby to me, doing a quick double-glance as he realized I was standing there.

"I can't figure out what the little shit needs," He mumbled. I don't know if he was answering a question I hadn't asked, or if he was just stating the obvious out loud, but I didn't say anything.

Instead, I took it upon myself to enter the bedroom anyway. My brain was screaming at me to turn and run the other way, forgetting about this interaction, but I couldn't. My heart was winning in this stupid little battle, and so I just hid whatever I was feeling as I shut the bedroom door behind me.

As I approached Carter and the crying doll, he stopped what he was doing and stepped away. He watched me as I quickly latched the diaper together, fixing the areas he'd accidentally messed up. I then picked it up, reaching my hand out.

"Your wrist," I ordered, pointing at the wrist that held the bracelet. He held his hand out and I took it, ignoring the fluttering butterflies swarming my stomach. I pressed it to the baby's back, and once I heard the little ding indicating that I was taking care of the problem, I dropped his hand.

Grabbing the fake bottle of milk, I held it up to the baby's mouth. The crying immediately stopped, and the sound of drinking came from the little speaker attached to the baby. I cradled it as it drank, my eyes on the ground as I let it 'eat'.

It's weird holding a little fake baby like this, but I really only have experience because when I was younger, my mom taught me how to take care of Jason.

Sure, I was only six, but considering Jason's my mom's perfect little angel - she was quick to make sure I didn't do anything to harm him. I was taught to feed, cradle, and change his diapers.

Not to mention our nanny didn't always know what Jason needed - despite my mother leaving a very detailed list. I had to help often, which I know made the older woman feel bad. But when you have an overprotective and overbearing mother, things like this come naturally.

Glancing over, I looked to see that Carter was already looking at me. He had a mixture of emotions on his face - ones I knew now that I know him.

Well, I thought I knew him, I guess. But either way, obvious guilt and sadness is resting on his features.

Whether it be because of everything that happened between us or the fact that he didn't know how to take care of the fake baby - I don't know. But I didn't like it, as it made me begin to feel all the feelings I just shoved away.

I can't let Carter control my feelings like this. I can't let him dictate when and what I feel, just by looking at him. It was my fault - ultimately - that I came in here. I could have and should have just gone back to Logan's room. But I didn't. So I can't blame anyone for my heartbreak but myself.

But for some reason, despite feeling the things I feel, I don't feel as sad as I thought I did. I just wish things could've been different.

"I'm over it, you know," I said without thinking. It wasn't a full lie, as I'm over the situation. I may not be over the hurt, but I'm over it enough to move on, I realize.

I pulled the bottle away from the baby as it was finished eating, before moving to begin burping it.

"Over it?" Carter softly asked.

"Yeah. Everything that happened. I acted out of character, and I apologize. I can't blame you for not wanting the same things as me, it was wrong to do that." I explained as I burped the baby, our eyes meeting.

He didn't say anything, so I decided to continue.

"I just misinterpreted what was going on between us. I thought it was more than friends, but you had a different idea. Miscommunication, if you will." I said. "I shouldn't have assumed you were into me because you were being kind. I'm just kind of new to the whole - interacting with people, thing. So I didn't see the clear line between friends and more than that."

"Rory, I-"

"I do thank you for teaching me not to wear my heart on my sleeve so much. I fell way too hard, too quickly, and in the end, only hurt myself." I continued, cutting him off. I moved the baby from the burping stage to cradling it again as it was finished burping, not looking at the boy. "You didn't have to do anything you did, and I took it for granted. Sticking up for me to my mom, helping when Jason was getting bullied."

"I still do." Carter quietly said as I paused, and my eyes quickly moved from the baby to him. "I still make sure Jason's not getting bullied. He's a twelve-year-old, that's the last thing he needs."

"Well, thank you." I nodded, continuing to softly cradle the baby. "It means a lot. Jason doesn't need any of what I've gone through, had I known sooner I would've reached out."

Carter didn't say anything, and the soft sound of sleeping caught our attention. I looked to see that the fake baby was now 'sleeping', meaning my job here was done.

I held the baby out, watching as Carter gently took it from me. It was awkward then, a tension in the air I can't describe.

"I really do forgive you," I mumbled. "And I hope you can forgive me for the things I've done that are wrong."

"You didn't do anything wrong, Rory." He muttered. He looked conflicted, but instead of letting the conversation go on any longer, I just sent him a sad smile.

Walking over to the bedroom door, I noticed the butterflies were almost gone. Just as I began to turn the knob, the sound of Carter's voice stopped me.

"Rory," He called quietly.

I turned around, seeing he'd just finished putting the baby back in the carrier it came with. I stayed silent as I stood with the door halfway open, waiting for him to say what he needed before I left for good.

He hesitated, shutting his eyes before finally looking at me again. "I can see you, what you're doing." He started, taking a step forward.

Not knowing what he meant, I waited for him to continue.

"You're changing yourself into a different version of yourself to please Logan. It's not right," He said. "You shouldn't be trying out for cheerleading and joining the dance team."

"I changed, Carter," I whispered, not liking where the conversation went. "Just like you did."

"But I only did it because I-" He stopped, shaking his head. "You're not you when you're with Logan. All I'm saying is to be careful."

Glancing down at my hand on the doorknob, I just nodded a few times before looking back up at him. "I know."