- Heartbreak Girl; 5 Seconds of Summer -
- Breakaway; Kelly Clarkson -
- Let It Go; James Bay -

Aurora Holland

"Do you think this looks a little lopsided?" Elijah asked me as he pushed his ceramic bowl in my direction.

I know that he doesn't really care. Not once has Elijah ever actually asked me if I think something's off or sideways, as he thinks as long as he does his best that it's perfect. This in a way is true, but it still doesn't change anything.

I glanced at the bowl, shaking my head. It definitely was, but considering he was trying to start a conversation I didn't bother to give my honest opinion.

My opinion doesn't really matter anyway.

Elijah sucked in a sharp breath, tugging the bowl back in front of him. I didn't meet his eyes and instead just stared at my unfinished work, my thoughts too wild to bother with any type of school project.

"What's bothering you, Ror?" He asked softly.

It was different than the Elijah that I was used to. I was used to the goofy, wild, and intense Elijah. The one that kissed my cheeks and the top of my head, the one that didn't care whether I was open to hugging. The one that made our friendship blossom and helped me come out of my shell a little bit.

This Elijah was soft. Softer than usual. He was constantly looking over at me with side glances, seeming to be too afraid to touch or say anything. He definitely knew something was up - everybody did.

But nobody knew what.

What was I supposed to say? That I'm stupid? That I misread that Carter had feelings for me and that even though I'd been thinking there was something between us, there wasn't. There isn't and never will be because just like with Asher - I'm just a girl with a hopeless crush.

Isn't that weird? How someone can want something so bad, but it may just not be meant for them? I think that's how love is with me. I've never known love, but I really thought I did love Carter.

Thought. Keyword.

I don't know anymore. I've begun to overthink every little thing he told me yesterday. He's probably right. We haven't known each other long enough, and despite the fact that I feel feelings with him I never felt with Logan or Asher - it doesn't mean it's love.

I've read a lot online lately. Stuff about how you can confuse lust with love especially when you've never experienced either.

Also, a lot of people who are big about romance and stuff - the way I am - seem to never get it. They don't get their happy ending, and I think that's what I'm most afraid of.

Elijah placed a hand over mine, causing my eyes to snap down to where they sat. My hands had been sitting on the desk - completely still - not even bothering to begin my work on my ceramic pot we're working on in Ceramics.

The simple gesture was enough to get the waterworks going, and before I realized what was happening I felt a tear fall down my cheek.

There was no way I was going to cry in this class. I've already gotten too much attention for my own liking - which I'm still unsure as to where it's come from. But it doesn't matter, the point is I just don't want it. I don't want them to see that I'm completely stupid and I've let Carter Jackson break my heart, just like the rumors predicted.

The bell rang, and I've never felt more relieved. I snapped my hand away from Elijah's and scrambled to get my things together. The quicker I get away from his constant questioning and stare - the better.

After putting my ceramic bowl where it goes whenever we're not working, I booked it out of the room. I know I need to be back in about five or so minutes, because unfortunately for me I stay in the same classroom for Painting.

One of the many classes I have with Carter Jackson.

I haven't seen him all day, and although that part of my heart is aching to at least see him, I know it's not a good idea. The quicker I get over this hopeless crush on him, the better.

Without bothering to see if Elijah was still paying any attention to me, I moved through the sea of students already filling the hallways. I booked it to the nearest girl's bathroom and into the first empty stall, my breathing hitching from how suddenly I went from staying still to practically sprinting across the school.

Pressing a hand to my forehead, I squeezed my eyes shut.

I didn't think it would be this hard. I should have skipped school, especially since I got a total of maybe three hours of sleep last night. Maybe I should just call my dad and ask if he can leave work and come get me. I can fake being sick and play it off like I got a cold. I am a little stuffy from the rain yesterday, and it doesn't help the weather switched around completely.

It's almost like you can't even tell that it was raining yesterday. The sun's shining with a light warm breeze, and all of the rainwater from the day before drying up.

After gathering my thoughts and making sure I wasn't going to have a breakdown, I began to open the stall door.

Just as I opened it, however, I heard the main door open. I caught a glimpse of Gwen Larson - the same Gwen who tried to warn me - and I quickly shut the stall door again, flicking the lock.

"Maya, you need to listen to me." Gwen quietly said.

I looked through the little crack in the stall, watching as she stared at her tall friend. Maya just looked in the mirror and fixed any makeup on her face that's smeared, smiling to see how she looked. "I'm listening, and I don't care."

"Seriously, this is getting out of hand," Gwen whispered. She then glanced around the bathroom, but before she looked in my direction I backed away so she didn't see me spying on them. "She's not a bad person."

"I don't care whether she's a pure saint." Maya scoffed. I leaned in again and looked through the crack, seeing Gwen's focus was now on her friend. "We do what we're told to do."

"We're going to get our asses beat." Gwen argued, "But it looks like we deserve it, right?"

"Nobody's going to touch us," Maya said as she looked at Gwen. "But I suggest that whatever's going on in there-" She pointed at Gwen's chest, "You get it figured out. Ashley won't hesitate to add you to the list."

Gwen didn't say anything, but instead glared at Maya as the brunette just walked around her. The door slammed shut as Maya walked out, and I stayed still as I watched Gwen look at herself in the mirror in a similar way Maya had only moments before.

The only difference was she wasn't smiling and instead looked extremely unhappy. She reapplied her lipgloss before plumping her lips a little bit. Tears glossed over her light green eyes, but she just dabbed at her under eyes with her fingers before taking a deep breath and leaving the restroom.

I stayed in my spot for a moment, cursing as I heard the bell ring throughout the halls. After knowing Gwen or Maya wouldn't be back I exited the stall, washing my hands in case someone were to walk in and think I was going to leave without doing so.

After I dried my hands I slowly made my way back to the art room, scratching at my hand as all eyes were on me when I entered.

"Class, get back to your paintings." Mrs. Rosa called out, walking to the back of the class where I still stood by the door. She took one last glance back to make sure everyone listened before looking back at me, a soft look at her older features. "Is everything okay Aurora?"

"I'm just- just not feeling well," I said. In a way, it's true. But I don't think a heartbreak can mean I can just skip class.

"I knew you seemed off last hour," She said. She held up a finger and I watched as she walked to her desk. She scribbled on some paper before coming back over to me, a blue slip in her hands. "Head to the nurse and see if she can give you some medicine or let you lay down. You're ahead enough in this class that it won't be a big issue if you're gone."

I glanced behind her to see a few students had been listening in despite the fact that she told them to get to work, and instead of focusing on that I just put my attention back to her. She continued to hold out the little blue slip and so I grabbed it, looking to see if was a pass for me to leave class and go to the nurse in case I got caught walking in the hallway.

Flipping the paper back in forth in my hands, I nodded before looking back at her. "Thank you," I softly said.

"Of course! You get better soon and if I don't see you again before next time, I'll see you then." She smiled apologetically at me, and I didn't hesitate to take my cue and leave.

After all, I am thankful I got a pass out of class, as I guess it's more obvious to other people than just my friends that something's up. I thought Elijah had noticed simply because I wasn't talking to him, I didn't realize how obvious it was to people I didn't talk to often.

But then again, I have Mrs. Rosa for a lot of my classes. She sees the way I work and has since I've been here. I guess seeing a student go from being on time, working every day, and even staying late and getting ahead to doing absolutely nothing is more than enough to make anyone question it. I never thought it was a big deal because teachers at Point Prep only really cared about the popular students - like Asher and Paige - and so when there were days I was feeling a little down or off they never really questioned it.

Even after the Asher situation. When the Asher situation happened I felt a lot like I had no - just not as bad. I still barely worked during class and zoned out a lot, but I was able to hide it better. Even then, you'd think the teachers would know considering I was one of the best students in the class and they saw me every day.

The hallways were quiet as I walked through them, and I took my time getting to the nurse. I'd only been here once or twice since I began attending Riverway, but I've passed it countless times so I know it like the back of my hand.

By the time I got there, my feelings had calmed down a bit. It was better than it was before, but it also probably helped I didn't have to deal with people in my ear asking what was wrong all the time.

I walked through the open door and felt my cheeks flush as the nurse looked up from her desk. She'd been cleaning, wiping any dust or marks off of her desk.

"You're not one of my regulars," She commented immediately. This only made my cheeks heat up more, and I cleared my throat.

"Yeah. Mrs. Rosa sent me," I said as I held out the blue note.

She dropped the wipe on her desk before walking around it, stopping only a few feet in front of me. She glanced at the note to see what Mrs. Rosa had written - which I hadn't even bothered looking at - before nodding and looking back up at me. "Ah, the occasional stomach ache."

"Yeah. Just not feeling all too well today," I mumbled as I twirled the ring around my finger, looking around the room. It was just like any other nurse's office - lots of inspirational posters and other posters talking about popular diseases and sicknesses, a bunch of shelves with different products on them to help depending on the situation, and of course the ugly-looking cots for the kids who needed to lay down.

"You don't look sick," She mumbled, pressing the back of her hand to my forehead. "Although you are a little warm."

"I don't think I'm sick," I muttered, simply because it was true. I didn't want to lie - I really don't feel good, but I know for a fact it's not a sickness.

Plus, it helps I didn't really ask to come here. Mrs. Rosa sent me, so if the nurse decides to just up and send me back I can't complain too much. This is already getting me out of class more than I intended, so I guess that's a plus.

"Ah," She nodded. "Well because you're still sent here due to a teacher thinking you might be sick, I still need to check your temperature and all of that other junk." She waved a hand in the air, "Go ahead and take a seat on one of the cots - whichever of your choosing, and we'll get started."

I did as she said for the rest of the class. She knew I wasn't sick, and I knew I wasn't sick, but for some reason, she insisted I stay. She doesn't know I'm simply just heartbroken, but by the comments, she made it obvious she knew something was bothering me.

Using my backpack as a pillow, I lay on the uncomfortable cot. The ceiling was plain and boring, and I found myself counting the tiles as I stayed like that for who knows how long.

The nurse played light music as I lay in there, something from the radio. She cleaned as she jammed out to the music, her head bobbing up and down as if I weren't even there.

"Ooh! I love this song!" She suddenly exclaimed after the song changed, and I watched as she stalked across the room to the stereo. She turned the music up, and I immediately felt my stomach turn at the familiar melody.

Enchanted by Taylor Swift.

The same horrible feeling I'd been dealing with for what felt like forever now hit harder than it has all day - and I found myself shooting up from the ugly cot.

She had yet to notice my panicked expression - and I was glad. With shaky hands, I grabbed my backpack from the cot and shoved it on my back, ready to bolt out of the room.

"Ready to go back to class, dear?" The nurse asked politely, turning the music down.

Thank. God.

"Yeah, I've already missed a lot," I mumbled. I watched as she scribbled on the same type of blue note that Mrs. Rosa had written, probably a note to excuse me for being so late for my next class.

"I probably shouldn't have kept you so long, especially since you weren't physically throwing up or running hot." She said as she handed me the note, "But as a young adult woman, I can easily tell when it's more than just the usual physical sickness. Mental matters too."

"Thank you," I mumbled, crinkling the paper in my hands.

She sent me another smile before turning around and turning the dial on the stereo, the same song I dreaded beginning to echo throughout the room.

This was my cue to leave, and I didn't hesitate. I rushed down the halls, making a quick stop at my locker before going in the direction of Government.

This was one of the classes I had with Carter, and I'm not too thrilled about it. Technically, I would've had the last class with Carter as well but Mrs. Rosa sent me away before I had to deal with seeing him at all.

However, I can't hide out in the nurse's office all day. Not that I'd complain, but I might as well just face my fears sooner than later.

As I approached Government, I felt my heart begin to race. I couldn't see half of the classroom, just the side I usually sit at with Cameron, Griffin, and up until now - Carter.

The seat Carter usually sits in is empty - but not that I expected anything different.

I could barely see Cameron, and Griffin was completely out of view. I knew he was there though, as not only was Griffin not the type to miss school that often - but also because of the way Cameron kept glancing back.

"Are you going to go in or stand there all day?" I felt my heart freeze at the voice, my eyes screwing shut as tears threatened to spill.

I stayed still, unable to move. I knew he was directly behind me, I could feel him. My head dipped as I cleared my thoughts, trying to come up with the best way to respond without showing him that I was affected by him.

"Rory," He mumbled. His tone was soft, a big difference compared to the last time we spoke.

"I-"

"Don't!" I snapped, turning to him. He looked shocked at my sudden outburst, but I ignored it. He had no right to try and talk to me after breaking my heart the way he did. "Don't talk to me like nothing happened."

He looked sad, but I know it was fake. He doesn't care about me - I doubt he ever did. He knew what he was doing when he got involved with me, and he knew what he was doing when he told me that I didn't know what love was.

Carter opened his mouth to say something, but before he could I just shook my head and turned away. I didn't hesitate to swing the door open, ignoring the looks coming from my friends and everyone else in the classroom.

I didn't say anything as I handed the teacher the slip, moving quickly to my seat.

Cameron and Griffin watched me, and I could see it in the corner of my eye. I just didn't bother giving them any attention, trying my hardest to not break into tears.

Carter walked in shortly after, sitting on the other side of the classroom. This was enough to get Cameron, Griffin, and everyone else's attention away from me. This made me glad, as the last thing I need is more unwanted attention.

My hands lay flat out on the desk, but I could see my fingertips shaking lightly. I didn't look in any direction except at the rings on my fingers, doing anything I could to get my mind off of the boy sitting only a few feet away from me.

The rest of the class went by exactly like that. At one point I managed to look away and get into my backpack to pull out my homework, reading the questions over and over again in the last bit of free time during class to make it look like I was busy with work.

At one point, Griffin tapped my shoulder but I ignored him, much like I had Elijah earlier that morning. If I sit and talk to anyone, I'm going to break and I know it and that's not something I want.

When the bell rang I booked it, making it to where I didn't have to deal with any of the three boys still in the classroom. I didn't even bother putting my stuff in my bag, and instead just carried it in my hands.

Passing the common area, I walked through toward the front doors. I heard Logan and Layla both call after me but ignored it just as before, not wanting to sit by my friends.

I didn't know if Carter planned on sitting by them, but even if he wasn't it didn't matter. I didn't think I could physically handle trying to talk to any of them.

So I sat outside where the tables were, leaning my back against one of the brick walls. I was still in view of the side entrance of the school, but away from anyone.

My knees stayed pulled up to my chest, my arms wrapped around them as I held myself. A few tears fell here and there but I'd just wipe them away, hoping nobody could see me on the verge of breaking down.

Thankfully, my last class of the day has nobody I know in it. All I have to do after this is get through homeroom - which is much shorter than our actual classes - then get through Environment Science and I'm good to book it home.

"Rory?" My eyes shot up to see Miles standing in front of me. He had been exiting the school, probably to head down somewhere and get something to eat for lunch.

I didn't say anything and instead looked ahead of me again, my eyes on the concrete sidewalk below me.

After what felt like just a few seconds, I felt Miles shift in next to me, sitting the same way I was sitting. "I haven't seen you all day," He mumbled. "But I'm not surprised with all the shitty rumors going around the school."

I hadn't heard the rumors he's talking about, but I can take a pretty good guess on what they are. It's no shock that I'm the talk of the school when Carter Jackson was no longer being seen with me, which only brought me more attention I didn't need.

Not to mention it makes all of this ten times worse, as I was already beating myself up about it before. Now I'm known as the girl Carter Jackson got tired of, which does nothing but hurt the already nonexistent ego I had.

"The people here are assholes, you know?" He then asked, continuing the conversation despite the fact I wasn't talking to him. "They take anything they can get to make themselves look better and make others look worse."

I stayed silent, listening to everything Miles said. Momentarily, it helped me forget about the entire reason I'd come out here. I could feel my heartbeat calming, the shakiness in my hands coming to a minimum. It's a nice feeling, especially compared to what I've been feeling all day.

Miles was the only person I've really allowed to talk to me, and I don't really know why. We're friends, I guess I could say, but we don't hang out the way I hang out with the others. It's more of just study dates, and the time he came to homecoming after I suggested it to him.

"I was bullied," He admitted, continuing his little talk. I glanced over at him at those words to see he was looking ahead of him, a sad look on his face as if he were reliving the moments again. He bit his lip as he thought about what to say, his light-colored eyes shining brightly in the sunlight. "I don't want to come across as making this about me, because realistically speaking I'm just not very good at comforting people. But when I do say this it just means I understand what you're feeling."

"I was bullied just as much as I've witnessed you get bullied, maybe even more since I've lived here my entire life. It only calmed the way it did because Logan - Logan Jackson of all people, right? - He stepped in and put a stop to it. He wouldn't let anyone bully me if he witnessed it, and eventually, people got bored. Sometimes, assholes like James Hanneman or one of his buddies find themselves entertaining their shitty friend group by giving me wedgies or elementary school jabs, but it's not half as bad as it used to be." He explained.

I leaned my head on his shoulder, fighting back the tears. I felt one stream down my cheek but instead of wiping it away, I just continued to look ahead of me as Miles talked to me.

"You've made life more bearable here at Riverway, Rory." He then admitted, "I don't mean that in a cliche romantic way - I just mean since we've become friends I've experienced more than I ever thought I would and you probably don't even realize it."

His words meant a lot, but I didn't know how to express it. Especially with how wild my feelings are right now, talking or attempting to talk isn't the best idea. Miles understood, however, as he quickly changes the subject.

"Logan invited me to the Halloween Bash, but I don't think I'm going to go. Parties aren't my scene, and I have this... tradition I do with my family every year." He mumbled. I felt this cheek against the top of my head, meaning he leaned his head against mine.

It made me feel better because I hadn't even thought until now that there was a chance that touching him like this could make him feel uncomfortable.

"We get the corniest Halloween pajamas we can find - slippers and all - and we sit around the campfire and tell the cheesiest stories we can either come up with or find online." He said. "We make s'mores and have this competition on who can make the goriest, ugliest sweet treat. My grandma - who's the best at baking - judges. Whoever wins gets this spooky basket that we all put money into and she puts it together. I've yet to win."

I felt the corners of my mouth curl up, the thought of Miles dressed in the corniest pajamas flashing through my head.

"You know Logan's best friend, Lex?" He asked, "She used to be my best friend in the third grade, but when she began to talk to Logan I kinda got pushed out of the picture."

Whatever hint of a smile began to show disappeared, a frown settling on my features at the thought of Miles getting pushed away from someone like that. Especially while he was in the middle of getting bullied as well.

"It's going to be okay, you know?" He then asked. "I don't know whether you're sad about the rumors or something else, but I don't need to know as it's none of my business. I'll just sit and talk this whole lunch period if it means you're not alone."

Which is exactly what he did.

++

Sorry for the lack of updates :( I've already posted all the pre-written chapters so now I'm posting as I finish them. This one took a while to get out because I've been a little too busy to get online, and when I haven't been busy I've been sleeping a lot more than normal.

Not to mention this update in particular was rough to write for some reason </3

* This chapter is not edited *