- OK; Wallows -
- Flicker; Niall Horan -
- To Be So Lonely; Harry Styles -

Aurora Holland

J'aimerais pouvoir exprimer à quel point tu comptes pour moi

My eyes looked at the foreign words over and over, not understanding anything on the handwritten note. I hadn't gotten one in so long that I almost forgot about them, but now it seems to be starting up again.

As with the others before it, I still don't understand what it means. I'd yet to talk to anyone who knows any French, let alone bother translating it. Is it bad I'm scared? This could be anything. It could be meant for someone other than me, or even say horrible things on it.

Not to mention they're suddenly happening again after I've somehow managed to get more attention. I don't know what it is, but guys I've never even looked at before have begun talking to me as if they're interested in me. It's almost as if Paige and I have switched bodies, and I'm catching all the attention she's gotten her whole life.

"What's that?" The sound of someone next to me asked. I jumped as I shoved the letter under the cover of one of my textbooks, looking over in surprise to see Katherine standing there. "In your hand." She added.

"Nothing," I quickly told her, slamming my locker door shut.

It was the truth. It's nothing. It's about the second or third note left by the anonymous person, all statements left in French. Nobody's given me much attention until recently, so I'm unsure as to who it could be given these notes started before all the looks and comments.

Plus, if the person isn't kind enough to leave me a hint as to who it is, what am I supposed to do? I'm not exactly the best at guessing who does things like this, simply because I'm not used to it.

"Right. Anyways, have you seen Eli? You guys have first block together right?" Katherine changed the subject as we walked toward homeroom.

It was just after lunch, and I had made a quick stop at my locker before heading to homeroom. I just figured if I grabbed everything I needed to head home I wouldn't have to worry about stopping by my locker once more. I could just get out of here and meet Carter by his car.

If I see him before the end of the day.

"No, that's not today's schedule. I had first block with him yesterday." I answered, "Maybe he slept in?"

"Have you seen Carter?" She changed the subject. "Usually he's glued to you."

"Nope," I quickly answered, walking through the doors to Mr. Maroni's class. "He's been a little MIA too."

"Maybe they're together," Katherine answered quietly.

"Hellooooo gorgeous!" James exclaimed as he stood from his spot.

This caused Katherine and I to stop where we were, glancing at each other before back at the boy in front of us.

"Excuse me?" Katherine asked rudely, resting her hand on her hip.

"I wasn't talking to you," James said. "I was talking to you." He then looked at me. "Water over the bridge, right?"

"What are you talking about?" I asked.

"Look, I'm-" He stopped, pressing a hand to his chest. "I'm sorry for always being an asshole, okay? I realize now that I was a little out of place with all the comments, and I guess I'm sorry to you too," He said as he looked at Katherine. "I tend to treat girls... poorly when they crush my little ego."

"Right. We don't care," Katherine said. She grabbed my free hand and pulled me past James, who didn't bother making a smart comment as he usually would.

We went to our usual seats toward the back of the class, and I ignored the looks of James and a few others in the class. Katherine noticed as well, glaring at anyone who looked longer than five seconds.

"God, what is people's deal today?" She asked.

"I don't know but it's nerve-wracking," I told her, putting my focus on my homework.

If I can just focus on my homework, maybe this will go by quicker. I'm already ahead of my work as I usually am, but I didn't want to sit and stare at these weirdos who have a staring problem by staring at Katherine and me.

Sending another unopened text to Carter, I frowned. He's been MIA all day, but supposedly so has Elijah. Unless this is another planned double date like last time at the drive-in, what could be going on?

Why are both of them not talking to us? Is it related? Are they okay? Are they hurt?

"I can see your brain turning, they're okay, Ror," Katherine spoke up about halfway through homeroom.

I glanced over at her, seeing she hadn't bothered pulling any homework out. She had her phone sitting flat on her desk shut off, probably waiting to hear from Elijah.

Katherine and I are alike in many ways, but this isn't one of them. She's confident that Elijah's going to text her at any moment - and he just might. But I, however, have the fear that something's happened. Whether it be to Carter or just him growing uninterested - because facing the truth, we know it's bound to happen - it's something. And if I just sit and patiently wait to hear from him, I think I'll go crazy.

"Just worried is all," I shortly replied, tapping my toes against the ground. "I have PE with Carter, but he hasn't been here all day so I don't know if he'll actually show."

"Hmm," Katherine mumbled. "Do you want to hang out after school? I can cancel my plans and-"

"No, it's okay." I was quick to cut her off, "I know that deep down you're right, and nothing's happened. I just can't help I get a little antsy when things change so suddenly. I'll be okay, it's nothing worth canceling your plans for. Plus, they're probably together just like you said."

"Okay," She said, probably not knowing what else to say.

"What are you dressing as for Halloween?" I asked, changing the subject to get my mind off things.

"I know it's cheesy, but we're thinking Harley Quinn and The Joker." Katherine smiled. "It just works. I'm blonde and according to Eli I have the perfect build, and-"

"Elijah has a very creepy Joker smile." I cut her off, laughing at my jab at the boy. "I think if it's something you both want to be then that's fine."

"What about you? You and Carter planning anything?" She asked.

"No, we haven't even talked about it yet." I shrugged, "We have to see each other to talk."

"It's only been like a day since you hung out, Ror. He'll probably show up to your house like he does every other night."

The bell rang, indicating that homeroom was over. I gathered my things together and stood up, ready to book it to the locker room to get changed for gym.

"I know," I finally responded to Katherine, wanting nothing more than the conversation to end. How come we change the subject and it seems to turn back to Carter?

"I'll see you around, okay? Text if you need me." She threw her backpack on her back, leaving me in the classroom.

I was kind of grateful, as I wanted to get the school day over with. Throwing my backpack on my back I grabbed my things from the desk to begin my walk across the school, stopping when I saw James standing in front of me.

"I seriously do apologize, Aurora." He told me, grabbing his backpack.

I walked around him, moving into the sea of students littering the hallway. "Okay," I said.

"Let me walk with you to PE, yeah?" He asked, stepping in line beside me.

I rolled my eyes, kind of frustrated that he won't just leave me alone. He apologized, and if he was truly sorry he wouldn't continue to mess with me despite the fact that I'm very obviously uncomfortable.

"I just figured since we both have-" James stopped talking, and I quickly stopped as well, turning to see he was staring straight ahead, almost as if he were caught doing something he shouldn't.

Looking ahead of me, I almost dropped the textbooks in my hands. Carter stood leaning against one of the lockers, his eyes glaring into James as if he were ready to kill him at any moment. I turned back to James, who gulped before turning and walking the other way without another word.

My eyes looked back to Carter, who pulled himself up off of the lockers. He stepped up to me, stopping only a couple of steps away. "I don't see why he's still bothering you," He muttered. He finally looked down, his eyes softening as they met mine. "I'm sorry I couldn't stop him."

"It's okay," I said. "Are you?"

"Am I what? Okay?" He asked as we began to walk toward PE, maneuvering around the sea of students surrounding us. I nodded, and he looked ahead of him again. "Yeah, fine."

"Why haven't you been here?" I asked, "You haven't answered any of my texts or anything so I just began to get worried that-"

"I'm fine, Rory." He mumbled, cutting me off.

Something was off about him, but instead of pushing it and continuing to question him, I just stared ahead of me. I don't know whether it's something to do with me or something else that's personal with him, but it bothers me he's acting differently around me because of it.

We usually tell each other everything. We usually say what's on our minds or if the other asks something, we answer it honestly. That's something I really liked about whatever's going on between us. It's the most raw relationship I've ever had.

Well, I guess that doesn't say much, does it?

The rest of the walk to the gym was quiet. I was able to hear the usual whispers that went on whenever Carter was around, but my mind was too focused on how weird he was acting to care about what they were saying. Plus, I'm used to it by now.

I didn't say anything as I entered the girls' locker room, leaving Carter to go get changed in the boys. Part of me feels bad that I'm giving him a bit of the cold shoulder, but there's something going on. I can feel it. Whether I'm right and it's something to do with me or I'm wrong and it's not, it doesn't mean that there's nothing wrong at all.

Lila came in shortly after me, and I greeted her as I usually did when we saw each other. We only ever really talk during PE unless she happens to be with the friend group. We're school friends, as you'd call it. We don't talk much outside of school, and I happen to see her a lot with Paige.

Turns out, she and Paige are a lot closer than I realized when I first began attending Riverway.

"You doing okay?" Lila asked softly, offering the perfume she usually let me borrow.

I took it and used it, nodding at her. "I'm just ready to go home is all."

"Tell me about it. The last thing I wanted was to come in and run laps or whatever the hell Coach has planned." She rolled her eyes.

Giggling erupted from the other side of the locker room, and I looked to see Kaya, Ashley, and the other friend - Stella, laughing. They stared at me as they laughed, making it more than obvious that they were making fun of me.

What else is new?

"Did your shorts shrink in the wash? Or did your ass just get bigger?" Kaya asked, causing the girls to laugh more.

Lila, having heard the question, turned to look at them. "Guys like nice asses. More than you can say, right?"

This caused the three girls to stop talking, and Lila smiled over at me. "Ready?"

I nodded, not sparing another glance at the others as we walked out of the locker room. It was usual for me to hear these comments at this point, but I couldn't help but feel insecure. It happened every time, and I wish I were secure in my looks enough that these smart little comments didn't bother me.

My shorts don't feel any tighter, but I can't help but begin to continuously pull at them to make sure they were covering my butt.

Gym went by surprisingly fast. We played a game Coach had up his sleeve, which was pretty normal as he's the laziest gym coach I've ever met in my life.

It was quiet between Lila and me, having been too caught up in my thoughts to bother entertaining anyone. Carter was also there, but it was more of him sitting around and staying in his own thoughts.

Yeah, it's a load of bullshit that nothing's wrong with him. He's not usually this quiet around me. Even lately as we've been in public he's been more open and talkative, not seeming to care that other people are around.

Other people who watch his every move, might I add?

It went like this for the rest of the class. Carter zoned out, causing me to begin to overthink the possibilities that could be happening. It's overwhelming, and I'm beginning to think that it is something with me as he can barely look me in the eyes.

Before it was like he found any and every excuse to look me in the eyes - or to look at me, at least. Now, I'm lucky if he looks in my general direction.

After changing and ignoring a few more comments from Ashley and the others, I made my way out of the locker room. Carter was sitting on one of the empty benches, waiting, and as soon as he saw me he stood up from his seat.

"You don't have to take me home," I mumbled, watching as he pulled his keys from his pocket.

He looked at me - for the first time in what felt like forever - and I watched as his face went from that same, bored, look to a soft one that was full of emotion. Despite the fact that he was no longer holding up that bored facade, it didn't change the fact that I couldn't see what emotions were flicking through his beautiful honey-colored eyes.

He's a mystery, despite how much he's opened up to me and I can't help but love it and hate it at the same time.

"Of course I'm going to take you home today," He clarified, moving his weight from one foot to the other. "Why wouldn't I?"

"I-I don't know, I-I just-just thought since something's clearly going on that you wouldn't- wouldn't want anything to do with me." I stuttered, twirling my ring around my finger.

Carter's eyes flickered down to my hand, a look of pain flittering across his eyes. He hesitantly reached forward and grabbed my hand - almost as if he were too afraid to touch me.

This isn't normal. This isn't... Carter.

"Rory, I-" He stopped, glancing behind me for a second. His brows pushed together, but before I could look back to see what he was looking at he quickly put his hand on my cheek. "Don't ever think that." He mumbled, "Let's get out of here, okay?"

I looked at him for a moment before nodding, knowing there was no point in fighting it. There's no point in trying when he's clearly not wanting to talk to me about it. Something's stopping him and I don't know if it's me or something else, but I really don't want to deal with it.

Pulling away from his grip, I followed him out of the nearest doors and toward the parking lot. It was pretty empty because classes had already been let out by the time I got changed from my PE clothes, not to mention we had been standing in the hallway talking for a while before finally leaving.

This made leaving the parking lot much easier, as well. There weren't many cars hanging out in the lot still, and the people who were leaving weren't packing up so much to where it caused a jam in traffic.

Carter's eyes stayed on the road as he drove. Both of his hands were on the wheel, and I studied him for a few moments before finally tearing my eyes off him. It would be best to put my focus off of him, because staring at him like a lost puppy isn't going to do anything but probably piss him off.

I don't know. He's being very hot and cold and I don't like it.

The drive to my house felt thankfully shorter than usual. I was quick to grab my backpack from the floorboard and throw open the door, unable to look Carter in the eye.

"Rory, wait-"

I didn't let him finish. Instead, I slammed the car door shut and cut my way through the yard, hoping to get into my house and up to my room before he can follow.

Am I overreacting? Am I being a baby? Is it bad I'm hurt?

I don't care that he doesn't want to tell me what's bothering him. Well, I do, but it's not something that would really upset me like this. It's the fact that he's had multiple opportunities to just communicate and tell me it's not my fault, tell me he's just dealing with something he'd rather not talk about.

Instead, I have to deal with him being so cold one second, then hot and normal the next. That's not fair to me.

Sure, I've never been in a relationship, but one thing I do know is communication is a big key in them. If he doesn't tell me things - knowing I tend to overthink - he knows it's going to eat at me. Even if it's nothing that has to do with me, it doesn't matter. If he doesn't tell me that it's nothing to do with me I'm going to overthink every little thing that's happened within the last week and think I've somehow managed to do something to offend him.

When I made it to my room, I shut and locked the door behind me. I even walked over and made sure to lock the window, not bothering to look and see if Carter was still parked outside. I didn't care, as I need to focus anyway.

Maybe we've just been spending too much time together. He's been constantly coming to my house almost every night, and I seem to be with him more than I'm without. It's not healthy, especially since we're not even dating and clearly he doesn't know what he wants as we've been on multiple dates and he's yet to ask me to be his girlfriend.

I sighed as I pulled my belongings out of my backpack. I grabbed the new anonymous note from my textbook and walked over to my makeup vanity, pulling the bottom drawer open. It was a drawer that held all of my eyeshadow pallets - ones that were barely ever used. Underneath, I shoved all of the notes there. It's a place nobody can find, as they wouldn't think to look there.

I have a really bad habit of hiding things that nobody can find. It can be both a blessing and a curse as sometimes I misplace them, forgetting which hidden spot I place them.

Especially since this is a much bigger bedroom than the one I had at Point Prep. There are a lot more shelves, cubbies, and drawers. I like it, as I like to know that my mother can't find the things I never want her to see.

Such as my journal. If my mother ever read anything in my journal, she'd probably kill me, bring me back from the dead, and ground me for the rest of my life. I'd most likely be locked in a tower much like Rapunzel.

Stepping up to my closet, I began to search for the last place I had it. My eyes widened as there was nothing there, and I reached even higher to see if it somehow got shoved backward.

I pulled away after a bit of time looking for it, knowing there was no point in searching there anymore. I must've moved it, as it has been a bit since I've written in it last.

I looked in a few other places before finally giving up, knowing it'll turn up sooner or later. This isn't the first time this has happened - it happened a few months ago at Point Prep.

It had disappeared for about a week, all because I thought I put it under my pillow when I really had set it under my bed with a shoe box. I can be super forgetful when it comes to stuff like that, and when I say I had a heart attack thinking my mom found it - I freaked.

Sitting on my bed, I took a deep breath. My books were already scattered all over the bed from grabbing the note, I smiled at the bright orange paper sticking out of my bag.

It was slightly crumpled, but still a beautiful invitation nonetheless. It was the invitation for Logan's Halloween Bash, although I am a little confused as to why he's handing out invites if everyone's invited.

Either way, I like it. It's the first official invite I've had to any party before, and I'm for sure keeping it for keepsakes.

Now, to just figure out what to dress up as for Halloween...

++

I didn't intend for this chapter to be as long as it is simply because in the draft I had it wasn't long at all, it was just supposed to be a filler. But here we are, and I hope you enjoyed even though it's a bit of a boring chapter!

* This chapter is not edited *