- Alone; Heart -

Aurora Holland

"You know, I'm really glad you forgave me," Logan said as we walked through the parking lot in the direction of his jeep.

I smiled, my cheeks burning as he looked over at me. "It'd be wrong not to. You technically didn't do too much wrong," I said.

"I did. I said I wouldn't say anything then ran my mouth almost immediately. Had I known Paige would have said what she did, I wouldn't have said anything," He told me. He hit the button on his key fob, unlocking the doors.

I was quick to hop in and get out of the chilly air, setting my backpack down on the floorboard. Logan ran around to the driver's side of the jeep, throwing himself in much like the way I had. "Also, thanks for letting me drive you home. I didn't want you to think anything weird of it, as if I was trying to make a move or anything." He added, throwing his backpack to the backseat.

I shrugged as if it were nothing, clicking my seatbelt.

"You got an outfit for the event tonight?" He asked, keeping the conversation going.

"Yeah," I answered. "Just something random from my closet. A little more fancier than what I wore last time for sure."

It was true. The dress I planned on wearing tonight was much fancier than I wore last time, and it was for two reasons. One - this was the event Carter was acting like a date, and the other was my mother giving me a huge lecture last night about how I need to take these things more seriously because the way we look, helps with how my father looks.

I don't see the issue, considering my father and Cyrus have grown to be very close. Even closer than Uncle Murphy and Cyrus had grown, might I add.

But my mother didn't see it that way. Even before all the fancy events and big houses and the money they got from my father's promotion, she was very big on us looking like the perfect family. Always having herself put together, whether it be to go to work or grocery shopping.

Even though I had to wear school uniforms at Point Prep, she was quick to make sure that all of my clothes were clean, washed, and brightened to the best of their abilities. I can't count on my fingers the number of times I got in trouble because there was a wrinkle in my white blouse, or my shiny black dress shoes had a scuff on them from tripping over a rock.

It was exhausting. And even though it hasn't been as bad since we moved here to Riverway, I can't help but notice it's picking up again. The more time she spends with the Jackson parents, the more time my father spends on his work, and the more she goes back to that old way.

The house needs to be spotless at all times, dishes need to be done just about immediately after eating. Our rooms need to be cleaned as if we're going to be having guests hanging out in every room in the house, and poor Jason is hounded to shower if he skipped one the night before.

She's been harder on Jason, that's for sure. I don't know if it's because now that he and my dad have seen the true way she treats me that she's trying to be less cruel to me and more strict to him, or if it's just a facade until all of this blows over. I have a feeling it's the second one because I guarantee as soon as I get over this 'phase' as she calls it, things will go right back to the way she was.

My dad and Jason will be blind to anything happening between my mom and me, I'll be ignored much like I was before, and Jason will be the favorite child he's always been since he was born.

Is it bad I can't wait? I'd much rather be disregarded than treated that way.

Plus, it's hard to sneak Carter in nowadays. 

Usually, when it hits nine o'clock, Carter's climbed up the side of the house and over to my window, knocking three times. I let him in, and we watch movies until I fall asleep and he's gone by the morning. It's the only way we've gotten a lot of time lately unless I lie and say I'm going to Katherine's when I'm really going to his house.

Months ago, I never would have thought I'd be lying to my parents like this. I'd shit myself at the thought of a boy being in my room at all, let alone doing it behind my parents' backs.

Now, with my mother doing constant check-ins or forcing my dad to do so, I never know whether it's a good idea for him to come in or not. We've cut down how many times he does it, simply because we know if my mother catches him of all people in my bed - she'll blow up.

I know for a fact if I thought she lost it when she smacked me that day weeks ago, I don't know what's in store for me if she catches Carter in my bedroom. She might not be able to stop me from seeing him completely as of right now because she has no legitimate reason, but catching him in her only daughter's bed is more than enough reason to make us cut contact.

Sure, I can hide Carter in the bathroom. But because sometimes the check-ins are unexpected, it's hard to know when to shove him in there or not.

They don't go through my room when they do the check-ins, thank god, especially when it's my dad. When it's my dad he just knocks and asks if I'm getting into bed, to which I say yes and he leaves. My mom insists on poking her head through and glancing around the room once as if she's going to catch me doing drugs or something.

I just don't want to have to hide Carter's belongings somewhere so she won't see it, and a lot of times when she knocks she doesn't wait long enough for him to hop off of the bed and run.

There was one time he was almost caught but managed to roll off of the bed and underneath just as the door opened. To say I thought I had a heart attack would be an understatement.

"Rora?" Logan asked, breaking me away from my thoughts.

I blinked a couple of times, clearing my throat as I realized at some point we'd arrived at my house. I glanced at my hand, seeing light scratches on the palm. "Shit, sorry," I mumbled, unbuckling my seatbelt.

"Hey!" Logan was quick to stop me from leaving the vehicle. He rested his hand over mine, where I immediately felt warmth. "Everything okay?" He then asked.

I looked up into his dark eyes, looking between them. I just nodded, my thoughts a blur as I gently pulled my hand from his.

He was quick to notice this, his cheeks growing red. He moved his hand away and rested it on his lap, tapping his fingers awkwardly. "You can talk to me, you know." He offered. He looked out of the windshield before back at me. "I know you've got this thing going on with Carter, and whatever it is I respect it. But I do seriously want to be friends and I don't like the idea of constantly feeling like I'm walking on eggshells. Or have you feeling that way, honestly."

"Thank you," I told him, unsure of what else to say.

It was kind of him to say something, especially considering how awkward it's been between us. I've been trying to act as if nothing happened, but when I see him and Paige together I just feel those feelings all over again.

Then I shrink back into my shell, avoiding him despite there being no reason to.

"You should come by for rehearsal sometime," He changed the subject.

"Rehearsal?" I asked.

"I mentioned when we first met that I thought you'd enjoy theatre or choir or something," He said. "At least I think I did."

"You might have, I'm horrible at remembering sometimes," I told him honestly, my cheeks burning.

"We sometimes let people come and watch rehearsals. It helps bring new people in and helps advertise the actual show because if they see how the rehearsal works, they tend to want to see the final product." He explained. He had a small smile on his lips as he talked about it, and it made me appreciate how much Logan was into this type of thing.

He definitely didn't seem like the type of guy, but then again both of the Jackson brothers are good at surprising people when it comes to things like that.

"We'll see," I told him. "I should really get going. My parents will be home any minute, and the moment they get home they're going to start throwing orders around."

"You're going with Carter tonight right?" He asked.

"Yes," I said. "Which is another reason I need to get in there. Mom's not really happy."

"Right," He said. "Well, I'll see you tonight then, okay?"

I was quick to say my goodbyes, not hesitating to push through the front door when I stepped up to it. After I got to my room I immediately decided to start getting ready, that way when my mother gets home that was one less thing to hear her complain about.

Tonight was supposed to be a good night - my mother will not be able to stop that. I will do whatever it takes, whether it be listening to her complain about my dress or change if need be, basically anything except for cancel with Carter.

Of course, when she and my dad found out about me going to this event with Carter instead of the family, she wasn't happy. But my dad actually stepped up and said it was fine because I was still attending, which was all that mattered to him. He didn't care whether I went with them, Uncle Murphy, or even one of the other families that attended. All he really cared about was me being present, which I will be.

As I finished getting ready, the bedroom door opened. Jason stood on the other side, dressed up as he was usually forced to when we did something as extravagant as this.

"What?" I asked softly, applying my vanilla-scented lipgloss. I looked at him through my vanity mirror, watching as he looked at the recent decorations I'd put up on my walls.

Now that things have calmed down a little with my mother's abuse of my artwork, I've found myself putting more things up on the walls. There wasn't a lot, or at least as many as I'd made myself, but enough to make this look more like my bedroom than just a teenage girl's bedroom.

His eyes flicked over to my art desk, where the painting Carter made for me sat above it. It was in perfect view for when I sat at the desk, giving me more than enough inspiration for when I'm working on art.

"I'm bored," He stated, sitting on the edge of my bed.

"Aren't you supposed to be getting ready for tonight?" I asked, moving the sides of my hair back. I pinned each side with cute little clips I bought from a dollar store the other day, ones that matched the dress perfectly.

"I'm already ready," He said with a shrug. "Besides, being up here is better than being down there with them."

"You say that like you don't have your own bedroom," I told him as I stood from my spot. I smoothed my dress out before walking over to the closet, finding some off-white wedges I owned.

He didn't say anything as I made my way over to the bed, sitting at the edge to put my shoes on. He just stayed silent, causing an awkward tension to grow between the two of us.

I love Jason, but we don't have that type of relationship. It's rare for us to spend much time together, especially with the divide between my mom babying him and my dad attempting to baby me.

"Mom's pissed," Jason stated after about five minutes of silence. I looked over at him in shock. Not only did he say something I never expected to leave his mouth, but he cursed.

Mom would be livid at that thought alone.

He dramatically rolled his eyes. "Look, I'm just up here to warn you, okay? I could hear her ranting to dad while I was downstairs changing."

"So you're telling me you didn't actually come up here just because you were bored?" I asked with a smirk, clipping the last shoe strap.

They were wedges with little straps that clip around the ankle, one of the cutest pairs of shoes I've ever owned. I'm glad to finally be putting them to use, as usually I never use my cute pairs of shoes.

"Yeah yeah, don't get used to it." He waved a hand in the air, "I just wanted to let you know. I know she's held off a bit lately because of the whole dinner ordeal, but because it's been so long you never know. Besides, I don't see why she doesn't like Carter. He's badass."

"Jason!" I exclaimed, looking at him in shock. We never talk about things like this, so hearing these words leave his mouth really does shock me.

"What? It's true, and clearly, you think the same!" He exclaimed like it was nothing. "Just saying, if I had to choose between the two brothers, I'd choose Carter over Logan any day."

"Jason," I breathed out, pressing my fingers to the bridge of my nose.

"What? Straight facts." He stood up, straightening his tux out. "I think I would've disowned you as a sister had you ended up with Logan instead. Logan's cool and all, but Carter's kind of the shit. All the kids talk about him at school because I guess one of the bullies was picking on one of the kids, right? And Carter happened to be skateboarding by the park and saw, right? And instead of just ignoring it like most teenagers would because you guys are kind of assholes, he cornered the bully and the bully totally peed his pants!"

I just faced Jason, my jaw dropped at what I was witnessing. This was the closest type of conversation I'd ever had with my younger brother, and it's consisting of him telling me how much he likes Carter.

Then again - me too, Jason. Me too.

The sound of knocking behind us caught our attention, and I looked to see Carter leaning against the doorway. He had a smug smirk on his face, glancing between my brother and me. "You getting bullied at all, Jason?"

"A little, but nothing like that kid was doing." Jason smiled, seeming to be fine that Carter had heard the conversation.

Carter leaned off of the doorway, walking into my room. For a second I wondered how he was able to even get up the stairs without my mother freaking out, but then again if my dad was down there the way Jason was saying then I'm sure he overruled her.

And knowing my mother, she only let it happen so she didn't look bad in front of Carter because Carter can always say something to his parents.

He kneeled in front of Jason, and I just watched in silence as he leveled himself out with my brother. "Who's bullying you?"

"He told me if I say he's going to hang me upside down from the flagpole." Jason softly said. He was suddenly serious compared to only moments ago, and I couldn't help but wonder if Carter just had this effect on everyone.

Clearly, he had some type of effect on Jason, much like he did on me. But then again, maybe Jason's a lot more like me than I realized.

"I can't take care of the situation until I know who it is," He mumbled. "You heard about me making the other dude pee his pants, think I can't do the same to this guy?"

"He's big," Jason said. "Like huge. I couldn't take him even if I was on steroids."

"But I'm bigger and I can guarantee it. What's his name, Jay?" Carter asked quietly. I noticed he gave Jason a nickname, one he hasn't been called since we were in South Dakota. It was a nickname he was called often by Asher and his little brother Jimmy, who just so happens to be Jason's best friend.

I could see the slight pain flitter across Jason's brown eyes as he looked at Carter, but I couldn't tell whether it was because of the nickname given to him or the topic of him being bullied.

"His name is Erick Hanneman." My jaw dropped at the name.

Hanneman is a very rare name in general, and how ironic there's a middle schooler with the same last name as a boy who's been bothering me since my first day at Riverway High.

"Got it," Carter said. He showed no emotion, no shock to the name. 

Part of me wonders if he knows that Erick and James are related, but he doesn't want to say anything to make Jason mad. Whether he does or not, he doesn't show it as he grips Jason's arms lightly.

"Don't you worry about a thing, okay? I'll take care of it and if anything else were to happen you need to let me know, okay?"

Jason nodded quickly, a smile covering his face.

Carter stood up straight, straightening his blazer out. He then cleared his throat, looking down at my brother. "Give us a sec, yeah?"

Jason nodded again, waving goodbye to me as he ran out of the door and down the stairs. I stayed silent, my heart hurt as I just learned that my little brother was getting bullied.

Not to mention it was most likely by my bully's little brother.

"Hey," Carter said, catching me out of my thoughts. "I'll take care of it, okay? I'm sure it's got nothing to do with the fact that James has this weird obsession with you."

My nose scrunched up at his choice of words. "Weird obsession?"

"Seems like it, yeah." He shrugged. He stopped a few feet in front of me, bringing his hands up to my face. "I'll take care of it. If I have it my way nobody will ever bother Jason again, okay?"

"He'd never forgive me if he finds out that I could possibly be the reason he's getting bullied. Jason and I aren't close like that, Carter-"

My words were quickly cut off as he pressed his soft lips to mine, silencing anything I was attempting to say. I forgot quickly about it as well, gripping his sides tightly as he kissed me like it was the first time.

He pulled away, smiling softly at me. "Vanilla. You wear that a lot, don't you?"

"My go-to." I blushed, smiling at him. "How'd you get up here without my mother killing you?"

"Your dad is kind of a lifesaver. Speaking of, we should get going before she finds out we're the only two in here and she buries us alive." He told me. I laughed, not putting it past her.

"You're early," I commented as I looked at the time. I gathered my things together that I couldn't get before he walked in, to which he just patiently waited as I did so.

"I know," He mumbled. "I was eager. You look beautiful. Ready to have a great night? I was thinking after the event we go get some ice cream."

I smiled at him as I put my purse on my shoulder, twirling the ring around my finger. He took my right hand in his, pressing a kiss to the cut-up skin from where I scratched.

"I'll take that as a yes."

++

As usual, the dress at the top is her dress!

* This chapter is not edited *