- 18; One Direction -
- that way; Tate McRae - 

Aurora Holland

I watched as Carter sat on my bed, his shoes off and legs propped up as if I had invited him over. He looked at me as I exited the bathroom, his eyes trailing from my feet to the top of my head. He didn't say anything as he sat forward, and I couldn't help but wonder exactly how long he'd been sitting there.

"Nice shower playlist you got there," He commented.

Okay, so he was clearly here for a while.

"Why the fuck are you here?" I asked, gripping the towel in my hands tightly. I couldn't help the attitude that came out, but I was really aggravated I couldn't even be in my own bedroom without something happening. "How did you get in here?" I then asked, remembering I'd locked the front door.

"Window was cracked. Also, we need to finish our conversation," He said. "I missed you too, by the way."

"Stop," I said, shaking my head. "Whatever it is you're doing just stop please."

"I don't know what I'm doing, that's the thing." He sighed as he stood up, scratching the top of his head.

"You-" I stopped, taking in a deep breath. "You're playing with me."

"I'm not," He said.

"You are."

"Not."

"Are."

"Not,"

"You are!" I exclaimed, dropping the towel. "You cuddle me and call me baby and take me on a date and treat me like- like I see in the movies then you turn around and-and ignore me!"

"I didn't mean to make it seem like I was ignoring you, Rory." He mumbled, "I just-"

"You just what? You-you realized on the date that you weren't interested in me? That I was weird? That I wasn't what you wanted? You couldn't just tell me?" I asked, my hands waving around dramatically. "I-I just don't understand what I did." The last part came out in a whisper, tears flooding my sight.

This caused him to be blurry, and I couldn't see the expression on his face.

"What? Rory, no!" He exclaimed, "I was just-" He stopped this time, thinking of what he wanted to say. "When you told me you hadn't had your first kiss I freaked."

"Seriously? That's what this is about?" I asked.

"I didn't want to be the person to take your first kiss and then end up hurting you somehow." He admitted.

I wiped at my eyes, able to see him again. He looked sad, standing a good few feet away from me.

"You hurt me anyway," I said. "You wouldn't have hurt me if you were just honest."

"I shouldn't have gotten distant, I'm sorry." He said, taking a step closer.

"If you didn't want to kiss me you could have just said so," I then said, picking at my hand.

"I-" He stopped, taking another step. "I want to kiss you. So fucking bad," He admitted. "But I don't want to ruin your first kiss. It should be with someone you're sure about."

"Well, what if I want you to be my first kiss?" I asked, "You ever think of that? That I'm sure I want it to be you?"

"Rory," He said. "I know how much this shit means to you. The last thing I want is to fuck that up." 

"Okay?" I asked. My tears were long gone now, feeling sort of angry he avoided me over something so fucking stupid.

I thought I was overthinking and that I had done something, just for it to be over something so incredibly stupid.

"I care too much about you to let you waste your first kiss on me," He said.

"I don't get it," I said. "So why take me on a date if you didn't want it to go that far?"

"Rory, no-" He denied. "I'm just not wanting you to make a decision this quickly because you think you like me."

"I don't think I like you, I know I like you, Carter! Jesus Christ, how hard is it to accept that I just really fucking like you!" I exclaimed, hitting my hand down on my other palm. "If I want you to be my first kiss and you want to kiss me, I don't see the fucking problem?"

"Because you might regret it!" He shouted out this time, although his voice wasn't as loud as mine.

"Then that's my own fault! If you want to kiss me, I don't understand why you don't just do it! Am I not good enough?" I asked, my anger boiling up. "It would be one thing if you didn't want to kiss me, but you said yourself you do but won't!"

"Rory," He started.

"No! I don't get it! I thought you liked me! I've gone days thinking you hated me or that I did something to upset you! If I want to kiss you and you want to kiss me, why don't you just-"

Whatever sentence I was in the middle of saying, I completely forgot about. I was cut off by the feeling of Carter grabbing the sides of my face, pressing his lips to mine. It was a little rough from the way he'd walked up to me, but it eventually turned into a soft feeling I'd never experienced before.

My eyes were wide at first, and I stood there frozen. It felt awkward at first, feeling almost too shocked to return the gesture. But then seeing his eyes screwed shut, and how he stood frozen waiting for a response, I relaxed in his hold.

I fluttered my eyes shut, the feeling of electricity flying through my lips. His lips were beyond soft, and despite not knowing what I was doing - I just went along with it. I moved my hands up to his waist, holding onto him tightly.

Carter relaxed under my touch. He slowly moved his lips at the feeling of me kissing him back, causing mine to follow suit. It felt as if the world had slowed down - that we were the only ones here.

Well, technically we are, but still.

I felt nothing but joy as our lips molded together. I've never kissed anyone until now, but this feels so right. Something about the way our lips touch makes it feel like it was meant to be, and the butterflies in my stomach exploded at how intimate we were.

Carter ended the kiss, pressing his forehead against mine. He looked into my eyes, the beautiful honey color I'd seen many times before shining brightly. He tangled his hands in my damp hair, using his other hand to stroke my cheek lightly.

"I should have just kissed you," He said, his voice the softest I've heard in a while. "I should've been selfish."

"You're not selfish," I told him. My voice was a lot softer than his, probably because I was really at a loss for words. I've now experienced what I've seen in the movies so many times before, and I can say I'm very satisfied.

"I am, Rory." He mumbled. He moved the hand that had been resting on my cheek down to my side, the touch sending a shockwave through my body. "I want you all to myself and you're not even mine."

The words were enough to make my heart stop, my cheeks burning at the confession. Carter was never one to get too personal with people, but it seemed when it was just us two he was a lot more open. It made it much easier for me to read him, which I liked a lot.

I've always been an open book in certain ways. Sure, I keep a lot of things to myself and don't always say what I want to - but if you know me personally, you know what I'm feeling when I'm feeling. It's very easy to tell when I'm happy, sad, excited, or nervous. Will I always say the reason behind it? No, of course not. But that doesn't mean you can't easily read what I'm feeling by simply looking at me.

Carter was different. You could look at him, and he could have the same bored expression on his face and you wouldn't know what he's thinking. He could be happy for all anyone knows, but if he's wearing that bored expression then you wouldn't know.

However, when it's just us two, he's different. He's smiley, showing that beautiful dimple on his cheek. You can see if he's nervous, or even sad. It's easy to tell, and I loved it. I loved knowing how he truly felt, even if it had nothing to do with me.

It was silent between us, the feeling of the kiss replaying in my mind. I didn't expect him to just outright kiss me - but I'm not complaining. Part of me hated that it was under such horrible circumstances, but the fact that it happened at all was enough to make me forget about anything else.

All my previous angry and sad feelings were long gone, replaced with a type of contentment I could live with forever.

Carter moved his hands from my messy hair, resting it on the side of my neck. He stroked his thumb slightly, causing a shock to erupt through my body. My cheeks were burning, probably as the realization of what just happened caused me to fluster in embarrassment.

"How are you feeling?" Carter asked, studying my face intently.

"Good," I told him. It was nothing but the truth, my shitty day having flipped around completely.

I hate how much I'm affected by Carter. It's probably going to come around and bite me in the ass, but at the moment I don't care.

As much as I'm glad that I'm nothing like Paige, I'm very glad I'm living as if I'm like her. I'm glad that I'm not caring about the repercussions. I'm glad I'm not overthinking every little movement - every little gesture, as I usually do. I just let him kiss me, and I let go of all of my previous feelings and followed whatever movements he did to me. I acted as if I'm not known as the person I am, that I knew what I was doing.

My eyes shot down to the floor between us, not knowing how to start a conversation. It was as if now that he's kissed me and done something nobody's ever done with me before that I'm back to how I was when I first met him.

"We have another one of those fancy events coming up," Carter said, catching my attention again. This caused me to look up at him again, and I watched as he moved his hands from my neck to my waist. "I think you should come with me."

"What?" I asked, almost as if I hadn't heard the words that left his mouth.

"I want you-" He stopped, his feet beginning to move backward. His grip left my waist and made its way to my hands, pulling me along with him. "To come with me to the event. Get all prettied up the way you want to, ride with me, sit with me." He continued.

I stayed silent, watching him carefully as he sat on the side of my bed. He then pulled me between his spread legs, causing him to have to look up at me just slightly. "Be my date," He confirmed.

"Okay," I said without thinking.

Not that I'd need to think about it anyway, considering I'm willing to do anything for Carter. It's quite sickening, actually.

He smiled, the beautiful smile I'd seen many times before sending butterflies just as if it were my first time seeing it. He rested his hands on the sides of my thighs, almost causing my legs to go weak.

Never have I ever let anyone touch me like this, and it wasn't even anything sexual. Just the intimacy of him being this close was enough to make me react, and I couldn't help but wonder just how Paige was able to do things like this with people she wasn't even dating without feeling a certain way.

Nothing against her for being with multiple people, I just mean it coming from my point of view. I can barely handle someone such as Carter Jackson touching me in soft ways like this, I think I'd lose it if I was like this with someone different the day after.

But then again, I guess that's just another of the many reasons Paige and I are very different. She's okay with those things and has the confidence to deal with those feelings. I can barely understand my feelings myself which is why I'm constantly freaking out and overthinking.

Or maybe I'm just overdramatic, and my feelings are feeding off of how much I'm reacting.

"Can we watch a movie?" Carter asked, bringing me out of my thoughts. "I don't care what movie, it can be any of your choosing." He added, grabbing my hand in his. "I just want time with you."

I nodded, a smile covering my features. He smiled this time, pressing a kiss to the top of my hand. It was where the skin had been recovering from the times I cut it open, light thin scratches covering it as if a cat had attacked me.

Carter then stood from his seat, brushing some of my hair behind my shoulder. "I'll go make the popcorn, you get comfy and choose what we're watching."

He didn't let me say another word. He walked out of my bedroom and down the stairs leading to the kitchen, leaving me alone with my thoughts.

What the hell just happened?

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I'm sorry if you're hating the story the way I am right now :( I'm really trying, I'm just not feelin' it the way I was for some reason which makes me so sad considering I have so many ideas and I love these characters sm

* This chapter is not edited *