- If I Could Fly; One Direction -
- Teach Me How To Love; Shawn Mendes -
- that way; Tate McRae -

Aurora Holland

It was silent as I sat at the foot of Carter's bed, watching as he made his way around the room comfortably. He was gathering stuff for me to take a shower, even being as kind as to offer me some clothes to wear. It was a lot like last time, except this time I was staying the night instead of just waiting on my clothes to get washed.

"We have a couple of guest rooms for you to choose from," Carter spoke up from where he stood by his dresser. "I can show you and you can just choose whichever is most appealing to you, or whatnot."

"Okay," I said, not knowing what else to say. I've more than calmed down, and at this point, I was just grateful he was being so kind. He didn't have to do this, any of it. He didn't even have to let me in when he saw me standing outside.

I felt horrible, and I know I probably looked it as well. My head hurt from pulling at my roots, my hand and face hurt, and I could feel my cheeks still puffed up from how much crying I did.

"I hope these are okay," Carter said, causing my eyes to drift back up to him again. He towered over me, clothes neatly folded up in his hands. They were dark colors, which was what I saw him wearing most of the time.

"It's fine, thank you," I told him, gently taking the clothes from him.

"Before you freak out, I put some boxers in there," He awkwardly said, scratching at the top of his head. "I did it because I know you have no clothes here and surely you don't want to put dirty underwear back on after you get all clean."

"That's very thoughtful, thank you," I said again, running my thumbs over the top of the pile of clothes.

"I can't really help you in the bra department, but I did what I could." He continued. "You can shower in my bathroom or the hall bathroom, whichever you feel more comfortable in."

"Okay," I said. "The hall bathroom will be fine."

He nodded, shoving his hands in his pockets. "There should be some towels and soap and everything you need in there already including an unopened toothbrush. Whenever you're done I can show you the rooms."

Taking that as my cue to leave, I stood up from the bed. My legs felt like jello, and my calves were cramping slightly from how much walking I'd done today.

I didn't spare Carter another glance as I left his bedroom, quickly making my way to the hall bathroom. It was the same bathroom as the one I used the day of Logan's party, the one I meant to walk into when I found myself in Carter's bedroom by accident.

It was themed in the color blue, which is expected for a guest bathroom. I locked the door behind me and sat my pile of clothes on the kitchen sink. I started the shower first thing to give the water some time to warm up, and in the meantime, I took a glance at myself in the mirror.

I'd yet to look at my appearance until now, but now that I see it I'm surprised Carter didn't turn me away.

My cheeks were red and puffy, my right cheek bright red from where my mom slapped me. My mascara was smeared down both of my cheeks, and dark circles under my eyes caused me to look like a Tim Burton character. My hair was strewn everywhere, knotted, and flipped in every other way.

I looked like I just got the shit beat out of me, honestly.

Steam began to fill the small bathroom, the mirror growing foggy. It caused my reflection to begin to disappear, and so instead of staring at myself in the mirror, I began to undress. My muscles hurt, and I couldn't wait to get in the shower and let the hot water relieve some of the aches. I took my bandages off before getting in, feeling slightly bad since Carter had just recently put them on.

When I stepped in the shower, I was greeted with warmth. It felt nice when the water hit my skin, excluding the injuries on my body. This included the small scratch on my cheek, the torn-up skin on the top of my right hand, and the raw skin where I twirl my ring around my finger. It caused my skin to look ugly, and I hated looking at it.

But then again, this was all my own doing. Not including the mark on my cheek, all of the other marks on my skin were caused by myself, so I can't really blame anyone but myself.

I took my time in the shower. I knew that there was no need to rush, as it was not like I have anything planned for the day. The only reason I would even need to rush is so Carter can show me a room, but if worst comes to worst I can just find an empty room on my own to prevent bothering him if he's asleep.

There was some cheap shampoo, conditioner, and body wash in the shower, and I used them gratefully. It wasn't the same brand I usually use, but it smelled good and I wasn't allergic to anything in the ingredients, and that's all that matters. Anything to clean myself up in an attempt to make me feel just a little bit better.

My head hurt, and I found myself standing in silence as I rubbed my fingertips to my temples. It was getting really late, and I was just ready to fall asleep and forget about everything that happened today.

There were just too many things to think about, and so many unknown and unfamiliar feelings running through my body. Not to mention this is the first time I've lied about where I was staying the night, as the only other place I've ever stayed the night before is Paige's.

So not only am I staying the night somewhere unknown that isn't Paige's house, but I'm staying the night at a boy's house.

Specifically, the most popular boy in school.

After what felt like an eternity, I finally turned the water off. Part of me felt bad for taking so long as the water began to get cold, but at the same time, this long shower was much needed. I feel better, even if it's not by a lot.

I dried off the best I could before stepping out of the shower, the only sound being an occasional shuffle or movement from me. The entire house was silent, meaning everyone was either in bed or gone.

But then again, this was a pretty big house. I just might not be able to hear anything due to the size of the building.

I changed in silence as well, ignoring the slightly eerie feeling of not having anything playing the way I was used to. I usually play music or some type of YouTube video for background sound, but I just didn't have the motivation to deal with it tonight. Afterward, I quickly brushed my teeth, wanting nothing more than to lie down.

Just as I was about to exit the bathroom, I stopped as I heard voices coming from somewhere outside the bathroom. It sounded close, yet far enough to where I had to strain to listen.

"It wasn't meant to be said, point blank period." I was immediately able to tell that was Carter, and he sounded very angry. It was a big comparison to the way he was talking to me only an hour ago.

"I was concerned about her, Carter. You know nothing about it," This was Logan. They were arguing, and I'd be very stupid to not think it was about me.

"I know nothing about it? I've just spent the last hour comforting her, which is something nobody else had any thought to do!" Carter was yelling in a whisper, but I could still hear him very clearly.

"I did comfort her!" Logan countered, sounding angry as well. "I'm going to talk to her."

"No, you're not. She doesn't need this right now," Carter said. "She's been through a lot, and she needs to not think about what just happened to her."

"You told her I told Paige!" Logan argued.

"Because you did, was I lying?" There was silence on the other end, meaning Carter was right. "Exactly. The last thing she needed was for you to run your mouth after you promised her you wouldn't."

"Paige needed to know," Logan argued again, not seeming to understand Carter's side of things.

"No, she didn't. I don't know if you've noticed, but Paige is a shitty person," Carter said bluntly. I can only imagine he was standing in front of Logan with his arms crossed, the usual bored expression sitting on his face.

"Paige is not a shitty person," Logan defended. "She's just very different than Aurora."

"Which is perfectly fine," Carter defended this time. "And whether she is or not is no excuse for her to treat Aurora the way she does."

My eyes widened at the sentence, as I hadn't really mentioned anything about that to Carter. I'd mentioned I was always compared to her, sure, but nothing about how she's been treating me lately.

"Paige doesn't treat Aurora badly," Logan said, defending Paige again. I can't blame him, considering he doesn't know the half of it.

"So what about the day at the mall? Or about the time she flat-out lied about Rory not being able to come to the get-together I had a few weeks ago?" Carter asked, "Oh! Or maybe the time at the get-together she tried to embarrass Rory in front of everyone when Elijah asked her about the scratches on her hand?"

"Those mean nothing, we don't know the full story," Logan said.

"Exactly, we don't. So maybe just stop being a stuck-up asshole for one moment--"

"What are you, her boyfriend?" Logan asked, cutting Carter off. "Since when do you care about anyone?"

"Logan, I care about people and you know it." Carter slowly responded. Part of me wished I could see the scene play out, but I knew I was already doing too much by eavesdropping on their conversation.

"Oh, yeah? So why haven't you told her about Ashley?" Logan asked.

"What the fuck does Ashley have to do with any of this? Just because I care for someone doesn't mean I need to tell them my life story," Carter said.

What he said was true, but by the way Ashley was constantly getting brought up, it made me think there was more to it than just the rumors Lila had told me about.

"I can care about someone and not reveal everything to them the moment I meet them." Carter then added after a few moments of silence. "At least I'm showing I care with my actions and not lying to people."

"I'm not lying to anyone," Logan said.

"You can say that, but tell that to the brokenhearted girl in the bathroom right now because she found out you promised you wouldn't say anything and you said it to the one person she didn't want you to," Carter responded.

Logan didn't respond, and for a moment I thought the conversation was done and over with. But just as I was about to open the door, Logan spoke up again. "You can sit here and act like you're a perfect person, Carter, but you're not. She's going to find out soon enough and she's not going to give you another glance just like every other girl would the moment they found out the truth."

My lips pressed together in thought before I sighed and swung open the door as if I weren't listening to everything they were saying.

I was kind of upset because whatever history Carter and Ashley had was none of my business, meaning Logan had no right to throw that in Carter's face the way he did. What matters is he sticks up for me, and he supported me when I genuinely thought I didn't have anyone else.

Whether it was something Carter did was unforgivable or not, didn't matter right now. I'll find out if I'm meant to. I won't stress over it simply because I'm used to being left in the dark, and this is no different.

I'm not obligated to know everything about Carter, as much as I'd like to. I'd like to know everything he's thinking, and everything he's gone through. It'd help me feel like I know him more like he says we do. But it's not my place to make him tell me, and even if I did force him to tell me it wouldn't change the fact that I'd feel guilty for forcing something like that out of it.

Both boys looked at me, slightly surprised I exited when I did. I looked between them before down at the wadded-up clothes in my hand, feeling awkward. "Can you give me more bandaids?" I asked Carter, avoiding eye contact.

"Of course," Carter said immediately. It wasn't long before he was standing directly in front of me, reaching out to grab my dirty clothes.

My eyes drifted to Logan, who was staring at the clothes on my body. He knew they were Carter's, but instead of worrying about what he cared about it, I just walked past him and to Carter's room.

Maybe I'm a little immature for being so upset with Logan, but I can't help it. I'm sensitive, and I've been hurt too many times to deal with this the way I am. I've dealt with it all my life, and I really thought Logan was someone I could trust with that secret whether it was my idea to tell him or not.

And not to mention, it made me even more upset about the things he was saying to Carter. Both are about Carter and Paige. It was crazy that Carter -- who was more on his own than with the friend group -- noticed these things, yet Logan seemed to always try and be around me and had yet to notice.

I'm not good at hiding things, despite hiding most of my thoughts for most of my life. So the fact that Logan has been around multiple times to witness the way Paige treats me yet is so quick to defend her kind of hurts. It's not his place to stick up for me, I know, but it hurts knowing that she's so blatantly lying and doing things to me and he is quick to defend her.

It was one thing he didn't notice, but a completely different story that it had been brought to his attention and he doesn't think so.

Carter's room was chilly, but then again most of the house was as well. Plus my hair was still damp and I just got out of a hot shower, so it made me even colder.

Carter walked in shortly after me, setting the clothes on the top of his laundry basket. "We'll just leave those there till tomorrow when I take you home, okay?" He asked. His voice was gentle, a big contrast to the way I heard him talking to Logan.

I just nodded, agreeing. I didn't have much say anyway, as there weren't really any other spots to put them.

He then walked into his bathroom, re-entering a few moments later with the same size bandages as before. Truthfully speaking, my face didn't need one. I just wanted one on my hand to prevent me from ripping the skin open again, so that way they can actually heal.

I stood in the same spot in the middle of the room, right in front of his bed. He opened the bandages a lot like before, putting them on gently to avoid hurting me any further. I stayed silent, watching his face as he did so.

He was much taller than me, so I had to crane my neck slightly to get a good look at him. After applying the bandage to my cheekbone he then moved to my hand, much like before.

When he finished, he trailed his fingers along the giant bandaid. "I have these cause I hurt myself a lot." He admitted, "I have an entire drawer of first-aid items, simply because I'm really prone to getting injured when it comes to sports."

He was admitting something to me, something a little deep. Or at least it seemed deep, I'm not too sure.

"Sometimes I forget that it's just a game, and I let my cockiness get the best of me." He continued when I didn't speak, his eyes staring down at our hands. I got goosebumps as his fingers trailed along mine, his thumb running over the chipped blue nail polish on my fingers. "I sometimes let the other team like trip me or do something that hurts me just so I can feel something."

So this was deep. At first, I thought I was a little delusional, considering he was just telling me why he had so many band-aids in his bathroom. But now that he's explaining it a little more, I realize he's just trying to open up in a way he hasn't yet.

Maybe it's to make up for the fact that I just poured my entire life story out to him and he wants to make me feel better, or maybe Logan's words got to him -- I don't know. But I enjoyed getting to know something about him that nobody else at Riverway has the privilege of knowing, even if it's something bad.

"That's not good for you," I finally spoke, my throat slightly dry.

"It's the same as you, you know." He flipped my palm around in his hand, trailing his fingers over the grooves in my hand.

"What do you mean?" I asked.

"You, doing this--" He stopped, running his fingers over the bandage again. "You do it to feel something, right?"

"I mean--" I stopped, shocked that he was right about it. It was as if he knew me for a long time, knowing my mannerisms and why I do what I do.

"It helps you ignore the feelings you're feeling, putting your focus on something else," He said.

"Yeah," I admitted. There was no way around it, I couldn't lie to him, and at this moment he was being very vulnerable and open with me. I didn't want him to shut down because I was acting too stubborn.

Usually, I'd deny it despite how true it is. I do it with Paige all the time, honestly. But something about Carter just made me admit anything and everything to him, no matter how bad it was.

Realizing how close we were -- how intimate the situation has become, Carter drops my hand and takes a step back. "I should show you the room," He said.

I nodded, agreeing. This was a lot to take in, and as much as I wanted to learn more, I couldn't. I couldn't push. He'd tell me on his own eventually.

Carter led the way out of the room, grabbing a white charger before leaving. I followed behind awkwardly with my phone in my hand, the feeling of his baggy basketball shorts swaying at the movement.

The first room he showed me was the closest to his room, and I immediately sat on the bed. He looked at me in confusion, not having been able to get any words out before I sat down.

"It's close," I admitted, a blush beginning to form on my cheeks.

Seeming to understand what I meant by the statement, he nodded. "I brought you one of my extra phone chargers since you don't have one with you."

"Thank you," I said. I watched as he walked over, plugging it into one of the wall outlets by the bed. He stood up after, crossing his arms over his chest.

"I think that should be everything. If you need anything please come and ask," He said gently.

I nodded, "Thank you. For everything." In that, I meant everything he'd done for me tonight but also for defending me to Logan.

Logan wasn't insulting me in any way, but he still was quick to defend me as needed. I was grateful because he doesn't even know that I was listening. I don't think I ever had anyone defend me when I wasn't around like that, but if anything it just made me begin to trust Carter more.

He nodded, rubbing the back of his neck awkwardly. I took notice of the fact that he'd already showered, probably showering at the same time I did. He was wearing gray sweatpants and a tight-fit shirt, one that showed the outline of his abs. He looked amazing, and I couldn't help but stare despite the inner voice in my head telling me not to.

"I'll see you in the morning. Night Rory." He finally concluded, walking to the door. I mumbled a quick goodnight as I scooted further back on the bed, pulling the thick covers over my small body.

He turned the light out and shut the door, leaving me alone in the dark.

Immediately, I felt uneasy. It was silent, the only sound being the sound of Carter's bedroom door closing as he entered. There was absolutely no light in the bedroom, throwing me off. Not only have I never stepped foot in this bedroom before tonight, but it was also a new house I was sleeping at. There wasn't a TV in here, probably due to the fact that it was just a guest bedroom and was hardly ever used.

I opened my phone, seeing a response from my dad after I had told him I was staying the night at Katherine's. She was kind enough to cover for me if needed, but thankfully I knew I wouldn't need her since they don't have her parents' phone numbers.

My father just told me to stay safe and that he'd see me Sunday night, considering he was leaving early in the morning with my mother and Carter's parents for whatever trip they had planned. He also mentioned Jason would be staying at Paige's house for the weekend, meaning I had the entire house to myself.

As much as I should enjoy it, I don't. I hate being alone. Like I've mentioned before, I like being alone but not like that. I can handle being alone in my room, but knowing I'm alone at night in a house by myself is just scary.

Just the thoughts were enough to keep me from falling asleep despite how sleepy I was. I knew I'd need to turn my phone off at some point so I didn't ruin the battery, but my mind kept tricking me into thinking I wasn't alone in the room.

Sitting up, I pressed my back against the headboard as my heartbeat picked up. I turned my flashlight on, shining it in front of me to light up the room. I wouldn't be able to fall asleep with the bedroom light on, and I know leaving my flashlight on for long periods of time would do nothing but ruin my phone's power. I held my arms around my knees, one gripping my calf roughly while the other held my phone.

The light shook slightly because my hands trembled, and I couldn't help but find myself stupid for getting so worked up over nothing. I was too afraid to turn the light off due to not knowing what would be lurking in the dark, so I just stared into nothingness all the while every once in a while glancing around the room to make sure nobody somehow snuck in.

Call me crazy, but I absolutely can't stand it.

Time went by. Soon enough it'd been two hours of me sitting alone in the dark, and I couldn't take it anymore. I bounced up from the bed, not bothering to fix it as I ripped my phone from the phone charger. I raced out of the creepy bedroom and into the hall, frowning in fear as I saw it was just as dark.

This only made it much creepier considering it was more open, giving more places for creepy people to hide. My eyes quickly bounced to Carter's door, a small dim light peeking out from underneath the gap between the door and the floor. I stopped directly in front of it, repeatedly taking glances behind me.

I shined my flashlight in every direction, afraid the moment I'd turn away something would grab me. This was scary, and maybe I'm just psycho, but I can't really be blamed when I've never been at someone's house like this.

Reluctantly, I raised my free hand up to knock. I knocked softly two times, too afraid. What if he's asleep? What if I wake someone else up? What if Logan comes out?

So many questions went through my brain, I couldn't even begin to process them before the door quickly swung open.

Carter stood on the other side, completely shirtless. I got a good view of it as I was still shining my flashlight, the light landing directly on his perfectly toned body. He flinched at the sudden light, and I cursed as I turned it off.

"I-I'm sorry, I didn't mean to wake you, I just--"

"It's fine, Rory." He softly said, cutting me off. "I wasn't really sleeping."

"Right," I said with a nod, distracted by his shirtless body. I've never seen one so up close, as bad as it sounds.

Carter, seeming to notice my gaze, chuckled. "One second," He softly said, walking away.

This caused me to realize I was alone in the hall again, and I turned around and turned my flashlight on. I'm such a child, it's embarrassing. But I can't help it when I'm afraid and my feelings are all over the place.

"Hey," Carter spoke after a few moments, gently touching my shoulder. I jumped and turned, once again hitting him in the face with the flashlight.

He reacted just as he did before, and I rolled my eyes at myself. "Shit, s-sorry," I mumbled.

"Are you okay?" He asked. He was wearing a shirt now, the same one I wore weeks ago at Logan's party.

"I-I couldn't sleep," I said, twirling my phone around in my hand. "I've never stayed anywhere but Paige's before. And I don't mean to bother you, or intrude or anything I just--"

"Hey hey," He quickly said, cutting me off. He grabbed me by the arm, pulling me into the room in one swift motion. He swung the door shut behind me, and my mouth shut tight at the sudden action. "You can sleep in here, it's okay."

"A-are you sure? I've never slept in the same room as a boy who wasn't a family member, and I don't want it to be weird--"

"It's only going to be weird if you make it weird, come on." He pulled at my hand, bringing me toward the bed.

I didn't say anything, too flustered to even attempt to say something. I don't know what I was thinking when I came here, I just didn't want to be alone. I don't know what I expected, but it wasn't this. I'm not complaining, but I'm really nervous, especially considering I've been lost in my thoughts for the last two hours.

He stopped in front of the bed, looking down at me. "Which side of the bed would you prefer?" He asked.

I looked over at it, thinking as if it were some super hard question. I've never had to choose before, simply because when it's just me I can sleep wherever I want, and when I'm with Paige I just do whichever side she doesn't choose.

"I don't care," I managed to squeak out, my voice high-pitched and nervous. It was quite an ugly sound, honestly.

"I'll take this side, then." Carter decided, taking the side closest to the door. I watched as he walked over and laid down over the blanket, moving the remote to the nightstand on that side of the bed. He looked at me as I stood at the foot of the bed, not moving. "Are you coming?" He asked, his tone soft the way it usually is with me.

I nodded, realizing how stupid I looked. I came to his room so I wouldn't be alone yet I'm standing here looking stupid.

Walking over to the side of the bed, I climbed on the side he wasn't laying on. I hesitantly crawled under the covers, feeling slightly bad for messing up how perfect it looked. I sat my phone on the nightstand on my side of the bed, my heartbeat racing.

There was a TV mounted on the wall on the other side of the room, in the empty space between his bathroom and closet. He had on some YouTube video, the volume low enough to where you can barely hear it.

"Thank you," I said for the millionth time tonight, staring down at my folded hands.

"Are you okay?" He asked in return, ignoring my thanks.

"I will be, I just-- I hate being alone is all," I said. "I can't sleep in the pitch black dark alone."

"Are you afraid of the dark?" He then asked. I glanced over, seeing his attention was completely on me. He was laying on his right side, his elbow propped up with his head resting on it. His other arm laid over his stomach, his hand under his shirt as he laid it against his skin.

"Not of the dark exactly, just what could possibly be in it, I guess." I shrugged, "It sounds stupid saying it out loud."

"It doesn't sound stupid," He denied, shaking his head slightly.

I felt more comfortable, probably because he was talking to me like everything was fine. This caused me to slowly melt into his comfortable black covers, the warmth engulfing me quickly. I lay on my back and looked at the ceiling, almost too afraid to look at him.

I was in his bed.

I was in Carter's bed, which sounds totally weird. I'm someone who's never even kissed anyone let alone had a boyfriend -- not even the ones that last three days and are super fake. I've never had one, yet I'm laying in his bed.

The comforter was pulled up to my chin, my feet rubbing against the soft material. This was a very new feeling to me, but I kind of liked it.

I really liked it.

"I'm sorry I stuck you in a random room," He said, bringing me back to the conversation.

"It's okay, I'm sorry I'm needy," I told him. I looked over at him, taking in his beautiful face. His brows were pushed together in thought, his face half-lit up due to the TV in the room.

"You're not," He softly said. "It's really late, you should sleep."

"What are you watching?" I changed the subject, propping my head up further on the pillow to get a good look at his TV.

"Something random." He shrugged, "What do you like to watch? Romance, right?"

"I think you know the answer to that," I laughed lightly.

"Is that all you watch?" He questioned.

"I sometimes put cartoons on before bed, and I watch a lot of funny stuff on YouTube when I'm bored." I shrugged, "I'm not super picky about watching things unless it's True Crime or Horror."

"Which you don't like because it'll scare you," He said, knowing the reason why I'm not a fan of watching it. "We should watch a horror movie sometime."

"I'm too much of a scaredy cat," I said.

"I'll be here," He responded.

"But then when I go home I'll be alone again," I mumbled, my eyes on the TV in front of me.

"Then I'll stay," He offered. "What about tomorrow?"

"Layla wants me to go to that college party tomorrow," I said.

"We can skip it," He told me.

"Aren't you a driver?" I then asked.

"Don't have to be," He was quick to respond, seeming to have an answer for everything. "Or after the party? Our parents won't be home till Sunday."

"My house will be empty," I offered without thinking.

"Okay," He said, "If you agree, we can go there. And how about this--" He stopped for a second, fixing his position. He moved the arm that was propped up underneath the pillow, laying his head on the pillow instead of his arm. "I choose a movie and you can choose a movie. I'll watch A Walk to Remember and you can watch one of my movies."

My head snapped in his direction at the name of the movie, surprised he remembered it. It felt like so long ago since he was at dinner at my house when realistically it was only a few days. Even then, it's surprising he remembered it was my favorite.

"Sound like a deal?" He asked after I didn't respond.

"Sure," I said, still shocked at how he remembered something so small.

"Cool," He smiled, dimples poking out as he smiled.

My eyes grew heavy, sleepiness hitting me hard now that I was no longer alone and in the dark. I looked ahead of me, watching as Carter turned off the video he was watching before I came in. My vision was blurry from sleepiness as I watched the screen light up, some '90s cartoon beginning to play on the TV.

He changed it to cartoons.

My eyes began to drift as I watched the show, turning to my right side to get more comfortable. I curled up into myself sort of like a ball, feeling the warmth from Carter despite him being a good distance away.

"Goodnight, Rory." I heard Carter tell me as I drifted off into sleep, forgetting about my problems momentarily.

++

Anyways

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