The days Jeongguk spent in the basement of Doyun's apartment were filled with a range of different feelings—mostly pain and loneliness, but there were other emotions too.

He lost track of the days after the first three nights he was in there but he knew that he was in there longer than what felt right.

Doyun only decided to let him out so that he could start training for the job he was giving him. He didn't know exactly what training entailed but he knew after the first night of cramming his brain with information it wasn't going to be easy.

    "Why are we still here, Jeongguk, huh?" Doyun snapped one night as he asked him how his studying was coming along. "What's not clicking?"

    "I just don't know why I need to know all of this," Jeongguk said pressing the heels of his hands into his eyes from where he sat at the kitchen table. "I didn't sign up to be a fucking psychologist."

    "You can't help people if you don't know this stuff, Jeongguk," Doyun said. "I'm giving you a free ride and you want to complain about memorizing a few things out of a fucking book?"

    "I'm tired of doing this," Jeongguk said slamming the book shut and standing to leave the kitchen. "You can find someone else to do this shit."

    "Are you serious?" Doyun asked, grabbing his arm and stopping.

Jeongguk snatched his arm away and shoved him away aggressively, only for Doyun to grab him and raise his arm as if he was going to hit him. "Stop, Doyun!"

    "You stop!" Doyun shouted before he shoved him back down in his seat at the kitchen table. "All the bullshit I've put up with from you for this past year and you think you can just walk away from me? You don't get to fucking quit, Jeongguk. Not after all the shit I've sacrificed for you."

    "I don't even know why you're helping me if I'm such a fucking burden," Jeongguk said, his voice a bit unsteady.

    "Neither do I," Doyun said. "But I'm in too deep now and you fucking owe me. I've put everything into you for the past year. I've let you come in and out of here whenever you please, I've lost money putting you into rehab just for you to leave or not show up. You've stolen from me, lied to me, and used my kindness against me. And I'll be damned if you just end up coked out on the streets again!"

Jeongguk sat there in silence as Doyun stormed out of the kitchen. He knew that Doyun was right, he had put him through a lot in the past year.

He didn't like that he hurt him, he didn't want to hurt anyone. But he was desperate in the last year. After leaving Seonho, Doyun was the only other person he could depend on. He knew that when he was with Doyun he'd have a place to stay, food to eat, and whatever else he wanted or needed. Even though he had stolen from him and lead him to believe that he really wanted to get sober, he was grateful for him.

He followed Doyun to the living room after sitting there for a while. He walked over to him and sat down beside him, picking at his fingernails. "I don't want you to be mad at me."

Doyun didn't respond. His eyes were distant as he stared ahead.

    "I'm trying, Doyun, I'm really trying this time," Jeongguk continued, his voice straining as tears formed his eyes. "I want to be good. A-And I want to make up for the past year, I really do."

    "You've said that before," Doyun reminded him. "You always say you're going to do something and you never do it."

    "I will this time. Just...please don't be mad at me," Jeongguk said looking up at him. "I don't want you to give up on me, Doyun."

    "Stop, Jeongguk," Doyun said, trying to pull away as Jeongguk moved closer. "That's not going to work every time."

    "Don't be mad at me," Jeongguk said again as he moved so that he was straddling the older. "I want to make you happy, I really do. I want to show you that everything you've done for me was worth it."

Doyun looked up at Jeongguk. "You have to do the work to be as good as everyone else. People who actually went through school and training. People who actually know the field. I can't keep you around if you're no good."

    "I'll be good, I promise," Jeongguk said as he leaned in and kissed Doyun slowly. He didn't know what Doyun was thinking as he kissed him back, but he wished he did.

He wished he knew if he felt anything when he kissed him and touched him like this. He wished he knew if Doyun wanted him, and if he did, would he have him? Or would he not waste his time on someone like him.

    "I love you, Doyun," Jeongguk said after breaking the kiss, he needed to know if he felt the same way as he did.

    "You shouldn't," Doyun responded promptly, barely a moment of hesitation.

    "But I do," Jeongguk said looking down at him. "I love you."

Doyun nodded, leaning forward and leaving a sympathetic kiss on his lips before standing—pushing Jeongguk off of his lap. "I'll find someone to work with you on therapy. Maybe that'll help."

Jeongguk's stomach dropped as he watched Doyun walk away. He couldn't explain it, but there was a part of him that needed Doyun to feel something from. A part of him that needed someone to love him.

After only being around Doyun for the past few weeks he had grown a connection to him, and he wanted it to be mutual.

~

    "This is Jimin, Jimin this is Jeongguk,"

Jeongguk didn't like Jimin from the moment he met him. There was something about him that he could never quite figure out.

The good thing was that Jimin didn't like him much either.

    "You're the uneducated street kid that Doyun's been telling me all about," Jimin said, making Doyun laugh. "It's nice to finally meet you."

    "Going to school doesn't always make you educated, sometimes it just makes you an ass," Jeongguk said before walking away from the two of them. He sat back down at the kitchen table to finish reading the book he was studying from.

Jimin came in a few minutes later. "That book's outdated, y'know?"

    "I'm uneducated so I guess I wouldn't," Jeongguk said. "Aside from the fact the publication date is right here in plain sight."

    "Then why are you reading it?" Jimin asked as he sat across from him.

    "Because there are still some valid points made," Jeongguk said. "I don't know what Doyun expects you to teach me."

    "Therapy is an important part of surrogacy, Jeongguk," Jimin said. "If we're going to work together you have to have some common knowledge and a little human decency."

    "Coming from the jerk that called me uneducated,"

    "You're sensitive, that's good,"

Jimin went on to ask him a million questions that he didn't see a correlation in. He asked him questions about his home life as a child, past relationships, current relationships, past jobs, past hobbies, past friendships.

He asked him so many questions that at some point he forgot he was even talking about himself.

    "Have you ever had a family pet? A dog maybe?" He asked, that question finally sent Jeongguk over the edge.

    "What's the point of all of this? Seriously, I mean, what does a dog have to do with anything?" He asked. "What're you getting at?"

    "Yes or no?" Jimin asked with a stone cold expression.

    "No, I've never had a fucking pet," Jeongguk said rolling his eyes. "Do you want to know how I wipe my ass too?"

    "You have a very short temper, Jeongguk, that's not good," Jimin said as he wrote down a few things on the notepad he was holding. "Anyway, I have my prognosis."

    "Okay," Jeongguk sighed. "What?"

    "You've never had any stable relationships. Not with your parents, not with your friends, and not with your boyfriend. You never had any hobbies or enjoyed any sports you've played, and you've never cared for anyone or anything but yourself. And you don't even care for yourself half the time it seems like."

    "Okay?"

    "You don't know what love is and you don't know how to love. You only know how to make yourself feel good. Hence your masturbation and drug problem."

Jeongguk scoffed at that, rolling his eyes in aggravation. "I haven't masturbated since I was sixteen."

    "Opiates destroy your sex drive so I don't find that hard to believe," Jimin shrugged. "My advice to you when it comes to your surrogacy would be to treat people the way you wish you had been treated in past relationships in your life. Or maybe just pretend to be someone else all together."

    "That's your great idea?" Jeongguk asked, narrowing his eyes. "Pretend to be someone else?"

    "You have zero qualities of a good person otherwise," Jimin said. "You have issues up to here and you only care about yourself. You'd need years of therapy to come to terms with all the shit in your head. And we
don't have time to heal Jeongguk and make him the best version of himself so that he can help others. So just don't be Jeongguk. Be Jeongguk if Jeongguk wasn't a fuck up."

    "You don't know shit about me, Jimin," Jeongguk said. "You have no right to say I'm not a good person."

    "I know all I need to know, Jeongguk," Jimin said standing and gathering his things. "You might want to look into getting a thorough psych evaluation at some point. I think you have some kind of personality disorder, borderline I think, but I can't say."

Jeongguk stood up and stormed off from the kitchen before Jimin could say anything else.

    "How'd it go?" Doyun asked stopping him in the hall. "Did you get anything done."

    "I don't know who that is but he's a prick," Jeongguk said before continuing to the room he usually stayed in.

He slammed the door shut and laid down on his bed. Closing his eyes and trying to forget Jimin's words before he started to believe them.