"Happy Birthday,"

    "Thank you,"

When Jeongguk was released from hospital after his fifth overdose he went straight into a treatment facility in Seoul. He over-went ten days of detox in hospital prior to going into the rehab facility.

Taehyung was with him for almost all ten of those days. Sleeping in the hospital room on the nights that he stayed too late and surviving on vending machine snacks and food from the hospital cafeteria.

On the eighth day of his detox Taehyung said that they needed to have a serious conversation before he went into treatment. Jeongguk immediately knew what this conversation would entail but nothing could have emotionally prepared him for Taehyung leaving him.

Taehyung was someone that had proven his loyalty over and over again, even when Jeongguk didn't deserve it. So who was he to beg him to stay?

    "Don't cry, Gguk," Taehyung said when he saw the tears forming in his eyes. "I love you, you know I love you~"

    "No, I know," Jeongguk said quickly, trying to swallow his tears. "I'm sorry."

    "I just need some time," Taehyung said sitting on the edge of Jeongguk's hospital bed and looking down at him. "Everything that's happened has just...I'm just drained, Jeongguk. I love you but I need space from you to deal with some things. I don't want this to be the end, I just need a break~"

    "I understand, Tae, seriously," Jeongguk said. "I put you through a lot."

    "I still want you to go through with treatment," Taehyung said reaching out and brushing the tears from Jeongguk's face with the back of his hand. "I want you to get back to yourself and I want you to be healthy again."

    "I will," Jeongguk said. "I'm really sorry for everything I've done, Taehyung. For every horrible thing I've said, I wish I could take it back. I was so blind to everything around me~"

    "I just want you to get better," Taehyung sighed. "You can't take back what you said, so don't dwell on it."

    "I'm sorry," Jeongguk said anyway. "I love you and I want to get bette for you."

    "You can't get better for me, Jeongguk, you have to get better for yourself right now," Taehyung said. "It's never going to work if you don't do it for yourself."

Jeongguk nodded. "I love you."

    "I love you too," Taehyung said before standing from the bed. "Good luck with treatment. I believe you can do it."

    "Will you call?" Jeongguk asked.

    "No, Gguk, I won't," Taehyung said as he grabbed his bag, wiping his tears as he pulled it onto his shoulder. "I just need some time away from you. I'll call when I'm ready...if that's okay."

    "No, yeah, of course," Jeongguk nodded, his throat tightening again. "That's fine."

Taehyung nodded his head, offering a small smile despite the tears clinging to his lashes.

    "Bye, Gguk."

    "Bye, Tae."

Jeongguk didn't hear from Taehyung for an entire two months. He tried to see how he was doing through Yoongi after he heard he was still in contact with him but eventually he gave up—and he stopped talking to Yoongi all together.

The loneliness that usually consumed him when he was sober wasn't so bad when he was in rehab. He was surrounded by people constantly and he always had someone to talk to if he needed.

It was easier being surrounded by people who were battling similar demons and understood how he felt.

When he did finally hear from Taehyung he was more than halfway through treatment. The call was completely unexpected and when he picked up the phone he thought that it was Yoongi.

    "Hello?"

    "Hey, Gguk, it's Taehyung,"

He wished he could've seen the look on his own face. "Tae?"

    "Yeah," Taehyung chuckled. "Happy Birthday."

    "Thank you," Jeongguk smiled. "I...Uhm, h-how are you? Are you okay?"

    "Yeah, I'm okay," Taehyung said. "Are you okay?"

    "Yeah, I'm trying to be," Jeongguk chuckled. "I'm glad you called, I was thinking about you."

    "Were you?"

    "Yeah, but I'm always thinking about you so maybe it's not that much of a coincidence,"

Taehyung laughed on the other line. "Right...well a lot of time went by so I thought I'd call you since it's your birthday."

    "Thank you," Jeongguk said again. "I-I thought I scared you away," he said with a short laugh.

    "You did," Taehyung chuckled. "But I'm back now. And I'm not that scared anymore."

    "I'm glad," Jeongguk said. "I missed you."

    "I missed you too, I've thought about you every day," Taehyung said. "How's treatment?"

    "It's good, the people are nice," Jeongguk said. "I got diagnosed with borderline personality disorder so I've been going to therapy a lot and taking medication."

    "Oh?" Taehyung said. "Is therapy helping?"

    "Yeah, a lot of stuff makes since now," Jeongguk said. "I think the diagnosis changed me for the better."

    "I'm glad, Gguk, you sound happy," Taehyung said.

    "I'm happier now that you called," Jeongguk said making Taehyung laugh.

    "Gguk, I have to tell you something, okay?" Taehyung asked, his words making Jeongguk's smile falter. "It's nothing bad, or at least it doesn't have to be."

    "Okay, what's up?" Jeongguk asked, a short laugh leaving his lips. "Give it to me straight."

    "I'm moving," Taehyung said. "I cut my parents off and I'm leaving town to be closer to my sisters."

    "...Okay, that's great, Taehyung," Jeongguk said. "I'm happy for you."

    "I know you have everything figured out here in Seoul, but I really want you to come with me," Taehyung said. "You don't have to, I'd understand if you didn't want to."

    "You want to move together?" Jeongguk asked, his smile forming again.

    "Yeah," Taehyung chuckled. "I love you, and you're the only thing keeping me in Seoul now. Besides Hobi and Seokjin."

    "Oh..." Jeongguk said taking the phone from his ear to hide the annoying giggle that he let out.

    "So?" He heard Taehyung say before he put the phone back to his ear. "...come with me?"

    "Yeah, no, of course," Jeongguk said. "I'll definitely come with you."

    "Okay," Taehyung laughed. "You had me worried for a second."

    "I'd be an idiot not to go with you, Taehyung," Jeongguk laughed. "I'm gonna have to get back to you with my discharge date and everything. I don't know it off the top of my head."

    "I have the date," Taehyung said. "I'll pick you up and you can help me pack up the rest of the apartment. Okay?" 

    "Okay, sounds good,"

    "Okay, be good. I love you."

    "I love you too."

~

"I really don't know what you want from me right now,"

"Neither do I,"

When he and Taehyung first moved in together Jeongguk tried his best not to let what's affecting him affect Taehyung. Whenever he felt bad he tried to keep it to himself as to not bother Taehyung or cause him any more trouble than he already had.

That worked out for him for a couple of weeks but there were certain things that he couldn't help feeling. And sometimes he really didn't know why he was feeling them.

One night, a few months after they moved, Jeongguk was feeling really down and out. He knew why but the reason sounded stupid when he said it out loud, so he said nothing. That is until Taehyung started asking him a million questions.

"I already told you that my AA meeting ran over, Jeongguk," Taehyung said standing in front of where he sat on the bed. "I came straight here afterwards."

"That's not why I'm upset, Taehyung," Jeongguk said. "I believe you, alright?"

"Then what is it?" Taehyung pouted. "Is it because of this morning?"

"I don't want to talk about it," Jeongguk said standing to walk away.

"No, no, no," Taehyung said catching his arm. "You agreed we'd be open, Jeongguk, and have open conversations. I don't want this to escalate for no reason, babe, come on."

"I just..." Jeongguk sighed as Taehyung pulled him back to the bed and sat down beside him. "I just don't want to bother you with anything stupid."

"It's not stupid if you're upset about it," Taehyung said pushing Jeongguk's hair out of his face. "Tell me."

"It just feels like you don't want to be around me sometimes," Jeongguk said. "And when you left this morning you didn't tell me you were leaving or when you'd be back."

"I'm sorry if I make you feel that way," Taehyung said. "I forgot to tell you that I was leaving because I was already running late."

"I just don't like not knowing where you are," Jeongguk admitted. "I know I sound crazy, I swear I'm not trying to be controlling~"

"You aren't being controlling, Gguk, I understand how you feel," Taehyung says. "I want to be around you, you're like my best friend. I love you and I promise to tell you where I'm going in the mornings from now on. Okay?"

"I love you too, I'm sorry I'm like this," Jeongguk said as Taehyung pulled him into a hug.

"Don't apologize," Taehyung said. "We went over this in therapy, don't apologize for things that are out of your control."

Jeongguk laughed a little at that. "Right. It's a habit."

"I know," Taehyung said pulling away from the hug before kissing Jeongguk briefly. "Are you working tonight?"

    "Yeah," Jeongguk said laying his head on Taehyung's shoulder, closing his eyes with a sigh. "I miss you when I'm gone."

    "I miss you too," Taehyung said. "It'll be worth it when you pass your exam and you can get a day job."

Jeongguk worked on the night staff at the college he was studying at for his high school equivalency exam. He studied there and took practice tests during the day and worked as a custodian during the night after all the students and staff left.

He hated it at first but he learned to appreciate the work environment. He was on his own time and he got to work by himself on most nights. It was peaceful being in the empty buildings with his music blaring in his ears.

It was a huge contrast to the work he was used to doing but he got used to it.

~

    "Are you okay?"

    "No, but I already said I'd meet them,"

Jeongguk sighed shakily as he checks his reflection in the rear view mirror.

    "You look fine," Taehyung said, trying to be reassuring. "They're going to be happy to see you."

    "My parents have never been happy to see me," Jeongguk laughed anxiously. "The day I was born they weren't even happy to see me. They just checked off the first day of their countdown to my eighteenth birthday."

    "Shut up," Taehyung chuckled. "Your dad sounded excited on the phone."

Jeongguk sighed, shifting towards Taehyung in his seat. "All jokes aside, Tae, I haven't seen them since I was fifteen. I was in a bad place and I wasn't the nicest person back then."

    "Okay," Taehyung nodded.

    "No, but...if they say anything~"

    "Nothing they say will change the way I feel about you, Gguk," Taehyung said with a smile. "I'm here for moral support, so talk about whatever you need to with your parents. I won't judge."

Jeongguk nodded, smiling softly at Taehyung before leaning over the console between them and leaving a gentle kiss on the corner of his mouth. "I love you."

"I love you too," Taehyung said, smoothing Jeongguk's hair down before they climbed out of the car.

They walked into the diner that Jeongguk's parents at hand in hand, Taehyung squeezing Jeongguk's hand reassuringly as they spotted his dad sitting at a table in the back.

"Son, I'm glad you made it," Mr. Jeon said as he stood to great them.

Jeongguk dropped Taehyung's hand as he hesitantly hugged his father. "D-Dad," He said, pulling away from the hug and looking at the man. His hair had grayed and the lines on his face had become more prominent, but he still looked exactly the same.

"You've grown a lot since I saw you last," His dad smiled, his gaze shifting to Taehyung. "This is?"

"O-Oh, this is Kim Taehyung," Jeongguk said gesturing to Taehyung. "My boyfriend."

"It's nice to meet you," Taehyung said bowing politely.

"The pleasure is all mine," Mr. Jeon said bowing slightly as well.

"I thought mom would be with you," Jeongguk said. "She didn't come?"

"No," Mr. Jeon said. "Here, why don't we sit?"

Taehyung glanced at Jeongguk as they took their seats, just to make sure he was okay. He offered him a small reassuring smile before he took his hand under the table.

"Was the drive alright?" Mr. Jeon asked. "I heard there were a few accidents on the main roads."

"Yeah, it wasn't too bad," Jeongguk said. "Why didn't mom join you? Is she not feeling well?"

Mr. Jeon nodded, a sad smile forming on his face before he continued. "That's actually why I wanted to meet, son. To talk about your mother."

"Oh, okay," Jeongguk said. "What's wrong?"

"There's no easy way to say this, Jeongguk," Mr. Jeon said. "Your mother passed away. She's no longer with us."

Jeongguk's body immediately tensed, his expression hardening but not portraying any specific emotion. "What?"

"You know she was ill when you were a child," Mr. Jeon said. "It started to progress quickly and soon after it got the best of her."

Jeongguk looked away from his dad, his eyes becoming distant.

"I'm so sorry, son," Mr. Jeon said, his voice wavering slightly. "S-She wanted you to have this," he said reaching beside him, grabbing something from the seat next to him before placing the item on the table in front of Jeongguk. "She kept it, and she wanted me to make sure it got to you somehow."

Jeongguk looked down at the sketchbook in front of him. The cover was worn with age but he could still make out his name written in the corner in his mother's handwriting.

"She loved you very much, Jeongguk," His dad continued. "She talked about you everyday, even in the end. She never had anything bad to say, all good things~"

"When?" Jeongguk forced out as the tears in his eyes blurred the image of the sketchbook in front of him.

"...Two years after you left," Mr. Jeon said. "I tried to contact you when it happened. The only number I tracked down was for the place you worked. Someone name Doyun answered~"

Jeongguk stood from the table abruptly, letting go of Taehyung's hand and walking out of the diner hastily.

"I-I'm so sorry," Taehyung said standing quickly to follow him.

"Son, please," Mr. Jeon said stopping him, picking up the sketchbook and handing it to him. "All she wanted was for him to have this."

"Of course," Taehyung said taking the old sketchbook. "It was nice meeting you, I'm sorry it was so short. I'll make sure he calls you." He said with a bow before following Jeongguk out of the diner. "Jeongguk, wait, please."

Jeongguk fumbled for the keys to the car as he continued to walk away.

"I'll drive," Taehyung said jogging to catch up, taking the keys from him and handing him the sketchbook. "Come on, I'll take you home, okay?"

Jeongguk didn't respond before he climbed into the passenger seat, looking out of the window at Taehyung drove off.

Jeongguk didn't cry the entire drive back to their apartment. He didn't start crying until hours after they arrived, but once he started he didn't stop.

Taehyung held him tightly as he laid curled up on their bed clutching the sketchbook to his chest.

"I told her she was dead to me," Jeongguk cried brokenly. "That's the last thing I said to her, Taehyung. That's the last thing I ever said to her."

"I wish I had the right words to say right now, Jeongguk," Taehyung said. "I'm so sorry."

Jeongguk continued to cry as he replayed the last time he saw his mother over and over again in his head.

He knew that, no matter how much time went by, he'd never forget this feeling.

He'd never forget this pain...