The first few months of being homeless were hard. Jeongguk didn't know what to do and he didn't have anywhere to go. He often found himself forcing himself to stay awake rather than risk falling asleep somewhere sketchy.

On the nights that Seonho was able to get some coke from somewhere it was easier to stay awake, and the hunger that gnarled at his insides was a little more bearable.

But on the nights they didn't, it was bad.

"What's the problem then?" Jeongguk asked Seonho as they walked back to their usual place in the park. "You've been out here all day and you don't have anything? Are you fucking kidding me?"

"I already told you that they don't have what you want," Seonho snapped, turning to him as he continued to yell. "Take the suboxone and stop whining like a little bitch!"

"I don't want suboxone, Seonho, I want to get high!" Jeongguk yelled back. "What are you good for if you can't even get us high anymore?"

"I've been getting you high every day!" Seonho shouted. "You were supposed to be finding us somewhere to stay, did you do that? I'm out here chasing dope all day and you're just waiting around~"

"I was making money," Jeongguk said. "I gave you twenty dollars and you bring back some fucking suboxone?"

"I did what I could," Seonho said before continuing down the sidewalk. "You've become a literal fucking nightmare, Jeongguk. I don't even want to be around you anymore."

"What?" Jeongguk asked, grabbing his arm and making him stop. "What happened to being together for a long time, huh? You said that we were going to make this work, now you wanna give up?"

"I'm trying to make it work, but it's hard when you put all the pressure on me to score," Seonho said. "These people around here don't sell cocaine."

"What do they sell then?" Jeongguk asked. "It doesn't have to be cocaine, I really don't care anymore."

"Are you sure?"

"Yes, I just don't want to feel like this anymore."

They did adderall that night. It wasn't the same, and the high wasn't as intense. But it was better than being sober.

Jeongguk turned sixteen the next day. He didn't remember it was his birthday until the sun was setting and Seonho reminded him.

"That means we've known each other for a year," He said from where they sat behind an abandoned building, laying on a stack of cardboard boxes and their coats.

"Yeah..." Jeongguk mumbled, he wished Seonho didn't tell him it was his birthday. It just made him feel sad and forgotten.

"Since it's your birthday do you wanna try something?" Seonho said sitting up and reaching into his pocket. "The guy I bought from gave me something for free for paying upfront."

"What?" Jeongguk asked as he sat up with him.

"Heroine," Seonho said holding up the bag. "He said he'd let us try it free the first time."

"You aren't serious," Jeongguk said, his face falling as he watched Seonho pull a spoon and a needle out of his backpack. "Seonho..."

"He said it's better than anything we've tried. And it's cheaper," Seonho said. "We can get higher than we ever have."

"You said you'd never use a needle," Jeongguk said, his voice quivering. "C'mon, Seonho get rid of that, please."

"It can't hurt to try it just once," Seonho said with a shrug. "You said yourself that you're plateauing with cocaine."

"That doesn't mean you go straight to shooting heroine," Jeongguk said. "You promised you wouldn't go this far, Seonho. You're scaring me, please throw it away."

"This is free dope, are you kidding?" Seonho said rolling his eyes. "We can get high for free and you're telling me to throw it away?"

"If you're going to do that I'm leaving," Jeongguk said grabbing his backpack and shoving the coat he was laying on inside.

"You aren't leaving," Seonho said as he watched him stand. "Are you serious right now?"

"Are you?" Jeongguk asked, looking down at him with tears in his eyes. "You're telling me you're about to shoot heroine like it's nothing. You promised me~"

"Okay, okay, okay," Seonho said standing throwing the dope and needle to the side. "I won't fucking do it, alright?"

"I don't believe you," Jeongguk said turning to leave.

"Come on, I'm sorry," Seonho said grabbing him. "It was just an idea, I didn't think you'd fall apart. It was just an idea, okay?"

"You swear?"

"I swear,"

Jeongguk sighed, looking down as Seonho pulled him into a hug.

"Don't leave me," Seonho said. "I'm sorry, I won't bring it up again. Ever, I won't."

"Okay," Jeongguk said hugging him back. "I won't leave."

"Okay," Seonho said pulling away from the hug. They lie back down, facing each other. "You know where we should go?"

"Where?" Jeongguk asked, still slightly upset about Seonho's offer earlier.

"Seoul," He said. "I heard there's a lot more options there. A lot more people willing to help us."

"Help us do what?" Jeongguk asked.

"Find jobs, and somewhere to stay," Seonho said. "We might even get to finish school if we wanted."

"Who would want to help us?" Jeongguk said pessimistically. "We don't have anything to offer anyone."

"I don't know," Seonho said. "But we could at least try. You never know what could happen."

"When should we go?" Jeongguk asked.

"We should try to gather enough money for a train ticket," Seonho said. "I can probably sell a few bags and you could get a couple rings or necklaces off of some people on the street."

"Do you know how hard it is to steal a ring?" Jeongguk asked, making Seonho laugh. "Why can't I just sell like you?"

"Because, I don't want you getting that involved with those kinds of transactions," Seonho said. "I don't want anyone to hurt you."

Jeongguk smiled softly at that. "I guess I can try to swipe a ring or two."

"Okay," Seonho said. "We should leave before the weekend, tickets are cheaper on weekdays."

"Okay," Jeongguk said, sighing softly and closing his eyes. "I love you, Seonho."

"Do you really?" Seonho asked, amusement laced through his words. "Or are you just coked out and think you love me."

"I love you for real," Jeongguk laughed, opening his eyes and looking up at him. "You make me happy, and I swear it's not just the coke."

"Well I love you too," Seonho smiled, leaning in and kissing Jeongguk gently for a moment.

"Thank you for being here with me."

"I wouldn't want to be anywhere else,"

~

Jeongguk was standing outside a restaurant outlet waiting for his opportunity to grab some old lady's purse or snatch some guys wallet when he heard a familiar voice.

"Jeongguk? Son, is that you?"

He froze when he heard his dad's voice, preparing to run as fast as he could in the opposite direction.

"Bun?" His mother said, her eyes welling with tears the second she laid eyes on him.

"Fuck," Jeongguk said quietly to himself as they approached him.

"Oh my god, Jeongguk," His mother said pulling him into a hug. "Where have you been? The cops have been looking all over for you. We were worried sick."

Jeongguk pulled away from the hug. "I'm not coming home, so..."

"Are you hungry?" His mom asked as she looked him over. "Can we get you something from here? And talk a little maybe?"

Jeongguk's lifted his eyes from the ground, meeting his dad's eyes before looking away.

"Let us get you something, son," He said. "We need to talk."

Jeongguk wanted to tell him to fuck off and leave his mother crying in the street, but he needed money. And he knew he could get money from them if he played his cards right. "Yeah, alright."

He tried not to fidget as he sat across from his parents, picking at his nails with trembling hands.

"Where have you been?" His dad asked after ordering.

"N-Nowhere really," Jeongguk said looking at him. "Just around."

"Are you on drugs?" His dad asked.

Jeongguk's eyes flickered to his mother, who wasn't doing a great job at holding herself together as she looked at her son—who she hadn't seen or heard from in nine months. "I don't know~ yeah, I guess."

"Do you need help?" His dad asked. "We can get you into a facility. You'll be able to go to school and everything like normal. We've been looking into some places."

Jeongguk hated the way his dad was talking to him like he was worried about him. "You know I'm gay, dad...right?" He asked, his tone agitated. "I like guys."

"Okay," His dad said. "All I'm concerned about right now is getting you the help you need."

"Really?" Jeongguk asked, laughing shortly. "What happened to you being damned if you ever raised someone like me, huh? Did you move on from that? Because I haven't."

"Jeongguk,~"

"No, because I really wanna know," Jeongguk said cutting his mom off. "Are you suddenly not ashamed of me anymore? Or are you more ashamed of having a drug addicted son than a gay one?"

"I regret thinking that way when you were a child, Jeongguk, I do," His dad said. "I was afraid of you being different. I was afraid that people would treat you differently out in the real world if you continued on the way you were. But I realize that was a mistake, your mother made me realize how much I was hurting you and I regret that. I really do. I'm sorry. All I want now is for you to come home so that we can get you better~"

"I already said I'm not coming home," Jeongguk said. "And it's too late to be sorry. You made me hate myself, do you realize that? I still hate myself because of you."

"I'm sorry~"

"I don't accept your apology. If you want to prove how sorry you are give me some fucking money. I'll pretend my whole life never happened for two hundred bucks."

His parents both fell silent, looking at him with sad expressions.

"I...Gguk, we can't give you any money," His dad said. "But we can take you home, get you cleaned up, and have you in rehab by the end of the week."

"I'm not going to rehab, are you fucking stupid?" Jeongguk asked, he was becoming more and more frustrated as the conversation went on. "I said what you could do, if you won't do it I'll leave."

"We can't give you any money, Jeongguk," His mom said, tears falling down her face. "We want to help you, baby~"

"Screw you," Jeongguk said standing and grabbing his backpack. "You're fucking dead to me, do you hear me? Both of you, fucking dead."

"Jeongguk, please~"

"Don't go after him, sweetheart, let him go. We tried."

Jeongguk left the restaurant without looking back at his parents, he didn't have time to worry about them.

He needed to make some money.