Wondering

I'm just wondering

How to get back to me?

To the one I see

When I close my eyes.

For when they open

What a surprise!

Who is this woman?

When did she appear?

What the hell 

is she doing here?

She looks nothing like me.

Where is her smile?

That come hither look

That begs you to stay awhile?

What happened to the

The magic that sparkled in her eyes?

Her belief that all things were possible

that came as no surprise?

She had a heart full of hope

And smile full of cheer.

A laugh that kept you laughing

Not a frown and sneer?

Each turn she has made

Has left her lost in the maze

Of her thoughts and fears

No longer are her goals clear.

The dreamer isn't dreaming

Or the nightmares are too real.

She used to be stronger

So fragile does she feel.

She weighed herself down

It hurts just to breathe,

And no matter the pain

She has to proceed.

Life keeps moving forward

Dragging her along.

She used to be a ray of sunshine

Now a she's a worn-out song.

Where did the romantic go?

Who could always find a bright side?

How deep have I buried her

Or does she wish to hide?

She is me

But the answer is unclear

Did I do this to myself

or is this just my fear?

I want to make things better

But I don't know where to start

How do you mend

A lost and broken heart?

How do you bring back the magic

When the audience

has learned the trick?

How when I won't listen

Do you figure out how I tick?

I miss the dreamer who knew

It didn't matter what you do

More important is to be true 

To that person inside of you.

I betrayed her in the worst of ways

Shut her up for days and days

No longer caring what she has to say.

Now I'm afraid she's gone away.

And what is left is here to stay.