I didn't want to know how this felt.

I never wanted to be like this.

I'm numb.

I can't stop crying.

I don't understand how I can lay in bed, wide awake for hours.

I can't move

Tears sting my eyes and I'm reduced to empty sobs.

I didn't want to know how it felt to cut my wrists

Relapsing on my thighs in the shower

I didn't want to know how it felt to hold a knife to my skin

I didn't want to know

I didn't want to know how it felt to cry in the bathroom

Or cry all day at school

I'm so tired

But so damn restless

Nothing makes sense

I'm numb, and everything is too much

I didn't want to know

Now I do..

And I hate it with every fiber of my being