From her place at the kitchen table, Hermione watched Ron toss the vegetables into the pan. In the end he had again taken over most of the cooking work, as she was too clumsy in cutting the peppers and peeling the potatoes. The fact that her thoughts wandered off to other things didn't help either.

She sighed, her fingers clasped around a mug of hot tea, and stared at Ron's broad back. The day with him had been nice, for he had obviously made an effort to have fun. However, at no time did she feel that she was actually on a date with him. It was more like the old days, when she and Harry and Ron had regularly gone down from Hogwarts to the village of Hogsmeade to drink a Butterbeer in the Three Broomsticks or to try out the latest creations of the Honeypot.

The near-kiss with Harry the day before did the rest.

She really loved Ron. But as she looked at him as he prepared dinner in the kitchen - such a familiar sight - she began to wonder if she was really in love with him too.

And then she wondered if Ginny had felt the same way. By the time Harry showed up at her door, heartbroken, she had a clear explanation of Ginny's behaviour - who could expect to feel butterflies in her stomach after two years in a relationship? But now she found herself almost at the same point. She didn't expect to feel all giddy and happy all the time, but shouldn't there still be something there? Even Harry, whom she had always considered a brother, could drive the heat into her cheeks, while Ron...

"Dinner is ready!" the same one announced at that moment and interrupted Hermione's circular thoughts.

With skilful hands, he divided the contents of the pan into two deep plates and placed one in front of Hermione, the other on his own place on the table. To do this, he placed a glass and a bottle of beer on the table, while Hermione was given a new mug of tea.

"Enjoy it," he said cheerfully as he sat down opposite her at the table and without hesitation began to eat.

"Thank you," Hermione muttered.

The fried vegetables that Ron cooked up smelled heavenly, and the long day shopping had robbed her of her energy. She decided to put aside all her worries for the moment and concentrate instead on the meal her boyfriend had prepared for her.

"I've been thinking about it this week", Ron finally broke the silence that had spread in the kitchen.

Amused, Hermione noticed that he still hadn't gotten rid of his habit of talking with his mouth full, but she wasn't bothered by it anymore. Questioningly, she raised an eyebrow to ask him to keep talking.

"I think it would do us good to see... less of each other for a while."

Hermione nearly dropped her cutlery. "What?"

"Does that really surprise you?"

Hermione stared at Ron with her mouth open. She could see he was uncomfortable in his skin, but his gaze was determined and lay motionless on her. When had Ron grown up so much?

"Do you want to break up?" She broached the subject uncertainly. The food in front of her was forgotten, the cutlery set aside as a precaution so that she could concentrate on the conversation. A nervous tremor gripped her. She had just thought about this very thing herself, but to hear it from Ron's mouth gave it a new dimension. It became real.

Ron shook his head. "No. Just ... a break? My words still stand: I love you and I want to spend my life with you, Hermione. But I want you to feel the same way," he explained, scratching his cheek in embarrassment. "I want you to want me as much as I want you. When we are together, that is beautiful. It feels nice, safe, familiar. Like home. But...", now he blushed, "Sometimes I have the feeling that you do not find me... attractive, you know? I'm a man, and I want the woman I love to make me feel like a man..."

Ashamed, Hermione lowered her head. She knew exactly what Ron was getting at. She loved him, but when it came to lust and desire, there was little. And as inappropriate as it was, the scene with Harry the night before reappeared in her head uninvited.

"Oh, Ron..."

With a tortured smile Ron leaned forward. "I am simply too jealous. I think of Harry living with you and I have all sorts of dark thoughts. And then you talk about it rationally and I know you're right, and yet I think I'm allowed to think it's bad. I think it's great that you can be rational and not get bitchy like other women, but..."

Hermione saw that Ron had actually wanted to talk about this matter calmly and openly, but in the end his emotions ran away with him again. And she understood him, she really did, but she couldn't get out of her skin. In all situations in life she used her mind first, before she questioned her feelings.

Well, at least as long as she wasn't drunk.

"Maybe you're right," she said quietly, "Maybe we just need a break. Sometimes you get used to things and lose sight of how much they're actually worth."

Ron nodded affirmatively. "That's what I mean. You really mean a lot to me, Hermione, but if we really want to have a future together, then ... I must mean a lot to you, too. I want to marry you, Hermione."

As if he had struck her, she lowered herself back into her chair. He wanted to marry her. Of course, he wanted to marry her. It was only logical.

And yet...

The idea was abstract, and as soon as he'd said it, Hermione felt as if someone had set up a trap for her. Was she really ready to spend the rest of her life with Ron? There was so much more to see in the world, so much to find out, so much to... feel.

"I understand you, Ron," she whispered, "If we really want to grow old together, we'd better find out now rather than later how deep our feelings really are. A break is... important."

"It doesn't have to be forever," Ron quickly added. "Maybe until the New Year or so. Just two or three weeks of going our own ways. I'm sure we'll both soon realise that we miss each other. We'll see what we have on each other."

Hermione just nodded. Unlike Ron, she wasn't so sure if this would actually be the result of a temporary separation. What if she felt happier? What if she liked life without Ron as a partner?

What if things with Harry turned into something more?

Tears came involuntarily. She needed to talk to Harry. She just had to know what was happening, what was going on inside him. He was still Ron's best friend.

"Hey, Mione, come here," Ron whispered tenderly and went over to her, crouched down next to her and pulled her to him. "Don't cry, please. We're gonna be all right. You'll see, the break will do us good."

Hermione sobbed and buried her face on his shoulder. If Ron knew what she was thinking about. If he knew what her feelings really were. If he had any idea what had happened between her and Harry. She felt like a fraud and she hated it.

And on Monday, to make matters worse, she had to go back to Malfoy to finally make progress on the vase case. It was just so much. Too much for the Christmas season, which should be so beautiful.