The goal of this chapter is simple ya'll: give Wooyoung something nice without having him feel bad about it.

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San's POV

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I sighed, leaning my elbows against the counter and resting my chin in my palms. I gazed out at the bustling storefront, willing some of those patrons to swing in and give me some business. Two days until Christmas, and Jinsoo had to reorder everything at least twice. But now it felt we were being skipped over in the mad holiday rush, and right now I was bored out of my mind.

Jinsoo sat in his office, clicking away at the keyboard doing god only knew what. Probably more ordering. I guarded the front, swinging my gaze lazily to the clock above the shelf of new releases. Two more hours and I could go home. I straighted, stifling a yawn and moving to the far end of the counter. I hefted a load of books into my arms and moved off, shelving a few as I went. The remainder went to the back on the discount shelves, distinguishable by the bright orange stickers on the spines. I caught a few titles that seemed perfect for a certain someone. No doubt the reason they were here. Jinsoo knew his stuff.

"So it is true." I glanced over my shoulder, giving Seonghwa a little wave. Mingi's voice filtered through my thoughts, but I quickly shook it aside. "Wooyoung said you got a job here. I didn't believe him. Not after this." I winced, focusing a little too hard on putting books on shelves. "You don't seem the work-at-a-bookstore type," Seonghwa continued, oblivious to my inner turmoil. I huffed out an annoyed breath.

"It pays," I gritted. "And..." I stopped. Originally, I hadn't meant for this job to mean much of anything. But now it felt wrong to admit I liked coming here because I got a chance to see Wooyoung. And Yeosang. But I'd never admit that now. Not when I'd made an ass of myself. "I like it here fine," I replied at last, moving off to attack a different stack of books.

"San." This time his tone turned gentle. Soft. I paused, and behind me I heard a sigh. "I know we've kind if ganged up on you," he continued. "And it's been unfair on our end." I swallowed the sudden rock forming in my throat. "I'm sorry. How has it been besides. I don't think I've asked you."

"Uh, good," I responded, my brain stuttering to a stop. I mechanically put books away, gazing at Seonghwa out of the corner of my eye. He leaned against the counter, his too long bangs flopping into his face. I noticed the blond tips, and realized he must have been experimenting at university. He had his phone in his hands, his fingers gliding over the screen, a serene sort of smile touching his features. I frowned at my books.

Do they need us?

"Alright San." I whipped around as Jinsoo emerged from the office, stretching his arms above his head and giving a soft groan of discomfort. "I know you aren't supposed to leave for another hour and a half, but we're slow as hell today. Get out of here." I nodded, shuffling behind the computer and clocking out. Seonghwa propelled himself off the counter and fell in step beside me out into the mall. People jostled passed me, but whenever they bumped they might as well have been hitting a wall.

"You don't have to be with me if you don't want to," I said as the entrance to the mall crept closer. "You can go see Hongjoong hyung." Seonghwa slow blinked at me, tilting his head to the side so his bangs flopped into his face. He brushed them aside. "You'd probably rather be...anywhere but here."

"No stop that," Seonghwa scolded. "I came here today specifically to see you. Don't you want to see us? And Jongho? I thought you missed us." I faced forward again, squeezing my eyes shut for a second and taking a deep breath. It wasn't that I didn't miss them. I did. More than I should have been allowed to. It was that I was toxic. "San." I felt a hand on my shoulder, and Seonghwa halted our forward progress. "Talk, San. Please." I brushed him off.

"There's nothing more to talk about," I said breezily, praying to whatever gods were listening that my voice didn't tremble like I thought it did. "You guys know everything. Nothing's changed. You and Hongjoong hyung are..." I trailed off, watching as the tips of his ears flared red and he averted his gaze, shuffling his feet awkwardly on the tiles. "You guys clearly have your own things going on." I tried to keep my tone even, though what I really wanted to do was shout at him. Weren't we enough? Or did they truly not need us now that they were both in university? "You see what's happened," I added after a beat.

"I know you," Seonghwa said, and I arched an eyebrow at him. "I know you well enough to know you may be cocky, and arrogant, but you aren't devilishly mean." I crossed my arms over my chest, attempting to act indifferent even though my fingers brushed against my shirt, a comforting technique I picked up over the last year. "What really happened? We haven't gotten it out of anyone. Wooyoung won't talk about any of it."

Freak.

"Nothing," I replied through gritted teeth as that word flashed briefly through my mind. My mantra. A word Wooyoung heard so many times in four months he probably believed it right now. "Nothing happened that you don't already know." Seonghwa levelled a look at me, making me snap my jaw shut.

"Your parents?" he asked, and instantly I wanted to shrivel into myself and hide away from the world. The barest traces of trouble brewing began way back during the summer. Nothing worrisome at the time. A few harsher words exchanged. A door slamming somewhere in the house a few nights a week. Dad staying later and later after work, claiming he had important business to attend to. Finally it seemed to explode just before school picked back up. Whispers rapidly switched to yelling matches. Door slamming was so commonplace I could tune it out no problem. And most nights it was a surprise if dad came home at all.

Seeing mom cry herself to sleep was never my favorite past time.

"They're..." I began, my voice cracking before I could fully get anything out. Seonghwa's expression turned sympathetic. He held his arms out, welcoming me in. I crashed into him, shaking, my hands clutching at my jacket. No tears leaked out this time. I was good at crying without physical tears forming. But my god it hurt all the same.

"I'm sorry," Seonghwa whispered, running a hand down my back. People bustled around us, occasionally gawking, but Seonghwa sent them on their way with a quick glare. "I'm sorry. Why didn't you ever tell us?"

"Because..." I stopped again. It seemed stupid to admit that I didn't want to bother any of them with my problems. But if I had, would I still have my friends?

Would I still have my brothers?

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Wooyoung's POV

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"We haven't been here in ages," I commented, my breath puffing in front of me in a small white cloud. Yeosang shot me a grin, tugging his hat lower over his ears and hiding his messy hair. We sat down on a nearby bench, simply admiring the screen in front of us for a few minutes. The ice rink. Yeosang and I, and everyone else, were never more than a few feet away from this place during winter breaks in the past. It was free to students, and a quick flash of our badges granted a full day of fun. Concessions ran cheap as well, ensuring we always had full bellies.

I laced my skates up, standing up and wobbling a bit. It had been a few years since we'd been here, and I worried I'd forgotten some of what I'd learned. True enough, it stepped onto the ice and promptly fell onto my behind. Yeosang skated slowly a few meters ahead, getting back into the feel of it. I rose, starting off slowly for a few laps, picking up speed every time we passed the gate until I practically flew over the ice in my own right. Yeosang skated the reverse direction, and every time we met up we high fived before heading off again.

Skating had always been one of my favorite winter activities. I didn't realize how much I'd missed it until we were here, and the world passed in a blur, and the cold air whipped around my face. I wrapped my scarf a little tighter, twirling a few times on my skates before I got dizzy. I grinned wildly. This was exactly what I'd needed.

"Whew!" Yeosang skidded to a stop beside me at the wall, draping himself over it, his back heaving as he breathed. I chuckled, nudging him with a paper cup of hot chocolate. He accepted, taking a small sip. His cheeks were rosy, as was his nose, but there was no mistaking the smile on his face. "My god Wooyoung why aren't we here more often?" he asked. I fixed my gaze on a point opposite us, biting my lip. I could answer. I knew it. But I didn't want to ruin our fun. All I did was wait until he finished his hot chocolate, then pull him along until we were skating side by side, occasionally switching positions. He skated fast circles around me at one point. Then I shot forward, outpacing him easily. Skating had always been my nich.

"Wooyoung hyung! Yeosang hyung!" We turned as another voice hollered our names. Jongho skated up to us easily, already looking right at home. We parted wordlessly so he could join us, and for a long while our trio simply did laps around the rink, not talking, but filling the space with comfortable silence. "I missed this," Jongho finally piped up. "The rink. And..." His face screwed up, but we understood. Yeosang slung an arm over his shoulder.

"We missed you too," he whispered. I turned away, reaching into my coat pocket and coming up with a fistful of won. Up to the window I went, returning a few moments later with churros, and Jongho's expression positively lit up at the sight of them. He reached out eagerly to take his from me, stuffing his cheeks. I chuckled, nibbling my own stick of cinnamon-y goodness. Yeosang shot a look my way, his eyebrow up, shifting subtly to Jongho. I gave a shrug, leaning over the wall again.

"I'm gonna sit out a few laps," I decided, feeling suddenly exhausted. Yeosang now snapped his attention to me, expression worried. I waved him aside, exiting the rink and sinking onto a bench a little ways away. I put my head between my knees, spots dancing before my vision. It cleaned quickly though, and soon I sat up again, slouching in my seat. I stuffed my hands in my pockets. I watched my best friend and our other friend skate around, talking quietly to each other. I sighed contently, closing my eyes.

This was nice. This was the sort of thing I needed in my life. Familiar hobbies with good people. My best people. I wasn't going to get anywhere wallowing in self pity, I knew that.

But at the same time it was damn near impossible to ignore the little voices in my head. I was definitely my own worst enemy in that regard. I beat myself up better than anyone else ever could. There would always be a part of me that believed I wasn't good enough. That I didn't deserve what I had. That it was all futile anyway because no one cared.

"Wooyoung." I opened my eyes in time to witness Yeosang crashing into the bench beside me a second time, Jongho settling himself on the other side. Yeosang offered me a bottle of water, which I accepted. We sat for awhile after that, swapping school stories, future woes, and discussing Christmas plans. Then Jongho offered up his iPod and we took turns listening to songs. BTS. EXO. Twice. Super Junior. SHINee.

I glanced back and forth for a second. Jongho's serious expression, forehead wrinkled in concentration. Yeosang light-heartedly tapping the wood under his fingers in time to the beat. And me, sandwiched between them. Surrounded by people that cared about me. That loved me.

For the first time in so long, the weight didn't feel nearly as crushing as it had been.

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Finally boy! About time you realize not everyone in the world is out to get you.