THE START OF SENIOR YEAR / BISHOP HIGH SCHOOL

Junior year, Jake Tanner only took Chemistry to fill up his science slot. Mrs. Ackerman wouldn't get off his back, so he plucked it out of a list of courses that worked around all his other subjects. He was rather capable, too, if not a fan of it.

Senior year, Jake Tanner took AP Chem for a completely different set of reasons.

Sure, that there was only one AP Chem class this year — which meant his girlfriend would definitely be with him — helped a bunch, but surprisingly Jake found himself rather passionate about the subject. Maybe it was because he had only good memories associated with Chem, especially the indignant look on Nova Sanchez's face the first time Avalon chose to partner up with him instead of her.

Admittedly, that was only because Nova had been absent, but she had still blanched in horror when Jake arrogantly relayed the news to her in the cafeteria the next day.

Jake strolled into the classroom with drawn shoulders and a wide, easy smile. The teacher wasn't there yet, which meant he could sneak approximately five kisses from his girlfriend before she got annoyed and pushed him away. He walked right up to Avalon's desk and pressed his lips to hers.

She instinctively returned his kiss, though her eyes were confused and hazy with desire when he pulled away. "What are you doing here, baby?" Avalon asked.

"Going to class," he returned smoothly, still leaning against her desk.

There were about eight people currently in the classroom, but everyone knew to avert their eyes from the happy couple. Tanner would not let anyone's opinion sway him from PDA, so now the majority of the student body knew not to comment on it.

Everyone had made bets on when Jake — with a notoriously short attention span — and Avalon would break up, but the pair had progressively caused many students to lose a lot of money as the months ticked by. It had been almost a year since he'd fallen for her, but it felt like he was still going. Still falling deeper and deeper.

"You..." Avalon finally understood. "No way." She reflected on the past academic year, during which Jake took every opportunity to bitch about carbon chemistry and titration and reaction schemes. Since when— "You hate Chemistry."

"Turns out, there's a very thin line between love and hate," Jake smiled cheekily. "As you would know."

Avalon couldn't argue. She didn't argue when he bent down for a second kiss either, following his lips back as far as she could stretch when he pulled away. "So, what, does this mean you're going to bug me every single lesson?"

"That's the second step in the plan," he murmured, dropping a chaste peck on her cheek. Three.

"And the first?" Avalon wondered, smiling when he gave her a nose kiss. Four.

Jake whispered, "Top the class." Avalon immediately bristled, sensing her crown was under threat, but Jake claimed her lips in a searing kiss that had her forgetting all about AP Chem until the teacher walked in. "Tanner, get your butt into a seat."

While Jake obeyed, the anger flooded back into Avalon's veins. Chem is my thing, damn it. Find your own.

"Is that a challenge?" she said through clenched teeth, trying to still her frantic heartbeat. It was hard enough trying to focus in junior year with Jake in the same room, wafting his rich, overwhelming scent around her and 'accidentally' flexing those biceps in her direction.

If he suddenly upped his Chemistry game? She was either going to smack him with a book or jump his bones in her car after school.

Jake slid into the desk next to Avalon and began the dramatic show of pulling out his shiny new Chemistry textbook and workbook, cracking the spines to lay them open on his desk. "You bet."

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THE START OF FRESHMAN YEAR / HALSTON UNIVERSITY

Massachusetts was the ideal college destination.

Jake found that he could spend his summers in sweltering California and then retreat to somewhere blissfully cool for the football season, a much more tolerable temperature considering the grueling practices he had to attend.

He was on a football scholarship to Halston University, while Avalon achieved her dream of studying in Germany. The Humboldt University of Berlin, to be specific, majoring in Chemical Engineering. That was going to be his major, too, after falling head over heels in love with Chemistry in his senior year of high school, but Avalon had very frankly told him she couldn't take the constant pressure of having to compete with him.

"Then, why compete?" he had said smugly, just before he began peeling her clothes off one starlit evening. "Just let me win."

"No," she had said unflinchingly, immediately getting out of the bed and redressing. The sight of her long legs disappearing into corduroy trousers had nearly made him weep. "Chemistry was my thing first."

Perhaps it had been the heat of the moment, how excited and ready Jake had been to make some mind-blowing love to Avalon, but he found himself relenting, "Fine! Fine, I'll switch to Pharmacy." Avalon had then smiled pleasantly and proceeded to ride his brains out.

Good times, Jake thought nostalgically.

"How are you settling in?" Avalon yawned through the phone. She was six hours ahead in the day, and always very sleepy when they called after Jake's lectures finished.

"Well, I've unpacked. Decorated. The football team had get-together drinks last Friday." Jake frowned, "My roommate's a bit weird."

"Weird how?"

"Not to judge him but..." Jake decided to bite the bullet and just say it, "He's got this full-sized body pillow. And there's a naked lady on it." In fact, the unblinking figure was watching him now, propped up against the wall where his roommate left her. It? "Granted, it's a cartoon. I don't know, I feel like I'm betraying you just looking at that. It. Her."

"Just imagine it's free porn," came Avalon's signature wry answer. "Or, you could print out a picture of my face and stick it on her whenever he's not around."

"Genius," Jake chuckled, swivelling his chair away from the unnerving sight. "I like the room, though. It's clean. Super tidy on both sides, thank fuck. Quiet enough to study. No complaints." No complaints, and yet he felt himself fall uncomfortably silent. A frown tugged at the corners of his mouth.

Avalon's knowing voice rustled in his ear. "You miss Jamie, don't you?"

"Fuck, no," Jake laughed, a bit too harshly. "Why would I miss that stinky, thieving, sloppy younger brother of mine?"

"I know he feels far away right now, but I'm sure you'll see him in no time," Avalon comforted.

On her side of the line, she rolled her eyes. Jake's sensitivity was something she both loved and hated about him. Often she was the comforter, but she truly liked hearing his thoughts.

And, she supposed, it was a huge adjustment. In Bishop, Jake and Jamie had been joined at the hip. Classes, road trips, extracurriculars, they did it all together. The twins would find being separated difficult, not that either of them would admit it to each other.

"Yeah. Hopefully," Jake said in a small voice. "He is supposed to be at practice tomorrow."

She chuckled; Jamie was also attending Halston University on a football scholarship.

Avalon resisted the urge to point out the pouty tone to Jake's deep, soulful voice. In some manner, the whole classes, road trips, extracurriculars situation had not changed one bit. After all, Jamie was just down the footpath, in a different hall of residence. "See? You'll see him around all the time."

"Not that I want to," Jake maintained stubbornly.

"Of course not," Avalon agreed knowingly, stifling a larger yawn.

It was nearly midnight in Germany, and Jake had to get down to the dining hall for dinner. "Baby?"

Avalon murmured sluggishly, "Hmm?"

"Good night."

"Good afternoon."

"I love you," Jake crooned adoringly.

"I love you, too," Avalon answered softly, Jake's smile the last thing she thought about before drifting to sleep.

▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬

THE START OF SENIOR YEAR / HUMBOLDT UNIVERSITY OF BERLIN

Sometimes, Avalon was the one who needed comforting.

Long-distance was hard. At this point, she hadn't been back to the States for a year and a half. Her financial situation wouldn't allow it, since both she and Jake were struggling college students. They'd gone through rough patches many times before, but this time she didn't know if it would be the one to end it all.

She just wanted Jake, holding her and whispering dirty jokes into her ear. Instead, she was surrounded by reminders that their lives were on very separate trajectories. What if she ended up working and settling in Germany? Could she ask Jake to leave his friends, family, and connections behind? Would he ask the same of her?

How many years did they have to wish before finally getting what they wanted?

"What if we got together too early in our lives? Like, before dating around and seeing the world and finding out who we are on our own?" she whispered into the phone. Jake was eating lunch in a food court somewhere, while she was cooking dinner in her apartment.

His fork froze on screen. "What's brought this on?"

"Nothing," she immediately shrugged. Well, not nothing. Duh. You dumbass.

"Av..."

She spit out her thoughts without much prompting, noting with a wince the shattered expression on her boyfriend's face when she brought up one of her ideas for a solution — or, at least, a reprieve.

Jake did not take kindly to the idea of going on a break.

Avalon hadn't sorted out if she wanted them to see other people or just relieve both of them of the most straining parts of dating long-distance. But she did know she was tired of the fear. Fear that one day, she and Jake would reunite, only for him to realise she was no longer what she wanted.

She was a small-town girl in a big world, and the things she offered him had never been exceptional. She had never been exceptional. She was possessive. Insecure. Not really sweet or perky, like many other girls effortlessly were. But, fuck, if she didn't love him so much it hurt.

She loved him so much it would kill her to find out that he was unhappy being with her. She loved him so much she would rather cut him loose earlier than later, when she might have a better chance of surviving, of salvaging the pieces of her heart. People often told her the shiny, sparkly parts of love faded with time, but it never felt like that to her. Did it feel like that to Jake?

"Every time I talk about you, I get this look of pity. Like a breakup is inevitable," she admitted. Fucking Philosophy majors. She only took that damned paper to fill an Arts slot, completely unexpecting to meet such a high concentration of pessimists. "Or, they'll be like that's so sweet that you lasted in a tone that doesn't seem like they actually think we lasted. I'm just... I'm really confused."

The clatter of a fork dropping startled Avalon, before Jake's warm, strong voice calmed her. "If you're breaking up with me over the phone, I'm going to fly to Germany tomorrow." She laughed, on the verge of tears. I wish you were here. "I swear. Germany's your thing, and I wouldn't dare of encroaching on your thing, but I will go full Deutsche on your ass if you're breaking up with me through fucking FaceTime—"

"I'd never break up with you," she said truthfully. "But you might break up with me. I see those supermodel friends you have. They're gorgeous and intelligent and cosmopolitan—"

"You mean Krista? That influencer buddy of mine?" Jake wondered disbelievingly. Avalon nodded. Krista Ming. One million followers, a doctor in the making, with a body like her metabolism never stopped. And she lived on Jake's floor. "First off, you should see Kris without makeup. She's cool and all, but her Instagram is a total front. It's not the real her. A projection. Believe me."

In the back of her mind, Avalon knew all this. She shouldn't base her assumptions on social media, since she'd never even met Krista. But the insecure, needy, uncertain part of her couldn't help but wander to the darkest corners of her mind. "I mean, there's also all the other people who tag you in their stories and stuff. You're so beloved, Jake. You could have anyone you wanted."

"I don't want anyone else," Jake muttered quietly, looking seriously wounded now. I wish you were here.

And yet, instead of letting the issue go, her overactive mind forced her to spit out the entirety of her doubts. "But how can you say that conclusively? That's like, dipping your hand into a bag of M&Ms and pulling out a red one and deciding that all of them must be red. You don't know until you find out. I feel like I'll never know if you're with me because you choose to be, or because you settled. Like, how do you know there's not someone out there you click even better with?"

Gosh, if this didn't make Jake dump her on the spot for being a clingy, insecure girlfriend, Avalon would be surprised.

"Uh, because you exist," Jake returned matter-of-factly. "And I decided I'll always click best with you."

"You can't just decide these things. Compatibility. Romance," she listed.

"Watch me," Jake said confidently. He closed his eyes and waited one second, then leaned his grass-green irises right up to the camera. "See? Boom. I just did. If I want you more than anyone else in the world, and you want me more than anyone else in the world, why are you even thinking about other people? I chose you, and I choose you every single damn day. We're meant to be because we meant to be."

Avalon laughed harshly, tossing the stir fry around the pan. For all Jake's sensitivity and complaints, he was really not as insecure as he claimed to be. Not when it counted.

As soon as he felt something negative, he'd talk her ear off about it, uncaring whether it was big or little, trivial or weighty. Perhaps that was why he lived so carefree — he freed his cares. Avalon would try it, the whole venting thing, if her mouth didn't feel stuffed with cotton each time she had to admit weakness. "Right."

"Don't tell me you believe in cosmic energy voodoo now."

"I don't, but—"

"Then I don't care. I don't care if I meet supermodels or geniuses or child prodigies. I'm hanging on until I get you in my bed, at the end of every day, laughing your hyena laugh and giving me your lightning eyes—"

Avalon turned the camera off when she started to cry. Her chest felt inexplicably tight, her head dizzy. Was she happy? Sad? Calm? Angry? She felt all those things and none of those things. She felt wrecked.

"—and then once I get that, I'm not ever letting you go. Ever. Never ever," Jake said childishly, but his words were music to her ears. "But if you want something different, you let me know."

Avalon wiped away her tears and kept her voice calm. "Okay. I'll let you know. I just... need time."

On the other end of the line, Jake nodded shakily. Believe me. We have tons of that.

He didn't blame Avalon for feeling this way. In junior year, he went through an embarrassingly protective spell of his own, demanding that she message him the name of every man she had to interact with one-on-one. It wasn't that he didn't trust Avalon. It was that he couldn't see for himself — make sure with his own hands and his own care — that she was happy and safe. And, yes, the thought of some slick-talking, multilingual European stealing her way plagued him like his personal storm cloud.

But he'd worked on those irrational feelings and moved past them. He'd been a lot of things over these last four years. Sometimes insecure, sometimes confident. Sometimes impatient, sometimes supportive. Jake's attitude and behaviour oscillated — but that was life, he figured — and he had only ever been one thing definitively.

Avalon's.

He was Avalon's, without a doubt. School, life decisions, college, travelling. He never knew what he wanted until he wanted her, and then everything fell into place in her wake. She was the answer to all his questions.

"Call me when you have a decision, then," he said calmly. He wasn't going to lose her by being overbearing or possessive. He wasn't going to lose her at all.

He chose her every single day, and he wanted her to choose him back — not just because he fought off every man that looked her way. This was the sweetest way to be loved: by free will.

It did not take Avalon long to reach a decision. Just before Jake went to bed that same day, which was about six in the morning in Germany, his phone rang. It sounded like Avalon had been crying, but she laughed with unfettered joy. "Fuck, I'm an idiot sometimes. I love you."

"That you are," Jake agreed lightly, feeling cool relief flood his veins. "And that's why I topped AP Chem in senior year." He recalled the particular exam question from years and years ago that had done her in: "Bromoalkane, what were you thinking?"

▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬

THE SUMMER AFTER SENIOR YEAR / BERLIN

Jake was not expecting the Rolex. Avalon had given it to him at the restaurant, after the main but before dessert. "Remember the deal we made?"

And if you make it to Oxford and become a fancy-pants whatever-you-want, send me a thank-you Rolex. Deal?

At the time, in their junior year of high school, that had only been a passing conversation as they waited outside the career counsellor's office. Now, Avalon perceived it as the encounter that started it all, that changed her life. If she didn't make good on it, she could never feel truly at ease.

Turned out, Oxford was actually Humboldt and whatever-Avalon-wanted was an industrial chemist, but she was still the girl Jake had fallen for, nearly five years ago. He let her put the watch on him in the restaurant, and then they strolled to the hotel they were staying in for the next two weeks.

Avalon had a whole European itinerary planned. They were going to take the trains between each city, across borders, through mountains, but Jake had one last, very important, mission to complete before they could begin their summer tour around the continent.

Before she stepped into the bathroom, Jake told Avalon he was still jet-lagged and would hit the hay now.

"Okay, baby. Sweet dreams."

Then he laid awake and listened to the running water of the shower, waiting for the precise minute the nozzle fell silent. At that moment, he picked up a piece of paper and velvet box and stood outside the door of the bathroom.

Was he supposed to feel this nervous? God, if she rejected him or said she was uncertain, he might die on the spot—

"Whoa!" Avalon exclaimed, pulling up short when she nearly crashed into Jake on her way out of the bathroom. Her blonde hair was wrapped up in a towel, an identical one covering her body. "You alright there?" The steam from the shower sagged out of the bathroom and she peered up at Jake with melting confusion.

He handed her the piece of paper first. "Read it."

Jake didn't think he needed to say anything. Nor could he, if he even wanted to. His throat closed up, his palms were trembling, he felt about to pass out. Avalon unfolded the paper and stopped breathing when she read her own years-old familiar handwriting.

Everything.

Except, Jake had added two words above.

You're my everything.

Avalon clapped a hand over her mouth and laughed into it. He kept it? Her mind flew to that party at Killian Fergusson's house, when they'd spent an hour talking and laughing and forgetting about the mission Jake had embarked on.

That piece of paper was nearly five years old. And it certainly looked like it, too, folded and worn and barely holding itself together. "What the heck? This thing is so old by now, I can't believe you managed to—"

When Avalon looked up, she saw the rest of her life staring at her.

Jake was down on one knee.

There was a ring, simple and elegant, exactly the way she preferred. But more importantly, there was Jake, holding meteors, shooting stars, and endless wishes in his green eyes.

You're my everything, too. Her first everything, her only everything, her last everything. Her everything-everything. Avalon was going to frame that piece of paper, she decided. To commemorate it, certainly, but also to protect it. It looked about to dissolve into dust.

A sigh of relief escaped Jake when she extended her hand. He caught it, slipping the ring onto her finger. Avalon dropped onto her haunches — half-in, half-out of the bathroom, sliding around on wet tile, but neither of them cared — and kissed him senseless.

Jake had been worried the proposal was too simple for someone as incredible as Avalon. She deserved the world, but he always thought he couldn't promise to give her that, and shouldn't try to; she would chase it down for herself. But, Jake could promise to be there for her — waiting, following, supporting — wherever she went, whatever she did.

No grand gestures or glitz or glamour. Jake didn't need to ask. Avalon didn't need to answer. A quiet hotel room, a wordless question, a silent reply.

It said it all.

THE END

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O U T R O

Phew, we've reached the end of Handwritten!

If it feels like the story started and finished very quickly, know that it reflects the way I wrote it: fast and furious, in three days, after I was hit with a furious wave of inspiration for these two characters.

Writing and editing this book really got me through the lockdown anxiety; I think these two will always be my comfort characters. I hope reading Handwritten has helped lighten your moods, too, even if by a little bit!

If you enjoyed this short and sweet read, please do check out my longer, novel-length books.

Aimee x