"Handsome", Scene 0 - 3 (PG-13): Elaine And Rodger Plan her Date
“Handsome”, Scene 0 -- Prologue
As crushes go, Elaine Marshall’s romantic crush on her best friend Rodger Calendar is a doozy—and doomed! Forty year old Rodger is tall, dark, and handsome—naturally befitting the six foot two and a half inch muscular leading man hunk of an actor that he is. Elaine is forty five years old, 160 pounds, and five foot four inches tall—very nicely womanly curvy—with long silky brunette hair that she usually styles up and out of the way in a loose twist. But, Elaine knows that she is older than Rodger is, she is not as pretty as Rodger is, and she is not British like Rodger is. So it’s three strikes and you’re out—in Elaine’s mind--to use one of her American idioms.
But, Elaine is grateful for Rodger’s close friendship forged from them working on different artistic projects together and becoming best friends over the past few years. Elaine just needs to move on with her life so that she can find romance for herself—especially since romance is supposedly her writing genre. And, Elaine has an attractive face and a pleasing disposition. So, Elaine has hope in her quest to find love for herself. She just doesn’t expect to find love where she does.
To be continued with Scene 1
“Handsome”, Scene 1 (R rating) -- Elaine has Saturday Morning Coffee with her Best Friend Rodger
It is a typical Saturday morning for Elaine Marshall. Elaine showers and puts on a light blue soft weave jeans dress with a scoop neckline and a full skirt. She walks around the corner from her London flat to a little coffee shop where she plans to meet her best friend, Rodger for breakfast. Rodger is the Rodger Calendar—“England’s Heartthrob”, dramatic actor nonpareil, action hero adventure guy, and the drop dead gorgeous desire of women around the world. So, Elaine should be grateful to be his best friend, right? Well, she decides to view it as such as she meets Rodger for their regular breakfast coffee date this cool Spring Saturday morning. But Rodger is late--as usual--as he slowly strolls toward her. [(3) right]
Elaine: “Hi Rodger.” She says waving him over to her table. “You know Handsome, I’m not getting any younger waiting here for you.” She says with an impish grin while tapping her shoe impatiently on the pavement and sipping her latte al fresco.
Rodger: “Sorry Elaine, I over slept.” He says apologizing while leaning down and kissing her cheek. “No studio driver banging on my door to wake me up on the weekends.”
Elaine: “You know Handsome, there is this new fangled invention called an alarm clock?” She says amusingly but pointedly.
Rodger: “I know, I know, Elaine.” He whines sheepishly and rolls his eyes. “I just haven’t needed one with the driver from the studio picking me up most days.”
Elaine: “Handsome, you are just way too pampered. Ha ha ha ha ha!” She shaking her head bemusedly.
Rodger: “Well, look at my long hours on the set. I don’t have a life. I work, I work out, I sleep. That’s it.” He unconsciously bobs his head while he talks--like an inadvertent heartthrob bobble head doll.
Elaine: “Poor baby.” Elaine [(4a) right] says teasingly. “I seem to also recall that you also get to make out with beautiful women all day long, wear custom tailored designer clothes—some of which you get to take home with you, I might add.” Rodger raises his eyebrow mischievously. “I meant the clothes and you know it.” She rolls her eyes. “And, you’re adored by millions, which also puts millions in your bank account.”
Rodger: Laughing and leaning back in his chair laughing [(4b) right], obviously quite pleased with himself, he admits cheekily. “Yes, it’s a rough life, but someone has to live it.”
Elaine: “Very funny, Handsome. Well, Rodger, with any luck you won’t see me here next Saturday.”
Rodger: “Why is that, Elaine? Are you going on holiday? Without me?” He asks incredulously—because, of course, Rodger can’t imagine why Elaine would want to do anything that doesn’t involve him since they are best friends.
Elaine: “No, … but I’m hoping to have a boyfriend soon.” She says determinedly.
Rodger: “A boyfriend? What for? You have me.” He teasingly grins broadly.
Elaine: “That’s just it Rodger, I don’t have you. I’m a writer of romantic script stories and I don’t have romance in my own life. I need some inspiration. And frankly, best friends don’t keep you warm at night. No offense.”
Rodger: “None taken.” He says nonchalantly. “So, who’s the pigeon, Elaine.” He asks her cheekily with narrowed eyes.
Elaine: “Thanks so much, Rodger.” She squints her eyes and shakes her head at him. “Tonight will be the first time I’ve been out on a date in years, Handsome. I need encouragement, not derision.”
Rodger: “Years?” Rodger raises his eyebrows in surprise. Then he waits for her to tell him who she is going out with. But she doesn’t offer him any information so he has to pry it out of her. “Alright.” He says acquiescing the point. “So, who’s your date?”
Elaine: “Henry … Wakefield.” She says with trepidation, waiting for Rodger to make a snide comment--and he does.
Rodger: “Wakefield!?!” He says rocking his head back in laughter. “Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! That snooze beard? You can do better than that, Elaine.”
Elaine: “Apparently not, … because he’s the only one who’s asked me out recently. So, I’m going.”
Rodger: “Elaine, you’re not seriously considering exchanging saliva--and other bodily fluids--with him are you?”
Elaine: “Ewwww, Rodger. Don’t gross me out!” She scrunches up her face disgustedly.
Rodger: “This is what I’m saying.” Rodger says widening his eyes and holding out his hands to her pleadingly. “So, why are you even going out with Wakefield at all?”
Elaine: “He asked. … I have to start somewhere.” Then she says in a deadpan voice. “So, I may as well start at the bottom—no where to go but up from there.”
Rodger: “Ha ha ha ha ha! This I’ve got to see. What’s your date? When are you meeting him?”
Elaine: “It’s dinner out at dinner time, Handsome. He’s picking me up at 7:00pm tonight.” She pouts--and not prettily.
Rodger: “Okay, Elaine. So, I’ll come over about 6:00pm and I’ll talk to you while you get ready.”
Elaine: “Why? Are you going to try and needle me so that I’ll cancel my date?” She whines. “Hey, Rodger, at least it’s a free meal.”
Rodger: “Are you sure Wakefield’s paying, Elaine?”
Elaine: “Well Handsome, I’m not taking money with me. So he better pony up the pounds.” She narrows her gaze at him pointedly.
Rodger: Then looking her figure up and down, he asks, “Elaine, what are you planning to wear tonight? Are you going for sexy siren or merely lovely lady?”
Elaine: “Frankly, I think I have a better shot at the latter, rather than the former.”
Rodger: “Hmmm.” He wavers. “It depends on the dress. Elaine, you don’t look half bad as a bird.”
Elaine: “Rodger, I’m underwhelmed with your praise of my womanly charms.” She says facetiously.
Rodger: “Well sorry Elaine, but I haven’t really thought about them.” He says with his eyes wide and looking her up and down critically.
Elaine: “This is what I’m saying.” She says punctuating each word vocally and holding her hand out and widening her eyes now—mirroring Rodger’s phrasing and gesturing not two minutes earlier. Well, they are best friends. “I’m doomed to die loveless if I continue to hang around with you all the time, Handsome.”
Rodger: “But Elaine, we’re best friends. What’s wrong with that?”
Elaine: “Nothing, but as I said, it …” However Rodger interrupts her.
Rodger: “… it doesn’t keep you warm at night. Yeah, yeah, yeah.” He nods his head, rolls his eyes, and gestures as if rolling his hands forward indicating his boredom.
Elaine: “Exactly!”
Rodger: “Well, it’s not like I’m cutting a swath through the female population, Elaine. I work such long hours that I don’t have a chance to meet any ladies outside of work.” He whines a bit. “And all the women I meet on the set or that I do know off the set are usually taken. … Or, have bad judgment—such as considering going out with the Henry Wakefield’s of the world.”
Elaine: “Oh, that’s a low blow, Rodger.” She says huffily as she narrows her eyes beadly at him again. “At least you get to kiss and make out with people for a living—legally and with no worry about diseases.” She says raising her eyebrow. Rodger shrugs his shoulders. “I would just like to be kissed by someone who isn’t a Troll once and a while. … Oh! No offense, Handsome.” Since Rodger played a similar role in a fantasy film.
Rodger: “None taken, Elaine. And, technically, I was a forest Dwarf.” He says this ironically with his hands on his hips as the six foot two and a half inch virile romantic sex god that the media has labeled him as—definitely, not looking forest Dwarf like.
Elaine: “And if a little more than just kissing is involved once in a while, … I wouldn’t mind.”
Rodger: “Ewww, Elaine! You’re grossing me out!” Rodger scrunches up his face in disgust.
Elaine: “Thanks so much Rodger. You’re such a confidence builder. Well, I have to go get ready for my date.” She says cheerfully while gathering up her purse, latte, and newspaper.
Rodger: “Elaine, it’s only 9:00am.” He says looking at his brand name wrist watch he got for free as a perk of his celebrity. “It takes you ten hours to get ready?”
Elaine: “Sorry, I don’t have make up and hair people and stylists to primp and fluff and wax, …”
Rodger: “Hhhhhh!!!!!” Rodger hisses while grabbing his chest in remembered pain.
Elaine: Elaine rolls her eyes. “… and clothe me like you do, Handsome.” She says jutting out her chin—and her breasts—at him. “It takes a lot of work being a woman.”
Rodger: “But Elaine, you said that you’re not even interested in Wakefield romantically. So, why go to all the trouble?”
Elaine: “Rodger, there will be other men at the restaurant—maybe men with dates whom they think are Trolls. So, who knows? I might get lucky and get a phone number when either Wakefield or I go to the bathroom.”
Rodger: “From a total stranger?” He asks her incredulously.
Elaine: “Rodger, at this point, I’d welcome a stranger. As long as he’s washed, shaved, and dressed in clothes that match.”
Rodger: “Elaine Love, your expectations couldn’t be lower.” He says in a deadpan voice.
Elaine: “Well Rodger, not all men can be you, Handsome.” Elaine shrugs her shoulders petulantly and stands to leave. “See you later.”
Rodger: “See ya.” He nods his head to her with a forced smile.
Elaine leaves the nonplussed Rodger behind at the coffee shop—with him wondering about her sanity as he looks askance at her retreating womanly curvy form.
Rodger: Then he says out loud—to no one in particular, but himself while shaking his head. “Elaine can’t seriously be going out with Wakefield tonight. Hmm?” Then he decides to do something about it as he snaps his fingers and he makes a call on his cell phone. “Wakefield? Calendar here. Elaine Marshall asked me to give you a call to let you know that she’s had to go out of town unexpectedly and she needs to cancel your date for tonight. She’s sorry that it’s such short notice, but it couldn’t be helped.” Rodger listens for a moment to Wakefield’s reply. “You’re welcome, Wakefield.” He hangs up his cell phone. “Right, that’s a start.” He says raising his eyebrows up and down smiling mischievously.
One wonders what Rodger is up to in cancelling Elaine’s date. But, Elaine will find that out tonight.
To be continued with Scene 2
“Handsome”, Scene 2 (R rating) -- Rodger helps Elaine Get Ready for her Date
Elaine does indeed take almost ten hours to get ready for her date tonight with Wakefield. She has her hair cut and colored and her nails done—both mani and pedi. She has a facial to freshen her complexion and skin tone--after also getting waxed in strategic places. Ouch! And, Elaine buys another dress to have another choice to wear tonight. She’s quite pleased with herself as she arrives home around 4:00pm to shower and finish getting ready by putting her makeup on and deciding on which dress she’s wearing. Then, around 6:00pm, her doorbell rings. Elaine goes to the door eagerly, hoping that Wakefield might have sent her a corsage or a bouquet of flowers—quaint, but she likes quaint. No, such luck. It’s just Rodger—dressed handsomely like he’s going out on a date.
Elaine: “Rodger. What are you doing here?” She says disappointedly while letting him into her apartment. Elaine is still only wearing her silk floral robe over her undies since she has yet to get dressed.
Rodger: “Elaine, I came to give you moral support. I like your dress by the way—easy access and it sends a clear message—hump me now!” He raises his hands up in the air--touch down!--as he rocks his head back in laughter. “Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!”
Elaine: “Rodger, you’re a real comedian.” She pouts, rolling her eyes at him as she fumes. “Obviously, I’m not dressed yet. I’ve just finished my hair and makeup.” She says shaking her head ruefully.
Rodger: “Oh now. I’m just kidding you, Elaine.” He says taking off his jacket and putting in on the back of a chair—revealing that he’s wearing a tightly fitted dress shirt underneath that accentuates his muscular shoulders, arms, and chest. “Actually, you don’t look too bad, Elaine—despite you being not dressed yet.” He says eyeing Elaine’s slender bare leg peeking out of her robe.
Elaine: “Oooh, Handsome, I’m just quivering with your kind compliments.” And she does a mock quiver of her body that unintentionally gives Rodger additional views of her charms--but she doesn’t realize that--and he saucily raises an eyebrow. “You know Rodger, maybe you need to take some of your romantic story scripts’ dialogues to heart, and try to internalize that nice sincere likable persona for yourself a bit more and you would get some dates.”
Rodger: “No need.” He says sarcastically over confidently as he puffs himself up. “Haven’t you heard, Elaine? Women adore me.” He says batting his eyes and putting his hands together like an ingénue. “Besides, I’m going on a date tonight, too.” He says smiling broadly and raising his eyebrows up and down.
Elaine: “Well Rodger, don’t forget your condoms. Remember, “one night in Venus, means a lifetime with mercury” is the least of your worries these days.” She says walking back to her bedroom to pick out her dress for the evening.
Rodger: Rodger pulls several condom packages out of his jacket pocket, then he follows Elaine into her bedroom and he says, “Right here, Elaine.” He says holding the condoms his hand, fanned out like playing cards. “Want one in case you get lucky with old Wakefield or you get picked up while you’re on a date with him?”
Elaine: “Ewww Rodger!” She says looking back at him disdainfully. “I don’t plan to get that close to anyone tonight.”
Rodger: “Well, you never know. It just pays to be prepared.” He says waving the condom packages at her as he sits on the edge of her bed and smiles broadly at her.
Elaine: “Okay, show me. What have you got there, Handsome?” She smiles teasingly while rolling her eyes.
Rodger: “Elaine, I’ve got…” And he holds up each of the five choices as he describes them. “… lubricated, …” He rolls his eyes and shrugs his shoulders in boredom about this condom’s main feature. “… ribbed outside, ribbed inside, …” He growls deeply. “… ribbed inside and outside, Hmmm.” He growls more deeply. “… and … wait for it … the Lovers’ Delight!” Rodger says raising his eyebrows up and down at the last choice and with an astoundingly wide Cheshire cat grin on his face.
Elaine: “What does that one do?” She asks him quizzically?
Rodger: Rodger leans in and whispers in a low growl into Elaine’s ear--even though no one is around but them in her apartment. “It has to do with heightening sexual pleasure by …………………………………………………………”
Elaine: Elaine’s eyes widen in amused shock as she giggles. “Ha ha ha ha ha! Is that even possible?” Then she regroups. “Never mind. I don’t even want to think about that last choice.” Elaine says disdainfully blanching and patting his muscular shoulder.
Rodger: “What? Never?” He asks grinning broadly while waving the special properties condom package at her and raising his eyebrows up and down while smiling suggestively. “It’s biodegradable?” Elaine narrows her eyes and squints daggers at him. “Just asking.” He says shrugging his shoulders mildly disappointedly. “Hey, at least it’s good for the planet.”
Elaine: “If only your adoring public could see you now--Mr. Safe Sex Romantic Heartthrob.”
Rodger: “Hey, a bloke can’t be too careful.” He says smiling impishly and batting his eyes like an ingénue as he puts his condoms into his pants pocket.
To be continued with Scene 3
“Handsome”, Scene 3 (R rating) -- Elaine’s Dress Selection
Still needing to decide on which dress she is wearing on her date tonight, Elaine decides to enlist Rodger’s help. She plans to ask him which dress he likes—and then wear a different dress altogether.
Elaine: “Rodger, since you’re here, you can help me pick out my dress to wear for this evening.” She says as she walks into her bedroom’s walk in closet.
Rodger: “It’s what I live for.” He holds his left hand over his heart as he plops down on her bed [(5) right] —leaning up on his bent right arm and facing the closet. “Try them on and let me see what you’ve got.” He waves at her perfunctorily with his left arm.
Elaine: “Okay, here is choice number 1.” She walks stiffly out of her walk-in closet wearing a black cocktail dress that is so tight over her bodice, hips, and legs that it almost looks painted on her.
Rodger: “Hubba, hubba, Elaine”. He says laughing. “You’ve got the right take on funeral attire—line up the next husband at the visitation.”
Elaine: “Too much?” She says twirling around stiffly and putting hands on either side of her bodice where her breasts are bursting out.
Rodger: “Well, I don’t know, Elaine. You can never have too much breasts showing for me.” He says raising his eyebrows suggestively. “But the question is, can you sit down in this dress?” His eyes squint narrowly assessing that possibility.
Elaine: “I haven’t tried that yet.” And with that, Elaine tries to sit on the edge of the bed, but her dress won’t bend at the butt and she slides off the edge of the bed with a thud. “Uhh! Help, I can’t get up.”
Rodger: “Is the television on?” He says looking around the room amusingly as he continues to lay on Elaine’s bed. “I hear that commercial for one of those assistive devices.”
Elaine: “Rodger, I can’t move my legs and body because my dress is too tight.” She says exasperatedly while flopping around on the floor like a fish on a boat deck. “Help me up!” She pleads.
So, Rodger rolls himself around on Elaine’s bed to now lie on his stomach and he peeks over the end of the bed to see Elaine lying prone on her back on the floor.
Rodger: He puts his elbows on the edge of the bed and places his chin in his hands and says. “You know, Elaine. It would serve you right if I left you down there.”
Elaine: “Rodger! Just help me up please.” She whines. “And don’t get your shoes on my nice pillow shams.”
Rodger bends his legs back toward his head while lying on his stomach and he reaches back and removes his slip on dress shoes--tossing them over the other side of the bed and onto the floor with a thud.
Rodger: “There, problem solved.”
Elaine: “Very funny, Handsome. But, there’s still me lying on the floor. So, please help me up, will you?”
Rodger: “Alright Elaine.” He rolls his eyes. “I guess you asked nicely.” Rodger stands up from the bed and walks over to Elaine’s prone form on the floor as he puts one foot on either side of her—straddling her body. “Okay, give me your arms.” She raises her arms and Rodger effortlessly lifts her up to a standing position in one pull. “Here you go! … So, I guess this dress is out.” He says facetiously.
Elaine: “I can’t understand it.” She says shaking her head as she walks toward her closet. “I must have put on a little weight since I bought it last month.” She shrugs her shoulders while pulling down her zipper in the back of her dress—revealing the back clasp of her black lace bra--as she walks back into her closet.
Rodger: “You know Elaine, I’m still out here.” He says plopping on the bed to lay down on it on his right side again. “If you’re trying to do a striptease for me, you need to pull your zipper down slower.” He says slower slowly. “And don’t walk away from me quite so fast.” He smiles broadly.
Elaine: “Yeah, yeah, yeah!” She calls out to him from her closet dressing room. “I’ll try on dress number 2.” She says looking at her options. She picks a silver gray number with a flouncy skirt.
Rodger: Disdainfully poking the lace and frippery on the pillow sham he’s laying next to, he asks, “How’s it going in there, Elaine? Need any help?”
Elaine: “Very funny, Rodger. Well, how’s this one Handsome?” She says walking into her bedroom and holding her hands up at her sides.
Rodger: “Better, Elaine--but only marginally. You do know that crinolines went out of fashion two centuries ago. … Oh, and by the way, that flouncy skirt makes you look a bit hippy.” He says smacking his own left hip as he continues to lay on his right side on her bed.
Elaine: “Let me see if I can smooth it down a bit.” Elaine tries to push down the sides of the dress and the front and back poof out. Then she tries to push down the front and back of the dress and the sides poof out. “Crap! The petticoat is built in. So, it’s not like I can do anything about the poof.” She says as she continues to try to flatten it out to no avail.
Rodger: He raises his hand in the air in triumph. “See what I mean? Too hippy.”
Elaine: “Okay. Back to the drawing board.” She says marching back into her closet.
Rodger: He amusingly snidely calls out to her. “Elaine, where are you getting these dresses from? Overpriced&unflattering.com?”
Elaine: “Watch it, Rodger!” She snipes at him from her closet dressing room. “I’m running out of dress options, here. It’s not like just any dress will work for me” Then Elaine walks out in her third and final dress choice, a midnight blue sheath dress that hangs loosely but form fittingly on her body with a draped neck and back in a silk organza type fabric that floats romantically about her womanly curves. She asks hopefully, “Okay Handsome, how is this dress?”
Rodger: “Very nice.” He nods his head approvingly as he sits up on the side of the bed quite interested now. Elaine beams. [(6) right] “This dress has real potential, Elaine. It’s rather romantic looking. Turn around?” He motions with his finger and she does so. “Okay, you won’t embarrass your date. The dress is flattering to you and sends the right message …” Then he says in a falsetto voice. “ ‘I’m attractive and a I’m lady--but I’m willing to negotiate about the latter’.”
Elaine: “Rodger!” She fumes while tossing a nearby chair throw pillow at him.
Rodger: “What?” He says shielding himself from the pillow tossed his way as he lies back down on the bed. “Elaine, I give the dress and you my highest recommendation.”
Elaine: “Oh, I guess this will have to do. I’ll just get my shoes.” She ducks into her closet again and pulls out some black pumps with three inch heels. Then she walks into her bedroom and sits on the chair next to the bed—near Rodger--and she puts her shoes on and holds her legs out straight to look at them as she rolls her feet around at the ankles. “Well, these will have to do as well.” She stands up and walks toward her bedroom door, picking up her clutch purse on her way out of her bedroom—now showcasing the sexy slit up the back of her dress at the hem.
Rodger: “Nice legs Elaine. You’ve been holding out on me.” Rodger growls huskily while appreciatively looking at her from his lying on her bed vantage point.
Elaine: Turning back to look at Rodger over her shoulder while standing in her bedroom doorway, Elaine says coquettishly “Handsome, you could have had me long ago, if you were really interested. But, a girl can only wait so long, and then she gives up.” Elaine says this facetiously as she leaves the bedroom--but it is not far from the truth.
Rodger: Rodger raises his eyebrows up and down and says in a deep growl under his breath while smiling warmly at Elaine walking away from him, “We’ll see.”
To be continued with Scene 4
References (featured images on Wattpad are 4a, 4b, 5)
(1) “Handsome” story logo consists of a cropped image of Richard Armitage’s blue shirt clad chest. found at http://www.richardarmitagenet.com/images/gallery/Richard/Promos/2010Promo/album/slides/Apr2010-McGorty-04.html and composited with Playbill text by me.
(2) The Old Vic 24 Hour Plays gala information was found at http://www.richardarmitagenet.com/career/219.html
(3) Image representing Rodger Calendar is that of British actor Richard Armitage and was found at http://www.richardarmitagenet.com/images/gallery/Richard/Promos/2010Promo/album/slides/20Dec2010-Perou-04.html
(4) Image 4a representing Elaine Marshall is that of American actress Julianne Moore and was found at http://www.canim.net/model-manken/images/julianne-moore-1024x768-24415.jpg ; Image 4b (cropped masked, sharpened) representing Rodger Calendar is that of British Actor Richard Armitage in a September 27, 2010 interview on the Lorraine Show and was found at http://www.richardarmitagenet.com/images/gallery/Richard/Interviews/Lorraine-17Sep10/slides/Lorraine_031.html
(5) Image representing Rodger Calendar is that of British actor Richard Armitage and was found at http://www.richardarmitagenet.com/images/gallery/Richard/Promos/2008Promo/slides/JCanning-020.html
(6) Image representing Elaine Marshall is that of American Actress Julianne Moore and was found at http://images.starpulse.com/Photos/pv/Julianne%20Moore-3.JPG
“Handsome”,Scenes 0 -3 Images are found at
http://gratianads90.files.wordpress.com/2012/11/ahandsomescenes0-3imagesnov1712gratianalovelace.jpg
Original Story Post on my blog (with full illustrations) is found at:
http://gratianads90.wordpress.com/2012/01/10/handsome-a-one-act-stage-play-scenes-0-3-11012-gratiana-lovelace-post-101a/
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