I was helping Raven fix some part on the Ark. I was sitting on a chair as she was fixing something, once in a while she'd ask me to pass something to her

I wasn't really that helpful, everyone are doing much more than me I just couldn't stop thinking about Murphy. I don't know where he's staying or if he's safe, or if he's in any troubles

It's killing me, and it's my fault. But I can't break down because was the one who I broke up with him, it's nearly impossible for me to cry now.

Why am I sad? I was the one who hurt him. But deep down I know why I am sad. No matter how hard I try I can't stop loving him

But loving him is risking him. I can't live with myself knowing I am the reason he'd get killed, but I also don't know how longer I can hold on like this

"Mary" Raven zones me in "what?" I asks "what's going on with you?" She asks "nothing, what do you need?" I asks

"Pass me the plyre" she says "oh yeah" I passes her the plyer "are you thinking about him?" She asks as she keep working

"What? Why would I think about Murphy?" I asks "I didn't say his name" she says

"Stop fucking with me" I says "I am not fucking with you, I am just worried" she says "then don't" I says "I wish it was that easy" she says

"Two meals a day for people who work as hard as ours? We won't make any friends" I hear Bellamy walks towards me and Raven with Clarke

"Well, if there's one thing our people understand it's rationing. Besides, once we close this doors it'll be one meal a day for the next 5 years" Clarke says

"Try one meal every other day. Hunting parties are coming back with less and less. Thanks to your friend Niylah, we're preserving more meat than ever but it's still not enough" Raven says

"How are we supposed to survive by one meal every other day?" I questions "without a way to make water, growing our own protein like we did on the Ark is not an option. Remember that when we're starving" Raven looks at me and Bellamy

"I won't be starving, because I won't be inside" Bellamy says "yes, you will" Clarke says "is there a list?" I asks

"No. What about drinking water?" Clarke changes the subject "Clarke, don't change the subject. We need to know who's going to be on the inside of these doors when the radiation comes" Raven says

"We don't need to know now" Clarke says "what is this? We choose who stays and dies now?" I asks "well, how do you want this to go like?" Clarke asks

"I don't know, definitely not like that" I says "give me better option" Clarke says. I stays quite and shakes my head

"Exactly" she adds "I just hope you know that if you don't put Jasper you don't put me" I says "Mary, come on. You help us way more, you do more. You earn the right to stay" Raven says

"If I'd stay without Jasper behind those door I'd kill myself, I'll tell you that. So it would be a waste of space" I says before we hears a man on the P.A "we need some medical help at the front gate, looks like we got some sick people here"

We all rushes towards the gate "move, step back!" Bellamy orders as we sees our guard pointing guns at a few sick grounders

"Nyko" Clarke walks towards them "what if it's a Grounder attack like they did with Murphy?" Miller asks "come on, why would they attack?" I says

"What happened to them?" Clarke asks as they starts coughing "the sickness. We lost more them 40 on the way" Nyko says before me and Bellamy walks towards them

I notices Luna as she starts coughing "Luna" I rushes to her "Mary! It could be contagious" Clarke says

"I don't care, we gotta help them" I holds Luna "please don't turn us away because of what I did to you" Luna says

"Out of my way. Please let me through" I hear Abby's voice "Abby! Thank god" I says

"Mary? What are you doing? They're sick" she walks roasts us with a cloth on her mouth and nose, in case it is contagious like Clarke said

"I tried telling her" Clarke says but Abby loses the cloth as she sits next to them on her knees, Clarke sits next to us as well

"Mom, what is this?" Clarke asks "fever, lesions, vomiting. It's ARS" Abby says "what's ARS?" Bellamy asks

"Acute radiation sickness" Abby says before she turns her glance at Luna "when did the symptoms start?" Abby asks "not sure. Right before the fish started dying" Luna answers

"The fish are dying?" Raven asks "floating on the sea to the horizon in every direction" Nyko says "it's not contagious. Let's get them to the medbay" Abby says

"Come on" Abby says as I help Luna stands up. I helps Nyko lifts a kid, walking them to the medbay

"I'll help you, whatever you need" I tells Abby "Have you missed the med already?" She says

"Definitely not" I chuckles "go get the others" she says, I nods as as I was about to walk away and get the other sick Grounder, but Luna slightly grabs my arm

"Thank you" she say "you said you'd give me a safe passage, I just did the same" I gives her a smile

"Stay with me" she says "I'll be back real quick, I gotta help the other in" I says, she nods and I walks away

-

Murphy's pov

"You said there'd be food here" I tells Emori as we reach a cave "there should be. This woods have always been good to me. Now there's not even bugs" Emori says

"Well, unfortunately, I am not hungry enough for that to be upsetting yet" I sits next to her and sighs

"I actually kind of miss Polis. They had this drink there, sweet, made out of sheep's milk" I says "Ontari gave this to you?" Emori asks

"Yeah" I looks down "I told you it wasn't all bad" I adds "you told me you were thing to survive" she says

"I was" I says "what else wasn't bad, John, sex?" She says "Emori, I don't want to talk about this" I says

"Fine, then let's not" she stands up and walks away "I didn't have a choice, okay? Emori..." I says, she turns around and faces me

"I didn't have a choice" I repeats before she sits back next to me "I don't understand why are you even mad" I adds

"Because you would want to be with anyone else possible expect with me" she says "what? I didn't want to be with her" I says

"But Mary don't want you anymore, when will you get that?" She asks "I won't, because there is nobody else for me and I don't want anybody else" I says

"It's always been Mary, didn't it?" She asks "I told you already that I love her, I am sorry" I says. It has been silence for a while before I stands up

"Where are you going?" She stands up "I am gonna go to Arkadia" I says "what?" Why?" She asks

"I am better thief than I am a hunter" I says "I'll come with you" she says "no. I'll draw less attention alone. Tonight we feats" I says "okay" she says before I walks says

-

Mary's pov

"They're getting worse. There's got to be something we can do" Clarke says ״delactivene might help, but Raven's got the meds on lockdown" Jackson says

"Okay" I was about to walk away, but Abby stops me "where are you going?" She asks "to talk with Raven and get those damn meds" I says

"Leave Raven to me" Abby says. I sighs before I stand next to her "what, exactly, do the tests show?"

"The exposure is acute. Without treatment, there's a little to no chance of recovery. It's looks like the radiation is internal, ingested from irradiate fish. None of the outbreaks appear to be from airborne exposure. That's the good news" Jackson answers

"Not for them" Abby says "you think I deserve this from refusing the flame?" I hear Luna says, I walks towards her

"No one deserves to suffer, besides this would happen anyway" Bellamy says. I holds Luna's hair as she was throwing up, Clarke walks towards us

"This is all that's left of my people. Can you save them?" Luna looks at Clarke "we'll do everything we can. You have my word" Clarke says

"Raven is looking for us" Bellamy tells me and Clarke "go, I wanna help Abby" I says "Mary-" Bellamy says

"Go" I cuts him off. He nods before he walks away with Clarke "you don't have to stay" Luna says

"I am not staying for you" I says in a sarcastic tone "oh yeah?" She questions

"I just have such a precious soul, honestly I can't see my day any better than spending it sticking in medical all day" I tease making her laugh

"Thank you" she says after a few moments of silence "you thank me a lot" I says "just accept it" she says

"Hey, can I ask you something?" She asks "go for it" I says "why are you helping me?" She asks "you were nice to me when we went to you, I don't know. You made me feel like I can be more than my mistakes... if that make any sense" I says

"It makes perfect sense" she says "I mean, that's why you created your little clan in the middle of nowhere. To give people a chance for peace, I don't want this to be gone" I says

"You don't want this to be gone because you want to be part of us?" She questions "I mean, I'd lie if I'd told you I haven't thought about that... not I gotta help my friends, be here" I says

"Maybe when it's all be over" she says "maybe... I just wish that we could live somewhere in peace" I says

"We will" she nods "really?" I asks "yeah. We'd live by the ocean, listen to the waves crushing through the water. I'll teach you how to swim and go fishing" she says

"We can get a place, jobs... you know, like people do?" I says "you wanna be people? Let's be people" She says "yeah. Let's be them for a while" I gives her a sad smile thinking about a peaceful life

-

Murphy's pov

I whistle as I stand in front of Arkadia, waiting for someone to open the gate. "Look who's back. Though you ran off with that girl" Miller says

"What, did you missed me Miller?" I asks "you wish" he says

"You're here to stay John?" David asks "till something better comes along, yeah" I says before I walks inside. They closes the gate

I reaches their room where they save food in, Raven was in the room but she was working on something, wearing a mask. I quickly rushed to the food section, takes some meat and place it in my bag

I hear someone comes in so I quickly hide "I already told Jackson I can't spare anything. Especially not anti radiation meds" Raven says

"We're talking about 7 doses" I hear Abby says "that's a quarter of our supplies, Abby. A supply that has to last us for 5 years on an irradiated plant" Raven argues

"We're gonna need every one of those pills, and you know it" Raven adds "when me and Bellamy came back with our people who've worked as slaves you looked at me like I was a monster, now you don't want to give those people treatments? What's wrong with you?" I hear Mary's voice. I takes a pick at them and there she was, it doesn't look like she had enough sleep

"I didn't looked at you like you were a monster, I looked at you like you were irresponsible and can't make an hard decision, I can" Raven says "I am not going to apologise for not wanting them dead" Mary says

"You think I want them dead?" Raven asks "if you don't, give us the meds!" I says "I can't do that" Raven says

"We put you in charge of the supplies. It's your call, but those people-" Abby says "will it work?" Raven cuts her off before she walks towards Abby and Mary

"Can you grantee the medicine will save them?" Raven asks, but Abby stays quite "you can't. Because delactivene needs to be used within 24 hours of the exposure. It's on the damn label" she adds

"The rate of effectiveness goes down, yes. But it doesn't mean it won't work" Abby says "it's worth trying" Mary says

"No, it's not" Raven says "there is a child in there with them, at least give me enough for her" Abby says

"I am sorry, but we can't waste our supply on a long shot" Raven says "waste?" Mary asks "if we could save one life, would you can that a waste?" Abby questions

"Even if it worked, even if we could save them today, they'll be dead from radiation inside two months" Raven says, I have no idea what they're talking about, but I am pretty sure they know a lot of things I don't. And I know that in order to survive I need to know those things

"You tell yourself that if you need to, but the radiation isn't killing that child. You are" Abby says before she walks away

"Please, Raven. I care about Luna, don't let her die. Don't let the child die" I hear Mary begs "Mary-" Raven says

"Luna care about me, you can't say it about a lot of people. I can't let her die. Please don't do this" Mary says "I do what you could never be able to do!" Raven means

"You're damn right about this, I could have never done that to someone!" Mary says "you did this to 380 people" Raven says

"This is not the same" Mary shakes her head "how?" Raven asks "you have a choice" Mary says "we all do, you also had a choice" Raven says

"I was trying to save our people" Mary argues "me too!" Raven says "I am trying to change, Raven. Why do you have to bring this up?" Mary questions. I felt for her, I know how she beat her self up for that

"We all have to live with our decisions, you're not different" Raven says "what the hell is your problem?" Mary snaps before she walks away

After Mary walks away Raven puts her mask on and continues working.