Angela had just gotten out of the shower when she heard the sound of his voice coming from her laptop. Checking out the baby camera app, she saw Evie was still fast asleep but Juice was kneeling by her crib, muttering things that were distorted by the crappy speakers of her computer. His presence confused her; he was supposed to be out doing club stuff.

The night before, he'd been a mess, talking about how much Clay had suffered, how Bobby had been shot, and how he'd run over a cop to keep him from shooting any more of them. She'd sat there on the couch with him, his head in her lap while she listened to him talk and tried to assure him it was okay. That he wasn't an animal or a monster. That she wasn't going to leave him like Tara was trying to leave Jax. That she loved him and that he deserved everything he had. He had eventually fallen into a fitful sleep while she stayed awake and just watched him, her eyes glued to his face, worry in her heart. He was gone when she woke up. Left behind a note saying he went to the cabin to help out Bobby and that he loved her.

And now, it he was back and muttering something to their daughter. She scrambled to pull on some yoga pants and one of his t-shirts before walking quickly to Evie's room. What she saw there broke her heart. He was kneeling in front of Evie's crib, his face pressed against the slats, an arm draped over the side of it, hand dangling over her head. There was a half-empty bottle of tequila next to him, a few little silver pill blister packs lined up next to it.

He was whispering to Evie, just loud enough so she could understand what he was saying now. "Daddy's sorry, baby," he rasped, his voice rough as sandpaper. "Daddy didn't want to do it, Monk. He just wanted everything to be okay. Daddy's trying to make everything better for you and your Mama. You two deserve better than me. Than this. I just want you two to be happy. I just want everything to be okay. I love you, Evangeline. I love you so much. Don't ever forget that, okay?"

Angela took a step closer, her eyes falling on the little blister packets beside the bottle. Oxy. Eighty milligrams. One was opened. Her eyes widened. Two pills by themselves were potent. What the hell was he doing with six of them? Where did they come from? She suddenly realized she knew exactly what he was doing. Tempting fate. This was his way of leaving her and Evie, of setting them free, and it was total bullshit. His hand reached out for another packet, and she kicked it away. "Stop," she ground out, battling with the anger bubbling up inside of her.

Juice looked up, blinking dumbly at her as if he was trying to understand what she'd said. "Angel," he breathed, sitting back on his heels. "I can't..."

"How many have you taken?" she asked, her fist clenched at her side.

He shrugged, looking back at Evie. "I dunno," he said, his voice sounding faraway.

"No. Bull shit. How many have you fucking taken, Juice?" she demanded, grabbing his chin and making him look at her. When he blinked at her, she sunk down to her knees so  their faces were even. "How many?"

He pushed the empty blister packet towards her. "That's it."

"With tequila?" she asked, his chin still in her hand so he couldn't look away. His eyes were downcast, guilty. He reeked of the alcohol and something else. "And weed?"

He nodded slowly. "Yeah."

Angela sucked in a deep breath. Anger and anguish warred inside of her. A part of her wanted to curse at him, slap him around for being such an idiot. For trying to leave her, leave them, again. The other part wanted to break down and just cry. She hated seeing him like this. Hated that he thought they were better off without him. It wasn't true. It would never be true. "Why?" she asked, the question catching in her throat.

He rubbed a hand over his heart, over where her name was tattooed. "It hurts, Angel. It hurts. I can't...I killed him. I killed her, and she was so pretty," he slurred, his eyelid drooping closed as he swayed slightly. He crumbled into her, his forehead falling heavily on her shoulder as his heavy arms wrapped around her waist, pulling her in closer. "She had your eyes and the club is...fucked up and I am too, and I just...don't deserve you."

She stroked a hand over his back as her anger slowly dissipated. Turning her head, she pressed a kiss to one of his tattoos. "Yes, you do. What Jax is doing to you...what he's making you do is wrong. Its not your fault."

His shoulders began to shake as he started to cry. She held onto him tighter then. "I love you, Angel," he whispered, brokenly. "I don't want it to hurt anymore. I just want to be okay. I just want my family back."

She grabbed his face then, gently pushing him away so her eyes could meet his. "We are your family, Juice," she stated slowly, hoping that it would sink in. "And we aren't going anywhere. You have to choose to stay with us."

His dark eyes were shiny with tears as they looked at her, one escaping his hold and slipping down his cheek. "Why do you want me?" he choked out, shaking his head.

"Because you're my best friend, and I need you," she told him, keeping her voice as strong as she could. "And Evie needs you. We can't lose you, Juice. Do you understand that?"

"I don't deserve--"

"I don't give a flying fuck about what you think you deserve, Juan Carlos," she interrupted, her anger flaring just a bit. "I want you here. I need you here because I love you, okay? You matter to me!"

Juice studied her face for a long moment. She could see the wheels turning slowly in his head as he processed what she'd said. It felt like forever before he moved his head in a slow nod, a look of relief on his face as he whispered, "Okay."

She sighed, wiping at a tear that had fallen down her cheek. "Okay," she repeated shakily. She got to her feet and held out her hands to him. "C'mon. Let's get out of here."

------------------

Juice sat between Angela's legs and stared at the waves as they crashed on the shore while Evie slept in her little car seat next to them, a towel draped over it to keep the sand out and keep her warm. He'd sobered up on the long drive over, slept off the oxy that had been weighing him down and was starting to think a little clearer.

Bobby had been right when he said he needed to clear his head. It'd been buzzing with so much crap, so much death, and he couldn't get it to stop. He'd taken the oxy he'd been offered and instead of going to Diosa like his brother had told him to, he headed home, chewed down two oxy with tequila, and had just sat there staring at Evie. It'd hurt him to look at her. To think he'd created that beautiful little girl and brought her into this world of chaos. That she'd be stuck in that world because of him. That's when he'd reached for the second blister pack in an attempt to get her free of him. That's when Angela had caught him.

He was thankful she'd caught him. He hadn't wanted to die. Not really. He just wasn't sure how to make sense of it all. How to go on living, raising his daughter, loving his wife in a place that was so dangerous. In a situation where his life could be cruelly taken away from him at any moment. He didn't want that. If he was going to go, he wanted it to be on his own terms and fast. He wanted Angela to prepare him, lay him to rest in peace in the cemetery where so many of his other brothers were already buried. Where she and Evie could visit him, and he could still play some part in their lives even if he wasn't alive. He just wanted some peace.

Now, miles away from Charming, sitting between his wife's legs, he finally felt got that peace. Her knees were bent on either side of him, and he had his arms draped over her thighs as he leaned his back into her, his fingers tracing over the inseam of her yoga pants. He tilted his head back to look up at her, watching the wind whip her hair into her face as she stared pensively at the water.

"I don't want to die," he said, catching her attention. He was finally sober enough to carry a conversation. Sober enough to explain the stupid thing he'd almost done.

He watched her clench her jaw for a moment and knew she was pissed, knew she was trying to find a good way to deal with it all. "Could've fooled me," she replied flatly, her eyes still on the ocean. "Third time, Juice. You keep tempting fate, and one day its just going to happen."

"Second time," he corrected.

"Because jumping off of a motorcycle into a moving van isn't a death wish," she retorted sarcastically. He looked up at her confused; how could she possibly know about that? "Happy told me. Apparently Chibs told him to tell me so that I could keep an eye on you. You guys gossip more than fifteen year old girls, I swear."

"That was to help my brothers."

"That was tempting fate," she stated bluntly. "Something you seem to really like doing, and I can't...I can't fathom why you keep doing it. If you made it not once but twice, why are you still playing at it? Clearly, you're supposed to be here. You're supposed to live. Why do you want to die so much?"

He marveled at how well she knew him. How well she'd seen through all of the bullshit he'd done. "Angel..."

"Is it me?" she interrupted, sounding as if she was on the brink of tears. "Did I...did I do something wrong?"

His heart ached for her. How could she even begin to blame herself for his stupidity? He hated that he'd put her in pain, again. He seemed to be doing that a lot lately. "No, baby," he rasped, squeezing her knee. "No. Its...the club, I guess. I'm trying to make sense of it all. I can't...it doesn't line up for me anymore. All the shit the club's doin'...I didn't sign up for that shit. I never thought we'd get this deep into it. Never thought I'd be betrayin' my brothers, killing innocent women, running down cops. All for what? Jax says it's a means to an end but...when does it end?"

His question hung heavily in the air for a long moment as Angela digested it. She took in a deep breath before clearing her throat. "I don't know, Juice," she replied softly. "But killing yourself is a permanent solution to a very temporary problem."

He knew she'd probably gotten that line from one of the death management classes she had to take, and while it was a nice sentiment, it didn't make him feel any better. "This shit isn't temporary anymore," he murmured, closing his eyes as he thought of all of the shit they'd been through in a matter of weeks. "Its something new every day now. It's not slowing down, it's not going to stop. We're stuck in this...chaos with no way out."

Angela was silent again for a long moment, her jaw clenched tightly. He knew she was angry at him for what he did, knew she was struggling with holding it back. A part of him wanted her to unleash it, yell at him for being such an idiot. The other part was grateful she was trying to work through it without making such a scene. She cleared her throat and sighed. "I don't know how to handle this, Juice. How to process it. I'm...I'm so mad at you. At the club. At this...life. I just want to start all over. Just get away from here and start new somewhere."

"We can't leave, Angel. It'll look like we're running. Like we've got something to run from."

Angela shook her head slowly. "But we're not. We don't. What could they possibly think we're running from?"

Juice looked up at her, hating to remind her of what the DA had told her. "A murder charge. DA told you to stay in Charming. We pack up now and..."

She hung her head and sighed. "Jesus Christ, doesn't she have bigger fish to fry?"

He smirked at the idea of a murder charge not being a big enough "fish" for her. "Yeah, the club," he answered on a dry laugh. " 's why she went after you to begin with."

"She never came back though."

Juice chewed on the side of his finger as he nodded. "She's working Tara right now. Tara wants out. DA's probably tryin' to offer her a deal with no jail time."

"Think she'd take it?"

"A chance to get out of Charming safely and avoid jail time?" he asked, tilting his head back to look up at her. "Yeah."

His burner went off in his pocket, and he groaned, tilting his head back so it hit Angela's chest. She let out a long and heavy sigh, turning her head to kiss his cheek. "Thought Bobby set you loose."

"He did," he said, digging in his pocket for the phone. He stared at it for a moment before slowly getting to his feet. He walked towards the ocean and took in a deep breath before launching it into the water. It hit the surface with a satisfying splash, and he felt a weight slide off his shoulders. He turned around and smiled a bit at Angela who was staring at him with her mouth hanging open in shock.

"Juice..." she laughed, her eyes wide as he sat down on the sand next to her. "What was that?"

Juice shook his head, feeling a little like he was going insane. His head was spinning with the weight of what he just did. A part of him want to jump into the ocean and find the phone again while the other part never felt freer. "I don't know. I just...I hate that thing. Its always fuckin' with my time with you and Monk."

Angela's dark eyes scanned his face for a moment before she leaned over and kissed him. It started out as a soft, sweet kiss, but what he was feeling, the emotions battling inside of him were too much to keep it that way. He slid an arm behind her back, pulling her in closer to him. Knowing what he wanted, she moved to straddle his lap, her hands on either side of his face as he slid his tongue into her mouth, comforted by the taste of her kiss.

He kissed across her cheek, nuzzling his nose into her hair and sighing at the comforting scent of her shampoo. "Love you, Angel," he whispered into her ear.

Her thumbs stroked over his cheeks as she nodded. "I know you do," she said softly, touching her forehead to his. A soft sigh left her lips as her eyes closed. She opened them and met his stare. "Please stay with me, Juice. Please, please don't take yourself out of this equation. It won't balance right without you."

A math equation. She was comparing their relationship, their life to a math equation. Like the equations he solved that night in her apartment back in Tacoma. The night they could've met. The night that could've changed everything. Maybe she'd said it like that on purpose to remind him that they were meant to be together. That for a lot of their lives, they'd been circling each other. Stuck in the same orbit but never quite meeting. And idiot that he was, he'd almost given it all up again. But it was fate that had saved him yet again. He was meant to live. Meant to be with her. Otherwise, he wouldn't be given so many second chances. He understood that now. "I'm here, Angel. I'm not...I'm staying in this equation. I'm going to solve it. Figure out a way to make it work for us. Promise."

She held up her pinky, her dark eyes serious as she waited for him to hook his pinky around hers. He did quickly, giving it a hard squeeze before kissing his fist. She did the same before kissing his nose. "I love you, Juice," she said, her hands on either side of his face. "Please stop tempting fate. You're driving me fucking insane."

He smirked and nodded. "Won't happen again, baby. I'm here. I'm good."