{Handplates chapter references: Hole punching, don't ask questions}

“Alright the…mechanism is in place. I've checked my calculations several times. Everything is in order.”, Gaster mumbled to himself as he put the leather strap around his wrist and tightened it with his other hand.

He was trying his best to mentally brace himself for what was going to happen but he could not stop the slight twitching in his leg as he sat in front of the machine.

“I must remember… this is the only way I can easily get the amount of magical material required. There are no other wide and solid places on my body that are easily accessible….aside from my skull which is not an option. This is the only way.”

He looked at his hand that was strapped down to the table, his eye roaming over the red markings on the back of it once more.

Gaster leaned over lightly to adjust the way the laser was aligned on his hand and took a deep breath in.

He had done the calculations. He should be able to withstand the damage without putting himself in danger.

Gaster knew that his conclusions were correct.

There is nothing to fear.

For a moment, he hoped that someone, anyone would barge through the door and stop him.
Hold him back from what he was going to do but no one came.

It's only five seconds, he thought to himself, grabbing another piece of leather and putting it between his teeth.
His shaking started to pick up again, his shoulders trembling.

My hand is in place and the mechanism is ready.

His eyes darted to the control pad that controlled the laser. Gaster had covered up the stop button with tape, a big red X drawn on it to prevent himself from ever pressing it during the procedure.

He started hyperventilating as his hand slid closer to the pad, his trembling growing stronger.
He sucked in the air harshly and quickly, the leather between his teeth causing it to come out in small hisses.

I just need to press the button…

He slowly lifted up his hand, his eyes glowing furiously in purple. He felt as if his soul was about to burst out of his ribcage.

I just have to…

With a couple of quick and panicked breaths, he forced himself to shut his eyes, his fist slamming down onto the green {START} button.

The button clicked as he hit it and the machine breathed to life in response.

The laser hummed loudly as it cut through his bone, starting to move along the markings that he drew on his hand.

Gaster bit down on the leather in his mouth, his screams muffled as he let the laser do his work.
He gripped the table tightly with his other hand, trying to keep himself in check but the pain was unbearable.

He felt hot and cold at the same time, the burning sensation in his hand never seemed to stop.
Sweat started to break out on his face, his eyes flashing in dangerous red colors.

Despite him having his eyes closed, the light seeped through.

Gaster tried to resist the urge to pull away. Not that he could anyway, but it was important to stay as still as possible.

The moment seemed to last forever until suddenly everything became quiet as the laser stopped.

Gaster opened his mouth, the leather piece dropping onto the table with a small thud. Tears streamed down Gaster's face as he tried to catch his breath, panting and huffing loudly and trying to calm his shaking. His whole body was on edge and his hand twitched uncontrollably from the pain.

He manifested his magic hands, one of them now having a hole in its hand, perfectly mirroring his physical hand's condition and used them to pick up the magic material sample and put it inside of the container.

He put his head into his free hand as he tried to collect his thoughts and recover from the pain.

…One down…

He was trying to keep his focus on the goal but his determination was already slightly wavering.

What would Y/N think if she could see him right now…?
He did not want to think about it.

Gaster pushed that thought away, bracing himself to repeat the procedure.

.

.

.

Alphys rubbed her eyes as she walked down the hallway in her pastel purple pajamas.

Whoever was disturbing her good night's sleep better have a good reason.

She had spent a couple of nights binge-watching a new series that she had recently found in the trash piles and hadn't really gotten any sleep because of that.

It was a stupid decision, but of course she wouldn't admit to that if it meant she could follow the romantic developments of two fictional characters.
Their lives just seemed so much more interesting than hers.

The door bell rang again.
“Hold on, hold on…’m coming…”, she mumbled, hoping that whoever was on the other side of the door would hear her.
She rubbed her eyes and adjusted her glasses before opening the door.

“What is i- Oh my god!”, Alphys exclaimed, suddenly wide awake as she saw Dr. Gaster standing in front of her. He forced himself to smile but one could see the pain behind his eyes.
His face was slightly damp, probably because of tears and he looked overall exhausted.
His hands were bandaged and he folded them, holding them close to his chest.

“I- I- D-Dr. Gaster wha-what are you- uh, why didn't you call - I-I-I am not dressed-" Gaster ignored all of her stuttering and took a few steps inside her house.

“I need you to heal me.”, he said, successfully interrupting her.

Alphys tilted her head in confusion and raised a brow: “U-uh, w-why aren't you signing? I-is something wrong?”

Gaster held up his hands to show her the state which they were in.

“O-oh, your hands! What happened? Are you hurt?”, she asked, trying to figure out what happened to him.

He didn't respond. Even if he wanted to, he wouldn't know what to tell her.

“I- I can try and heal you, come on…b-but, uh…why aren't you using your magic hands…? Uh, never mind! I- I probably shouldn't ask. Haha…”, Alphys babbled awkwardly and led Gaster further inside.

As she turned around, she noticed the state of her living room.
Several cup noodle containers and bowls were stacked and scattered across the floor in front of the couch.
Crumbs and chips were all over its cushions and a couple of other snack boxes and bags were scattered around.

Even some dirty laundry was wildly spread out over the floor.

Alphys immediately wanted to disappear into the ground in shame as she hurried over to the couch and took a blanket, tossing it over to cover up at least some of the evidence of her lifestyle.

She looked up to Gaster so much and she was honored to work with him, so she definitely didn't want to leave an impression like this.

“oh jeez, uh d-don't- uh, j-just ignore all that, uh. I haven't had a chance to clean up around here. Haha…”, she chuckled awkwardly as she tucked the blanket further between the cushions of the couch but to no avail.

She decided to give up on this, knowing she has probably already messed up her first impression.

She nervously rubbed the back of her neck and walked back up to Gaster, guiding him towards a blanket on the floor: "Uh, here. Sit here. Let me see…what happened?”

Gaster slowly knelt down, sitting down on the blanket. Again, he remains silent, unable to reply.

“O-oh right you can't really say, uh…(god, I am so stupid)”, she mumbled and face palmed again when she realized that Gaster had no way of properly communicating with her.

Alphys slowly extends her hand, motioning Gaster for him to give her his to look at.

“Um, m-maybe if I c-could…uh take the bandages off, it m-might be easier if I could see w-what happened.”, Alphys explained calmly but Gaster flinched away.

She immediately threw her hands up to calm him: “U-uh, I mean I get being embarrassed if- if it was an accident but I-I'm not going to judge you or anything. it- it happens to everyone eventually, right? E-even someone as graceful and careful as you- I-it was an accident, right?”

Alphys smiled at Gaster, trying to comfort him further but it did not reach him. Gaster felt himself trembling lightly as she looked at him with such gentle eyes but he forced himself to stop, nodding slightly.

He slowly extends his hands and Alphys carefully grasps them to take off the bandages.

“Right? S-so, everyone has accidents every now and then, it's- it's okay so, if I could just…”, she kept talking.
Gaster wasn't sure if it was to calm him or herself in this weird situation but let her talk regardless.

“I suppose it'll be inevitable anyway…”, he sighed and watched her nervously as the bandages came undone more by the second.

“Uh, y-yeah….didn't catch any of that.”, said Alphys as she heard his voice, her eyes still focused on the bandages.

“So let's just…take a look…”, Alphys finally reached the center of his hands and dropped the bandage, gasping in shock: “Oh my GOD?! What happened?! What did you do?! Oh my God!!!”

Gaster remained silent, his eyes fixated on the ground as Alphys continued to hold his hand and inspect it closely with an expression of fear and worry.

“Oh god, no wonder you didn't want to sign. This must- This must hurt so bad, it…it's cut right through…”

Alphys voice grew more stable as she started analyzing the cuts.

She pulled his hand closer, her eyes narrowed.

“It's so clean…” A little huff escaped her snout and she looked up at Gaster with a mix of doubt and worry, her brows furrowed.

“It was an accident.”, Gaster said firmly despite not her being able to understand him. Maybe it was to convince himself of this lie. Maybe he was just not quite ready of admitting the truth to himself.

“Is…the other one like this?” Alphys let go of his one hand and took the other. Gaster didn't say a word.

“This…this…I don't know how you could…this…this doesn’t…”, Alphys averted her eyes as she tried to articulate her suspicions.

Nervous sweat started to break out on her forehead, her tail swaying awkwardly back and forth and dragging across the floor.

“Um, this doesn't look like, l-like an accident…”, she finally managed to press out.

She was too scared to watch Gaster's reaction. She was worried that she might find the answer in his eyes.

As she looked back at him, he just stared at her blankly, still not saying a word or making any kind of motion.

“U-um…do you have the uh, the uh, the bone? Pieces? Cause if you do, t-then I maybe I c-could…”

Gaster quickly shook his head.

“You don't have those either…? Um…without them… I mean, I can- make it stop hurting but I w-won't be able to…”

“I know.”, he interrupted, a hint of pain in his voice.

He could never go back to being his old self.
Not mentally, and now also not physically.

“Jeez, I wish I could understand you. If Y/N was here, I'd maybe have a chance but-"

Alphys took both of his hands in hers and started healing them.
.
.
.
After Alphys healed Gaster, she went with him to the door to say goodbye but hesitated.

“Uhm, Dr. Gaster…”, she called out quietly, causing Gaster to stop and turn back to her.

“I, uh- I just…um…I know…things have been hard, for everyone, since…what happened, a-and I know you were close to the king and queen, and… uh… especially Y/N…”

His heart ached slightly as he heard her say your name but he remained still, just watching Alphys.

She nervously scratched the back of her neck, nervous sweat starting to break out again as she avoided her gaze.

“B-but, um…you know if, you…uh….I mean, if you are ever feeling….or uh I mean, if you're …or, no, uh…

Um I just wanted to say that, uh… that there are p-people who care about you, uh, a lot..and and if- if something's wrong or, um, you n-need help or, or someone to talk to, uh, you can…talk to me or someone else..
even if you don't like me, um…and I know I cannot replace her and how she um…well, comforted you and, and um understood you and I don't want to replace her, no, no…um not at all but I guess what I am trying to say is…um you're not…you're not alone, you know..? um…so yeah..”

Alphys nervously fiddled with her fingers, looking up at Gaster with slight hope in her eyes.

Gaster's face dropped for a split of a second and for a moment, he wished he could just stop himself right there but he knew he couldn't.

He could not allow himself to let his emotions take over and he could definitely not grow a conscience now and turn back.

It was too late.

Gaster turned away from Alphys, mumbling a quiet “…Goodnight Alphys.” before walking away and leaving himself alone with his thoughts.

That's where you are wrong.

You can't help me. Not with this.

From here, I am alone.